~
I was alone for hours, with just my thoughts to keep me company. I finished off the wine bottle and by the time five o'clock came around I was close to the edge of blacking out, I still felt like I was in control but I could feel my self-control slipping very fast.
Rules? Some kind of friends-with-benefits thing without it actually being that?
Where did I go to get where I am now? Can I do it?
I mean I did a lot with Colten already but to make a pact to explore our body's spark and heart's bond even though our hearts shouldn't be in it, we've been close for years and now we're even closer.
There is no way to not let myself get swept up in the fantasy elements of it all.
I have yearned to be close to Colten the way we're going, but do I want to be a plaything for Colten to explore?
Yes. That was plain and simple. Colten has never been with a woman before, so I would be more than willing to be his guinea pig to dip his curious hand into, but I was in love with him. I didn't know if I could be his experiment and distance my heart when I have already done and felt as much as I have.
I was passed the point of caring about Brad. I love him, but my heart has clung to the opportunity to have Colten, to be with him and I no longer felt guilty or fear or sadness when I thought about sneaking behind Brad's back to being with Colten.
I no longer had a wall up blocking me from fully feeling the love, trust and affection I held inside for Colten. It was all coming out in fractions here and there, slowly with every pleasurable emotional thought that came to my mind about Colten the past twenty-four hours that have happened have opened up a bridge that was stopping me from being confident.
I was still nervous and scared, but I had this burning urge to go upstairs.
I take the last bottle of wine from the table in front of the couch and poured the last bit of wine from the bottle into the glass and downed it glancing down at my phone on the table, getting an idea.
I reach down with my free hand and grip my phone flipping it over and typing in my passcode, I click on Colten's name and decided to break the ice.
~
TO COLTEN:
Hey. Are you awake?
~
I sigh and put my phone down but smile when I hear the chime of my text message and flip over my phone.
~
FROM COLTEN:
No.
Are you?
TO COLTEN:
No.
I chug the rest of the wine glass and put it down on the table with a soft thud.
TO COLTEN:
I thought about it and yes, we can do whatever you want Colt, I want to.
FROM COLTEN:
Get some sleep V, I'll see you in a few hours.
~
I don't know what made me give an involuntary shiver but I wasn't disappointed he didn't continue the conversation when I agreed to his stipulations upon doing what we're doing.
It was oddly like a promise waiting to happen, everything that didn't happen yet was bound to.
I decide to take a little nap on the couch, full well knowing I would wake up with a killer migraine, I took four ibuprofen and laid down on the couch with a thin throw blanket and a small square couch pillow.
~
I woke up to a cupboard being slammed closed, a crash and cursing.
I spring up on the couch and throw the blanket off me getting up to a standing position and peering into the far left corner.
Where the kitchen is I could hear low cursing and I walk slowly forwards, "Colten, is that you?"
"Yeah, sorry V. I was trying to make dinner, but a dish got stuck on the counter, fell and now I'm cleaning up a mess I didn't think would happen." Colten sighs frustrated.
I turn the corner just in time to see Colten in light grey sweat pants and another white t-shirt bent over and sweeping the floor vigorously.
I smile softly when Coltenpicks himself back up, turns around and sees me standing in the doorway.
"Hi." He says simply, his chest heaving.
"Hi." I say and let an abrupt laugh run into the end of my sentence.
"So, what I was cooking is out..." Colten trails off, lost.
"How about just a plain sandwich?" I offer and Colten is off flying around the kitchen.
"Sandwich it is."
"What time is it?" I ask as a yawn overtakes me and I go sit down in one of the kitchen chairs.
"About ten o'clock. I'm actually surprised you're up now." Colten says over his shoulder busying himself with making our sandwiches.
"I took some pain meds before I went to sleep and they actually worked, I don't have a hangover, except for the lightheaded feeling." I say watching the muscles in Colten's back work overtime as he moves around.
"Here is your sandwich and some more vodka and pepsi?" Colten asks as he sets two plates of sandwiches on the table and spins around to go to the liquor cabinet.
"How about one of the whiskey bottles and two small shots and we can have some fun in a little bit." I smirk when I see Colten fumble over the alcohol bottles in the cabinet.
"What kind of fun?" Colten asks coming out of the cupboard and facing me with two shot glasses and the bottle of Jack Daniels in his grasp.
"A drinking game." I say simply and dig into my sandwich.
I am happily chomping on my food almost half finished when I feel Coltens big warm hand wrap around my leg just above my kneecap.
"What are you doing?" I ask warily looking at Coltens hand as my breathing picks up speed.
"A game of my own."