I watched Jason kiss amber in front of everyone while the crowd cheered them on. She second she said yes I felt my heart disintegrate like it had just been put into acid,to be honest I felt heart broken. I was fully aware that me and Jason were not a thing but I couldn't help but feel dumped.I kinda had enough of the "lovey dovey" couple so I decided to go out and get some fresh air.
I left the main school to the football field where I sat on one of the grandstand chairs. I folded my legs up and used my hand to keep them in place. I was feeling awful.why did life have to be so complicated,the person I loved and cared about,who I felt was my life.couldnt even give two flying fucks about me.He probably doesn't even know my name or if I even exist at that.
I knew I was just hurting myself by having feelings but I couldn't help it. I wish I had a switch that I could flip and just forget about him but unfortunately I didn't.
I took out my air pods and turned it on.music was something I felt could kill or at least reduce any pain no matter how huge it was. On my phone I moved to an album of a musician I recently discovered,Billie eilish.
I chose the song that I felt more with me right now. Started playing "wish you were gay" . The melody came into my ears as the place became darker due to the incoming rain. I saw dark rain clouds cover everywhere as the wind started to blow. I rested my forehead on my knees that were bent up I felt the cold breeze against my skin and the rain started almost the same time with the lyrics.
I just want to make you feel okay
But all you do is look the other way
I can tell you how much I wish I didn't want to stay.
I just kinda wish you were gay.
Thinking about it I think I could understand what she was saying I'm probably feeling when she wrote the song lyrics. If he was gay and was only interested in boys or men I would have felt better because I would know that no female caught his eye but the fact that he was straight and we weren't together instead he was with someone else made me feel dejected, it made me feel like I wasn't good enough, it made me wonder what exactly was wrong with me. I wish I could just get over it but it wasn't that easy I know cuz I've tried and tried and failed if only he could just be mine.
I'm so selfish, and you make me feel helpless yeah.
And I can't stand another day. Stand another day.
I could feel the goose bumps on my skin due to the place getting colder song came to an end.
How am I supposed to make you feel okay when all you do is walk the other way I can tell you how much I wish I didn't want to stay
I just kinda wish you were gay
I just kinda wish you were gay.
Tears rolling down my face I hated this all of this what was i being so weak over one human. I mean it's not like he's the only person out there but out of the 7.63 billion people on earth I just had to like the one who couldn't care less about me. I know people say there's a lot of fish in the sea but what happens when you only want one fish. The melody stopped and I slowly open my eyes I raised my head and what in the freaking hell!!!
When I looked up my eyes met bright cerulean Iris. I shook a little due to the shock there was a guy is sitting cross-legged in front of me. His hands were folded on his legs and his stared intensely at me. As though he was studying me
"What are you doing out here? It's raining". HIs the voice sound in my ears.
What the hell was he talking about. He was also out here so.... Bsyds who was he? I quickly used the sleeves of my shirt to wipe my tears away. Gosh, why did someone have to see me in this sorry state.
I stood up and started walking away from there.
"You know, it's rude to walk out on people"he said and I stopped.
"Well I don't know you so..... I really don't care if I'm being rude"I kept on walking away.
"What's bothering you?"I paused but I didn't stop walking away."why were you crying alone here"
I turned around abruptly"I wasn't crying now leave me alone"
He stood up"I can't just ' leave you alone '.
What if you go kill yourself? I'll have to live with the guilt of knowing I could have done something but I didn't".
"Why would I do that"I frowned.
He shrugged giving me an 'i don't know ' look."maybe you're depressed or something I don't know".
"Depressed"I gave him a look.
"Yeah, well maybe not exactly depressed but having some sort of mental health issues almost everyone has that these days. You know how everyone claims to have OCD or maybe ADHD or even a ADD or..."he was speaking calmly.
"Oh , so I look like I'm mentally ill huh?"I turned around and kept on trying to walk away as quick as I could but he casually followed me.
