(Where is it?)
The fear I was consumed by.
(It isn't present.)
The fear of them finding out the kind of person I really am.
(I see...)
The fear of discovering what they really thought about me.
(Then what do you feel right now?)
The fear of once again being hurt by someone dear to me.
(Right now there's only one thing I can feel.)
At this very moment, that fear has been replaced by another feeling.
(What's that?)
And that feeling is…
(I can't describe it as anything other than…)
An insurmountable amount of rage.
(An insurmountable amount of rage.)
"Why…," I can hear the sound of my own voice trembling. Desperately holding onto the last bit of composure I have left, I take a deep breath and ask her, "Why would you say something like that? Even after hearing what was in that diary… How could you say something like that?!"
It's no use.
No matter how hard I try to keep my cool, I find myself getting more and more riled up with every passing moment. Why would she say something so hurtful? How could she, especially if she already knows… Wasn't I a precious friend to her? Did finding out really make her think that badly of me? I just don't understand at all.
"Hah? I don't care about stuff from the past one bit. I'm talkin' about the here and now. Whatever happened in yer past, that ain't my problem."
"You…don't care?"
"That's right. The stuff that happened in yer past is irrelevant. You need ta move on already and stop cryin' over spilt milk. I'm tired of hearing ya make excuses, and I don't wanna keep being friends with someone that's gonna continue lying to me and herself."
(Snap)
I can't describe it too well, but what she just said caused something inside me to snap in half. If my breaking point would be reached once my anger hit 100% and I lost all my composure. Then right now, it just jumped up to 98%.
"How dare you…," I mutter, biting down hard on my lip until the taste of blood starts coursing through my mouth, "You don't know a damn thing…," my breaths become increasingly faster to the point that I'm practically hyperventilating, "You have no idea what I've been through…," I begin to feel sharp pain coursing through my hands as my nails dig further into my skin, " You have no idea how I feel…," an unpleasant sound can be heard as I grind my teeth together in frustration, trying to force out my words," So don't you dare try to sit here and act like you know what's best for me!"
"...You're right Kotori. I don't know half of all the things you've been through. I don't know how you must've felt back then nor do I know how you must be feeling right now. I don't know, and I don't care either."
(Snap)
99%
I felt my eyes widen as I stood there in disbelief, completely taken aback by her heartless remark.
She…doesn't care? Then why? Why is she here in the first place? Why is she saying all these hurtful things? Is this her way of getting back at me for deceiving her? I know what I did was wrong. I know that but…isn't this going too far? Even if you don't feel the same way anymore, I still… I still love you guys.
It's just like that day all over again. All this time, I wanted her affection, even the slightest bit. I wanted her to look at me, even if only for a brief moment. I wanted her to approve of me, even if I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I wanted her to talk to me, even if only to yell at me, even if only to harshly reprimand me, I would've happily accepted it. I just… I just wanted her to tell me she loved me again, even if she didn't really mean it. Because she was my everything. She was all I had——My sole source of happiness in this cruel world. And now, by some cruel twist of fate, after finally finding it——My salvation. Friends that liked me for who I was, not who I pretended to be. Not only did I lose them, but now as if to mock me, I'm going to be hurt the exact same way that I was back then.
What a joke. If that's how it's gonna be then…
"If you don't care, then what do you want from me?"
"I already told ya what I wanted. Show me the 'real' Kotori. Don't hide any part of yourself from me. I ain't leaving until you've shown me who you really are."
The real me huh? I wonder which part of me that is. At this point, I don't even know the answer to that question myself. But if she wants to see a side of me that I haven't shown anyone… Then just this once… I'll let out everything.
"Fine…" I mutter in a low voice. After taking another deep breath in and out, I finally hit my breaking point.
(SNAP)
100%
There's no going back anymore.
"You want to see the real me? You wanna know what kind of person I really am? Fine, I'll tell you——The kind of girl Kotori Miyazaki really is…"
"..." She says nothing. Her eyes lock onto mine with an expression conveying her unwavering determination.
