It's the start of the final week of April.
I squint my eyes as the morning sunlight beams down on my face through the curtains.
As I avert my head, my gaze lands on an alarm clock—my alarm clock. It's quarter past eight, which means homeroom should be starting in another 15 minutes.
A dry cough forces its way out of my throat and I turn my head back to the ceiling.
Right, it's Monday today, so I should be in class right about now. Around this time Kyoko would be flirting with me or I'd be arguing with Yamaguchi or both. Hell, recently I've even been talking to Manabe in the mornings, and… Yeah, that's really about it.
I would typically be doing one of those things right now, and yet here I am—lying down in bed. Why is that you may be wondering? Well, that would be because I'm currently sick as a dog and I've been bedridden for the past few days.
"Here, open up," my mom says, holding out a thermometer. An overbearing sense of shame washes over me, but seeing as I have no strength to fight back, I reluctantly open my mouth.
After about 30 seconds the thermometer beeps and my mom pulls it from my mouth. I feel like a baby that just got its pacifier taken away. How embarrassing.
The thermometer beeps again and my mom's eyes widen. "Uwaaa! Aki, that's no good," she says, flabbergasted. "This is not good at all."
"Hah… Hah…," I huff, my breaths ragged. Between my mom's reaction and the fuzzy feeling in my head, It isn't hard to guess that my temperature hasn't gone down. "What does it say…?" I ask, sitting up.
My mom alternates between looking at me and the thermometer before letting out a deflated sigh. "It says 38.4."
"I see…" Yikes. Somehow I haven't gotten better at all.
Resting the side of her face on her hand, my mom begins contemplating. "Hmmm… I think I'll call off again today," she concludes.
"No," I openly state.
"Just in case it gets wor—"
"No way, mom."
"Ehhh, why not, Aki?" she asks, dumbfounded by my blatant refusal.
I clench my fist under the covers. There's no way I can let her keep missing work because of me. "No…you can't do that," I mutter. " I'll be fine, so don't worry about me, and just focus on your work."
"Aki…" My mom says, her expression somber.
Ignoring the pang of guilt in my chest, I raise my head and look her straight in the eyes. "Please…"
My mom lets out a small sigh as she rubs the back of her neck. "Alright, alright, I can see how serious you are."
"Thank—"
"But!" My mom declares, cutting me off. "If you start to feel worse you have to call me immediately alright? Promise me you'll call Aki. I'm not leaving until you do."
"Got it…," I sigh in resignation. "I'll call if I start to feel worse, so just go already.
"..." My mom silently crosses her arms, raising an eyebrow.
"W-What?"
"Aki…"
I avert my gaze. "...I promise," I say in a low voice.
My mom flashes me a smile and nods, satisfied with my response. "Alright, I'll be going now. I'll try to come home as soon as I can, so hang in there until I get back, alright?"
"Roger."
My mom walks to the door and places her hand on the handle. Just as she's about to walk out, another wave of coughs forces its way out of my throat.
"Don't die on me, Aki. Your mom will be really mad if you do!" My mom says, jokingly. She may be hiding it behind a playful smile, but I can tell she's worried.
"I have no intention of dying," I say, nonchalantly "...or leaving you alone."
"Fufu, that makes me very happy," my mom says, smiling brightly. "Say, Aki?"
"Hm? What's up?" I ask.
"I love you, Aki."
I avert my gaze, embarrassed by her open display of affection. "I know, mom…"
My mom lets out a light chuckle before turning to leave.
"Mom," I call out to her.
"Hm? What's up, Aki?"
"Take care."
"Yeah~ I'm off."
******
A few days after the incident with Kotori I managed to catch a bad fever. My mom had taken the past two days off to take care of me while I've been sick. In all honesty, I still feel like I'm dying, but I didn't want my mom to keep missing work which is why I forced her to go today.
The morning after that day my temperature had shot up, leaving me bedridden. I explained to my mom that I got caught up in the rain, the day prior. I had purposely omitted the reason why I was in the rain which I thought would make her suspicious. But all she said was, "All that matters right now is your recovery." I'm grateful that she didn't inquire any further. To be honest… I really, really don't want to think about what happened anymore.
Apparently, Yamaguchi was the one that had found Kotori that day. When I saw her again she was like a completely different person. She was smiling and laughing alongside Yamaguchi and Kyoko, but something was different. The air around her had drastically changed. The hesitancy in her eyes had completely vanished and she held her head up high as if to say, "I won't run away anymore". I don't know what Yamaguchi told her, but there's no doubt that she's changed. Or at the very least she's trying her best to. To face her problems head-on and to grow as a person. I can tell that much just from looking at her. That's all great, and I'm happy that the three girls are smiling together again.
But as for me…
I feel weird talking to Kotori as if nothing happened. From her perspective, she might think everything worked out and that I "tried to help her". But… In actuality that isn't true at all. Nothing had "worked out" and I had failed to do anything for her—not a single thing.
