"I'm sorry Freddie, but I can't accept this."
wait what just happened? has she rejected me?
"P?"
I take me both hands back, on which I was holding the present for her, get my back straight and swiftly lift up my head and looked at her face. I clench my fingers and hold the present a little tighter. if I gave more pressure, present might broke.
"I am unable to accept your offer."
by hearing those words.
I can feel a little pinch of pain like someone has poked my heart with the peice of a pin. while my opened eyes were telling me to speak out and ask her for the reason for rejecting me.
"P, what happened?"
I don't know how to react. my mind was not sure what was it's doing at that time, I can only state that as grief feeling. however, as soon as I calm myself down, I asked her.
"Is there anything wrong in me, why I can't get accepted? Am I not your type?"
I don't know what came into my mind. maybe I was sad. because
I was rejected.
"I.....look, Freddie you are one of the most suitable and perfect man that any girl could ever asked for."
"If it is true. then why can't you accept me?"
I didn't even hesitate, I speak directly while making contact with her eyes. I don't wanna accept my defeat on this topic, this might be the reason for speaking like that. my emotion has taken control over me.
so I shamelessly said those words in motive to ask her.
"I don't think as you more than my junior friend."
"at least give me a chance, how can you be sure I'm not the right one for you?"
I know,
It is her choice and she has chosen for not giving me a chance. but at least, she has to state a proper statement for that.
I have the right to know my reason for rejection.
"look, Freddie, I am not saying that you have any defects. I am the one defective in this case. I am not suitable for you."
"I don't understand what are you talking about?"
"Freddie, please understand. the reason is not you, it's me.
my situation doesn't demand me to date someone."
"But why?"
"I can't explain much in details. so please understand."
"This is not fare you have to state a reason for the rejection."
I saw myself in that situation that I can't go back from it. I kinda feel my self pity.
"I am very busy in earning for my needs. I don't have time for these things."
"I am well aware that P. listen, I know you are a woman having pride of self-dependence. I'm not saying it's wrong. even if you date me, you are free to work. I will never disturb you. I promise, please accept me."
I came too far I can't go back now. so I tried so hard to convenience her. and as a result of so much giving into that,
my eyes were almost got swollen. but,
no matter how much I try, my prayers were all null.
"even if we get together Freddie I don't even know if I can make time for you. I don't want the history to repeat itself. if it's does. I'll lose a friend too. and I don't want that.
so please,
don't waste your time on me.
It would be better if you find someone else."
her body language looks different. she wasn't looking directly into my eyes. her face was tilt, facing another side of the ground. and she just rubbing her right arm and with her left hand. I don't know exactly going in her mind, but what I observe, I can tell she was not happy to reject me at all.
"If my fate allows us to be together.
I would be happy to become your lover." she expressed
"P."
"I'm sorry."
oops that's hurt. after she left me in a friend-zoned. she walks away for work. I don't have the guts to stop her. and probably that was right thing that I haven't stopped her, for convenience her. things might get more complicated. like if I might stoped her, she will definitely thought I'm a psycho. I don't wanna her to misjudge me. specially when I'm trying to seeing her. but, whatever the fate of mine and her were written by the load. I don't know. but, if I sat around and do nothing I'll lost her for sure. and moreover it's miracal of love. one can cross boundaries, and it's just an acceptance. and I'll make one thing for sure, a guy like me will not give up easily. I'm aware of the fact that,
I can't force her to love me. if she didn't wanna open her heart for me.
'her fear of being romantically involved with someone might hurt her again.' this is the main task, I have to deal.
so
despite all that incident, what I observe. I am sure I will come up with something that might help her out of this reason for not let entering someone in her heart. 'her past relationships is the main reason for her losing faith in love. it has acted like a position.'
it was not the right time. so I didn't chase her.
I have to do some research on her past relationship first. I need to get information before I can take any of my actions.
I am well aware, who can help. me. it's the person who is closer to her. ya, you have guessed right "P'Mint."
once I did with my research.
I'll make sure, she will accept me one day.