"Caleb?" My voice faltered on seeing him. My emotions betrayed me as I felt myself tearing up. I couldn't take my eyes off him. It almost felt like a dream after a series of nightmares, and I kept staring at him, afraid that blinking might make him disappear.
"Mom? I thought only you were coming back. Why is… he here?" Anya said, not even putting any effort in hiding her annoyance at seeing him.
Mom didn't pay much attention to that, but went ahead and stood next to Caleb. She looked quite confident, and even Caleb, for once, looked genuinely happy. Though I didn't know what exactly made him happy, I was happy to have him here. He almost felt like a mirage in a desert.
"Caleb will stay with us for the festival. And partake in the rituals with Moon." Mom said boldly. By now, dad, grandpa-grandma, great-grandpa and great-grandma, Misaii, and Astra were here to see what was going on and mom's sudden declaration clearly made everyone uncomfortable.
"Natasha, you are going too overboard with this. We already spoke about it and I told you that this wasn't an option." Dad protested.
Mom took a few steps towards dad.
"Steven. Don't be stupid. This is the ONLY option. And you know exactly why."
"Vic has already accepted to go with Moon." Misaii said, as mom quickly turned to glance at Vic.
"You know me well, Misaii. And I know you better than everybody else does." Mom paused to take a good look at Vic and then turned back around towards Misaii.
"I'll deal with this menace later. But tell me, is it just because of the ritual that you want to pair them together, or do you have some other motives, Misaii?" Mom shot a sly smile at Misaii.
"Natasha. You are crossing your limits. Don't." Grandpa said , and mom only shrugged. Misaii as well smiled and looked at mom.
"This is merely an arrangement for what your daughter wanted, Natasha. Moon approved of it." Misaii said. Mom immediately turned towards me with a glare, but all I could do was simply look down because I did willingly approve of the arrangements. Though I was a bit shocked at how Misaii simply threw me under the bus, I didn't react. I had to face it one day or the other, no?
"Moon, did you-"
"Yes, she did, Mom. And I respect her decision. She should be with someone who understands and respects and not someone who simply forgets about her and makes her cry."
"ANYA STOP! I ASKED MOON, NOT YOU." Her voice thundered. I finally got the courage to look up at her.
"Yes, I did."
"Moon, what the hell? I told you to think before you act, and you-"
"Hey, hey, mom, relax. Please, don't be too harsh on her." Caleb, who remained silent so far, finally spoke up. From where I was standing, I could see everyone's reactions, and it pained me to look at Vic's stone cold face as he clenched his jaws on hearing Caleb's voice.
"I- I understand why Moon did that." Caleb walked forward to me and stood right in front of me. I looked him in the eyes as he spoke.
"Moon, I- I truly want to apologize. I know I've hurt you in the past, but… it really is all in the past, isn't it?" Caleb held my hand between his and squeezed it.
"Moon, I really do love you a lot. I- I know I ignored you before, but… I didn't know all the things that happened to you. And- And see? As soon as your mom told me about it, I immediately came to visit you. I promise I care about you, Moon, it's just that- work has been so stressful, and then-"
"I didn't ask for an explanation, Caleb." I said coldly, pulling my hand away from his. But as if that wasn't enough, Caleb hugged me tight. I was startled by this sudden act, but I kept struggling in his grip.
"Then say, Moon, I do get another chance, don't I? I promise I'll be the best boyfriend ever. "
"Caleb, please!" I almost pushed Caleb away and looked away, panting. For once, I looked expectantly at Vic. Though it was unclear to me as to what I was expecting from him, maybe I wanted him to intrude? Maybe I wanted him to say firmly that I was only his? Maybe I wanted to see him stand in front of the crowd and…
But even I was unsure as to why my heart and my mind was at war. My mind felt at peace on seeing Caleb, but my heart kept reminding me of the blue-green eyes that made me feel so many things in the past few days. And to top it all off, it was as if the visions drew me closer to Vic.
