The feeling of guilt is like a weight on one's conscience.
The stronger that feeling is the heavier the weight becomes.
Eventually, that weight becomes an overbearing burden—a burden derived from our own inability to accept and to let go.
When the going gets good, that feeling will always be there to remind you of your misdeeds. And when the going gets tough, that same feeling will relentlessly eat at you from the inside as if to add insult to injury.
How many more weights will I have to carry before it becomes too heavy?
How many more burdens will I have to shoulder before it becomes overbearing?
And most importantly, just how much more guilt can I stomach before I come to loathe the deplorable human being named Fuyuki Akira…
I won't forgive myself for what happened with Kotori.
I don't deserve to be friends with her. That's what I honestly believe.
And That's why it's hard for me to act like everything is normal. It's hard for me to even be around her at all.
I hate the culpability I feel whenever she treats me so kindly. She shouldn't be directing that infectious smile toward someone like me.
I wanted to keep my distance from her. To watch from afar while she laughed alongside Kyoko and Yamaguchi.
I figured everything would be fine as long as she had those two by her side.
But I guess that isn't gonna fly…
Kotori is one thing, but I don't want to upset Kyoko or Yamaguchi.
I don't want any more things weighing on my conscience. I have more than enough of those already.
I know I can't keep acting this way.
That's why… Even if I have to pretend to laugh while stomaching this dreary feeling… So that everyone will be happy, I'll try to look her in the eyes from here on out.
Besides, I couldn't really avoid her even if I tried to.
After all—
"Alright everyone, get into groups of four."
"Oh, oh! Yurika-chan, Kyoko-chan, we should, like, totally be in a group together, yeah?"
"Well, if yer so insistent then I guess it can't be helped."
"Fufu~ I'm excited to cook together with Ri-chan and Kotori-chan."
—For better or for worse, we're in the same class now.
******
This week our Home Economics class is featuring a cooking segment. We're supposed to work together with our group to make a dish that adheres to the nutritional lessons we had received earlier in the week.
Unfortunately, I wasn't present during the lessons, but from what Kyoko had told me we have to make a dish centered around one of the six major nutrients.
In other words, so long as we make something that has a lot of protein, carbs, fats, minerals, vitamins, or water in it, we would pass.
The assignment was easy enough as long as you did a little research given that the teacher allowed us the liberty to choose our dish.
We were also given the freedom to pick our own groups, which naturally led to the students convening with their friends.
Today's class was meant to be a fun and relaxing experience for everyone. The keyword here is "was".
"What do you guys want to make?" Kyoko asked. "I brought a lot of ingredients from home, so we can make tons of tasty foods~"
Responsibly, Kyoko had prepared a plethora of general ingredients that took all of our preferred foods in mind.
Most of our classmates were relegated to using the ingredients provided by the instructor. However, thanks to Kyoko we could practically make anything we wanted to.
Kotori's hand shot up. "Right here, right here!" Kotori exclaimed, enthusiastically waving her hand around.
"Yes, Kotori-chan!"
"Let's make something sweet!"
"Fufu, Kotori-chan really loves sweets, huh?"
"Heh-heh, well yeah," Kotori said, wearing a smug expression as she puffed her chest out proudly.
"What about you Ri-chan?" Kyoko asked, turning toward Yamaguchi. "Is there something in particular you want to make?"
"I'm fine with whatever you guys decide," Yamaguchi replied, nonchalantly.
"Is that so? What about you Akira-kun?"
"…"
Everyone in class ended up in a group with their friends. Numerous groups of only guys, only girls, and a select few that had a healthy mix of both.
"Akira-kun?"
No one would bat an eye if someone formed a group with their friends since that's what everyone had done, right?
Wrong.
Apparently, I alone was the sole exception.
The curious gazes of my classmates were as inconspicuous as Danchou was flat. Not in the slightest.
Their scrutiny was both annoying and overbearing as it threatened to crush me and throw me into the wind.
Was this my Final Atonement…?
"Heyyyyy, earth to Akira-kun. Jeez, take this!"
Kyoko poked my cheek, snapping me back to reality.
