The Period bell rings once again.
My body reacts to it almost instinctively, the same mundane practice drilled into me for as long as I can remember. The same books are pushed into the depths of my school bag while I look onward into the teacher's lifeless eyes. They too experience the same tedious process but I'm not too concerned about them. The only way I can describe this feeling of repetition is drowning. Each day I'm dragged further and further down into what feels like a predetermined path set forth for me the moment I was birthed within this world.
I don't think I could deviate from this path even if I tried. I had realized this a long time ago and I'm not too sure my classmates had realized it with all the bickering and chattering I heard from them. It was kin to rats and roaches squirming about, it was enough to make me wince. I'd simply pay no attention to it as their schemes were pointless anyway.
Though I'd still hear them talking.
"—... Is over there by herself again, you'd think she'd have a friend or two."
"You go over and talk to her then!"
"Are you serious?.. Why should I even bother.. It's not like she'd even put forth the effort to talk anyway—"
Thus spoke Girl 1-A and her friend 2-B, they're not wrong as I really wouldn't put any effort. The only thing I would bring to the conversation was that 2-B had a really fat ass. It was quite simply, the perfect ass in all regards to life. If anything, her ass was the thing keeping me going every day in class. Though it's sad I can't bother to remember their names.
But really, the conversations I have heard about myself are always something different each day. Sometimes I'd hear about accusations of stuff that I'd never done purely because they were bored. Or comments on my appearance which shocked them as I looked fairly good despite my introversion.
For no real reason, I was lucky enough to catch wind of a prank they were planning for me. They intended to have some boys in our class find old and preferably bad-smelling trash and sneak it into my backpack. While they weren't paying attention I swapped out our backpacks and let them find out on their way home with a little note attached on the inside. I chuckle a bit every time I think about it.
Long story short I'm a recluse who can't make a solid friend even if you put a gun to my temple. Though, over time I've grown to enjoy my time as a hermit from everyone else. I simply minded my own business and tried to get through school to the best of my own abilities but, nonetheless; senseless neanderthals still wanted to antagonize me even though I genuinely didn't know who they were prior to that moment..
In one case of the Neanderthals, I can remember clearly, that there was supposed to be a project where we had to pair up into groups of two or four. With my terrible luck a group of preppy girls had approached me, each one being a bigger slut than the last. I honestly couldn't stand to think that we were a part of the same race. The only thing that popped up in my head when I saw them all huddled together was monkeys.
I can only assume they rattled their brains together for a solid hour to come up with the idea of coming to me.
"Hey —.. You wanna join our group! I think it'd be really fun if we all did it together, and aren't you like superrrrr smart?.."
"What.."
I could really only respond in confusion. I looked at each of them and just sighed out of frustration. I could already tell they assumed it'd be a good idea to make me do 90% of the work and put their names on it as they contributed. Honestly, I just wasn't in the mood for it.
"Uhmm.. I'd rather not, I don't think I really want to associate with you all. No offense but I'd rather work by myself."
"Are you sure?.., I thought—"
"You thought you could use me for answers—.. Unfortunately, you will just have to put together the half a brain cell you all share together in order to finish this project."
I had cut her off abruptly as there was no point in her trying to weasel her way out of this predicament. She was a bit struck with my quick remark as no words came out of her mouth for a solid bit. Even the whole class was a tad bit surprised as the whole room rang with pure silence. Their attention was on us for this brief yet tedious amount of time.
"Rude.. That was unnecessary, we just wanted you in the group together with us."
"Really?.. that's kinda crazy but my answer is the same as before."
Some might ask why. why are you such a dick? Well, honestly I don't like people. Instead of liking them, I inherently dislike everyone and slowly dislike them less over time.
In truth, I could've had many friends but that'd be a complete waste as I have better things to do with my time. However, this is a lie.
"Finally it's almost done.. The ultimate novel!"
I yelled this in excitement as I looked deeply into my computer screen in my dimly lit room. I had a wide smile spread all across my face as my eyes glimmered with pure excitement.
On the computer screen had been a long and winding unformatted story.
I'd jump on top of my bed and stretch erratically as I'd simply be left staring at my ceiling and then my entire room which was disgustingly littered with figurines, anime, manga, and random bits of posters from various television shows. LED lights lit up my room along with my 3 monitors and RGB gaming setup.
I'd sigh in relief with nothing really in mind.
"It's been around 2 years in the making but finally, my novel is almost done.. I just need to revise it, create a climax, and finally place the conclusion which took me ages to come up with."
