GREYSON
"This has gone on far too long!" I slammed a fist down on the wooden desk, making everything on top of it jump an inch.
It had been a month since the incident when I found Ava almost lifeless in her room. She awoke the morning afterwards just as I was about to investigate on the reason why I found her on such suspicious circumstances.
However, I was sidetracked because the moment she woke up, she started behaving in a hysterical manner, crying and laughing like a maniac. No matter what I did, she wouldn't calm down. Eventually, I was forced to summon back the healer who attended to her and have him sedate her.
The healer, Sir Pearson Radcliffe, had told me that Ava suffered from severe dehydration and a very high fever that could easily take the life of an average adult. When I questioned the servants while Ava slept in a sedated stupor, they told me that she got sick the week before and because she didn't want anyone catching her cold, she ordered everyone not to enter her room apart from delivering her meals.
One of the maids said that they insisted for Ava to have them call a doctor but she refused, saying that she would be fine after a few days of rest. Since they were unable to defy her orders, they let her do as she wished. The servants were unable to convince her to go out of her room even once and she dreaded going out to the point of not even bathing for the whole week. She also didn't want to have anyone nurse her and only asked for painkillers from time to time.
Another maid told me that Ava was fine the hour before I arrived for she had knocked on the door to bring her breakfast. "I talked to Lady Ava with the door closed so I haven't seen her, but she clearly said that she doesn't feel too good and she didn't want breakfast. The last thing she told me was that she was going back to sleep and to have tea ready in two hours," Matilda, the oldest among Ava's personal maids, informed me with a shaking voice.
Michael, the lad I sent to inform Ava of my arrival admitted to lying that Ava had told her to tell me that she was feeling sick and could not see me. After knocking on the door twice and getting no response, he went down and made up the lie because he had been scolded by Ava before for ruining her nap and he was scared to be scolded again.
I was extremely suspicious of the behaviors of the servants, especially after seeing the state of Ava's room, all dirty and dusty as if it hadn't been cleaned for quite a while. The stench from her body was also so strong that recalling it made me question how I was able to hold onto her so closely. The servants told me that she refused to take baths but they should have cleaned her with damp towels at the very least.
However, despite the gnawing suspicion in my gut, I had to consider that the explanation that the servants told me made sense of the situation and the circumstances I have seen. Ava had always been quiet but she could be very stubborn once she decides on something. She even declined every invitation to social gatherings ever since she became a lady of the house and her personal maid Matilda stressed out that Ava did not want to socialize. If she wanted to be left alone, no servant could change her mind nor force their way in her room.
On the next day, Ava woke up much calmer. But there was something in her demeanor that gave me a bad feeling, thus, I sent word to the capital for the Mage's Department, informing my professors that I wish to take a temporary leave from the academy.
My gut feeling proved true after lunchtime. I had just finished my meal when a maid went shrieking down the stairs in a panicked frenzy, shouting that Ava had slit her wrists with the cutlery. I went upstairs and saw her state for myself, all pale, the bed covered in blood, her food untouched aside from the spot where the knife should have been.
I administered first aid and Sir Pearson was called again to heal her. When she woke up the next morning, the first thing I did was ask her why she did such a thing. But the girl only stared at her wrists, good as new and devoid of any scratches, with a disappointed look on her face and didn't even spare me a glance. Frustrated at her silence, I ended up yelling and walking out, telling myself that perhaps she needed time to reflect on her actions.
I was wrong to think that for on the night of that day, the next day and for the next four weeks, she continued doing things to hurt herself.
The same day she slit her wrists, she did it again after everyone was asleep, going to the kitchen to get a sharp knife. If it weren't for the butler who had to take a last look at the pantry to make sure that all ingredients for breakfast are adequate, she would've bled to death and everyone would have seen her corpse in the morning. I shuddered at the very thought.
To make sure that she wouldn't pull anything anymore, I had her maids watch her after she was healed for the third time. They worked in shifts day and night. Someone must be keeping an eye on her at all times to prevent her from doing anything. However, that wasn't enough.