I engrave her expression in my mind as I put forth my own conviction. I recall everything. The isolation from all of my peers. The torment I suffered, day in and day out, just because I expressed my individuality. The source of my stoicism, and the happiness I felt in those times filled with hardships. My mothers' words of encouragement; that gave me the strength to keep moving forward. And…her words filled with so much pain and regret; that tore me apart and sent me into the deepest depth of despair. All the years of wearing masks to try and get everyone's approval. Hiding myself from the world until I could no longer differentiate what about me was real or fake anymore. The pain of feeling isolated, even when I was surrounded by my so-called friends. The stress of always trying to live up to the expectations of other people, just so that they wouldn't outcast me. And the heartbreaking realization that no matter what I did, no matter what I said, no matter how I acted, I would never get the approval of the one person who I really wanted it from. All of my pent-up feelings that I kept inside all of these years.
"I…"
As if I were a child throwing a temper tantrum, I opened my mouth and began to pour everything out in my heart.
"I'm a fake! A fraud! Everything I say… Everything I do… All of it… It's just an act! A facade I put on so that people will like me! Ryuji-senpai was right about me… I'm just a filthy liar that uses other people to try and validate myself. I want them to approve of me… I want them to enjoy being around me! I'm… I'm tired of being alone! I don't want to be alienated anymore! Do you know what it feels like to be left out when everyone else is playing together? Well, I'll be the first to tell you, It hurts! It hurts so much Yurika-chan… Is there something wrong with me? Is it because I'm different from everyone else? Is it really so bad to express myself? Do you have any idea how many times I've asked myself those questions while crying myself to sleep at night? Well, do you?! Say something Yurika-chan! You can't because you don't know what it's like! You don't know a damn thing about me or the things I've been through… So how dare you… How dare you sit here and try to tell me to let go of the past! If I could do that I wouldn't be in so much pain right now! Do you understand that? If you do, then why? Why do you say such cruel things to me, Yurika-chan? Is it because I lied to you? Is it because I deceived you? Is it because I hid things from you? Don't be so selfish! I… Don't you think I wanted to tell you all?! But… I couldn't do it. I didn't want you guys to know I was such a spineless coward that's afraid of being hurt. So I lied! I lied to you… I lied to Fuyuki-kun… I lied to Kyoko-chan… I lied to everyone! Everyone! I hid behind a mask and only did things based on what I thought my peers wanted to see. At some point, I couldn't even tell what part of me was real or fake anymore. And this pathetic piece of trash before you is the result of my deceit. That's why I'm always alone even when I'm around other people… That's why when I finally… When I finally met people I could truly call friends from the bottom of my heart everything started going wrong! It's my punishment. I don't deserve real friends. I don't deserve anyone's approval. I don't deserve to even be alive. A waste of space like me… I would be better off dead! You know I'm right! That's why you came here to torment me one last time before you cut me off and cast me aside like a piece of trash on the side of the road. Just like everyone else has. Even my own mother… Hey, Yurika-chan, do you know what it's like to be hated by your only family? I didn't have anyone else except her. I loved her so much… I didn't need anyone else except for her… So long as I had her… So long as she loved me, I could be strong. I could deal with the isolation, even if I was lonely. I could deal with the bullying, even if it hurt. So why? Why did she… I know why… It's because my life is meaningless… That's the only explanation. I tried to change, you know? I acted like everyone else. I changed the way I dressed. I changed the way I spoke. Everything. I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried so hard to make her look at me! But… She never would! Not even a single goddamn time! If my own mother doesn't love me, then WHO WILL? Tell me Yurika chan?! The answer is no one. No one will ever really love someone like me. A weak, selfish, fake, pathetic coward… And that's why I… I… I HATE MYSELF! …I hate myself so much! I hated that I was so different from everyone else! Why couldn't I just be a normal girl?! I hate how I can laugh and smile in front of people, even when I'm not really having fun! Who the hell do I think I am lying to everyone like that?! I hate how I'm so desperate to get everyone's approval to the point that I can't even