"I-I'm sorry, Moon." Caleb said, though my attention was fixed on Vic. Through a blur of tears, I kept looking at his pained face, his tense muscles and his balled up fists turning white.
"I'm sorry, I-I got a little carried away." Caleb tried to explain himself again, but I was mentally drained. My conflict was not only an outer conflict now, it was an inner conflict too. And while I could hear Vic's name in the storm raging in my heart, the return of Caleb made me want to believe in the presence of love. It made me want to believe that nothing had changed. My reality was just the same, and that I was just Moon Burnell from the U.S. who lived a simple life with her friends and family and her only love, Caleb. But I knew it was all a mirage. It was a fleeting love. Second chances are given to people who deserve it, but Caleb? Did he really deserve it?
Anya took my hand and held it, and I had the answer to that question. I had to get a grip of myself. Hurting someone is easy, but repairing the damage isn't that easy. Just an apology really fixes nothing when I spent thousands of sleepless nights crying for Caleb, while he ignored me constantly, made me feel like a fool for believing in love and what not. And now that mom told him to come along, he accepted that easily? What about the millions of events where I begged him to tag along? He never did. He never stayed anywhere without fulfilling his personal interests. But it was hard to understand what his motives were this time.
"Forgiveness isn't a cupcake, Caleb, that Moon can bake it and give it to you right now. People need to earn it." Anya said.
"Yeah, Yeah I am ready to achieve it. Tell me, what do I need to do to prove myself to you and Moon and everyone else? I-I can cook, clean, do the chores, or even-"
"STOP IT!!!" I screamed. Everything seemed to give me a pounding headache. I was tired, and panting. While everyone looked at me expectantly, I kept looking at Vic, expecting something, but there wasn't a reaction from him. I could feel my throat closing up as I tried to speak, only hoping for some sort of comfort, but there was none at the moment.
"Moon, enough of these dramas. Tell them you'll go with Caleb." Mom said, as she walked up to me. I looked up at her in disbelief. I had never felt this pressured by her, but I wasn't going to budge.
"Mom, I-"
My words were yet again interrupted by the sound of clapping, coming from the one whom I least expected to clap at a situation like this- Vic.
"I- I truly am so happy to see this. I wasn't aware of the fact that she… Moon- had… a boyfriend. I am so glad that… that you decided to come here, Caleb." Vic said, and putting on a fake smile, came up to Caleb. I knew it was fake because I could see him tear up, but as if defying all his true emotions, he decided to put on a fake show of how happy he was because Caleb was here for me.
"I'll opt out."
A hum of voices was heard as soon as Vic said these words with a smile on his face. I stood there silently, as if there was no life left in me. A tear that I had been holding in, escaped my eyes as I looked at Vic- so calm and composed, but hiding a whole storm inside of him.
"Vic? What are you-"
"Misaii, please. Let's not make this any more complicated than it already is. I'll opt out. And well, now that Moon has her… lover, she can easily go with him. There's no need to… pair us up and… and make Moon feel weirded out."
I didn't realize when my jaw almost dropped to the floor. A stray tear rolled down my cheek as I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces and get stomped on over by Vic. My blood was boiling. I balled up my fists and glared at him through my tears. This was what being loyal meant to him? This was how much he cared? He was ready to give me up any moment because someone else said so? That was it? I felt anger and pain bubbling inside of me. I felt hurt as if someone had shattered my self-respect by handing me over to someone like I was some kind of a package. It was as if the Dione living inside me was rebelling. Every vision where I saw us being together, wanted me to slap Vic across the face… But I didn't.
"And who decided what I want, Vic?" My voice was firm, even though I was crying. Vic avoided my eyes for a split second, but then looked at me.
"What do you mean? Your boyfriend is here, it's obvious you'll go with him. I- was just an extra burden. You don't have to deal with this burden anymore."
"And who decided that for me, Vic? YOU?!"
"What if I say yes?" He said, and smiled, making me lose it completely.