She threw herself on the pond the next day after slipping away from the maids. Two days later when everyone thought that she was returning back to normal, she went inside the greenhouse and deliberately touched a poisonous herb. She wasn't even fully recovered yet when she threw herself down the stairs in an attempt to break her neck and grabbed a container of bleach from the cleaning set that a maid was using while cleaning her room and secretly drinking it when she insisted going to the toilet alone.
There were many other things that didn't end up successful because of the servants interfering in time.
Sharpening the end of a hairpin to stab herself with, trying to smother her face on the pillow until she stops breathing, even drowning in the bathtub. She used anything and everything within her reach as a tool for suicide. After seeing everything she had done so far, I was convinced that she had gone completely crazy.
Ava had become a ticking time bomb that I had to request for Sir Pearson to stay in the house. As the son of a Baron whose family had been affiliated with ours from generations back, he honored the request without hesitation and only dedicated his time on Ava's treatment.
Fortunately, Sir Pearson also majored in psychology aside from possessing healing magic thus, after he was sure that Ava was determined to succeed in suicide, he began giving her counselling and therapy. He had been trying to talk to her for the last two weeks but she hadn't said a word.
As a matter of fact, ever since waking up from the first time she slit her wrist, no one had heard her voice. She never said a word, didn't ask anything, didn't even whimper in pain whenever she was hurting herself. Even during the time when she insisted going to the bathroom alone to drink bleach, she made do to communicate with just gestures and her stares.
I did everything I could to make her react, I yelled, demanded her to talk, softened my tone when Sir Pearson told me to refrain from raising my voice, tried to talk her into talking to me with the most caring tone I could muster but to no avail. Be it a kind demeanor or a rough scolding, nothing could get past her.
It had been a month and it seemed like a few servants were unable to keep their mouths shut. Word had started spreading that the daughter of the Ducal House of Krauser is sick in the head and trying to kill herself. I worked for the whole day to keep the rumors at bay and wrote to my older brothers about the matter, asking them to go back home immediately.
I cannot deal with Ava on my own. She's driving me so crazy that I haven't been able to sleep properly. The longest leave from the academy that I could afford taking is a maximum of two months. I would be graduating this year and it would be hard to catch up on my studies if I go over that span of time. I needed my brothers' help.
I know that it's no time for Brother Landon and Brandon to worry about Ava's matters. If I could, I didn't want them to know anything. Brother Landon succeeded as the head of the house only last year after Father died and Brother Brandon just got promoted to a platoon leader three months afterwards.
With Brother Landon keeping management of the businesses of the family and learning the duties of a Duke and the Minister of Defense of the kingdom, it was hard for him to go back home.
The same can be said for Brother Brandon. Things had heated up in the borders of a neighboring kingdom and our own and the knights may be preparing for a possible war.
I didn't want to distract them thus I didn't inform them about Ava but I'm at my wit's end. She tried another stunt today despite the tight security around her, slowly pulling on the scarf around her neck to suffocate herself. By the time someone noticed and yanked it away, there was already a horizontal mark forming around her neck.
"I can't do this alone anymore..." I murmured, rested my elbows on the desk and pressed my forehead on my palms. What on earth is happening with Ava? Why is she doing all these crazy things? If only she would talk and tell me what's wrong with her.
~~~
PEARSON
My name is Pearson Radcliffe, the third son of Baron Stephen Radcliffe and a healer at profession. Born to a lower aristocratic family, we were fortunate enough to have at least one healer every generation. Within my father's children, I was the lucky one.
The healers of the family always had the more unique features, forest-green hair and eyes the color of topaz. Because my mother preferred it, I grew my hair out until it reached my back and pulled it together with a ribbon the same color as my eyes. My patients told me that it makes me look capable and approachable, thus I retained the appearance.
For three years, I have worked as a healer and a psychologist and I'm proud to say that I haven't failed yet at anyone's treatment in my career. However, none of my past experiences were enough to help me with the current case that I'm working on.
Lady Charlotte Ava Krauser is the name of my current patient and she had been under my care for the past month. For the first two weeks, I struggled to keep up with healing her self-inflicted injuries which were as often as every one to two days. For the next two weeks, I added psychotherapy to her treatment, visiting her quarters for two hours and trying to get her to talk to me.
I diagnosed her case as severe depression with suicidal tendencies. Having worked with depressed patients before, I thought I would have it under control. However, having no improvement after the continuous psychotherapy, I was starting to feel anxious.