As our eyes met, Kyoko tilted her head quizzically as if to ask "what's wrong".
"…Sorry, I was zoning out," I said.
Hearing that, Kyoko smiled, and just as her expression changed, so did her gesture—going from poking to caressing my cheek. "Eheh, I think that part of you is cute as well~"
Kyoko's display of affection was so revolting I had to avert my head to hide my face which had obviously begun to flush red with disgust.
"Are you alright Fuyuki-kun?" Kotori asked, seemingly concerned. "You like, kinda seem on edge or something."
Of course, I'm on edge. How could I not be when I'm the only guy in a group with three girls? Not to mention three extremely cute girls as well.
Ever since they dragged me into their group I've felt numerous gazes practically glued to me.
Sure, some of them are just genuine curiosity, but most of them are definitely derived from pure, unadulterated jealousy.
It isn't just their gazes either. I can occasionally hear groups of guys whispering things like "Why does he get to be in a group with three girls" and "I want to eat a hand-cooked meal from the school idol" and "Why is Fuyuki so friendly with the transfer student".
One of them even had the gall to say "I hope he dies in a fire". By the way, the guy that said that just so happened to be my good "friend" Fujibayashi.
My social standing has never been particularly great. Even in middle school, I would always keep to myself and only interact with people when it was necessary.
Somehow, I was able to still make friends and I was never outcasted in class. I just never really stood out and kind of faded into the background which is exactly what I was hoping for. I don't really like being the center of attention… My days of that have long since passed.
These days my status can pretty much be chalked up to, "The school idols boyfriend".
It's to be expected since Kyoko is practically revered by all students and teachers alike.
I can tolerate all the attention she demands because I've always known that Kyoko's the type of person to beget the adoration of others.
Ultimately, it's a small sacrifice to make to be with her.
That being said, it doesn't make me feel any less uncomfortable when I'm on the receiving end of my classmates' scrutiny.
"…I'm fine," I assured Kotori. "I don't have any objection to making sweets either."
"Yay!" Kotori cheered. "Let's get started right away!"
"Then, Kotori-chan can you grab these ingredients," Kyoko asked, handing Kotori a piece of paper, "We should be able to make a lot of different sweets with these."
"Roger!"
Kotori nodded before cheerfully running off to go grab the ingredients presumably written down on the paper.
"What do you want me to do?" I asked.
"Ah, Akira-kun you can… Um…," Kyoko stammered over her words whilst frantically looking around, "Er, you can…"
"Yeah what?"
"Um, Akira-kun?"
"Hm? What's up?"
Kyoko awkwardly averts her gaze and scratches her cheek. "I don't really know how to tell you this, and please don't get mad but—"
"Fuyuki, you can't cook ta save yer life, so you're useless," Yamaguchi said, finishing Kyoko's sentence for her.
"Ah."
A harsh reality check.
"R-Ri-chan!"
"Sorry Kyo-chan, but someone had to tell him."
"B-But… I didn't want to say it that way…"
"Hold on, Yamaguchi," I demanded, holding out my hand. "You seem to be mistaken about me."
Yamaguchi raised her brow with clear skepticism. "Oh? How so?"
"It's true that I uh…don't cook very often, but what proof do you have that I can't cook at all?"
Even I could make a simple meal if I really had to.
Stage 1: Denial
"Fuyuki, you… Did you already forget about what happened the other day?"
"I-I don't know what you're talking about, but I can—"
"Ah-ah, your stomach sure does growl loudly when you're slee—"
"STOP!"
With speed, not even a blue hedgehog could match, I quickly covered Yamaguchi's mouth before she could finish her sentence.
Yamaguchi's face immediately flushed red and she forcefully swatted my hand away.
"Wh-Wh-What the hell are ya doing, stupid Fuyuki?!"
"Ah… My bad."
A flustered Yamaguchi cleared her throat with an ahem, regaining her composure in the process. "So, are ya admitting you can't cook then?"
"Sorry for being useless…" I mumbled in resignation, mixing in a few other choice words under my breath.
Stage 5: Acceptance
She could've at least let me go through the other three stages…
"Hmph, as long as you know your place, stupid Fuyuki." Yamaguchi nodded to herself, seemingly satisfied with my defeat.
