AVA
When I awakened to someone's warmth engulfing my hand, I almost cried. I blinked the tears back and shoved them down my throat. I cry way too easily these days. I've gotten weak. I originally had more self-control...
Suddenly, I heard someone speak, close to my side.
"My lady..." the soft, manly voice remarked, ever so gentle.
I can recognize the voice. It was the same familiar voice that stayed calm, patient and radiant even when I made no effort to give a reply...
"Please wake up... This world may be wretched but there are many reasons to stay alive..." he said.
Hearing that, I was choked up with overwhelming emotion. Yukina was right... There really is someone waiting for me to wake up.
With difficulty, I opened my mouth and tried to speak. My voice was weak from days of dormancy but the words came out audibly.
"Would you mind... telling me one or two... of those reasons?" I said.
When Sir Pearson looked at me, his golden eyes were wide with surprise. He called my name, stuttering in his shock, perhaps trying to confirm whether I really am awake or not.
This person... He didn't know me nor did not have anything to do with me. He was only here for his job and I was just another patient, but I know that he has done so much more than his call of duty. He didn't have to try so hard, and he didn't have to force himself to deal with a stubborn patient like me, but he still did. Despite being a total stranger, he was genuinely concerned. Perhaps that was the reason why I decided to tell him about my story and ask for his help.
I owe him gratitude. And he deserves to see what he came for...
I mustered a smile. Perhaps it looked awkward for I cannot remember the last time I smiled. Still, for this person, I should try my best.
"Good morning, Sir Pearson..." I greeted.
~~~
PEARSON
I cried for the second time.
I, both as a child of a noble and a light magic wielder, had always been taught how to keep my emotions under control. However, I found myself showing much more emotion than necessary for the past month.
The first time I ever felt genuine pity and cried for someone else's sake and even the first time I raised my voice at a higher noble and lost my temper; every single time, it was because of her.
I didn't know what it was about her that shook me up. Was I merely concerned? Sympathetic? Was it because she was the first person to ask me for help to take her own life instead of begging me to let her live longer?
Whatever it may be, it doesn't really matter. Just the weight of her words... That morning greeting... It was enough to harrow up my very soul.
"Sir Pearson.... Please..." I heard Lady Ava say and I suddenly felt cold fingertips on my face. She wiped the trail of tears on my cheek with her thumb and said, "Don't cry. What's wrong?" There was a trace of panic in her tone.
Through the blur of tears, I looked at her. Her lovely face, still gaunt and pale from the ordeals she had gotten through, is full of worry. She continued brushing off the tears on my face, looking genuinely concerned.
I must have frightened her for crying so suddenly. I must calm down. This is not how I should behave in front of a patient and a lady.
"I'm so sorry..." I told her. "It's just... To see Lady Ava waking up and greeting me, it was just so overwhelming. I haven't gotten enough sleep last night. That must be why I'm so unstable right now... Forgive me," I explained, getting up and wiping my eyes and face.
Lady Ava reached out to the bedside table close to her and took a handkerchief from the top drawer. "Please... Take this..." she said, handing it to me.
I gratefully took it and at that moment, the door opened. "Sir Pearson, I'm sorry for the wai-"
Sir Brandon has arrived and both his words and steps were cut off upon seeing Lady Ava sitting up on the bed totally conscious. His gray-blue eyes were wide and he just stood staring at her.
Lady Ava saw him and suddenly looked flustered. She hung her feet on the edge of the bed. "Second young master," she said and attempted to stand up in formal greeting.
As soon as her feet landed on the floor, her knees buckled.
"Hey!" Sir Brandon exclaimed and ran to her rescue. I was nearer thus I reacted quickly and caught her before she fell.
Sir Brandon was only half an arm's length away from holding her shoulder but his hand froze just as he was about to touch her. With a complicated look on his face, he withdrew his hand.
"Why did you try to stand so suddenly?" Sir Brandon asked, his husky voice a little agitated.
"To greet the young master," Lady Ava answered as I helped her lie down the bed again.
Sir Brandon seemed taken aback at her answer and his eyes portrayed a pained look. "Isn't it obvious that you're in no condition to greet formally? Getting up so suddenly like that... Why are you so stupid?" he remarked.