When she's nice to me, when she smiles so brightly at me, the pain in my chest becomes overbearing. The way I see it, I don't deserve to call myself her friend. How could I when I can't even look her in the eyes anymore…
I hadn't thought much of it until now, but… I should really stop calling Kotori by her first name. To remind me that I failed to help her. To remind me that I'm a self-centered asshole. And… to remind me that I broke my promise to her. The one thing that I, of all people, should know better than to do to someone else.
If I turn my head to the truth… If I avert my eyes from the reality of the matter… If I pretend that everything between us is the same and carry on as such… Then I'm sure that this feeling in my chest will never go away.
Letting out a sigh, I wrap myself in the covers and curl up into a ball, clutching my knees to my chest.
Still, it sure has been boring being stuck in bed all day. I haven't been able to move much at all these past two days, so I've been trapped in the confines of my room. It's been a very "fun" cycle of sleeping, watching streams, and mindlessly staring at different items in my room. In fact, listen to this, just yesterday I was staring at my Sui-chan poster, right? I wanted to know what inspired her to make music. So I sat on that question for about an hour before I started to feel frustrated and threw a pencil at the poster. That's when it suddenly hit me, "Hold on, this isn't The First Take… Why the hell am I interviewing a damn poster?!"
Needless to say, that wasn't a very fun explanation to give when I turned around and saw my mom standing at the door shaking her head with a look of pity.
Although generally speaking I like to stay inside, being forced to just lay in bed all day like this almost makes me miss going to school.
(Ding)
Interrupting my train of thought, my phone's notification sound suddenly goes off. I roll over to the edge of the bed and grab my phone.
"Mom? Ah…"
It's Kyoko.
(K) "Good morning, Akira-kun~ How are you feeling?"
(A) "I'm feeling a bit better now. I should be able to go back to school tomorrow."
(K) "That's wonderful! I'm sorry I haven't been able to visit you. I've been very busy with the student council as of late and haven't been able to slip away (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)"
(A) " It's fine... By the way, aren't you supposed to be in class right now?"
(K) Ehehe, I asked to go to the restroom so I could check on you. Aren't you happy to have such a caring girlfriend~ Have you fallen for me again?"
(A) "Yes, yes, now please go back to class."
(K) "Alrighty >< I'll text you later then. Bye-Bye ^^"
"What a troublesome girl…," I sigh.
I'm happy that she's worried about me, but I can't help but wonder if the student council is really so important that she couldn't visit. I know she's doing her best to become the student council president, but couldn't she have at least skipped one day to come and visit? If she were the one that was sick, I would definitely go to visit her. Is she saying that her student council meetings are more important to her than I am? No no no, that can't be the case. I'm sure they just forced her to stay. Kyoko would always prioritize me over anything else. Just now she even snuck out of class to check on me. There's no way she would choose something as insignificant as a student council meeting over me. I'm sure that I'm worrying about nothing. I'm sure…but I wonder if things like that will happen more often if she becomes the student council president. If so then I…
I vigorously shake my head from side to side. "Forget it. I shouldn't be thinking like that. Kyoko is important to me… I should support her." I know that, but…
I toss my phone to the side, letting out a big sigh. I place my hand on my chest. A feeling of uncertainty begins to arise as I close my eyes and envision her in my mind. Her sakura pink hair, and the way she cutely plays with it when she's nervous. Her sweet fragrance that I couldn't forget even if I tried because of how often she clings to me. Her infectious smile and how it always melts away all my worries. A cute, kind-hearted, and caring person like her… She really is way too good for someone like me…
"Kyoko…"
I want to see you again soon.
******
After laying in bed for about another hour I decide to get up and walk around. My body still feels weak and my temperature is a bit high, but I figured I would be fine so long as I didn't do anything too crazy. After stretching my body a bit, I head for the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I don't know if it's an effect of being sick or what, but after I finished brushing my teeth I wound up staring at my reflection in the mirror for a few minutes without even noticing. I thought, "Oh yeah, I'm a real person." It felt as if I had just rediscovered my own existence.
After heading downstairs, I immediately make my way to the refrigerator. There's plenty of food in the fridge with a bunch of different ingredients. However…
"Hah… This is no good," I sigh, dejected.
The issue is that I can't cook to save my life. If I was even a somewhat competent cook I could make something with all these ingredients, but alas there's a reason why I buy convenience store food when my mom isn't cooking. I rushed mom to go to work today, so she didn't get the chance to make anything. I'm really starting to regret that decision right about now.
I close the fridge and pace around the kitchen for a few seconds with my arms crossed.
One second.
Two seconds..
Three seconds…
Four seconds….
I walk back and open the fridge again, hoping its contents might change.
"Of course, there wouldn't be anything different…"
Letting out an exaggerated sigh, I head into the living room. I flop onto the couch and turn on the tv, allowing myself to be enveloped by the softness of the cushions.
After briefly watching a few programs, I quickly grew tired of watching TV altogether. I've never really been big on TV and I usually only watch whatever my mom is tuned into. Typically, I prefer to just watch YouTube or play games, but I wanted to try something different. That is to say, I wanted to do something that required me to actually get out of bed.