"Eheh~" Kyoko let out a small chuckle as she watched our interaction.
Yamaguchi crossed her arms and leaned against our station table before continuing, "Hurry up and learn how ta cook already so I don't have ta cook for ya, you idiot."
"...You have my gratitude…"
"Eh?" Kyoko voiced as her eyes widen in surprise.
"Ah." Yamaguchi and I immediately realized our blunder.
"Hmm, you guys just said something interesting didn't you?" Kyoko asked in a frighteningly calm tone.
A cold chill ran down my back and a nervous sweat—No, a terrified sweat crept down my left cheek.
Her overly friendly demeanor in conjunction with her angelic smile gave off a sense of impending danger.
Petrified by her overwhelming spiritual pressure, I inadvertently looked away as I stood there helplessly.
"Akira-kun?"
"Y-Yes…?"
"Whenever did Ri-chan cook for you, hm?"
"W-well…"
Shit. I forgot I never got a chance to tell her that Yamaguchi had visited me while I was sick.
The fact that she's even asking tells me Yamaguchi didn't even bother trying to tell her either.
Does she want to keep it a secret? Should I try to cover it up or just come clean and tell her the truth?
If I tell her she'll definitely feel like I was hiding it from her. Although I guess it might be too late for that…
At this point, if I don't tell her or try to keep hiding it and she finds out she'll be furious.
More than anything, Kyoko really doesn't like people who bully others and people who tell lies. A sentiment that we both share.
No matter how I slice it, it's a lose-lose situation for me.
"…Erm, what uh… What happened was…"
Caught between a rock and a hard place, I turned to
the only person that could get me out of this predicament.
Surely my trusted partner in crime would back me up, right?
Wrong.
The moment our eyes met, Yamaguchi deliberately averted her head and started whistling as if to say, "you're on your own".
Yamaguchi, you goddamned traitor…
Unsure of what to say, I hesitantly turned back to Kyoko. "Uhh…"
"Don't worry, Akira-kun. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
Or so she said, but it was clear she had no intention of moving past this topic until she got some answers.
"F-For real?" I asked, dubiously.
"Of course~"
Turning away from me, Kyoko walked straight to Yamaguchi who was still whistling with her head turned.
"Ri-chan, will you tell me?"
"Heh? Wh-what are ya talkin' about Kyo-chan? T-Tell you what?"
Yamaguchi was clearly surprised she had been called to the stand seeing as she couldn't maintain eye contact with Kyoko.
Kyoko didn't miss that opening as she took Yamaguchi's hands into her own. "Please…Ri-chan," Kyoko pleaded, her sad puppy dog eyes would certainly be Yamaguchi's undoing.
"Mmm…"
"Ri-chan…"
"Mmmmmm…"
Will Yamaguchi stand her ground and stay silent or will she fold and tell Kyoko everything? Find out in the next episode of Dragon Ball Z!
"Alright, alright, I'll tell ya! Just stop makin' that face already."
Hey! Yamaguchi, stick to the script!!!
"Thanks, Ri-chan~"
As fast as they came, Kyoko's puppy dog eyes vanished and were replaced with a gleeful expression.
What a terrifying skill to have… I should try to learn that too.
Great Sage, acquire skill: Hypocritical Sorrow!
Huh? What do you mean it doesn't work when guys use it? I would just look silly? Give up on it? Haaah…fine.
Damn, it was worth a shot I guess.
Yamaguchi let out a heavy sigh before continuing. "The other day I went ta visit Fuyuki's house while he was sick."
Cat's out of the bag now I guess. I just hope she doesn't mention what we had talked about…
"I took care of him because this idiot went and collapsed."
Sorry for collapsing.
"Also, I made him some food because this idiot was practically starving."
Sorry I can't cook.
"After he got some rest his temperature went down, so I went home after he ate. That's all."
"…Is that true Akira kun?" Kyoko asked, head downcast.
"Y-Yeah…"
"I see… Why didn't you tell me?"