His tone and choice of words were rough but I know exactly what he wanted to express. After spending time with the Duke and his brothers, I have come to understand their personalities. They have their flaws but they were not bad people. Lord Brandon is especially rough with his words and actions. Perhaps it came from spending most of his time in the military.
Everything that the Young Lords have done to Lady Ava when they were young, they admitted to each deed and felt ashamed at how immature they were. They used her as a scapegoat and vented their frustrations at her starting from their little sister's disappearance to their mother's death and everything else that followed. As children, they believed Lady Ava to be a source of misfortune. They unanimously agreed that it was because she arrived in their household that their family started falling apart.
They were mere children and they genuinely had no idea how much damage they were causing to their adoptive sister, both physically and emotionally. They sincerely thought that she didn't take anything at heart.
Their assumptions and ignorance doesn't grant them an excuse for everything that happened so far and they know it better than anyone. For the days that Lady Ava remained sleeping, they repented every minute, every second, and all of them suffered from sleepless nights. They drove themselves crazy thinking what they should do if Lady Ava doesn't wake up.
Among the three of them, it was the Duke who had it worst. As the eldest, he felt that he had more responsibility and fault for driving Lady Ava into a corner. I have not seen him rest and he had sent countless scouts to physicians and magicians alike to search for any method that may help Lady Ava regain consciousness.
I have witnessed their sincerity, something that I hoped Lady Ava had seen for herself. Somewhere in my heart, I felt hope.
Both Lady Ava and the young masters... They were overwhelmed by childhood trauma and had never been able to see eye to eye. But perhaps this is a chance to turn over a new leaf. Perhaps after this, Lady Ava's relationship with her adoptive older brothers would see a change for the better...
"I'm sorry," Lady Ava answered Sir Brandon's gruff statements, making me snap back to my senses.
I watched how she behaved in front of Sir Brandon and took note specifically of the simple gestures that portrayed exactly how difficult it would be to reach my wishful thinking.
Her subtle body language told me quite a lot. Head bowed, eyes down, rigid shoulders, straight back...
"I'm at fault, forgive me," Lady Ava added just as Sir Brandon was about to open his mouth.
I know that Sir Brandon did not intend for Lady Ava to apologize. His wavering eyes spoke of his regret for blurting out his words earlier.
However, he wasn't able to say anything. His shoulders sagged, a sign of surrender. "I... will go tell Grey and older brother that she woke up..." he said instead and turned towards the door. Just as he was about to leave, he paused and seemed hesitant.
"Ava," he called.
Just with him calling her name, I saw the tension by how Lady Ava impulsively flinched.
"Yes, second young master," she answered. Her reply was immediate, as if it was automatically embedded inside her.
"Rest up, and tell Sir Pearson if you feel ill anywhere..." Sir Brandon said.
"Understood, second young master," Lady Ava replied. She sounded so stiff and formal, it was hard to hear and watch her.
With that, Sir Brandon left. It was then that Lady Ava's shoulders dropped and she looked relieved.
It just dawned to me that perhaps I am witnessing how Lady Ava usually behaves in front of the young masters before the time she fell ill and started having suicidal thoughts. She didn't seem at ease just with Sir Brandon being in the same room.
Sir Brandon also seemed like he didn't know how to express himself properly. I began to wonder how Sir Greyson and Duke Landon would behave around Miss Ava after all that has happened.
As I pondered over that thought, I realized that I had been thinking more about the state of the young masters far more than I should be. I have to get a grip. My patient is Lady Ava, not the three young masters. I have to shake off my thoughts regarding the young masters and keep my focus on Lady Ava. She just woke up and there is certainly no guarantee that she already gave up on killing herself.
I observed her and made a few quick mental notes. Her demeanor is very different from before she was sedated eight days ago. That in itself is a good sign.
So what should I do now? I have not been in this kind of situation before and I am at a total loss at what to do next. Four years in the Magic Academy and all the books I have read in my lifetime did not help a bit to give me the faintest idea of what to do or say.
At that moment, a low growling sound broke the silence of the room.
My eyes widened and I searched for the source of the sound, looking around absent-mindedly.