"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, VIC? WHO ARE YOU TO DECIDE WHAT I-"
"Exactly, Moon. See? You said it yourself. I am no one. And that's exactly why I want you to be with the person who's the right one for you." Vic said, as a tear escaped his eye as well, though he wiped it off almost instantly and put a smile back on his face. I felt defeated and hurt. I was stunned by how easily Vic gave me up. It hurt to even think about it, but I let my ego speak for me.
I wiped the tear off my face and took a deep breath. I turned to look at Caleb, who was watching us intently, and then turned to address the crowd.
"I'm sorry. I overreacted." I said. A moment of silence ensued, as the crowd began murmuring about what my final decision was.
"But I agree with Vic. Now that Caleb is here, I don't need Vic anymore." I said, as mom looked at me and heaved a sigh of relief.
"I'll go with Caleb. Not Vic. That is my final verdict."
"Moon!" Anya grabbed me by the shoulder and shook me a few times, but I pushed her away. I was desperate, but in a bad way this time. I could feel my ego clouding my judgment, but it hurt to even think of what Vic did. Maybe because I was trusting him too much, or because of his closeness to Dione? I had started to feel for Vic. I had started to understand Vic more than ever, but in a matter of seconds, everything seemed to crumble down in front of my eyes. And now, it made me question if anything was even real. If I had known Vic at all. Vic looked at me for once, with tears in his eyes, but this time, I looked away.
"Moon, thanks, I-" Caleb held my hand, but I couldn't tolerate anyone anymore. I pushed Caleb away roughly and ran towards my room. Anya ran after me, but I closed the door to my room so that no one could enter.
I was crying hard. My whole body was trembling, and I couldn't control myself.
"AHHHHHH!" I screamed and threw things off the shelf so as to calm down, but nothing seemed to bring me peace. My whole world seemed to turn upside down by this one event. The one time when I really leaned on someone for support, the one time when I blindly trusted someone, I believed in someone's love so strongly, I was thrown away like trash. It hurt. It hurt so much. I wailed relentlessly, as people kept knocking on the door, but I didn't answer. I cried until I passed out on my bed, as my heart kept paining.
When I woke up, it was already evening. My head was pounding, and I felt empty on the inside. I felt dead again, just like I had seen in the vision. History repeats itself, after all?
I took a quick shower, and my headache subsided a bit. Only then was I able to go out into the living room and sit with everyone. The room, however, was completely silent this evening. I couldn't care less if people heard my crying this morning, because I didn't have anything to lose anymore.
"Ahem," Mom broke the silence, "Moon, now that Caleb is here… I suggest you should show him around. He likes photography, so he should love the festival aesthetic."
I only looked up at my mom emotionlessly, and then looked away. Caleb was sitting next to mom, smiling wide at the proposal. Anya, who was sitting next to me, patted me on the thigh, but I didn't respond to that either.
"Moon. I'm speaking to you."
"And? I heard you, the first time, Mom." I said.
"Moon? I was gone for just two days and this is how I see you behaving with me?
I got up from the sofa.
"My apologies, mom. I forgot I was supposed to be a puppet for everyone to play with. I forgot that speaking was a sin, for if I spoke, I'd have a voice, wouldn't I?"
"Moon, you-"
"What, mom? Did I just say the truth? I'm so sorry, again. Here, I'll stay silent from now on and you all can continue to use me and throw me away whenever you feel like it. Is that better?"
"Moon, stop it!"
"NO I WON'T!" I snapped at mom. " I WON'T STOP, MOM! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I AM A HUMAN BEING!" I sniffled, tearing up.
"I have a human heart that is still beating mom. It still loves, believes, trusts. But all it gets in return, is someone that manipulates her, or someone that thinks an apology fixes everything, or someone who just… betrays his own emotions to act like he's the greatest symbol of love. Hah. Funny. But what can I even do? This is all I have. And I have to silently bear everything because otherwise I'm impudent and not woman-like."