I coated my voice with magic to entice patients to say their innermost thoughts that even they were not aware of, thus my practice of psychology is much more advanced than normal practitioners. It is akin to psychosis, but with the utilization of this kind of hypnotic treatment, I needed the mind of the patient intact to initiate control.
Looking into Lady Ava's eyes, all I could see was emptiness, a deep, dark abyss that not even hypnosis could breach. This implied that her mind is totally closed off and that she's not thinking of anything. The only times her eyes looked remotely alive and showing signs of thinking were during her suicide attempts.
The moment anyone was able to stop her suicide attempts, she'll revert back to her blank, soulless staring. The only peaceful moments I saw so far were during while she slept which she did rather often since she was almost always sedated for her own safety.
I could not understand how a noble lady, a young girl at that, fell into such emotional ruin. She's only fifteen years old so how come she seemed so desperate to die? If only she would talk to me... Just a word, a sentence from her would be enough. That would trigger something and possibly, I would be able to get past the wall she had put up around herself.
Today is the morning that marked the sixteenth day of psychotherapy and I had just finished talking to Lord Greyson before heading towards Lady Ava's quarters.
Lord Greyson is the third son of Duke Krauser who had just passed away last year. Since their family was thrown into a whirlwind of events with the Duke's death, the three sons had gotten busy trying to sort things out. I thought it might have something to do with the lady's depression thus I dropped a few questions about whether she felt lonely and asked about times when the duke was alive but she didn't react at all. There was no change in her eyes, not a twitch from her eyebrows or lips, not even a subtle modification in her breathing...
For me to be able to help her, I have to know the reason for her emotional distress. If she wouldn't talk, I won't be able to do anything but provide her with scented herb candles and calming tea.
Somehow, I know deep in my mind that this young girl no longer had any will to live but no matter how much I think about it, I couldn't understand why. She is the daughter of a Ducal House who has a very comfortable way of living. After digging into her history, I found out about how she was adopted from the streets years ago and that's even more reason to stay alive. She narrowly escaped a poor life during her childhood thus why would she want to die just seven years later?
There was very little information about Lady Ava since she doesn't go out of the mansion at all and did not attend any social gathering despite being invited time and time again. I asked her personal maids and butlers about her personality but they could only tell me that she's very quiet, stiff and gloomy and rarely gets mad.
"But when she does get mad, we would have to brace ourselves because she turns into a very scary person. She can even get violent..." Matilda, the maid who had served the lady for the longest time since she was adopted told me.
It had been such a while since I last got stuck on a patient's case thus I pondered about Lady Ava much more than I intended to. Before I went to sleep last night, I recalled everything again from the first moment I treated her.
Somehow, I still couldn't keep my mind off a few details during the morning I was first called into the mansion. Even though her servants were able to answer my questions, I still felt like there's something I missed out on.
First of all, Lady Ava's state during that morning was not just due to fever and dehydration but also because of starvation. I have checked her body after her pulse stabilized. She was in such a state of starvation that there's literally nothing inside her stomach and I scanned an ulcer forming in her intestines.
Her overall health was terrible. Her body proportions were too small for a young girl of fifteen and she looked more like my thirteen-year-old niece from our eldest sister. She was also thin and pale with fragile bones and upon checking, I was shocked to diagnose malnourishment.
When I asked her maids about this, they told me that she was barely eating during the week she got sick and she missed dinner and breakfast before the medical emergency happened. She also didn't like to go out even just to walk around the house or in the garden. She hated the sun and stayed away from it thus she doesn't even get a basic exercise.
Others may have accepted everything and believed the explanations of the servants but I had my doubts. That kind of malnourishment wouldn't happen under the span of a week. Even if someone eats very little, it wouldn't have become that serious. With a growing body like hers, she would want to eat a lot. Lord Greyson also said that Lady Ava's appetite is rather normal and she wasn't one to leave food on the plate during times he and his brothers had their meals with her.
Another detail that sparked my curiosity were the burn scars on the lady's ankles. The maids told me that she already had them before she got adopted but after magically scanning the scars, I proved to myself that they weren't that old of a scar, just approximately three or four years since the moment of injury.