The low growl sounded again and it came directly from Lady Ava's bed. I saw her clutching her stomach, her cheeks and nose red from embarrassment.
All my tension melted away and I barely stopped myself from showing any signs of amusement lest it makes the lady more embarrassed.
"I will call for a maid to prepare a light meal," I said, smiling warmly.
"Th-thank you..." Lady Ava answered with a shy smile.
~~~
LANDON
It had been a few hours since Brandon stormed in my office and informed me and Greyson about Ava gaining consciousness. The three of us hurried to her quarters but Sir Pearson met us by the door and asked for us to wait while he examines Ava's current condition.
"The lady also has to eat a proper meal and take a bath to feel more comfortable. Kathy and the other maids are currently inside tending to her. I will conduct a quick scan afterwards and talk to Lady Ava in order to assess her current mental and emotional disposition," Pearson told us before asking for our patience.
We understood the precautions that Sir Pearson wanted to take and thus returned to my office to wait. Brandon should have been on his way to the capital already but he insisted delaying his trip to early tomorrow morning.
"I can still make it if I travel by horse at dawn tomorrow. I sent the carriage first containing my luggage along with the servants," Brandon told us. He sat on the sofa with his hands clasped together in front of him, bearing a complicated expression. "I won't be able to concentrate at work without confirming firsthand that the brat is fine now," he added.
While we waited, we had tea prescribed by Sir Pearson to calm our nerves and found ourselves talking about Ava.
We didn't really talk about her while she was asleep. Although I know that she was probably on Brandon and Greyson's minds as much as she was in mine, we didn't speak a word of her and kept our thoughts to ourselves. I think that everything revealed so far had been much of a shock to all of us and we still need the time to digest the facts mentally and emotionally.
However, now that Ava is awake, we cannot run away from it anymore. We would have to face her sooner or later and talk to her about everything that happened so far, including the past.
"How was she? Have you already spoken to her?" Grey asked.
"We… exchanged a few words…" Brandon answered, averting his grey eyes. "She looked better than the week before she was sedated and it seemed that she's back to normal," he added.
"Just how do we recognize Ava 'being normal'?" Greyson suddenly remarked.
His words made us silent. We know exactly what he's talking about.
We lived with Ava for seven years under one roof but we know nothing about her aside from the biased image we had of her from the past. After knowing how she lived in the mansion all this time, we were no fools to not understand that the Ava we had known all this time was not the real her. The Ava we know was just a child being made to adapt and compromise to everyone in the mansion.
Thus, we're in no position to recognize whether she's acting 'normal' or not.
"That brat is too much…" Brandon suddenly said. "Why did she endure everything to the point of self-destruction? Why didn't she say anything to protect herself? I know I'm one of the people who hurt her but still… If she told me it hurts, if she shouts at me to stop, I would've—" He stopped and bit his lower lip in frustration.
"It's not her fault though…" Greyson said with a bitter smile. "We were jerks especially when she just arrived. We might had been children but that cannot be an excuse to hurt someone. I remember every single thing I told her along with every single prank I played on her. When I just started attending the Magic Academy, I practiced hexes on her for fun. She didn't look fazed but she might have been terrified. She was just about ten when I started school so my pranks were probably at the worst back then. There's no way a mana-less ten-year-old would not be afraid of magic being casted on her," Greyson said, gripping the handle of the teacup tighter.
I stayed silent and only listened, occasionally sipping tea. I didn't have the gall to say with my own mouth that out of all of us, I am the person to blame the most. As the eldest, I had the authority to control my brothers and the servants. But I turned a blind eye on Ava even during the times that I suspected something strange happening. I didn't want to help her because I was still stubbornly holding onto my belief that I would never accept her as a true member of the family.
But now, I realized that I might have already accepted her into the family even before Father died. It must have happened naturally and all my misplaced hatred on her had subsided. I didn't know when exactly it happened; I was just too uncaring to notice.
As she slept on with the possibility of never waking up, I was in a miserable state. I suddenly realized that I can no longer imagine the mansion without her presence. She didn't make her existence stand out but I have always been conscious of the fact that at home, my adoptive sister by the name of Ava is living well and waiting for our return.
