you approached me when I was at the lowest, approached me like a sunshine in my thunderstorm phase. I don't know why you kept coming back but I pushed you away thinking I might hurt you while loving you.
I cannot go back to you, but I wanna choose you, I don't wanna lose you but I want you to lose me. I don't wanna hurt you, those words kept going back into my mind like a cycle that won't stop but I chose to stay this time. ...
...but fate didn't agree with us, you've changed and didn't noticed how much I cried because of you, you didn't know. day pass, and each night I cry of how much you changed because I hurted you too much.
you were cold, but you were still caring. those butterflies didn't fade away and my heart was still choosing you, the time for us have come.
you said, '.. I've been thinking this, since the time you said the most beautiful " yes. " to me, however. I am too afraid that you might loose your smile because of me. I don't want that. ' I thought, how ridiculous was that? why did you have to choose my happiness instead of me?
why it isn't me?
why can't it be us in the end?
I thought it'll be us.
fuck love, it is indeed a bastard.
my heart sink as you let that painful truth out of your mouth, I couldn't help but to cry but I saw it coming. the thunderstorm has came to find me again the sunshine wasn't there. and you, yourself was the one who brought the storm to me without any thoughts. you can't choose me, you can't love me.
it was may back then.
it was now august.
I came crashing back to your arms begging you to don't go but you said with a smile and shining eyes, ' I can't come back to you, and you know that. I'll be your number one supporter, but I can't be your lover. '
from that moment, I known. the sight of sunshine was disappearing with the butterflies in my stomach. it was the sunset who was there all this time. the sunset was meant for me to move forward and won't look back any further, it did hurt, so much.
I forgotten, you won't choose me. despite that you still loved me. we're both a girl.
love is truly a bastard.
cupid is stupid..
but thank you.
for letting me meet her.
saying that, while falling in the cliff I could only see the bright moon, the sunset was gone, the dark night was there. and I felt at ease this time. stupidly happy that I met someone like her that changed me.
also bring me death..