[ Friday, September 16 ]
Up to this day, it never fails to surprise me whenever the thought of me keeping all my problems to myself and survived this long cross my mind. It's not easy to say, especially because things are too personal. I have no other friends here in Edevieth and the only people I can talk with are the kids and my mother. I may have few friends back in the capital, but I can't say we're too close for me to trust them enough about my problems. It already feels heavy, and now that Amethyst opened up, I believe it's my turn. We may not be that close, but she'll certainly understand because, at some point, she's involved here.
"How are you feeling after saying everything?" I asked while she's wiping the last of her tears.
I looked at the sun which is half-way through in setting. Red-orange sky with some shades of black and blue looks relaxing. Little by little, it disappears below the horizon. I closed my eyes to feel the wind, and as I do, Amethyst snapped me out of my thoughts.
"I feel better, but not my best, I guess …" she answered, crossing her arms over her chest, her legs remain folded. "I believe it's your turn to share a story." She added.
"Where should I start?" I have three things in mind – the reason why I'm heading to where she came from that night, my complicated relationship with Summer and my family problem. Being emotional isn't a part of the plan, so I better not mention the painful details.
"Maybe where you were going that night when the accident happened."
"Ah, that. This might sound a little surprising for you, but I was actually planning to go to your villa because I was supposed to meet somebody," Amethyst's eyes widened and narrowed as she heard me say those words. I can't say I'm surprised, because obviously, it's unexpected for her.
"You're supposed to go to our home? Why? Who will you talk to?"
"I was supposed to clarify things with Summer. Just so you know, she's the girl I was talking about all this time," I gulped and avoided her eyes. Please, don't even ask for deeper details.
Amethyst started raising her voice. "Wait, what? How can you not tell me that Summer's your girlfriend? She's my sister!"
"Keep your voice down, for goodness' sake. This isn't supposed to be heard by everyone, just so you know," I ran my fingers through my hair as I tell her the main idea. "Summer and I are or were together, get it? Our relationship was a secret. It doesn't matter how we met, alright?
To sum things up, we don't know what we are now because we haven't fixed things yet. When I was living in the capital, everything was fine. But when I decided to volunteer to help the people who are in need here on this island, we had to separate. We have different priorities. Summer needs to stay there because of The Crown. On the other hand, I value helping people more than my girlfriend because it's my passion. I can't stand seeing helpless people dying. That's why I decided to give hopes for those who lost everything since I have the resources to accomplish that."
"Was that the reason why instead of talking to Summer, you decided to save me instead?" I raised my chin up as I look at Amethyst. She's right. That's my reason. At some point, I feel bad that I wasn't able to talk to Summer, but saving lives matters more than my own interest.
"It's like an instinct," I defended. "I didn't really have any second thought. When I saw that happen, I know I had to do something. I can't just pretend that I didn't see you. What's funny is this – you're Summer's sister. That's actually the reason why I kept on acting cold on you and I'm sorry about that. I also told you to call me by my second name before which is Daniel because hearing you call me Shawn reminds me of her. Lastly, seeing you reminds me of Summer so I know I had to distance myself a bit."
"Oh … now I get it." Her facial expression falls as if she felt bad about the story. It's not a happy story, it's too complicated and vague. I'm not gonna lie, I can't imagine a future with Summer beside me. I may have feelings for her 'till now, but I can't imagine 'us' happening because we have different priorities.
In my case, the children: people first before myself. For her, it's company first before herself. We're living in different locations now and even if I can go back to the city to be with her, who will keep the kids? I can't just leave them behind unless someone else is willing to volunteer. Otherwise, I have to bring all of them there which would be too hassle.
"Shawn, I've been wondering … why do you live separately from your dad? Last May, the silver wedding happened. Only to find out that behind that wedding, things are like this. What exactly is going on?" I knew this is coming. I'm not really surprised that she'll ask, because it's pretty obvious that she's been wondering about it ever since she got here.
