KOTORI MIYAZAKI
"Hey 'Fake'."
A voice calls out to me.
The voice of someone whom I despise.
"What do you want… And stop calling me that…"
"Go buy me a drink from the vending machine."
"…What? But classes are about to start…"
"I didn't ask. You do what you're told when you're told. Unless that is… You'd like for me to—"
"Alright! I get it already…"
"I'll be waiting on the staircase heading to the third-year classrooms. Don't keep me waiting."
"Tch…"
After shooting him a sidelong glare, I quickly walk away and began heading toward the nearest vending machine. "I hate this…" I muttered. With no one other than myself to blame, I cursed my weakness. Walking down the hallway, my thoughts contradict the tranquility of the area. Like hitting a nail on the head with a hammer. My thoughts are loud and intrusive to the point that it feels like they're engraved in the back of my mind. Their voices… Their faces… No matter how hard I try… I can't get them out of my head.
(Wait Kotori-chan what do you mean?)
"…"
(What're ya saying all of a sudden Kotori?!)
"…"
(Did we do something wrong Kotori-chan?)
"…"
(Do ya hate us now or somethin' Kotori…)
"…"
The taste of blood fills my mouth as I start subconsciously biting down on my lip.
"It's not like that…" I mutter. Carrying an insurmountable amount of sadness, the weight of my own words overwhelms me, draining the strength from my body.
(Thump)
Leaning against the wall head first, pain courses through my head. I tightly clench my fist, to the point that my nails begin digging into my skin.
(Thump… Thump…Thump…)
Repeatedly hitting the wall with the dorsal side of my fist, I begin muttering to myself.
"It's not your guy's fault…"
(Thump)
I slam my head against the wall.
"It's mine…"
(Thump… Thump… Thump…Thump….Thump…)
I continuously hit my head against the wall, trying to drown out the sound of their voices. Once again cursing my weakness, a wave of regret washes over me.
"Please… don't hate me…"
(Thump)
Turning around, I slowly slide down against the wall until I'm sitting on the floor. My head hurts. My hand hurts. But… those pains are nothing compared to the pain I feel in my heart right now.
"I really am the worst…"
My vision becomes hazy as tears begin to form in my eyes. All alone in this empty hallway, I drown in regret and continue to wallow in my own self-hatred.
******
AKIRA FUYUKI
Lunchtime:
A somber silence looms over our table.
"…"
"…"
"…"
None of us have spoken a single word to one another since this morning. The three of us simply found ourselves subconsciously drawn to this table.
"Why Ri-chan…" Breaking the awkward silence, Kyoko asks Yamaguchi in a voice filled with sadness.
"I wish I knew Kyo-chan…" Yamaguchi's voice also carries a deep sense of sorrow.
I don't think I've ever seen her this down before. Kotori must really mean a lot to her. Of course, she does… She means a lot to both of them.
I begin to contemplate.
What happened, Kotori? Why would you say something like that? After all, we've been through. I thought everything was going well. I was sure you had finally come around… I believed you had started to change and that you would succeed where I failed… So why…
"Akira-kun… Do you think we did something to make her hate us…?"
"I…," upon seeing watery blue eyes, I hesitate to answer for a moment, "…I don't know."
I practically forced her to hang out with us. But I only wanted to help her. I thought I was doing the right thing. Was I really doing what was best for her? Or did I simply convince myself that what I was doing was for her sake just to feel better about myself… I can't say for sure and that's why I can't give Kyoko the answer she really wants to hear. Even so… Did the time we spent together truly mean absolutely nothing to Kotori?
Her cheerful words, her infectious laugh, and her bright smile, all flash through my mind like a film reel being replayed in my brain. Amidst the memories of the time we've spent together, a single one stands out.
(I totes love you guys, hehe)
No, that can't be right.
She isn't that kind of girl. Kotori is an honest girl that wears her heart on her sleeve. She loves these two and the bond they've built over these short few weeks isn't something she would toss away so easily. Something isn't right and I'll get to the bottom of it.
"I don't know, but I'll try to talk to her and find out. So cheer up, alright?" I reach over and pat Kyoko's head in an attempt to comfort her.
"Right…" Kyoko mutters. Although there's still a hint of sadness in her voice, she accepts my hand and scoots closer, leaning against my shoulder.