I was a fool, a total fool. What use are people's compliments on my intellect when I cannot even understand my own thoughts and feelings?
All of a sudden, I got reminded about something that Father said on his deathbed.
'On Ava's sixteenth birthday, open the sealed red envelope included in my will. Then do as the letter instructed; do not even consider going against it. It is my will for Ava and my final gift to her.'
That was what Father said.
I was too busy with the preparations for inheriting the Dukedom and learning Father's duties that the conversation was completely placed at the back of my mind.
"Do you want to hear what exactly happened inside Ava's room earlier?" Brandon suddenly said, distracting me from my thoughts.
Greyson and I looked at him with an interest tinged with nervousness. That was probably what we had been worrying about the most. We wondered how we would face Ava after she wakes up. We no longer have the dignity nor the right to look at her in the eyes. And what would we say to her? Despite being in a hurry earlier to see her, I admit that I absolutely do not know what to say to her.
"The moment she laid eyes on me, she tried to stand up and greet me formally," Brandon told us. A bitter smile formed on his lips. "She almost fell but Pearson caught her in time. I also… tried to help… But the moment I was about to touch her, my hand froze," he added.
Greyson and I only responded with silence. Of course she would behave that way. We had been strict with her about formal greetings ever since she was adopted. We instilled into her that she was still of common origins and thus should learn how to bow her head upon seeing us. The customary curtsy and bow – that was probably the memory of Ava we had the most.
"Do you know what she called me?" Brandon spoke again, pouring himself another cup of tea. "Second young master," he answered his own question and gave a bitter huff before downing the tea.
"I don't think I can remember the last time she called me 'brother'. She doesn't go out in public with us much. We did tell her to only call us 'brother' in front of important people but even in front of other nobles during older brother's ceremony, she didn't pertain to us that way. Thinking back, she avoided talking so she wouldn't be placed in a situation wherein she needed to call us 'brother'. How is she so obedient? Was she that frightened, that she does everything we told her to do?" Brandon remarked.
"She really makes me feel like I'm the scum of the earth. I can't remember ever saying something nice to her and now I don't know how," he added with another laugh.
I retained my silence because I felt the same way. I have no idea how to talk to Ava again. I even feel intimidated upon imagining how she would look at me. It would have been much better if she looks at me with disdain, hatred and loathing but I know she wouldn't do that. The thing I dread the most is that she would look at me with fear in her eyes. If she does… then what can I possibly do?
Again, I was reminded of the sealed envelope in Father's will that could only be opened on Ava's sixteenth birthday. I found myself gaining a peculiar amount of interest in it. Father said that it was his will for Ava and his last gift to her.
When the three of us were away on our studies, it was Father who stayed in the mansion the most and possibly had the most interaction with Ava. Perhaps the letter could help us with some sort of hint on what to do for this predicament.
I stood up and went to the shelf with the hidden room for important documents. I selected the right book hiding the magic-infused lock and inserted the Duke's ring on my middle finger onto the circular crest. The shelf moved and revealed the secret door.
My brothers watched me in awe. They had no idea that there was such a room in the Duke's office.
"Brother, what are you doing?" Greyson immediately asked after he recovered from the shock.
"Father left something for Ava in his will but it wasn't to be opened until her sixteenth birthday. I never thought about it until now but maybe there's something about it that can help us," I answered.
I have to venture alone, for the barrier covering the secret door only permits entrance to the current Duke of the Krauser Duchy. A powerful protection spell covers the whole space and even those with pure Krauser blood would be cursed upon intruding. I explained that to my brothers and immediately went looking for Father's will.
A minute later, I was back in the office with the passage closing automatically behind me.
"Check for a protection spell," I told Grey and handed him the red envelope.
Greyson quickly made a quick examination and shook his head after several seconds. "There's none. It's safe to open," he replied and handed it back to me.
"Alright," I murmured and had Brandon hand me a small knife to peel off the wax seal.
With my brothers crowding behind me, I opened the envelope and took the letter inside. There were four pages of paper and we read together the contents of the first one silently. The written words sent our eyes widening in shock.
"For-for the adoption to be annulled and ineffective after her sixteenth birthday?" Greyson read one of the passages aloud.