Everyone in the room fell silent. Words kept coming out of my mouth like an erupting volcano. And it was true. The storm that raged in my heart kept destroying me on the inside, so I couldn't help but burst out. But what was I even mad for? The one whom I was so mad for, did he even care about me?
"You know what? Forget it." I said, "Forget I said anything. Here, Caleb- you wanna go see Hestia? Come on. I'll show you. Come, come, come-" I said, as I pulled Caleb by his hands and stormed outside. Tears streamed down my face, but I kept wiping them off. I walked out of the house, and dragged Caleb to the festival grounds.
"Here. Happy now? Go ahead. Take as many pictures as you want and just- for God's sake, Caleb. Leave me alone."
"Moon, but I-"
"Please, I don't want to listen to any explanations. I'm tired of this, Caleb. I really am."
"But Moon, please listen to me-"
"What? What is it, Caleb? I know you can have nothing else to tell me other than an apology and let's fix everything. But I'm tired of fixing everything. It takes two people to make or break anything, Caleb. And it has always been just me from the beginning. I really can't do this anymore, Caleb, I-"
"Moon, please!" Caleb held my shoulders and shook me a couple of times, before I stopped speaking.
"Please, Moon. I- I know you're hurt. And I apologized for it, right? I have a job, Moon. And it's hard for me to… to just go around anywhere and everywhere you tell me to and ignore my job. I get paid for it."
"Then why are you here?"
"I- your mom… she told me that you're getting restless. You wanted to see me, and… and even though I had pre-commitments, I canceled them because she told me it would be good for my photography career as well, so I-"
"So you took your camera like a shameless man and came here with my mother… only to fulfill YOUR intentions."
Caleb sighed. He didn't have any other arguments. I still felt bad for speaking to him this way, but handling my emotions was the hardest thing to do at the moment.
"Okay. Fine, then. What do you want? Should I leave?" Caleb said.
"No! Absolutely not! Why would YOU leave? My mom brought you here for your career, no? Then go ahead and-"
"She also brought me here for you."
"But YOU didn't choose to come here because of ME. You chose your career… and that's understandable, Caleb. But I'm too good to be someone's second preference."
"Yeah? And whose first preference are you, Moon? That- That big guy? What was his name again? Ah, yes, Vic. He treated you a little too well, didn't he, that you can't stand to see me anymore?"
"Caleb keep his name out of-"
"Shh, shh- lemme finish, lemme finish. Why, are you scared that I'll guess the truth, huh? What do you think? Do I wear a blind patch all the time? You think I didn't see what was going on between you two, huh? What? What did that guy do differently for you, huh? Spend some extra nights with you, or-"
"CALEB!!" I couldn't stand to hear a word from him. I didn't know how I felt a surge of energy rise in me, but I rushed to Caleb, grabbed the collar of his shirt, and yanked him aside as he hit a tree and fell on the ground, whimpering. I went up to him and crouched down, pressing my elbow on his throat.
"Don't you DARE speak to me like that ever again, Caleb. DON'T YOU DARE! I will NOT let anyone- especially a LEECH like you to walk all over my dignity. I WILL NOT. And don't you worry, I will figure out the real reason why you are here. And when I do, Caleb, that would be the end of this relationship. I promise you that."
I kicked him in the chest as I got up. A few onlookers who saw the whole thing, finally came up to Caleb and helped him get stable, while I stormed off. I didn't know where I was going, but I kept walking because everything around me made me feel cynical. Maybe I was going insane after all. When I finally looked where I was, I saw the river. Overlooking the river, was the same forest that I saw in my vision.
"Oh, Eternia… I can't… I can't do this anymore. I can't handle this pain. Why am I going through this? WHY?! Why am I so attached to… him? It hurts… It HURTS!!" I lost my balance and fell to the ground, crying loudly. Luckily, there weren't any people around, so I was able to cry in peace at least. I dragged myself to the bottom of a tree and sat there for a long moment, as I finally stopped crying.