I direct my attention over to Yamaguchi who looks to be deep in thought.
What are you thinking about? She's probably contemplating the same thing I just was. I wonder if she'll arrive at the same conclusion I did. Or perhaps she has that grim expression because she can't understand. Either way, it pains me to see her like this. Yamaguchi was strangely attached to Kotori, almost as if she was like an older sister to her. So I'm sure it must've pained her a great deal to hear something like that from Kotori.
"Hey, Yamaguchi?"
"Hmm, whaddya want Fuyuki? I'm thinkin' right now," she responds without looking up.
Although she's talking to me in the same manner as always, I can tell she's just putting up a front. Her eyes are filled with sadness and confusion. She's in just as much pain as Kyoko, if not more. And yet… Just because she doesn't want to show her weakness in front of us, she's pretending to be alright. What a strong girl she is.
"Yamaguchi," I call out to her in a firm voice.
"What is it? Didn't I just tell ya I—"
"I'll get to the bottom of this, don't worry."
"…" Yamaguchi's eyes widen.
"The time we spent together with her wasn't meaningless. I know there's a reason for this and I'll find out what it is no matter what. So… Try not to beat yourself up or blame yourself, ok? I know for a fact that you two mean a lot to Kotori, that much is obvious just by watching you three interact. So there's no way she'd ever cut you guys off without a good reason. "
"Fuyuki…"
"I might not be able to change what's in her heart, but I'll find out what's clouding it and create an opportunity for you guys to clear those clouds away. I'll definitely bring Kotori back to you guys, I promise."
"Pfft… hahaha. What's up with that corny line?"
"Wha—"
Shocked by Yamaguchi's unexpected reaction, I feel my face begin to warm up out of embarrassment.
"Hehe, I told you Ri-chan, Akira-kun has always been cool," Kyoko says cheerfully as she grabs hold of my hand.
"Haha, yeah I guess you were right Kyo-chan. He really is something else."
Was what I said really that bad? I just said what I felt at that moment. But… I wouldn't have said anything if I knew this was going to be their reaction…
"Why did I even open my mouth…" I sigh.
"But well…," Yamaguchi stops laughing and looks at me straight on, "Thank you Fuyuki. I feel a lot better now thanks to you," Yamaguchi says with a small, but genuine smile.
"Thanks, Akira-kun~ We can always count on you. We'll also do whatever it takes to bring Kotori-chan back!"
"Yeah, there ain't no way I'm gonna let her just up'n leave without so much as an explanation. So Fuyuki you'd better hurry up and find out what's bothering her so that I can talk some sense into that stupid girl!"
Vigor returns to their voices and the atmosphere around them has slightly changed. Although, a bit of worry and even lingering sadness can still be seen in their eyes... There's another feeling that has been ignited in them as well. In their eyes, I can now see hope. And they're counting on me to bring that hope to fruition. I don't want to betray those feelings. So… I'll do everything in my power to ensure these girls can smile together again.
"Yeah, just leave it to me!"
******
After School;
(Ding Dong Ding)
The final bell rings and the teacher dismisses the class.
"Alright, let's do this," I voice under my breath.
I look over toward Kyoko and Yamaguchi's desks. Our eyes meet and the three of us nod in agreement. I quickly gather my things and stand up.
"Yo, Fuyuki."
As I'm getting up, Manabe calls out to me.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"You wanna hit the arcade with me and Satoru?"
"Sorry, I can't today. I have something important to do."
"Awww, c'mon Fuyuki… You haven't been hanging out with us at all lately…" Fujibayashi says dejectedly.
"Is it something you absolutely have to do?" Manabe questions, resting the side of his face on his hand.
"Yeah, it is," I answer him firmly and without hesitation.
"I see. Then it can't be helped," Manabe says, shrugging with an understanding smile, "But next time you have to hang out with us for sure, deal?"
"Deal."
"Haha, alright man we'll catch ya later, " Manabe says, giving me his usual two-finger salute.
"Farewell Fuyuki, you will not be missed, my friend."
"Dude, you can't say that while you look like you're about to cry."
"Ah… T-this isn't what it looks like, Fuyuki. I'm simply saddened by the fact that another day has passed without me getting a girlfriend! Yeah, that's it…"
"You're gonna be a sad man for a while then," I say.