Just why would the maids lie about the scar, and by the look of it, the burn injuries were not taken care of properly. They healed rather sloppily with no signs of being treated. The scar tissue also led me to assume that the scars had been peeled numerous times before an actual scab formed. Each scar had made a dent on the skin meaning that a few layers had been sloughed off. It must've been really painful.
Many times I thought about telling Lord Greyson about these details however, I know that our family could be placed in a bad position if I do. Only one explanation could be deemed possible with the scars and the malnutrition, adding up to the depression and the lady's determination to die... It would mean that possibly, Lady Ava had been abused inside the mansion.
Just by laying out those details, I could be accused of insulting the Krauser family's name. Lord Greyson didn't seem like a sympathetic person, judging from the way he yelled at Lady Ava in his attempts to get her to talk. However, as a healer, I didn't feel at ease hiding health details from the patient's guardian.
Thus, I am currently torn between two things: telling Lord Greyson so that we can investigate the matters but risk getting my father and myself in trouble, or keep quiet about it and get riddled with the guilt of mishandling a patient's case.
With my thoughts still in shambles, I reached Lady Ava's room. Before knocking, I took a deep breath. Perhaps I'll decide on what to do once today's session is over. I would have to try everything I can to make her talk right now.
Lord Greyson told me that his older brothers would be coming home later. It would be much better to relay the issues to the current Duke Krauser given the situation that the lady finally talks. But if she doesn't, it's back to my thinking chair for a few hours and come up with a decision whether to spill everything or not.
Mustering a smile, I knocked on the door like I always did and the maid let me in. She vacated the room and left us alone as soon as she got the tea ready.
I looked at my patient sitting up on the bed, her head rested on a large pillow propping her back, staring at the canopy of her four-poster bed with the same blank glaze over her eyes. With her long wavy strawberry-blonde hair, green eyes, pale skin and delicate facial features, she looked like a porcelain doll.
The more I see her, the more I thought the lady to be quite pretty. If only she puts on a little weight to add volume to her sunken cheeks and nourish a healthy sun-kissed blush on her complexion, she would look even more stunning.
"It's nice to see you again, Lady Ava," I said as I poured the tea. "The weather today is rather nice, not too sunny, with clouds sailing the blue skies..."
I lit the scented candle and placed a magic recorder on the table, turning it on with a small neutral mana burst.
In order to make my analysis as accurate as possible, I record the sessions I spend with my patients so that I can hear it again afterwards and perhaps draw a new conclusion or discover a hint and a new piece of information among the words exchanged between us. Just in case the lady speaks today, I can also share a bit with Lord Greyson just so he can hear her speak again. He looked extremely frustrated about the fact that she wasn't making a sound for the last month and I knew deep inside that he's being concerned for the lady in his own way.
"What should we talk about today, Lady Ava?" I asked but like the usual, she remained unmoving, not even sparing me a glance. Still, I didn't allow my smile to wobble even the slightest bit. "Perhaps you want a cup of this tea. It's freshly brewed and very fragrant..."
As I poured tea to another cup, the corner of my eye caught the lady's feet poking out from the blanket. All of a sudden, I had a thought. I haven't gone aggressive on a depressed patient in my whole three years of experience but perhaps, I could generate a response from the lady with the question I just came up with.
Pursing my lips, I tested the waters. "Does Lady Ava know... that you have scars on both of your ankles?"
I said the seemingly innocent question while slowly looking at her expression. Her eyes, which were staring blankly one second, blinked once and looked a little different from the usual.
A response! Finally!
I willed myself not to get too excited. I cannot afford to ruin this opportunity.
"Excuse my rudeness but perhaps, can the lady tell me how you got the scars?" I asked.
Lady Ava didn't say a word but her eyes were clearly alive and focused.
"Is that a difficult request, my lady?" I continued.
"Why are you trying so hard?"
My eyes widened at the sound of her voice. I thought her voice would sound thin and feminine but it was rather firm and low, like a nice tenor.
"Pardon?" I said, luring her to talk more.
"Is it because it's your job? As a psychologist, you have to talk to me every day even though I ignored you each time..." Lady Ava said.
I put the teapot down and settled on my seat. "It is indeed my job, my lady, but it's not entirely just for my job... Personally, I am very curious about Lady Ava..."