I turn my head back in the direction of my room. "Maybe I should've brought a volume of One Piece down here instead," I mumble regretfully as I turn back to the TV.
After switching between a couple more programs I notice a strange-looking man on a game show. He has tan skin and long curly hair. "He must be a foreigner," I think out loud. Wait… Now that I'm looking at him, he kind of reminds me of someone I know.
The image of a man skipping stones by the riverbed flashes through my mind.
"Ah! That's right, the homeless guy."
I feel like I haven't talked to him in a while. I wonder what he's been up to all the time. The last time we talked was when I told him about the stuff with Kotori. Back then he actually gave me some solid advice. The reason things turned out the way they did wasn't his fault, it was mine of course.
Now that I really think about it, he really is a strange person. Even though he's homeless he's always so positive and cheery. It's honestly kind of baffling how he can be so energetic given his circumstances. I don't think he's a bad person though. In fact, for whatever reason, I always feel relaxed when I'm around him. Either way, I'm sure that I'll see him again when I go back to school.
"School huh…"
Speaking of school. Midterms are less than a month away. I should probably start taking my studies more seriously otherwise I'm going to have to do make-up tests. Well if push comes to shove I can always just ask Kyoko to help me with the subjects I'm weak in, so it's not a big deal. That tsundere on the other hand… Ha, knowing her, she'll be lucky to pass any subjects at all.
I clap my hands together twice and bow my head. "My condolences Yamaguchi."
Perhaps because of the fever or perhaps because of the general lack of sleep I've gotten these past few days, I begin to feel incredibly drowsy.
"Cough… Cough… Guess I'll head back to bed."
I turn off the tv and start heading back to my room. The more I walk, the weaker my body feels, and I end up stumbling whilst walking to the staircase.
"How could anyone move around like this," I wondered.
After dragging myself back to my room, I almost immediately collapsed onto my bed, completely out of breath. I'm too exhausted to properly cover myself up so I end up laying down on my back with my left leg and right arm sticking out from the blanket respectively.
My mind starts to become hazy and the intervals between when I close my eyes and open them again steadily increase. As I mindlessly stare into space, my eyes are drawn to the fan on the ceiling. I follow a singular blade on the fan with my eyes as it spins around. I count how many times the blade circles around as the sleepiness slowly but surely creeps up on me.
No longer able to keep my eyes open, I give in to my lethargic desires as my consciousness begins to fade.
******
(Ding Dong)
As I open my eyes, letting out a big yawn, I hear the sound of the doorbell ring.
I lazily sit up, wiping the sleep out of my eyes and scratching the back of my neck.
I check the time on my phone which reads, 3:45 pm.
"Who…?" I mutter, confused.
(Ding Dong Ding)
I pinch the bridge of my nose as I start to think.
Hmm… Even if she rushed, mom wouldn't be back home until around 5 or 6 since she went in pretty late today. Besides, why would she ring the doorbell of her own house? Unless she forgot her keys… Nah she's not that clumsy… Maybe she is actually. The fact that there's even a possibility she did is very concerning in it of itself.
(Ding Dong Ding Dong)
Let's see. Neither Fujibayashi nor Manabe has my address. Kotori… No, that's just not possible. That would be way too awkward. I don't even want to entertain that thought. Plus, I never gave her my address either.
(Ding Dong Ding Dong Ding Dong)
Kyoko said she was busy with the student council. But… What if she managed to get away and came to visit me on her way home?
My chest starts to feel warm. I quickly get out of bed and put on my slippers before heading downstairs.
(Knock Knock Knock)
"Comin— Woah!"
For a second I completely forget that I'm sick and almost end up at the bottom of the stairs head first trying to rush to open the door.
"Safe… I don't wanna end up like Kuina…"
I hold onto the rail and carefully walk down to ensure that I don't fall and can't get back up.
The knocking gets increasingly louder as I get closer to the door. They're practically banging on the door by this point. Did someone call the NPA or what?
(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)
"…"
(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)
"What the hell's wrong with Kyoko…?"
As I hastily approach the door, I begin to contemplate why Kyoko is knocking on the door so loudly. Kyoko is an extremely polite and gentle girl. Kyoko doesn't even knock loudly enough for the students to know when she's entering the classroom. There's no way she'd knock on someone else's door like that. Maybe it's just that time of the month for her. Or worse… maybe someone put her in a bad mood?
"Scary…" I wrap my arms around myself. The mere thought of an angry Kyoko is enough to make me hesitate to open the door as a chill runs down my back.
Seriously, what's up with her today? "Yes, yes, I'm here," I announce, opening the door. "What's wrong? Why're you knocking so loudly, Kyo...ko…"
However, all my confusion is cleared up the moment I open the door. Long silky purple hair and a glare sharp enough to cut glass. A tall girl stands there with her arms crossed and head averted to the side as she glances at me with one eye open.
"Hmph, well sorry for not being Kyo-chan!"
"…What are you doing here, Yamaguchi?"
"I-It's not like I came here to check on you or anythin' like that. S-So don't go gettin' the wrong idea, stupid Fuyuki!"
"Right…"