"I concur," Manabe chimes in.
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
"Heh, well I'll see you guys later," I give my farewells to them and start walking away.
"Alright Fuyuki, see ya."
"Fuyuki, what did you mean by thattttt?!"
Manabe and Fujibayashi continue to joke around as they see me off. The two of them aren't bad people. I'll have to try and spend more time with those guys once this is all over. It'd be nice if we could all do something together.
******
After leaving the classroom, I quickly make my way to the school gate. Whilst waiting for Kotori to come out I find myself scanning over the area. Her petite figure and red hair shouldn't be too hard to make out amidst the crowd of students leaving the building. After about five minutes, I see two familiar faces. One is definitely Kotori, but the other one…
"Why is she with him…?"
The other person walking beside her is Ryuji.
As the two of them approach I call out to her.
"Hey, Kotori!"
"Ah, Fuyuki-kun…"
For a brief moment, her eyes light up. However, the look in her eyes quickly turns cold as she takes note of the person walking beside her.
"Kotori, what are you doing with him? And more importantly, what happened this morning? Why would you say something like you don't want to be friends anymore? There's a reason for that, isn't it?"
I continuously barrage Kotori with question after question in hopes that she'll tell me it was all a misunderstanding. That there's a good reason for what she said. That's what I want to believe she'll say and yet…
"Mmm…," Making a pained expression, Kotori averts her gaze toward the ground.
"What's wrong, Kotori? Why won't you say anything?"
"Mmm…," Kotori says nothing as she refuses to even look at me.
"I'm gonna go ahead. Make this quick and don't forget what I told you. You know what'll happen if you do, don't you 'Fake'?"
"Tch… I know already..."
'Fake'? What is he talking about? If I'm not mistaken he's called her that before as well. Why is he addressing Kotori as 'Fake'?
"Let's go somewhere else Fuyuki."
"Ah, alright…"
Leaving Ryuji behind, I follow Kotori.
I still have my suspicions about why the two of them were together, but for now, I should focus on the more pressing matters. I have to find out why Kotori suddenly said she didn't want to be friends with us anymore.
After walking in silence for a few minutes, Kotori abruptly stops after we reach a secluded area by the athletics field. The sounds of students cheerfully talking and getting ready for club activities can be faintly heard in the distant background.
"So whaddya want Fuyuki… Try to make this quick…"
"What do I want…?"
This isn't right at all. Kotori seems like a completely different person right now. Her body language is stand-offish and she won't even look me in the eyes. Her listless tone... It's nothing like the cheerful one she usually has when talking with Kyoko or Yamaguchi. Her eyes look completely lifeless and her attitude is all but telling me how disinterested she is in conversing with me right now. What the hell could've happened to her in a single day…
"What's up with you, Kotori? You aren't acting like yourself at all."
I should try to take a slow approach and address her in a gentle tone so as not to scare her off.
"…I don't know what you're on about. This is how I've always been," She says in a flat voice and without the slightest bit of hesitation.
"That can't be true. You were just so cheerful yesterday. Something must've happened… It had to have, otherwise this doesn't make any sense."
"Nothing happened. When I first met you three this is how I acted as well, yeah? Why exactly are you so surprised now?"
"Kotori…"
This approach isn't going to work.
I have to try something else.
"What did you mean when you told them you didn't want to be friends anymore? Was that supposed to be some kind of joke? Because if so, it isn't funny. You really hurt Kyoko and Yamaguchi. And to make matters worse, you're hanging out with Ryuji again. What's up with that? Do you even have any idea how that would make Kyoko and Yamaguchi feel?"
I decide to lay it all on the table and ask her straightforward. Even if she can't give me any direct answers, I should at least be able to find something out based on her reaction. Once I see her begin to waver, I'll continue to press the matter until she gives in and tells me what's going on.
"I'm not joking at all. I meant exactly what I said. I can't… No, I don't want to be friends with you three anymore. Is that really so hard for you to understand, Fuyuki?" Kotori coldly remarks, looking me dead in the eyes.
An awkward silence ensues.
Shock.
Disbelief.
Anguish.
A plethora of feelings intrude and swirl through my head as I try to comprehend the words that have just come out of Kotori's mouth.
"…You're joking… right? Hey Kotori… Tell me you're joking!"
