EVERY nerve in Tony's body was piano-wire tight as he waited for Hannah's decision. Her gaze lingered on their linked hands for what felt like aeons. He wanted to increase the strength of his hold on her, make withdrawal impossible, but he knew physical force would not win what he needed from her. This battle was for her heart and mind and soul and she had to give them up to him willingly.
He didn't stop to think why it meant so much to him. It just did. And he knew he would refuse to accept failure. She had to realise what he'd said was true. She had to realise he was on her side and would fight whatever demons plagued her memory, rendering them completely powerless... if that was possible.
He'd seen Flynn Lovett stand as he caught sight of Hannah, seen the stunned surprise on his face turn to an unmistakable lust for the Hannah who was dressed so desirably tonight, seen Jodie Lovett pull him down again, and the flash of angry frustration he'd shot at his wife as he submitted to her anger at his reaction.
There was trouble brewing at that table and Hannah was the focus of it.
Tony didn't want to believe Flynn Lovett still resided in her heart, didn't want to believe that she wouldn't—couldn't—give him up. He hoped it was no more than a deep scar that could be erased and she would let him help her get rid of it.
Try me, he willed at her with all the energy he could harness.
Trust me.
"All right," she murmured, lifting her lashes to show him eyes that swam with vulnerability, stopping any triumph he might have felt stone- dead.
This was a bad journey for her. He'd pressed her into it and now he had to ease the way as best he could. He lightly squeezed her hand, wanting to impart reassurance as he quietly said, "I'm a good listener, Hannah. Don't worry about what you're telling me. Just spill it out and I'll still be here at the end of it, still wanting to be with you. Okay?"
She managed a wry little smile. Her hand slid away from his as she sat back, visibly gathering herself to re-visit the past. Tony sat back, too, careful not to make her feel crowded by him. Their cocktails arrived, giving her more time to find a starting point. She seized on hers, eagerly sipping it as though her mouth was very dry. He waited, sure in his own mind she would not backtrack on her decision to open up to him. It was important to keep his own reactions under control now.
"I used to be part of a very high-level team that organised events," she began. "We took on festivals, exhibitions, big money functions, fashion shows. We created themes to match the mood or personality of the event, organised the lighting, the music, the props, the seating—' a shrug ''— whatever was required for the outcome to have maximum impact. It was also our job to ensure everything ran as planned."
"A lot of responsibility," Tony remarked encouragingly, thinking that making an event of presenting Matt's exotic tropical fruit was a piece of cake for someone with her background experience.
She nodded. "And pressure. The pressure was always on to perform, to deliver what we promised. We put in long hours. Travelled at the drop of a hat. It was exhilarating when we pulled off something big, but it was also a huge energy drain. Work sucked up most of my life. Even when I wasn't actively on the job, there were parties related to work, people to meet, contacts to make."
"The treadmill never stopped," Tony inserted, nodding his understanding.
A self-mocking smile tilted her mouth. "More like a roller-coaster. I never stopped to look where I was going or ask myself why, or even whether it was truly what I wanted. I didn't learn to do that until after I dropped out."
"Most people are carried along by the stream they're in, Hannah."
She shook her head. "That's no excuse for not making any effort to control it. Not choosing for myself." Her eyes dulled with painful reflection. "For the last two frenetic years of my high-flying career, I even considered Jodie my best friend. Mostly because I shared an apartment with her and she was a constant in my life."
They certainly weren't two of a kind, Tony thought.
"Actually, I was flattered that she asked me to share. Jodie is a few years older than I am and was— probably still is—a fashion buyer for a department store chain. Her flatmate had married and she was looking for someone who could afford half the rent on the apartment she'd leased at Bondi Beach. Very high-rental, very high-status place. I was earning big money and it was like another step up to me."
Tony had little doubt Jodie Lovett would have manipulated that situation to her advantage. "I guess you then found you had to fit in with her," he commented dryly.
Hannah looked surprised. "Yes. She did want everything her way, but I didn't let it turn into open conflict because there were advantages to me, too. She used to get me fashion clothes on the cheap, and in lots of ways she was fun company, always full of in-crowd gossip. Our careers overlapped in areas like fashion week so we knew many of the same people."
"And you would have extended her social network."
"That went both ways. Jodie kept an A-list of eligible bachelors and used to wangle invitations to parties where they were likely to be. She dragged me along to them if she wanted a back-up woman in tow."
"Dragged you?"
An ironic shrug. "More often than not I was too tired to enjoy them but Jodie would insist that I not miss an opportunity."
"But she was actually headhunting for herself."
Slowly, reluctantly, miserably, she conceded, "I think...the night I met Flynn...he was her target. Or maybe he became her target because he preferred me to her." She heaved a long ragged sigh. "I don't know. At the time she pretended she was happy for me, and she kept up that pretence right up to the week before our wedding."
Tony's stomach contracted at the shock punch of that information. She'd been on the verge of marrying the guy. Which had to mean she'd loved him. Might still love him. And Flynn Lovett sure as hell wasn't indifferent to her.
"I'd even chosen Jodie as my chief bridesmaid, ahead of my sisters," Hannah ran on. "She was involved in all the plans. You could say it was to be—" a sad grimace "—the biggest event of my life. I'd organised everything down to the last meticulous little detail."
Her eyes glazed, her focus turned inward, and Tony knew she was envisaging how it would have been if the wedding had taken place—the event on which she would have brought all her expertise to bear to make it the most perfect, the most memorable, the most magical day of her life.
Over the years, his grandmother's involvement in weddings at the castle had demonstrated how much planning went into them to produce exactly the desired result on the day itself. More so when it was personal family, as with Alex and Gina. The whole build-up, the anticipation...he could imagine how totally shattering it would have been for it not to go ahead, to learn just a week before...
What?
What had been the irrevocable turning point? And was it still irrevocable?
Her eyes flickered out of their glaze, pain sharpening their focus as she took a deep breath and said, "I trusted her. I trusted her to liaise with Flynn on the wedding plans when I was too tied up with work to get any time free. I thought she was my best friend."
Betrayal...deep and unequivocal.
Jodie had wanted Flynn and she'd got him, probably using every chance she had to set up meetings with him when Hannah was otherwise occupied. And Flynn had succumbed to temptation. Had he cursed himself for a fool ever since?
Their starters arrived—a selection of seafood with a hot salad, an easily consumed dish if Hannah's stomach wasn't in too much of a twist. Wine was poured from the bottle he'd ordered. Tony had finished his cocktail.
Hannah was still sipping hers.
"Would you prefer water?" he asked, remembering her insistence on it this afternoon.
"I'm fine with this, thank you." Another wry smile. "I don't have to guard myself with you anymore, do I?"
"No. And I hope that feels good. It's a lonely business, guarding yourself. I don't want you to feel lonely with me." He smiled encouragingly. "Let's eat. You should never let anything spoil your pleasure in good food."
Her eyes crinkled with dry amusement. "It would be an insult to the chef not to try."
"Absolutely."
They ate. With how much enjoyment on Hannah's part, Tony wasn't sure, but she did eat everything and commented on the delicate flavour of the sauce, which meant she had focused on the food. He waited until their emptied plates were removed before leading her back to the critical mass in her mind.
"Tell me about Flynn, Hannah...what drew you to him, what drew him to you?"