"We used to live with my father in the capital a year ago. But when the disaster here in Edevieth happened, I said I need to help. Dad wasn't in favor of it, but I break rules, you know? If I know the right thing to do, I'll do it whatever it takes to achieve what I know is right. I hate the fact that my father's a politician, but he won't do anything to convince the government that Edevieth needs attention. Don't you think that's stupid? They can give better support for the people here but what did they do? They just gave them relief goods. How about shelter? How long will it take for this island to live again? It's pretty much the island of the dead." I exhaled to cool myself down, for I was fuming. I feel the intense sensation of anger in my veins.
Ranting isn't something that I want to do, but I can't help it. I couldn't accept the fact that dad hardly cares, but anyway, at least he sends some money to as a support even if I know that it's against his will. It's hard not to be rebellious about the matter. It's like for him, his life is the only thing that matters, while on the other hand, the people's lives matter more than drowning myself with money. I don't understand how someone can only think about themselves and shows no compassion to the needy. I just don't.
"I see. Well, unfortunately, I'm one of those who didn't care, but now I do. Funny is that I had to learn the hard way. If I didn't lose everything that I have, maybe I wouldn't care. I'm curious about one another thing," I raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out what she's curious about. As far as I know, I told her pretty much everything that she needs to know.
"How come the public didn't know you at all? I never heard that you're James Barron's son. I mean, in this country, when you're known in the society, the family members would be known too. Your father is one of the closest friends of my dad. How come I never heard of you?" she continued.
"My mother said I had to keep out of trouble, we have my dad's political career to think about. They just want to protect me, so they don't want me to get involved. Therefore, even if I'm using the surname Barron, people aren't having the assumptions that I'm his son," Amethyst paused, in deep thoughts as if wondering what else to ask, but no words come out.
How I hope that she won't ask for any more because I'm not going to last. For the record, I hate myself when I express all my anger because I explode like a volcano – people really don't have an idea if I'm already mad because I don't say it. Then one day, when I'm all filled with it, I explode and say words that I'm not supposed to say. I hate being out of control, that's why.
"You mentioned that Summer's your girlfriend, right? I'm just thinking … can I borrow your laptop? I want to reach her via email and tell her that I'm here. She's the only person I can trust about this. It's too risky to use my social media accounts because they'll figure out that I'm online. Email is the safest option that I've got."
"I only have a pocket Wi-Fi back there in the house but it's out of mobile credits, so you have to load it up. Also, don't expect for a fast internet connection. The signal's close to dead in this island."
I looked away to avoid her eyes, the corner of my mouth twitching. "You're still hoping for your happily ever after, aren't you? That last-minute chase to the airport, where he'll confess his declaration of love. You know, things like those in movies?"
Amethyst rolled her eyes and covered her face for a moment. She sighed as she admits, "I'm no longer expecting a wedding to happen, but I want to mend things with Sasha and Vaughn. I want to make it clear if we're breaking up or what because up to this moment, I still don't know."
"Let the guy explain himself so that you'll get everything clearly," I stood up and shrugged the sand off my shorts. "For now, we should talk to Laura because Agatha and Laura, as well as Yuna, can't just avoid each other. Let's head back."
She stood up and shrugged off the sand from her clothes like I did. She looked up at me and smiled. Her eyes reflect a pain that I couldn't imagine. She may be smiling, but her wounds are soul-deep.
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"Laura, we need to talk," I said while crouching to reach her level, securing Laura's arms with my hands, ensuring that she won't go anywhere. It still surprises me that at her age, she managed to hurt someone's feelings. All of the kids are trying to move on, yet this kiddo used a painful memory to hurt Agatha and Yuna's feelings. All I thought, kids like her knows nothing else to do in life aside from playing, sleeping, eating, listening to bedtime stories and similar activities. But I was wrong. I guess not all kids are the same. Yeah, surely, they're all different. How can I possibly not know about that?