"…Like I said, I'm not joking. And no, I don't know how it makes you guys feel. I don't care either. I have my reasons, and you three should respect that. Tell Yuzuha and Yamaguchi that I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is."
With those parting words, Kotori combs her hair behind her ear with her fingers and begins to walk away.
Who is this person? Kotori? No. This can't be her.
Kotori would NEVER say something like that. Kotori is a sweet and caring girl. One who loves those two more than anything. So then why…?
"WHY?! Why are you acting like this?! It doesn't make any sense when you were just fine yesterday! Why won't you tell me what's going on?! Kyoko and Yamaguchi are worried about you, don't you get that?! Why do you just get to just decide on your own that you don't want to be friends anymore?! Don't you think you're being too selfish?! Why are you going back to hanging out with that scumbag who hurt you?! Isn't that just strange?! No, it definitely is! Why are you being so cold?! Did I do something to you?! Is that why you won't even look me in the eyes?! And why… Why won't you just let me help you? Tell me Kotori!"
This isn't like me either. Getting all emotional and acting on impulse. I know that already, but when I recall their pained faces… I can't help it. I don't want to see the people I care about making that kind of face. I promised… I promised them I'd bring her back… And yet now that she's right here within my reach, I can't do a damn thing… Why won't she tell me? Why won't she trust me? Why won't she let me reach out to her? If she doesn't then how am I supposed to…
"…I don't understand Kotori," I mutter despondently as the sound of her footsteps drowns out my voice. Casting my head downward, I grit my teeth in frustration, "I can't understand if you don't tell me…"
"Fuyuki."
The dispiriting sound of her footsteps comes to a halt and a voice calls out to me. I raise my head and in the same instance, ever so slightly, my hopes that just maybe she had changed her mind. However, any semblance of hope I had was shattered the moment I saw the look on her face.
Disgust.
To say she looked disgusted with me would be an understatement. It would be more accurate to say she was downright repulsed by my very existence at this moment. I can't say I blame her. Especially after that pathetic display, I put on. I'm supposed to be helping her and instead, I yell at her incoherently because I can't figure out the logic or reasoning behind her actions.
"Listen Fuyuki. I don't need your help nor do I want it. It would be in your best interest if you remembered this. Everyone has three faces. One they show to the world. One they show to their close friends and family. And one that they don't show to anyone."
"What's that supposed to—"
"Meaning, the Kotori you see... The me that you 'know' is only the me that I allow you to see. You three might think you know me or understand me, but until you've walked a mile in my shoes… You three will never truly understand anything about me at all."
"…"
"So just leave me alone from now on. I don't want help from you or those two. You guys can despise me, loathe me, detest me, or whatever. That's fine with me. But please…"
Kotori looks me directly in the eyes for the second time, but this time the look on her face is completely different. Her expression has softened and tears have begun to form in her eyes.
"Please let me be alone… Just as I have always been. Someone like me… I don't deserve to be friends with you three. And so… I'm ending our relationship. Goodbye, Fuyuki. It wasn't for very long, but… I had fun."
Leaving me with those parting words. Without even getting the chance to say anything back, Kotori walks away and I'm left standing here alone.
(THUD)
"Dammit!" In my frustration, I punch the wall as hard as I can causing a sharp pain to shoot through my hand.
"Why… If that's how you really feel then why… Why were you making a face like that Kotori…"
A realization dawns on me causing me to feel an agonizing pain in my chest.
"How can I face those two after this…"
******
After avoiding Kyoko and Yamaguchi, I dragged myself home. What's normally a twenty-minute walk home turned into an hour of suffering. Alone with my negative thoughts, my steps became staggered. Each step forward entailed another intrusive thought and I felt like I was spiraling further into despair as I lamented what I would say to Kyoko and Yamaguchi on the following day. It was truly tiring. Mentally, and now physically exhausted, I sluggishly kick off my shoes after finally arriving home.
"I'm home…"
"Ah! Welcome home, Aki! Do you want to eat dinner now?" My mom greets me in the same cheerful manner as always.
"No thanks, I'm not feeling very hungry today..."
"Hmm, what's wrong Aki? You don't look too well."
"I'm fine… just a bit tired, that's all."
"Oh… Well, do you want to tell your mom about it?"
"I'm fine… really. Don't worry about me… Just eat without me today," I say, walking past my mom as I drag my lifeless body up the stairs.