distinguish when I'm acting or just being myself! I hate how no matter how hard I try, the one person I want to approve of me won't so much as look me in the eyes. I hate it! It makes me want to cry and scream and pull my hair out! It hurts… It hurts so much that every time I go home, I feel like I'm walking into a stranger's house… I hate how much of a coward I am! I'm so afraid of being hurt that I ended up hurting the only real friends I've ever made. I… I'm the absolute worst! I hate how weak and spineless I am. After that day, I've never——Not even a single time have I been able to face forward. Not a single time have I tried to tackle my problems or insecurities head-on. Instead, I just ran away, for all these years, hiding behind a mask to protect my heart. I hate how selfish I am. Even though I was hiding things from you guys, I still couldn't help but wish our fun times together would last forever. Everything about me, from my rotten personality, to my pathetically small stature, makes me sick. I just...really really hate myself. Do you want to be friends with someone like that, Yurika-chan? Well, do you?! Say something?! I want to hear your thoughts! I want you to scrutinize me! Why… Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why…. Why won't you say anything!? Why… Hey, Yurika-chan… Is it so bad to be different? If so then I'll change… I'll act how you all want me to so that you will like me. Am I being weird? No, I am being weird. I know that already… But even so I *hic* I just… I just wanted…to fit in. I wanted somewhere to belong… But I didn't want to get hurt again, so I ran away and hid behind my insecurities. That's who I am. An empty shell with no character or individuality. My personality is defined by the people around me. 'Kotori Miyzaki' doesn't exist anymore. That girl… Even more than my current fake self… I hate her more than anything. Because of her… I had to endure so much pain… Because of her, I became hated by the most important person to me… And now because of her, I'm going to lose someone else precious to me. I… I hate…her…so…much. And I hate my current self just as much. The world would be better off if I was never born. Hey, Yurika-chan, why don't you say something? Tell me how disgusted you are with me. Tell me I make you sick and that you never want to see me again. Say it! Tell me you hate me! Tell me Yurika-chan! I showed you who I really am so… I want you to tell me your honest feelings. Tell me that I'm a piece of garbage… A leech… A coward… A waste of oxygen and space… A filthy… dirt fake. And starting tomorrow, pretend you don't even know me. Treat me as if I'm not even there, while you laugh alongside the others. Don't worry, I won't be mad. After all… that's how it's always been… And that's how it will always be… Until the day I die… I'll be alone. So… please… *sniff*...just say something already…"
I'm sorry Yurika-chan. I know I'm being unfair to you. Going on an incoherent tangent. Saying all these irrational things. Repeating myself over and over again as if I have Alzheimer's. And now I'm even trying to force you to cut ties with me because even after all that… I'm afraid to look you in the eyes. I'm afraid to know what you think of me, now that I've shown you everything. I'm just venting my frustrations to you, I know that much. Even though I said all of that, you didn't interrupt me a single time. Maybe you were too stunned to speak. Or maybe you were simply so revolted by my behavior you didn't want to waste your breath. Regardless, I'm grateful to you. I'm grateful to all of you guys. Even though it wasn't for long… I'm so happy you three called me your friend. Thank you…Thank you so much…and I'm sorry.
"Kotori…"
This is it. The next words that come out of her mouth will sever the final ties connecting us. It'll all be over. When the two of us leave this classroom we'll just be strangers that happen to go to the same school. Nothing more. Nothing less. And when I wake up tomorrow, just like every other day, I'll once again be alone.
"Kotori you…"
Lowering my head slightly, I close my eyes and silently bid the three of them farewell, steeling myself for the gut-wrenching pain of the heartbreak that's about to ensue.
"You stupid girl!"
"…huh?"
However, that pain doesn't come. Instead, I'm enveloped by the warmth of a gentle embrace.
"...Yuri…ka-chan?" I mutter, still unable to comprehend why there's no aching in my chest.
"Kotori, you're such an idiot. But… I'm an even bigger idiot for waiting until now to tell you this."
"...w-what are you talking about…"
"Kotori, look at me…," she says, separating our bodies as she looks me straight in the eyes whilst placing her hands on my shoulders, "You're right. There's a whole lotta things that I don't know about you…," her grip on my shoulders tighten, "But… There's also a whole lotta things that I do know aboutcha."