Brandon was in so much shock that he took a step back and almost stumbled. "What—" he mumbled, at a loss for words.
I quickly read over the first document, processing the contents in my frazzled brain. It's a notice of annulment of adoption, signed by Father and to be sent to the Royal Registry on the date of Ava's birthday.
I placed the first page underneath the last one and began reading the rest.
The second and third documents contained a handwritten letter by Father. The writing was very sloppy and a bit hard to read but otherwise can be deciphered.
'To Charlotte Ava Krauser,
You silly child. You awkward, easily-misunderstood child.
I cannot refer to you as my child since I have done nothing for you worthy of a parent.
I was drowning in my own grief that I was unable to see the efforts you have done over the years.
Why haven't you told me that the one brewing tea for me late at night was you? Why haven't you told me that for these long and arduous years, you have watched over me quietly?
All this time, I thought it was the ghost of my late wife who was encouraging me to live on. Your tea tasted so similar to hers that I was able to delude myself that she was still by my side. Ever since Freya left me, those few minutes each night when I was drinking the tea gave me the strength to live on. I would have never expected that it was you who was preparing tea every night and leaving it by my bedside table, the way she always did for me.
I do remember Freya telling me that she had been teaching you how to brew tea during the last few weeks before her death. You must have practiced a lot to mimic the taste of her tea.
It might be too late for me to convey this to you but I am very grateful for what you did. To me, it wasn't just a pot of tea. It was much more meaningful than that, so much more that I cannot find the words to describe it.
You must be wondering by now how I was able to know that it was you who leaves tea by my table. I caught you one night when I was unable to sleep. You even had the initiative to check whether I was warm enough. Your kind actions brought tears to my eyes for I do not remember doing a single thing for you to be so concerned about my welfare.
I am now but a powerless old man who cannot even leave my own bed. I know that I only have a few days left to live, thus, even with my hands shaking, I wanted to write this letter for you and tell you that I am gifting you something that you probably wish for: a right to leave the Krauser Duchy and start your life over again.
Upon the annulment of your adoption, you will be given a sum of money large enough to buy land and a house of your own and the title of ownership of the cotton mill at Magenta county, one of the businesses of the Krauser Duchy. The mill provides cotton for merchant partners in the capital thus you would not be left desolate and without a means to earn money for your needs.
I know that this is not enough to atone for the sin of negligence and lack of care towards you. However, I wish you would find it in your heart to forgive this old man.
I do not worry for my sons for they were raised to be capable young men able to fend for themselves and take responsibility for the dukedom. My only worry upon leaving this earth is that you, my adoptive daughter Ava, would continue living under these conditions that were forced upon you since your childhood.
I know very well that you do not like it here. It was just your desire to live on and survive that made you play along according to the needs of my family. I am very sorry for that. My family and I robbed you of a very precious thing and that was your right to a cheerful and bright childhood. You grew up graceful and sensible despite the lack of care and attention and I am deeply proud of you for enduring so much.
Thus, I am granting your freedom back to you, something that should have originally belonged to you in the first place.
I hope the very best for you, Ava. I am sincerely wishing for your happiness. I may not have the right to send you my good wishes after all this time however, I hope you would take my words to heart.
Thank you for everything you have done. Unlike this old man, I hope you live a more fulfilled, more meaningful life.
Farewell, my dear. I wish I would have called you more dearly when I was still able to. That perhaps is the only regret I would leave on this earth.'
Brandon and Greyson read the letter right after I finished and I examined the last document, the deed and title of the cotton mill that was mentioned in the latter along with an attached check with the sum of one million gold pieces. With that amount, it would be easy to buy a good-sized land with a small mansion fit for a lower noble.
On the deed, Ava had been given the title of Baroness. Father also made arrangements to grant her a lower noble title. It would not be official unless the Emperor stamps his approval on the title but that is something that would be easy to accomplish. There is a condition on the deed that twenty percent of the mill's profit would serve as a tax that would directly fall into the hands of the Royal Treasury thus there would not be any reason for the Emperor to not allow the title.