"Aki…," those are the last words I hear as I continue to walk up the stairs. Her words filled with concern and sadness, mixed in with the rest of my negative thoughts, linger in the back of my mind. Shutting my room door and collapsing on the bed, I silently curse myself.
Great, now I even made my mom worry. Another one added to the list of people I've let down today…
(Sigh)
"I really am… such a loser…"
******
"Kotori…"
As I'm laying on my bed, I close my eyes and begin to reflect on everything that's happened with Kotori.
When we first met I thought you were a feisty, troublesome girl. The type of person I wouldn't want to be associated with. You went running to Ryuji to get back at Yamaguchi even though you were in the wrong. Because of you, Yamaguchi was put in danger and was almost hurt. Although you apologized and seemed remorseful for your actions, I had no intention of forgiving you. I understood you weren't as bad a person as I initially painted you out to be in my head. But even so, I couldn't forgive you. Not yet at least.
After that, you kept your promise to Yamaguchi and apologized to Kyoko. I was honestly surprised. I didn't think you'd take accountability like that and own up to your mistake. I respected you for doing that. And maybe, deep down, it was at that point that I subconsciously started to forgive you.
One day, I saw you crying alone after breaking up with Ryuji. Why were you crying? Was it because you actually liked that guy? Because you liked someone in his group? Or maybe… You were sad because you didn't have any other friends. If that was the case, why did you do it? If you knew cutting him off would mean that you would be alone, then why? Was that your way of taking responsibility? Did you have a change of heart after the altercation between Ryuji and Yamaguchi? I don't know. But seeing you all alone like that, I felt compelled to reach out to you.
Next, the two of us talked in PE class. You said you didn't want people to see you do something you weren't good at so you sat out. I could see a tinge of loneliness and envy in your eyes as you watched the girls play. Yamaguchi got into a dumb altercation, something I've grown accustomed to and don't think much of at this point. But you gazed upon her with admiration. You said you could never be like her. Like Yamaguchi, who has such a strong will and doesn't care about what others think. Why did you look so envious when you said that? Was it because you felt like you weren't strong? Or was it because you felt like you cared too much about what others thought? Maybe a mixture of both. I'm not sure."
Have you noticed yet, Kotori? I don't actually know anything about you. I don't know anything, but I wanted to help you. Why? We barely know each other and I only recently forgave you for what you made Yamaguchi go through. So why? Why do I feel such a strong desire to reach out to you? I don't know. No, that's wrong. I do know why. I just didn't want to reflect on the me that I threw away long ago. The part of me that chased after him. Just like you are right now, I was burdened by the constant expectations of other people. I wanted to be validated, I wanted them to approve of me, but I was scared. Scared of disappointing them, scared to know what they really thought of me, and scared that no matter what I did, it would never be enough. I know what it's like and that's why I knew you were suffering from the same shackles that had held me down for so long.
I decided. "I'll help you no matter what. I'll free you from the pain and suffering that you're going through. I understand how you feel, so this is something that only I can do." How conceited I was to tell myself that while hiding my real intentions. I lied to myself as naturally as I breathed.
I invited you to eat lunch with Kyoko, Yamaguchi, and me. Hoping that if you made friends with people as genuine as them, you would be able to just be yourself. I figured everything would just work out. And for a while it did. We ate together, we played around together, we walked to school together, we laughed together, and we got to see you smile so brightly.
But in reality, all I really did was give you another escape route to run away. I didn't try to help you. I didn't try to get closer to you. I didn't try to find out the source of your suffering. I didn't try to help you break free of those chains. I didn't do a goddamn thing. Why didn't I notice? Why didn't I notice that the whole time we were laughing, deep inside you were still hurting... The whole time you were smiling, you were still battling your own demons. I know why... It's because I wanted to believe that I had done something for you. That I had helped you.