"Why?" she asked. I heard the subtle skepticism on her tone, implying that she doesn't believe my words.
"I'm wondering why such a beautiful girl desperately wants to leave this world, even to the point of torturing herself..." I answered.
Finally, the lady took her emerald eyes off the canopy and looked at me. "Should I tell you why? So your job would be over and you can go home..." she said.
I was quite surprised by her words. Does it mean that she is finally willing to talk?
After a subtle pause, she continued. "I really don't have a habit of causing such inconvenience upon other people but I'm left with no choice. I apologize for everything, Sir Pearson..."
"I'm surprised the lady knows my name..." I smiled. I have to keep the momentum going.
"I may have been uninterested about the things happening around me but I'm not deaf," she told me rather dryly.
"I apologize if I offended you in some way..." I quickly remarked. Her tone of voice is so monotonous that it's hard to guess what she's thinking. It would be better for me to be as cautious as I could possibly be lest she decides to stop talking after hearing something she deems unpleasant.
The lady became quiet for a moment and I patiently waited for her response. After several minutes, she talked again.
"It's the first time... that someone apologized to me..." she suddenly said, looking down before bringing her eyes to my face again. "It's the first time I've talked to someone like this as well..." she added and I saw her eyes waver. "Because of that, I'll tell his Lordship a story..."
"May I... sit by your bed? So I can hear clearly..." I asked, motioning to the side of the bed.
She nodded and I took my chair towards the spot.
"How about the tea, my lady?" I offered. She nodded again and I passed a cup to her slender hands. "It's lukewarm, so your hands won't get burnt," I told her.
After taking a sip, the lady began her story. I listened raptly, unaware of the shock I would receive later.
"There was this girl who was the unwanted child of a prostitute. The prostitute didn't know she was pregnant because her belly didn't bulge out much. By the time she noticed, it was seven months old. She tried to get it aborted but she went into labor first. The baby was tiny but otherwise healthy. She had no idea who the father was. She also had no intention of finding the father. She said it was too troublesome. Since it's a girl, she gave it for the Madame of the brothel to raise so it can be a prostitute once it was old enough... The Madame couldn't be bothered hiring someone to have it breastfed thus the kitchen lady who just gave birth spared some of her milk to it just until it started eating."
I resisted the frown slowly forming on my face. Just what kind of story is the Lady talking about? It cannot possibly a real story, can it? I focused as Lady Ava continued talking, the cup of tea sitting prettily on her fragile hands.
"It was two years old when it started to understand words. And as soon as it started walking, it was taught to run errands. No one bothered to name it thus everyone called it by whatever they wanted. It remained obedient so it can get food once a day. Sometimes, the mother forgets to feed it, thus it would help clean customer's tables and feed on scraps. Life was hard but it wasn't bothered much. After all, it had a mother to rely on."
"However, the day came when everything changed. A customer came to the brothel, someone with a fetish for younger females, children in particular. It was six years old at that time and it caught the attention of the customer despite being dirty. Thus, the Madame bathed it so that it can be sent to the customer's room. It may have been young, but it knew what was going to happen. It knew what kind of things the brothel sells. And so, before the customer was able to do his bidding, it escaped after hitting the man with a glass bottle in the head."
"It ran away and people from the brothel tried to catch it. Left with no choice, it ran and ran, far away from the brothel and finally banged helplessly on the door of the first house it saw. Fortunately, the owner of the house was kind. It was able to hide from the pursuers and the woman who owned the house asked it about everything that happened. Taking pity on it, the woman asked for it to stay in the house along with a few children she also picked up from the streets. When it was asked for a name, it was unable to answer, thus the woman gave it a name... Ava, meaning 'Life'. The 'it' became a 'she', and she had found a home."
Although I was confused at first, I was no fool to not comprehend this 'story'. Lady Ava had been telling me of her own background, the buried and unknown details of her life before the Krauser family's adoption. Hearing the story of her birth being told so carelessly, with her own words pertaining to herself as an object, my throat felt uncomfortable. A dull weight settled upon my stomach as I continued to listen.
