[ Tuesday, July 19 ]
Ever since yesterday morning, nobody bothered to knock on my room's door to tell me to get up and eat breakfast because I'll be late in school. Mom used to do the job, but now that the entire house knows that I'm the root of all the mess, hardly anyone bothers to talk to me. I believe they're trying to make things cool down before talking to me because surely, talking in the heat of the issue will just make things worse. I can't blame them.
It is true that I'm crazy about Vaughn. I've been loving him for years, but this is unrequited love. I did so many things just to forget him, but I just can't. I kept on telling myself that I should stop and I wanted to believe that I'm already over him because it's impossible. We'll never be together because Vaughn is serious about Amethyst. The thing was, this stupid heart of mine just can't accept it and I don't know why.
I decided to cut my classes and just lock myself in my room. Everything that happened was too humiliating and I don't have the courage to face anyone just yet. I wish I can at least go out and grab a drink because it's the only thing that I want to have right now, but if I'll go back to my old life where I get wasted every night and fling with different men just to forget, it's not going to cause me anything good. What's for sure is, Vaughn will never come again to get me, and without him, I'd be gone astray.
At some point, I realized that I had to learn the hard way. None of these could've happened if I didn't bug him. But as much as I wanted to undo things, I can't. I'm not going to lie – I feel bad that Amethyst is gone, but the fact that the wedding isn't likely to happen anymore is good news for me. I'm broken enough to see Vaughn with my sister. I'd be broken into thousands of pieces if I'll see them married.
I brought out my laptop and logged in to Twitter. I don't have followers on Twitter and I set it to private because ranting is the only purpose of that account. Whenever I feel mad or something, I'll tweet it there and nobody will care. I didn't bother to use my real name either, because knowing that my family is known in this country, people are likely to trace the accounts of the family members of my father. I may be an attention seeker, but I still can't stand the idea where everyone's eyes are on me, talking about my life because they don't have anything else to talk about.
Summer, on the other hand, have lots. She's like a superstar online who has 79,724 followers on Twitter, 287,341 followers on Instagram and lastly, 788 friends on Facebook with 85,342 followers on her public account. She might not be accepting friend requests, but her account is public anyway so what's the difference?
I can't blame the followers, though. Aside from her interesting content and seemingly-perfect life, Summer is like every guy's type of girl – beautiful, fit, fashionable, friendly, outgoing, smart, rich, and the list goes on. Only that she has some attitude when it comes to the people she doesn't like and I'm the best example for that. Of course, every guy is different and she cannot please everyone, but that's the idea.
Sometimes, I want to experience how it's like to be popular like her online, but then again, it doesn't feel so me. I'm not a narcissistic girl like her who posts selfies often, updates everyone about my outfit for the day, things that I ate or places I've been. She has some kind of confidence about those things but we're just … too different.
----------------------------------------
[ Monday, July 25 ]
The school bell rang, informing everyone that the classes are going to start. The students in the hallway stopped chatting with each other and headed to their designated classrooms. The hallways became clear in a matter of seconds, and some professors were entering the classrooms of the class they're assigned to teach.
I entered my class looking at my phone, avoiding the eyes of my classmates who surely knows what happened. I didn't go to class since last Tuesday because I locked myself in my room 'till Thursday and decided to stay at home the entire weekend. But knowing these people, I surely will hear something.
I sat on the corner-most seat in our classroom away from the people, which is my favorite seat. The professor isn't around yet, and just like what I've been expecting, I began hearing gossips from some of the girls in the class.
"Oh, look who's back," Megan commented as she looked at me and rolled her eyes after. "An insecure girl who's jealous of what her sister is having, begging for love. How sad."
"Have you heard? Not all rich people can have everything." Alessandra mocked, chuckling as she looked at me. I shot her a glare, but she just shook her head and looked away.
How can these girls know about the issue about me begging for Vaughn's attention? What do they know? As far as I know, our family didn't inform the media about why Amethyst ran away. Where did they get that information? I can be wrong but, was Summer that mad at me and she had to spread all the information for everyone to talk about? How dare her. She can't do this to me. That is seriously out of the line.
The bell rang once again as the clock strikes at 3 pm. I no longer have classes after 3, and I have nothing else to do but go home.
I entered the comfort room and entered the cubicle until I heard footsteps of another set of girls who will be doing their own businesses.
"Have you heard? Sasha Monteverde's back in school. I've heard that she's the reason why her sister ran away and had her car accident?"
"Oh really? Wow, she looks like a quiet and nice girl in class but she's that bad? Wolf in a sheep's clothing, eh?"
"Hey, Liz. I thought you're friends with the girl? What's your opinion about her?"
"We were friends. I thought we'll get along, but when I found out about who she really is when the evening comes, it's just so disappointing you know? She's like a bad influence."
Liz … she's the only friend that I have in school and yet, she says things like this behind my back?
How can she?
I stepped out of the cubicle, holding back my anger. My blood is boiling. My hand is more than eager to strangle someone this very moment. I feel like I can shout any moment from now, but I decided not to. The girls stopped talking when they saw that the girl they're gossiping about heard everything. Unlike the girls in my class earlier, they still managed to feel bad because of their actions, but I'm more than sure that they're not sorry for it.
Why do people nowadays can't just get a life and talk about themselves? How can they enjoy talking about the lives of different people? How can they talk about other people's flaws instead of minding theirs?
I'm not a perfect person. I still do bad things, I have good and bad sides. But it hurts me that even my own friend – my only friend – speaks this way behind my back. I can't believe her. The only friend that I have been talking behind my back, with other girls who gossips. How can she do this to me?
I looked at Liz and tried to hold back my tears. I pressed my lips together before speaking. She stood there but couldn't look at me in the eyes because of the guilt.
"Liz, thank you for being a good friend." I turned my back and slammed the door of the comfort room shut. I ran away as fast as I could to get some fresh air from the toxic people in this school.
I did the wrong thing. I'm regretting it at some point, but I don't deserve this kind of public humiliation. The whole school is probably aware of my deed, which gives me the desire to just isolate myself from everyone. How can I even live like this?