Is it my fault things turned out this way? What a stupid question. Of course, it is. If I really wanted to help you, I wouldn't have conveniently left everything to Yamaguchi and Kyoko. I wouldn't have let them bring you that fleeting happiness while I took all the credit and indulged in my own self-gratification. I would have tried to understand you better. I would have worked harder to help you overcome your issues. But I didn't… And because of that, things ended up this way. Even now, you're hurting and I can't do anything for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Kyoko… I'm sorry Yamaguchi… For suddenly putting something like that on you while I just massaged my own ego. And… I'm sorry Kotori. Even though I knew how much you were hurting, I didn't really try to do a single thing for you. I'm the one who doesn't deserve to be your friend…
The promise I made to myself. My promise I made with Kyoko and Yamaguchi. In the end, it looks like I couldn't keep any of my promises after all. I'm just so tired. I want to sleep and forget any of this ever happened. If I close my eyes when I open them again, will this have all been a bad dream? It would be nice if that were the case. Maybe I should just forget about everything. When I wake up tomorrow, I'll apologize to Kyoko and Yamaguchi for breaking my promise. I'm sure they'll be sad. Really really sad… But eventually, they'll move on. And when they do, the three of us will continue to live and be happy together, even if she isn't there anymore. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good idea. This was all pointless from the start. I should've known better than to stick my nose into someone else's business. Sorry Kotori, but that's it. I'm done. I give u—
(Knock Knock Knock)
I'm startled by the subtle sound of knocking on my room door. Now having been brought back to reality, I call out in the direction of the noise.
"Yeah?!"
"___"
There is no reply.
"Mom?"
"___"
Silence.
(Sigh)
Letting out a deep sigh, I force myself to get out of bed and go to check the door.
(Click)
Upon opening the door, I find that there is no one there. Instead, a plate with a note attached has been placed on the floor directly in front of my room.
"Rice balls?"
I pick up the plate of rice balls feeling slightly confused. The moment the food's aroma comes into my breathing peripheral, my stomach loudly growls.
"…Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to eat them."
I take the plate into my room and shut the door behind me. In the next instance, I find myself sitting down and eating one of the rice balls to satiate my hunger.
"Mmm, this is really good."
Why did she make these?
Even though I already told her I wasn't hungry today…
I continue to mow down the remaining rice balls one after another until I've finished them all. After finishing, I let out a sigh of satisfaction and patted my stomach like an old man. No longer feeling famished, I take up the note and begin to silently read.
'Dear Aki,
I made you these rice balls because I know you're actually hungry. Just how long do you think I've known you for? I made sure to add the fillings you like so make sure you eat them all, alright?'
"Ugh… Am I really that predictable…"
'Listen Aki. Your mom doesn't know what you're going through right now, and I'm sure you don't really want to talk about it either. I understand how you feel, trust me I do. In life, some things happen that we have no control over. It can be so frustrating and mentally draining when you feel like there's nothing you can do. Aki, it's ok. You can feel exhausted. You can feel frustrated. You can even take a day off when you feel like things are too overwhelming. No one will fault you for that. You're human just like everyone else so it's only natural. With that being said. What's not ok… Is giving up. That's the one thing I won't allow you to do. You can do everything else, but you aren't allowed to give up. No matter what it is you're going through or what hardships you're facing, you aren't allowed to give up. My son… No, Akira Fuyuki is not a quitter! You can do anything you put your mind to Aki. I truly do believe that. So it's ok for you to feel tired now. It's ok for you to feel frustrated now. But once you've gotten that out of your system… I want you to stand back up. Stand up and continue to face forward. A winner isn't defined by their successes Aki. They're defined by how they bounce back from their failures. And guess what? You're a winner, Aki. And I just know that you'll be able to overcome anything thrown your way. After all, you're my favorite son. Hehe, that's all I really wanted to say I guess. Have a good night Aki. Your mom loves you.'
(Drip Drip)
"Like I said… I'm your only son…" Tears flow from my face down onto the note causing it to become soggy.
I'm so lame. I have to be lectured by my mom to get my shit together. But she's right. What was I thinking, getting ready to just give up so easily? My promise to Kyoko and Yamaguchi, that I would bring Kotori back to them. My promise to myself, that I would see this through till the end. I can't… No, I won't abandon those promises. Someone like you can't be friends with us? Who the hell decided that? For a reason like that… There's absolutely no way I'll accept you leaving us. Rather you asked me to or not. I'm going to help you Kotori. Until the four of us are smiling together again and you've broken free from those chains, I won't give up. Never again.
(Sniff)
Now feeling reinvigorated, I wipe away my tears and affirm my newly found resolve. To her and to myself.
"That's my promise to you, Kotori!"