"The woman owning the house was a wonderful person. Ava thought she might have been an angel who descended on earth. Ava and the other five children of the house, of different ages and features, learned many things from the woman and lived a good life despite only eating once or twice a day. There were too many mouths to feed and the woman was not rich. Even so, she did not send the children away," the lady narrated. It was only within this paragraph that she harbored a small smile by the corner of her pale lips. The smile disappeared when she continued.
"Two years later, the woman fell sick. Unable to afford a doctor, she died a couple of days later and the house she lived in was seized by a relative. The children were left without a home and thus they sought refuge in a forest. The forest gave them a few bites to eat and they learned to plant edible things, but it was only a few weeks later when slave-traders saw them and tried taking all six children with them. Ava was only able to escape because the eldest among them threw her off the back of the carriage. However, if anyone asked her, Ava would probably say she would much rather go with them than roam the streets alone."
"The town where Ava got dropped off was not the town she was born in. It was extremely different from the place she was used to. The new town only had a sparse forest with barely anything that bears edible things. It was mostly fully-cemented and had lots and lots of buildings. After roaming the streets for a while, Ava learned that life there is more difficult than the place she came from. She stayed in the slums for the summer and before she even noticed, it was autumn. Then it was almost winter. The cold and hunger almost killed her if not for a warm woman who took her to a carriage and gave her a new shelter."
"However, everything became even more complicated for Ava. The woman who saved Ava mistook her for her missing child. Thus, the woman's husband struck a deal with her, asking her to take the place of the missing daughter just until the real one was found or the Madame's health becomes better. But the Madame ended up dying a month later. Before she passed away, the Madame talked to Ava, confessing to the child that she wasn't sick all the time and that in between her delusions, she knew perfectly well that Ava was not her missing child. She only made herself believe so she could live on. Because of that, the Madame must've felt like she owed something to the girl and left a will asking for her to be officially adopted to the family. The husband honored her wishes but he nor his three sons were glad about the girl being adopted."
"Because they told her so, she lived quietly. The three sons were mean but as long as she didn't get in their way, Ava would be alright. In front of the father and other people, she called them 'brother'. But within the house with only servants to see, she called them 'young master'. She was very satisfied with the arrangement for she once had an older boy whom she affectionately called 'brother'. He was the one who threw her overboard from the slave trader's carriage. He and only he would be the only person she would ever willingly call 'brother'. The three sons did not know that she hated calling them brother as much as they hated hearing the word from her."
"Ava knew she wasn't welcome in the house thus she wanted to wait until she's of proper age to work so that she can leave the house. However, upon noticing that the father and the three sons were not concerned at all about the adopted daughter, servants started being mean to her as well. It wasn't long before they shirked their service and let her clean and prepare everything by herself. Only when the father and the three sons would be home that they would clean her room and dress her up. She was allowed to join the family for only one meal, and it was during dinner."
"One night, Ava noticed something wrong with her food. It was too salty and tasted strange. Thus, she said so, but the father and the three sons were having the same meal and theirs tasted fine. She was scolded for being fussy, complaining for no reason, thus from then on, no matter how the food tasted, she would eat without showing any discomfort on her face. It was hard at first but with practice, she got better. Every step she made in the house, she had to be careful. All over the house were people who would give her a hard time if she doesn't know her place."
"However, there were times when they bothered her even when she was being quiet. The third son, often played pranks on her although she doesn't know why. Sometimes the second son would get annoyed just by her being there and tripped or pushed her when he saw a chance. The eldest was the best for he only said a few hurtful but otherwise harmless words whenever they meet."
"The servants treated her worse after seeing how terrible the masters were to her. At first they weren't being malicious, but seeing that no punishment would befall them, they started getting more creative. Sometimes the food would be so bad, it wasn't edible anymore. Still, Ava ate each bite and depended on how strong her stomach was. If she needed to vomit it out, she would. But at least she was able to fill her stomach for a while before the next meal arrived."
"When the young masters left the house for their education, the father dedicated himself more on work and left the house as well. The mansion was almost abandoned by its true owners with only Ava and the servants in the house. It was then that the servants started getting physical though they made sure it would be as indirect as possible."
