Hi, guys sorry last time I told you that it would be the last part that I would write but it's just that this time it's not a story or a thought but some of my deepest concerns that I had. To whom I am writing this whenever she reads it she would already know that it's been written for her.
So the thing is I confessed to this girl on the 14th Feb I know it was Vale times and everything and it was the first time I gifted something to someone I bought her a rose not a real one of course because I was other people to have an eye for it and also chocolate. I know I'm not good at it I would be too embarrassed to give it to her upfront so I kept it in her bag and she answered that she needed some time to think about it.
So from then onwards I've been waiting patiently for that time to talk to her daily I know that she does like me a lot and everything but I guess because of the religious differences and everything she is thinking about it. But the thing is that if she said yes I'm gonna make sure that she stays happy and I'll never leave her in the path stranded all alone. Even in the toughest of times, I would be by her side holding her hand assuring her that I was there.
I'm currently writing this at 5 AM because that's when overthinking hits you the hardest. Even if in the morning when I wake up and read I feel that time have written too much the also I'll not delete it. I know that due to my nature, she feels that the assurance part is missing in me and she thinks that I say big things but am not able to do anything. I don't know how to assure her of that. I know life would not always be roses but as I said before I'll not part ways with her in the middle. I'll see it through to the end and make sure that the ending would be happy.
I think a lot about all the things even a yes or no from her end means a lot to me. I get jealous, I'm lazy, I'm childish, I'm not humorous, I'm not good-looking. But I'm hardworking, I'm loving, I'm caring, I'm dependable, I'm loyal, I give undivided attention, I'm committed. But I don't how to tell her all of this and even the things that I'm writing I don't even know if she'll ever know that I have written all of this.
I'm afraid that the answer will be no or the answer will be that we shouldn't go that way. I may seem fine on the outside but deep down I know how many layers of emotions I have to wear to cover up that insecurity. I have to keep my face smiley for the people around me because they like me when I'm laughing and talking. I know if I had been one of those guys who don't smoke much adon'tn't talk much then no one would have approached me and I would be all alone here. I simply want one thing as I stated in the start-solving girlfriend with whom I can go on dates and spend time with her. It's been around 3 years searching for that one this time I think that it is the one. I just came back from one traumatizing event of Dewdrop so I'm pouring every bit of love and affection that I have if this time it does not work then for sure I'm never gonna try again I'm afraid. I'm putting my heart and soul into this.
I guess you guys would be bored listening to these thoughts really sorry bored you here. This time I'll not make any promises so next time I'll write. Itwould be the result. Till then Sayonara!