"You…do?"
"Yeah, a whole bunch of stuff."
"The way your face lights up with excitement when you talk about something you're interested in. The way you always cover your mouth when you laugh. The way you always try to be considerate of others and their feelings. How you always go out of your way to help your friends when they're in trouble. Your infectious smile; that lights up even the darkest atmosphere and even warms the heart of someone like me. The way you're able to own up to your mistakes and wholeheartedly apologize when you're in the wrong. The way you whistle and avert your gaze when you're embarrassed or don't want to talk about something. The way you talk in slang like 'totes' or 'totally' when you're in a good mood. And how your speech becomes extremely articulate when you're in a bad mood or being serious. Your curiosity and passion for trying new things. It's almost like you just love to discover and learn about everything. The way you can't look someone in the eyes when you're afraid or not being sincere about what your heart really feels. And… The way you try to put up a brave front even when you're hurting… All of those things… All of those parts of you, I know. You probably haven't realized it, but I do pay attention to you. And that's how I know… I know that you're really a kind, caring, expressive, and courageous girl that wears her heart on her sleeve. The Kotori Miyazaki I know is that kind of person. The kind of girl that I—"
"You're wrong!" I shout, pushing her away and clutching my trembling body. I grit my teeth, trying to hold back my tears I continue, "You're wrong about me… That… All of that is just an act! A facade! A mask I put on to make you guys like me… I'm…a horrible person, Yurika-chan. Those things are all just artificial traits I added to try and compensate for my empty shell of a character! Why won't you understand that?!"
"Mm-mm, that just ain't true," she says, shaking her head, "I can tell those sides of you are genuine. Even if you don't realize it or try to deny it. When you were with us, I could tell that you were being sincere. And I think deep down you know that as well, Kotori. That's why you aren't looking me in the eyes right now, isn't it?"
"N-No that's…," I try to retort by looking her in the eyes, "I…," however, unable to meet her gentle gaze, I end up proving her right by once again looking away.
"Kotori, you said ya wanted ta hear my honest feelings. Well listen up…," she takes a step forward, not looking away from me for a single second, " I like you just the way you are. The Kotori before me who told me all of her flaws and bad parts. She's a precious friend to me—One who I love very much. Even if you hate yourself. Even if you remain blind to your own good points. I still love you."
"…liar… That can't be true… After everything, I've done… After everything, I've said… You… You can't possibly feel that way!"
After all, no one ever has…
"Kotori, I need you. If you weren't around I'd be sad. If you weren't around, my lunches wouldn't taste as good. If you weren't around, going to school wouldn't be as fun. My life is better because you're in it. So Kotori, take my hand and… Believe in me."
"I…"
Her hand is so close and yet so far away. I… I want to grab it. I want to take hold of her hand. But I'm… I'm afraid to. I'm so scared to get hurt again.
"…liar, liar, liar, *hic* liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar *hic*… Yurika-chan, you liar…. No one… *hic* Someone like me can't be loved or wanted by others… If I could then why…"
(That's exactly why no one likes you Miyazaki!)
Why was I alone for so long?
(You're a 'Fake' )
Why didn't anyone reach out to me?
(If only Kotori was never born)
Why did I have to endure so much pain?
"You don't get to decide that! You can't be loved? You can't be wanted by others? You'll always be alone? You don't deserve friends like us? Who the hell said ya can go and decide that on yer own?!"
"Y-Yurika-chan?"
"I say that's a load of crap! If no one wanted you around, I would still need you! If everyone abandoned you and left you alone, I would stay by your side! And it ain't just me that feels like that. I'm sure Kyo-chan and Fuyuki feel the exact same way, so don't you dare say that you don't deserve friends like us, Kotori! Don't trample over our feelings toward you by belittling yourself that way!"
"Yurika-chan…"
Please stop…
"Even if every person in the world hated you, I would still love you. Even the parts of yourself that you detest, the parts of yourself you tried to hide behind a mask, the parts of yourself you tried to erase because of some assholes in the past… I'd accept 'em all because…"
Don't say anymore…
"You're important to me, you idiot! Get it through your head already!"
