"You are not joking? You are serious?….no no, that's impossible. Stop fooling around and tell me what's going on", I didn't even know tears were even falling off my eyes. 'He looks serious but I don't know what he's talking about. I know he's a good person so what's he talking about?', I battled with my internal being.
"Ash I'm sorry but that was the only way to save my mother. I didn't have any choice back then, I'm sorry", his voice brought me back from my unknown land.
"Why are you doing this Keenan? Why do you want to paint yourself so black in front of me with those horrible lies. You were not there and I know it", I shook my head in denial.
"What about those words? How did I find out? How did I bring you to this place?, I'm not a good person Ash, I'm not", he said with broken voice.
'Is he about to cry? Oh no he can't cry'.
"Don't tell me, you were…it's you…I mean…no no no.."
"Yes Ash, I did that to you and I'm truthfully sorry about everything. I feel nothing but regret", I couldn't finish my words.
"Why…why…didn't I notice…you from…the beginning ", hiccups breaking my voice and tears blurring my vision.
"I know how it hurts and I won't blame you if you don't forgive me but I just want you to know how sorry I am", he said trying to hold my hand which I withdrew.
"Don't even dare to touch me you heartless bastard. You….deserve to die….I thought you were the best thing that had ever happened to me not knowing you are the cause of all my pains. I hate you Keenan and I'd forever hate you", I spouted wiping my eyes. I wanted to be strong but it was taking more than I thought. I wanted to just get lost and never appear. I felt my world came crushing down on me as if I didn't deserve to live. I finally learned to love but the result of that was as worse as a nightmare. Little did I know that the world was a very small place that I would meet my rapist in such a situation. I even fell in love with him. I didn't know what to feel at that moment.
"Ash please don't hate me…I know it's nearly impossible not to hate me but I don't think I'd be able to survive your hatred, please", his voice brought me back from my own world of pains and suffering.
"Why?", the question just came from my mouth without realizing it. I didn't know why I was asking him that but that was the only thing I could say at the moment. I wanted to believe he had a good reason to do what he did and i wanted to hear it.
"I had no choice back then Ash, all I was thinking about that time was how to save my mother's life without endangering it, you also said you would do anything to…."
"Not that…..why didn't you tell me from the beginning?", I cut him off.
"I….I…didn't want you to hate me even though I hated myself that much….I just wanted to protect you from anything else…..I was scared of losing you Ash".
"I want to go home", was all I said in response.
"Please Ash, don't…"
"I said I want to go home", I yelled making him jolt backwards.
"I'd just drive you home then", he said ready to lead the way.
"I know my way home, I can go on my own", I said passing by him.
"I am responsible for you safety please. This is the least thing I could do for you now", he insisted and I didn't argue any further, rather I just left him there and headed down the stairs.