Laura whimpered as I look at her straight in the eyes. Deep inside, she already knows what I'm talking about, and I can imagine the pressure that she's processing now. No words came out, but her eyes and facial expression said it all.
"You know I'm talking to you like this because I want you to apologize to them, right? But first, can you tell me the reason why you said those hurtful words?" Laura looked onto the floor, avoiding my eyes. She bit her lips while thinking of words to say.
Frankly, I want us to get over this little drama. It's a small problem that should be fixed immediately because there's no sense in keeping it. It's too childish.
"I was just annoyed when we were playing because she teased me for being fat," Laura explained, though I can't see the sincerity in her eyes. I can be wrong, but it feels like she's just making it up.
"Really? Then why can't you look at me in the eyes? Besides, you aren't fat, not even an inch. You're too skinny to be called fat. You don't have to lie, kiddo. How can you lie to me?"
"Alright, fine. Sorry." Laura rolled her eyes and again, looked away from me. What on earth is the problem of this kid? Where did she even know about the eye-rolling drama? She makes me remember of Summer who does that whenever she's mad or in a bad mood. Whenever Summer's like that, all I had to do is to find her soft side and she'll give in.
Before, when she rolled her eyes and turned her back to me, I simply hugged her from behind and whispered I'm sorry to her ears, turned her to face me and look at her amber eyes without any word. It still warms my heart to remember that she'll frown at me when I do that and lean her head to my shoulder and softly beat my chest while saying It's not like I can't forgive you, because you matter the most.
Too bad, now it's only a memory from yesterday that I can no longer bring back. I'm carried away with my thoughts again, and that isn't supposed to be important right now. I need to face the reality that Laura and Agatha's problem to be fixed.
"How do you think can you be a good friend aside from apologizing?" I asked, breaking the ice after I got carried away with my thoughts.
"I have no idea," she shrugged and blinked, without any tension unlike earlier.
"If you want to be a good friend, you should be one. Break out of your shell of fear. Don't wait for people to approach you. Therefore, step out of your comfort zone and start a conversation. Respect them and show them that you love them as a friend. Apologize if in case you hurt their feelings and ask if you can be friends again. All it takes is to get out of your comfort zone and swallow up that pride. If you won't do that, nothing will happen. You have to be proactive and not reactive. Do you understand?" As far as I know, I explained things well and it's pretty clear. Therefore, it shouldn't be so hard. Laura paused, trying to process things. I can imagine how hard it can be to swallow up the pride, but really, it's gonna be worth it than tolerating the pressure – especially they're all living on one small island, under one roof, and inside one room.
Laura pouted, her eyebrows furrowed. I assume she's not in a good mood, but anyway, I'm not letting her run from me without saying that she'll apologize for real. I can't handle more dramas, I have two already. Summer and the issue with my parents. I have to fix those too, but I know that I should be on my best behavior when facing them. I'll let the coals in my head cool down first before speaking out all my honest thoughts.
"You're right. I'll mend things with Agatha and Yuna. It's my fault, and they're my friends so …" Laura pressed her lips together, a bit hesitant to move a muscle. I let go of her arms and she walked back to their room, and I followed. She turned the doorknob and pushed the wooden door open, revealing Yuna and Agatha, as well as Bianca watching cartoons, while the boys, Dion, Jerome, and Ramil are playing Word Factory. What a noise.
Laura stopped and turned her back to see me, as if to say, Do I really have to do this? But I just nodded and patted her back, a gesture of telling her that she should and she'll be fine.
She sat next to the girls who are watching TV and they gave her the 'look' as if to say, how dare you to sit with us? But with all the courage deep inside her, she apologized to Yuna and Agatha and explained why she did that. Laura became emotional, tears started pooling her eyes. Seconds later, tears ran through her cheeks, and Bianca wiped her tears away, telling her to calm down. Tears started flowing from Agatha's eyes. Without any words, she pulled Laura into a hug.
Ah, children's drama.