"The worst was when a maid poured burning oil on the sleeping girl's ankles. But because it caused a much larger injury than she intended, the maid panicked and treated the wound just so it would stay covered. The wound was not yet completely healed by the time the three sons went back to the house for vacation. They continued treating Ava like they always had and when the second son tripped her, the wound scraped off. Still, Ava had to act as if nothing happened. She cleaned the wound herself, and it would scrape off every time the second or the third son messed with her. Both wounds were only able to heal properly after the sons had gone back to school."
"Because she had nothing to do, Ava learned etiquette. No one really cared but still, she thought it wouldn't be right if she brings shame to the name of the family who took her in. The people there may not have been the nicest people but they provided her with a roof over her head and clothes on her back. She could fill her belly with food and not go hungry. Truly, she was grateful."
"However, she had gotten a taste of death once again and strangely, it wasn't as scary as when she almost froze and starved to death during her childhood. The life draining out of her felt strangely comfortable. Then she realized... It would only be painful for a while, then after her heart stops beating, it would be over," the lady continued narrating but I detected a strange change in her tone. All of a sudden, a crazed look befell her emerald eyes.
She looked at me directly before speaking again. "All that time, she was trying to survive, not knowing that there could only be absolute freedom through death. The fate of ladies in the kind of house she was adopted into was to get married off to a man who can give benefits to the house. Even if she waited for her adulthood, she wouldn't be able to truly leave. She would forever stay in their shadow," she said with a tone that made me feel uncomfortable.
At that instant, Lady Ava stared at me squarely in the eyes. The glint on her emerald eyes was so crazed, so frightening that I felt all the hairs in my body standing on ends.
"You see, my Lord. Leaving the house was only possible as a corpse!" she declared, the shadow of a laugh hinted in her voice.
As if realizing that all the talking made her mouth dry, she gulped down the cold tea on the cup I gave her before putting it to the side and leaning towards me. With her pale, thin, cold hands, she reached over and took hold my own.
"Did I answer your question earlier about the ankle scars, Sir Pearson? Do you understand now? Living is not an option; only dying is. Dying is Ava's true salvation. I, Ava, would never be at peace without death. Death had always hung before me. I wasn't even supposed to be born at all. I have to die, I want to die, it's my destiny to die. I'm sure everyone else here wants me to die as well," she told me, with her emerald eyes wide and glassy. Looking at them scared the living daylight's out of me but somehow, I couldn't look away.
She looked down, her glassy eyes slowly getting moist. "That's why I don't understand. I'm making it easy for them so why won't they leave me alone? Right now, the security is so tight I'm not allowed to breathe without another person in the room," she said, shifting her eyes away for a moment. When she brought them back to me, there was a brighter glint on them.
"The only time I get to be alone with a person who's not from the mansion is when you talk to me, Sir Pearson. You told me before that you want to help me. You may have thought I wasn't listening but I was. I clearly heard you, dozens of times, that you want to help me. You can certainly help me, Sir Pearson. You're a healer and you prescribe medicine. Surely you can get your hands on a vial of poison. It doesn't have to be a painless one, I'm not choosy. I can deal with pain, even if it lasts a few hours, even a day. As long as it's lethal and has no antidote," she said, her tone so incredibly monotonous that one wouldn't be able to believe that she's using it to make a ridiculous request.
She tightened her grip on my hands. "Please my Lordship... Only you can help me now... This is the first and last request I ever made in my life... Please don't ignore it. Please have pity on me..."
To my surprise, she kissed my hand like one would to a benefactor and tears fell from her eyes. "This is... the greatest kindness you can ever gift to me, my Lord... I've always been forbidden to cry but for this, I will, so you can see how sincere I am. I am begging you with all my heart and soul... Help me so I can die," she whimpered, her defensive wall completely breaking down. As it crashed into a million pieces, my heart also crumbled.
To be honest, I couldn't remember what I answered nor how I was able to leave the room. But as I hurry down the stairs, gripping the magic recorder on one hand, I tripped on the last step and almost fell down. It was only then that I snapped back to my senses.
With eyes wide, I placed a hand over my mouth, my chest heaving up and down from painfully deep breaths. Before I even noticed, I was crying.
I couldn't pull myself together at first and had to retire to the guest room in the annex building. After pondering for a while, I picked up the magic recorder with a determination I didn't ever feel for anyone before.
"The Duke and his brothers... They need to hear this..." I murmured to myself.