If you do… I'm really going to start believing you…
(Crack)
The dam has just about reached its breaking point and if she keeps saying things like that I won't be able to stop it from overflooding. My vision starts to blur due to the excessive water that has built up in my eyes. My chest feels warm and my body has stopped trembling.
"E-Even if you say that…," I place my hand over my chest, grasping it tightly, "…you'll eventually come to hate me, just like everyone else… You'll cast me aside…and leave me behind like everyone else has… And I… I don't want that… I'm scared, Yurika-chan…," I stubbornly retort in a desperate attempt to keep the water afloat and protect my heart.
"Kotori…"
Yurika-chan walks up to me and takes my hands into her own. For the first time since I walked into this classroom, I met her gaze without averting my eyes. My heartbeat is so loud that I wouldn't be surprised if she could hear it right now. As she opens her mouth, somewhere deep down in my heart, I pray that her words will bring me salvation and set me free.
"The two of us may have our disagreements. We might get into fights and say things to each other that we don't really mean. I'm stubborn so I might not want to apologize even if I know I'm in the wrong. We might not talk to each other for a while because of that. You might feel anxious. You might worry. You might be afraid. So I'll reassure you right here and now. No matter what happens, no matter what conflicts that may arise, no matter how different we may be, and no matter what you may think… I will never, ever come to hate you because to me you're irreplaceable. You're someone that I cherish and hold dear to my heart. You can stay just the way you are Kotori. I want you to try and love yourself because no matter what, I won't ever stop loving you. And I'll be damned if I let you bad mouth someone I love."
(Crack)
Water begins to leak out. One more push and the floodgates will open, setting the water free from the shackles it's been trapped by for so many years.
"…can you…," As I clutch at my heart and look straight at her, eyes filled with hope, I put my deepest desire into words, "Can you promise me that you'll stay by my side forever? Promise that you won't leave me behind. If you do… Then, I think… I'll be able to believe you…"
"I won't make a promise to you that I can't keep," she says, shaking her head, "I can't guarantee you that I'll be with you forever…," her grip on my hands ever so slightly tighten, "But… I can hold your hands today. I can eat lunch with you tomorrow. And we can laugh together the day after that. I may not be able to assure you of a future where we'll always be together. But I can treasure you and the time we spend together here in this present."
(Crack)
"Not…fair… It's not fair when you say it like that Yurika-chan… For all these years, I—"
"Kotori. I can't take away all the years of pain you've had to endure. I know it must've hurt. I know it must've been hard for you all this time. That's why starting tomorrow… No, starting right here and now, we can make up for all that lost time! I'll overwrite all of those years of sorrow with memories of our happiness. I'll etch so many good memories into your mind that you won't even have time to reflect on the past. Those years of loneliness and suffering… I'll take them all back with interest! So if the day ever comes when the two of us have to part ways you'll be able to say, I'm glad I lived today."
(Crack)
"Yuri…ka-chan…"
"So Kotori… Believe in me, and take my hand. Take my hand and say goodbye to the past. Goodbye to the fear that's been holding you down for all these years. Goodbye to the you that you never were. If you do that… I promise I'll hold on tightly and never let go of you."
(Crack)
Is it really ok? Can someone like me really reach out to her? Can I… Is it really ok for me to let everything go? Am I really allowed to be happy? Is it alright if I… If I believe in someone again--like I did back then? I'm afraid, but… I still want to be with Yurika-chan and everyone else. I… I'll…
"KOTORI! BELIEVE IN ME!"
(CRACK)
After all these years, I'll dam shatters allowing the water to flow freely. The shackles of trauma that've imprisoned me for all of these years. At long last, I've finally been liberated from them.
"Yurika-chan!"
(Thump)
Diving straight into her chest, I tightly embrace Yurika-chan as tears stream uncontrollably down my face. As if an enormous weight had been lifted off of me, my body begins to feel like it's floating. Enveloped by the warmth of her body as well as her words. For the first time in almost 10 years, I truly feel as if I'm loved.