"I-I had forgotten to mention it. I did mean to tell you…"
"I see…" Kyoko turned back to Yamaguchi. "Ri-chan."
"Y-Yeah, what's up Kyo-chan?" Yamaguchi answered, slightly nervous.
Kyoko bowed her head. "Thank you for looking after Akira-kun in my stead. I'm grateful you were there for him."
"O-Oh, it's no big deal Kyo-chan. I'm the one who—"
"But!" Raising her head, Kyoko pointed a finger at Yamaguchi, her fiery gaze unwavering.
"I'm still jealous, so I challenge you!"
"Huh?!"
Yamaguchi was clearly flabbergasted, but Kyoko paid her no mind and continued.
"My cooking versus yours! Akira-kun will decide which is better right here and now."
"W-Wait, Kyo-chan I—"
"No! I won't wait! We'll both make our own sweets and Akira-kun will tell us who's cooking he likes more."
"Um, Kyoko I think—"
"You be quiet, Akira-kun."
"Yes ma'am…"
I better keep my mouth shut and stay out of this.
"Well? Do you accept the challenge, Ri-chan?"
"Hold up Kyo-chan. Of course Fuyuki will like yer cooking more, yer his girlfriend."
"No, Akira-kun is always forthright when giving his opinion on something, regardless of what it may be. He won't pick my cooking unless he really thinks it's the best."
Well, she isn't wrong.
"Kyo-chan…"
Yamaguchi wore a conflicted expression. I'm sure she doesn't want to fight with Kyoko even if it's something as silly as a sweets challenge. She loves Kyoko way too much to ever potentially hurt her feelings. I have to imagine she's thinking of a way to talk Kyoko out of this.
"Ri-chan could it be…you're scared of losing?"
"Hah?! Me?! Scared of losing?!" Yamaguchi snapped.
Oh, brother… Kyoko really went and said it now.
Kyoko has been together with Yamaguchi for a long time. It's not a stretch to say that she's the closest person to her. It's exactly because they're so close that Kyoko should know better than anyone just how much Yamaguchi hates losing. She's definitely provoking her on purpose right now.
"Well, if you're really that unconfident in your cooking it's fine," Kyoko jeered, letting out a playful laugh. "I suppose it would be unbecoming of me to force you to compete in a contest knowing you'd lose "
Yamaguchi lowered her head and began muttering something under her breath. I couldn't make out what she was saying.
"Y… n…"
"Hm, I couldn't quite hear you. What was that Ri-chan?" Kyoko asked, cupping her ear pompously.
"Yer on!" Yamaguchi boldly exclaimed.
"Fufu, that's what I wanted to hear."
"Don't go gettin' mad when I win, ya hear?!"
"Heh-heh, right back at you, Ri-chan~"
Kyoko and Yamaguchi stare each other down, both wearing competitive grins on their faces.
I let out a heavy sigh as I watched their interaction.
Looks like I really did wind up being useless after all.
As the two girls continued to send sparks out from their stare-down, Kotori walked back into the classroom carrying the ingredients.
Desperate to escape the ensuing catfight, I made my way over to Kotori and took half of the ingredients.
After we set the things down at our station, Kotori stretched her arms out, exposing the pale skin on her stomach.
Being the gentleman I am, I averted my eyes at the alluring scene in front of me.
"Hgnhhhhh, phew. Thanks, Fuyuki, you totally saved me back there."
"N-No worries."
So Kotori is an innie huh…?
"So uh… Like, what's going on with them?"
"Well…"
There's really no way to put it other than…
"…A showdown has begun."
"A showdown?" Kotori asked, tilting her head quizzically.
"Kotori come over here and give me a hand will ya!" Yamaguchi called out.
Both Kyoko and Yamaguchi had already started gathering their ingredients.
"Coming~" Kotori sang happily as she trotted over to Yamaguchi.
"Akira-kun, could you assist me as well?" Kyoko asked, grabbing my hand.
"Y-Yeah, sure."
"Thanks~"
Well, I guess this is better than just sitting there watching since I need to participate to get credit.
But…
Somehow this "relaxing" class had turned into nothing short of a chaotic war zone in a mere matter of minutes.