Baroness is the only title that can be given exclusively to women in the Gouveia Kingdom. The Emperor along with the three Dukes are the only people with authority to grant the title. Usually, the title was given to women who contributed a lot to the growth of the Kingdom or attended to a Dukedom's heirs. The recipients were mostly the retired head maids and nannies of the Royal Family and Ducal houses. It was not an important title and adding another name to the Registry of the Lower Nobles can bring more profit to the Kingdom in the form of taxes. This is the so-called 'buying' of a noble title that would only be possible with a hefty amount of monthly income or a lifetime of service to the Gouveia Kingdom. In addition, the Baroness's title is not transferrable by familial relations thus the husbands of the women granted the title are strictly not Barons and the children of the Baroness would remain of common origin. The title is for the Baroness exclusively.
Father may had been dying when he set up all the papers but he was consistently good at his work for there was no loophole in any of the documents. The letter in itself could serve as evidence that Ava had contributed a lot for the Duke to feel indebted to her. The Emperor would not ignore Father's gratitude to someone since Father had been a key person who contributed many accomplishments for the Kingdom. Father spent his youth as the General of the Silver Jade Knights and later took on the position of Minister of Defense.
"I can't believe this…" Greyson suddenly mumbled, making me snap back to reality.
"The terms are all amazing. A land, a house, a stable business, the title of Baroness… But this means that Ava would no longer be our sister, doesn't it?" he added.
"Ridiculous! Ava is a Krauser! She is and always will be!" Brandon exclaimed and slammed the letter on the table.
"Calm down," I told him and brought the documents together to place back inside the envelope. "Father did all these keeping Ava in mind. We never treated her like family so Father would not have thought that we would be against the idea of annulling Ava's adoption. He might have thought that we would be happy about it," I said and sighed.
"But brother, the Krauser mansion without Ava, can you even imagine that?" Greyson remarked.
We all went silent. Indeed… The mansion would never be the same without Ava.
"I promise to be good to her from now on," Greyson said promptly. "I'll ask Sir Pearson for help regarding her health, and I will atone for everything I did to her for the rest of my life," he added with conviction. "I'm sure it won't be easy… but I'll do anything, everything, within my power."
"But what if Ava still wants to die?" Brandon suddenly asked.
Greyson and I both looked at him.
"If she still wants to die, perhaps if we show her these documents, she'll change her mind. Sir Pearson told us that suicidal people may not desire death all along. What they want are escape and freedom. These documents can grant her both without having the need to die," Brandon said.
Silence curtained us as we thought again about Ava's attempts at suicide. Brandon has a point. We still have no idea what Ava is thinking. If she still wants to die, then the documents could certainly be a key to changing her mind.
She can leave this house with the people who caused her so much pain and live in comfort far away. The Magenta county is situated at the farthest border of the Gouveia kingdom, near the neutral merchant city that was not owned by any kingdom and presided by the Trade Council. It's a peaceful place, quite far away from the noises of the Capital. It might be a tempting offer to Ava who has been fed up with both our family and noble society.
A knock on the door suddenly interrupted the silence in the room. "Duke, my Lords, this is Pearson," the voice behind the door said.
"Enter," I called almost absent-mindedly. I completely forgot that we were waiting until Sir Pearson had finished Ava's health assessment. I shoved the red envelope inside the drawer of my desk.
Sir Pearson stepped inside the room, his robes swishing. He bowed in greeting and regarded us with his golden eyes particularly sparkling.
"Lady Ava is in a good condition. Her limbs are still weak so getting out of bed for the next few days would be difficult. She would be undergoing muscle rehabilitation after a week of following a strict diet regimen and only then would she be allowed to stand and walk by herself," Pearson told us.
"And… Of her mind? Her emotional state?" Greyson reluctantly asked.
"About that…" Pearson said and we stood hanging onto his next words.
"Lady Ava said that she wishes to talk about it with the presence of the Duke and the young lords," he added and cleared his throat. "'I cannot leave my room thus can I trouble the young masters to visit my quarters? I promise you that this will not be a waste of your time.' Those were her exact words."
The three of us could imagine Ava saying those stiff and overly-formal words.
I looked at my brothers and they glanced back at me. Ava wants to talk to us. She actually wants to talk to us.
Sir Pearson made a sweeping gesture towards the door. "Shall we?" he asked with a smile.