"Kotori…," she mumbles, returning my embrace. The sound of tears dripping onto the floor can be heard from both sides.
"Yurika-chan… Do you… really mean what you said…?"
"Mm..."
"Will you really…stay by my side?"
"Mm…"
"You'll…make lots of good memories with me?"
"Mm…"
"You… *sniff* Do you really like me? You aren't just saying that?"
"Of course, I like you, you dummy…"
"…I love you too Yurika-chan… Don't let go of me, no matter what, ok? Can you promise me?"
"I promise. And from now on—For as long as the foreseeable future permits me to… I'll be together with you and I won't ever let you go. After all, yer like a hopeless little sister, so you wouldn't know what to do without me around."
"Hehe… You're right. I'm totally hopeless without you so… I'll make sure to keep you by my side."
"Hmph, it's not like I want you by my side or anything."
"Ahaha, that sounds more like the Yurika-chan I know."
"Fufu, I think so too."
For the next 10 minutes, we continued to hug each other as if to acknowledge one another's existence. Spilling tears of joy and laughing together, we had a heart-to-heart. Here in this abandoned classroom, a place very special to the both of us, something inside of me has changed. I feel like I can finally take a step forward in the right direction. If I can be happy. If I can be loved. If I can be wanted by another. Then just maybe… In time I can learn to love myself again.
Yurika-chan you were definitely right about one thing. More than anything… I'm so glad that I lived today.
*******
"Do ya wanna go to the nurse's office or somethin'?"
"Mm-mm… Until I'm feeling a bit better, I'd rather stay right here…beside you."
"Is that so? Well, I guess it can't be helped then. You can keep using my shoulder until you're feeling better."
"Ehehe, thankies."
After everything that's happened, it turns out my body was really exhausted. I ended up collapsing on the floor almost immediately after I stopped embracing Yurika-chan. She sat down beside me, lending me her shoulder the whole time. My heart feels calm when I'm around her. Having her here by my side like this, it's really comforting.
"Yurika-chan…"
"Hm?"
"Can you hear me?"
"Loud and clear."
"Can you see me?"
"Oh so vividly."
"Can you feel me?"
"Without a doubt."
"Can you smell me?"
"You and your strawberry-scented shampoo."
"Yurika-chan…"
"Sorry, but I ain't gonna taste you."
"Don't let me go alright? Stay by my side."
"Dummy… I would do that even if you didn't want me to."
"Yurika-chan…"
"There's still more?!"
"Hand…"
"Hand?"
"Oh… No, I mean… Um…"
Feeling bashful, I quickly retract my outstretched hand. An awkward silence ensues as my face starts to feel a bit hot. I close my eyes, pretending not to notice Yurika-chan as she tries to figure out my intentions. I find myself smiling thinking about how dense she can be sometimes. However, fortunately for me…
"Here."
"Eh?"
"You wanted to hold my hand didn'tcha? It's fine with me, so go ahead."
This wasn't one of those times.
"Mmm… Then…," I hesitantly stretch my hand out.
Our hands overlap and I nervously place my hand over hers. As if sensing my hesitancy, Yurika-chan takes the initiative and intertwines our fingers together. She tightens her grip. Tight enough to reassure me she isn't going to let go, but gently enough to put me at ease. "Thank you..." I mutter in a voice barely above a whisper. She doesn't say anything, but instead tilts her head to the side, leaning against me in turn. It's a small gesture of kindness, but it perfectly encapsulates the type of person she really is. Behind the prickly surface, she really is a big softie. One who I admire very much and… One who is more important to me than anyone else.
"…Is this helping?"
"Mhm. It's soft and very warm."
"I see…"
A brief period of silence ensues as the two of us lean on one another, hand in hand. Only the sound of the rain can be heard amidst the period of pleasant tranquility.
"Kotori?"
"Yes?"
"Um… Is there anything else you want me to do for ya?"
"Uh-uh. Just being here by my side, holding my hand like this… It's more than enough for me."
"Mmmmm…"
"Yurika-chan?"
"Nnnnng…"
"Hm?"