"No that's not it just guessing. Besides it's not my fault I thought that way, like seriously. Who cries alone while sitting on grandstands while rain falls"
"People"I almost screamed.
"Nah,I've never seen anyone do that,just you.thats why I want to know what could possibly make a highschool girl be sooo....."
"So?"I stopped walking.
"4get that,tell me what's bothering you "
"No. nothing's bothering me so just leave me alone". I snapped back and kept on walking, gosh the grandstands we are not ending I've been walking on one line for a while now and it seems I won't you get out of here that easily without getting wet.
"Why are girls always so secretive? You'll probably feel better if you tell someone what's wrong".
"How can I tell you what's wrong when I don't even know you"
"Well...ouch that hurt"
"Yeah,no kidding " I increased my pace.
"Rhea why can't you just stop walking away nd talk to me already "
How in the world did he know my name. Out of shock and immediately stopped and turned around. I didn't notice how close he was behind me until I turned around and almost bumped into him. I was only a few inches away from you , at the realisation gasped a little, there was a sound of thunder that also startled me a bit.
Now that he was standing I had a better view of him. He was still about the same height with the Jason he had black hair that covered part of his face slightly. Bright cerulean eyes, full jet black eyebrows, small but full lips that were peach nd moisturized.
" How do you know my name?". I asked trying to keep my cool.
He raised the Brow " how won't I". he gave me look "we are in the same class. Rhea Jefferson. I seat like four seats adjacent to your's"
What in there hell...he ought to be lying.there was no way he was in the same class with me.
"I don't believe u"
"Tf,how...?"
"I've never seen u in my class"
He rolled his eyes sarcastically"of course you haven't,the only guy girls see in that class is Jason Herbert.Fact"
Starting to think of it he was right I never really knew the people in my class because I was always staring at Jason. I was about to say something when.
"And I honestly don't see why" he said folding his arms.
"Excuse me?" I instinctively replied.
"For real....I mean what's the big deal, he's good looking,rich,smart,funny,sporty.... it's not anything special. Almost all guys are lyk dat"
what in the world was this dude saying."he is more 'see' worthy than any other guy.especially in that class" and that was how I found myself blurting nonsense.i really hope he didn't hear that tho.
"Ok... first of all ouch" he said playfully."second of all how do you know who's see worthy in the class when you haven't even seen the rest?" He sat on one of the chairs while giving me a 'think- about - it' look.
While actually thinking about I saw his eyes sparkle for a split second a dumb thought must have come to his head.ugh
"Wait....." He started with a mocking smile on his face."don't tell me..."
"W-- what r u talking about"
He looked like he was holding in a laugh."you're one of those crazy people who are psycho over Jason aren't you"he smirked.
Oh my God!! How did he know that, was it that obvious! My life is going to be ruined. what if he told everyone about my crush on him. No no no today just kept on getting shittier by the second I tried to convince myself that he wasn't going to do that. He was a guy and guys don't gossip, right? I chose to believe that but decided to think of a cover-up lie.
"There is no way I was going to admit that I was crazy over Jason"it took me a few seconds and then mocking smile on the guy's face to realise I said the last part out loud.
"So- - - I'm right huh"
I felt my whole world come to a complete stop. My whole life was over. I couldn't help but imagine a tombstone in a graveyard with' here lies real Jefferson who died of public embarrassment'.on it.
"Dude... could u please just forget what I just said and leave me alone"
"Hm.....ok".he rested his Chin on his knuckles.
Wait what tha- - - he was serious? He'll stop bothering me after making me walk searching long-distance he just agreed so easily, there is no way he was saying the truth maybe it was a trick or something.....ion know.
"One condition though"
I KNEW IT !!!
"What now?" I drawled.
"You answer a question I ask. If you answer correctly and let you be and you can go your way and I promise to never bother you again."
Sounds great "Okay but?" There was always a 'but'.
"If you can't answer the question correctly I get to squeeze you of what you're hiding, deal?"