Sometimes I think I do things that I shouldn't do but I hurt my most loved one that. This time it's not a part story that I'll tell but it's just some thoughts that come.
My Dewdrop is still with me it's not sad till now and I don't wanna let her go to be honest she's the first girl that I liked with everything this time everything is at stake. I sometimes wonder if I really hope not but someday she got fed up with my actions and stopped talking with me what would happen?
Just recently something happened that broke the trust she had for me. At that time I didn't tell anybody hti Ihowiedd the only thing that comforted me when something went wrong was to pray. Never did I tell anyone that I cried while praying and asked for one thing for her to stay with me.
I'm afraid of spiders. I don't even go to the room the spider's in. It's my biggest fear but it changed at one point I can go to that room but now it's someday she'll say " Rahil let's stop this" It's the worst thing I don't wanna hear. For one time I can hear "Rahil I don't like you the way you want" but never this.
I do things but don't understand it until someone tells me. She also something from me and I did the exact thing today she's angry with me. The thing I'm worst at is when someone is disappointed in me I don't know how to comfort them. I can try it but I only make things worse.
She was not talking and I don't know why but I was feeling weak in the knees. It's like the whole energy in my body was fading away I was one step away tha tears would roll out. I know the things that she says are for my betterment and she is trying to make me a better person. But I'm the one who always fuck things up and I overthink a lot so it hurts me the most.
I always thought in the past why do people feel so helpless in love? I had a girlfriend but never did I felt it. But this time I'm feeling it and there's only thing I want is for her to be successful in life with me.
Love is not something that we can force on someone or we can harm the person but it's to think of the other person. This time for sure I can say that " I love you" but it cannot be expressed in words and when I tell her she says I'm lying. This time I have done one thing I have thought of not taking a step back and thinking of her as mine and comforting her where she needs me.
I don't judge her or try to manipulate things but I get jealous a lot. I only get to spend 8 hours with her if it was I who decided I would have kept her 24 hours with me and never gotten bored. But whenever I tell her this she thinks that either I lie or I'm joking and don't have the powers to read minds but I don't want it I feel the attachment of her in her eyes and those eyes are really honest eyes, truthful, and deep. Like when I look at them my mind doesn't think of anything it goes blank and the only thing I think of is " Just how can eyes be this beautiful?" But I'm not expressive and whenever I do so it's a t wrong time.
I think I would be writing about her I would write the whole book on it and have to release a second volume but just some thoughts and honesty without any filters or anything. Till next time. Sayonara!!