"Ahhh jeez! Why'd ya gotta go and say such embarrassing things? Are ya tryin' ta drive me crazy over here?!"
"Ah… Hehe, does it bother you when I do, Yurika-chan…?"
"W-Well... That is…"
"That is?"
"Y-Ya know that I… I mean… You already know the answer to that don'tcha…?"
"Who knows~ Maybe I just want to hear it from you to make sure…"
" I…I don't…hate it or anything…"
"Then…," I tighten my grip on her hand a bit before continuing, "Will you listen to what I have to say?"
"Huh? Yeah, 'course I will."
"Actually, I've always admired you, Yurika-chan."
"Me?"
"Mhm. I've known about you since our first year of high school. From what I could tell back then you had a short temper and would snap at anyone that rubbed you the wrong way. Haha, now that I think about it, you're still kinda like that."
"Sorry for having a short temper..."
"Eheh, sorry sorry."
"Hmph…"
"Anyway, there were two reasons that I admired you. I admired that you didn't try to hide your personality, not even the parts that others wouldn't like. And I admired that you didn't care what the people around you thought. I thought you were amazing and I wanted to be like you. But… I was also envious of you. I was envious because even though you didn't hide your true self you still managed to make friends who stayed by your side. I wish I had the courage to be like you. To acknowledge myself and not care about what other people thought."
"I see. I think you're fine the way you are Kotori. And to be honest, I'm not that courageous either."
"What do you mean? You're like, super strong-willed and whatnot."
"Yeah, but that isn't by choice. It's more like I have to be."
"I don't really get it…"
"It's fine. The fact that ya don't get it is a good thing. Besides, I do care what other people think of me. I care what Kyo-chan thinks and I care about what you think of me."
"What about Fuyuki-kun?"
"Hmph, not one bit."
"Heheh, even when he's not here you can't be honest, huh?
"Hah?! Yer real cheeky for a little sister ain'tcha?"
"Ow, ow, ow, I'm sowwy, Yurika-Oneesama."
"Hmph, as long as you understand. By the way Kotori, I actually—"
"Sowwy, but do you think you could let go of my cheek first…"
"Ah, my bad."
"Mmmmm, that hurt ya know."
"Don't pout, I said I was sorry."
"Hmph!"
"Ack! K-Kotori?"
"Hmph!"
"Uuuuu…."
"Just kidding~ I wouldn't be mad at you for something like that. Now we're even."
"You…"
"Hehe, you gave me permission to tease you when you said you wouldn't let me go. By the way, it's too late to take it back now."
"Dummy… I wouldn't go back on my word."
"Then it's ok for me to tease you?"
"I-If it's just a little bit…"
"Fine, just a bit then~ Oh, were you trying to tell me something earlier?"
"Ah. I was just going to say that I… Um… I actually admire you as well, Kotori."
"Me? No no no, that can't be right. I like, really appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I'm fine now thanks to you. You don't gotta lie for my sake, Yurika-chan."
"I ain't' trying ta make you feel better or nothin' like that. I… I'm just telling ya how I really feel, that's all."
"Yurika-chan…"
"The way you're able to be so open with your feelings. The way your smile puts everyone around you in a good mood. The way you're so passionate about everything you do. I wish I could be like that. Then maybe…people wouldn't be so afraid of me. Maybe they'd treat me like a normal human being and not some kind of delinquent ya know? I admire those things about you, but I also love who I am. Even if I have flaws, I'd rather just learn to make up for what I lack, then to throw away a part of myself. Even if no one else will, I will continue to love and acknowledge myself so that I can keep moving forward."
"I… I don't know if me saying this changes anything, but… I love you and acknowledge you, Yurika-chan. In my eyes you're perfect the way you are."
"What a coincidence, I feel the exact same way about you."
"Hehe, then we balance each other out."
" I suppose we do."
"…Hey, Yurika-chan?"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Thank you… for everything. I don't think I would have been able to change at all if I was alone."
"You're not alone. From now on… You won't have to do anything alone anymore."
"Yeah."
That's right.
From now on, the four of us will be able to smile together again.
And me…
I'll be able to say hello to a whole new start.