Some might wonder how or why I have this much stuff just scattered across my room, but this is simply the perk of being born into a relatively well-off family who'll reward you according to grades and behavior. Luckily enough, I'm the top student in my class and I've been this way for as long as I can remember so almost anything I want I can get. Along with the part-time job I have which only further fuels my endeavors of being a reclusive shut-in.
Generally, finding a job should be hard for someone like me. But in all actuality, I know how to be relatively sincere as a front.
This generally comes in handy when talking to adults or people who look like they want some form of respect constantly.
I have a job as a waitress in a maid cafe, not because I like the sight of random middle-aged dudes ogling at me with their filthy scruffy faces. but because it pays well. Of course, I'd have to put on a front whenever talking to them or anyone else but because of this, I've gotten rather good at faking a personality and becoming a whole different person as a result of it.
And with that, the tips came flowing in along with my paycheck.
Besides that, this novel was the last semblance of me trying to piece my dreams back together. I'm in my final year of school and more so than anything I'd like to start paving a path for myself. I genuinely want to make something of myself, to not be a disappointment. Eventually though... I'd like to have friends. People I can really call my own. Falling in love with the right person, someone who doesn't instigate and initiate problems left and right without having the accountability to even attempt to solve them.
Until that promised time comes, I find myself being a recluse. Getting into fights on the internet on which series is "mid" or "peak" why Goku solos? just dumbing myself down to the bare minimum as the life I once had was eventually drowned in slice-of-life animes where everything seems so much simpler..—
but it was because of that, I was inspired to make my own story, one completely unique and better than the rest because it'll embody every little bit of my worldviews and experiences past and present.
Along with it being beyond ordinary, the main protagonist goes through character development on a great scale, but the story progresses in such a captivating way you simply can't stop reading it. Almost as if you're sucked into the story itself. It was wrapping up at the point where the final battle was happening where ideals were clashing, and the protagonist and antagonist going off in an epic sequence of events all illustrated by myself.
Since I'm now on a week break for some holiday, I had no reason to stick to a reasonable sleep schedule and will proceed to commit to a four-day all-nighter on FFXIV.
More or less halfway through my grind, I was exhausted but not only that, I was hungry and it was 1 A.M. so it was just a matter of what took priority: Leaving the house to get something from the convenience store or waiting until breakfast in the morning.
A few mind-numbing minutes later.
"Thank you, please come again!—" exclaimed the clerk working behind the counter of the 7/11
"Man, I blew the majority of my money on Add-ons, DLC, and exclusive figurines.. Might have to work some extra hours this weekend to recover it. But then again, it was for a good cause."
I sighed disappointingly as there was a homeless man on the side of the road where I was walking. His stomach was bulging over his torn and stained pants which contained substances I doubt I could even find in a dumpster. His sweater was no better as the thing was patched up and crummy. He looked so dirty I couldn't help but try to avert my gaze as I'd already predicted his begging for money.
But, you know I thought I'd show some hospitality. Given my circumstances, I'm pretty well off compared to him. I walked up to him, swallowed my pride, crouched down, and gave him enough money for one night at a decent hotel nearby.
"I hope this can get you through the night—.." I said this sincerely as I didn't really wanna look back on my life and just see myself being intolerant to everyone, everywhere.
I'd slowly get up from where I was, smiling as that one action made me feel rather warm inside. I thought to myself maybe I'd try being a bit nicer to others as that action alone actually made me feel rather good instead of the reaction he had to the event.
It was then maybe I'd start changing for the better.
But the old homeless dude who I assumed was going in the opposite direction of me was right behind me. I didn't notice this until this terrible warmth enveloped my back, but then it immediately transformed into a storm of pain. This repeated itself several times as I was kicked into the pathway of a car speeding along the road. In the slight effort to get up, I'd only find myself weak and unable to lift a finger.
As it was only then, the most beautiful hue of red came into my vision. Unlike any velvet or silk, it was truly a sight to behold when I tried to reach out once more to pull myself off the street even slightly.. I'd see it, all over my hands. But in that, a fit of rage came over me. I gripped my hands with the last bit of strength I had as all I could feel was unrivaled anger for that damn homeless person. Why did I have to spare my time for someone who should've just died on the damn road? It didn't make sense, why was this happening to me when all I did was try to be considerate and kind for once? Nothing made any sense, up until the very last moments, my life was genuinely flashing over my eyes.
I could see that I was a dick, I could see that I excelled in just about everything, and anything I did give I devoted some time to it. But even still I was more or less a shit person but not really a bad one. I wasn't inherently evil but I didn't act out of the good of my heart 24/7 whenever I could. But that one moment, where I sincerely opened myself and lent some compassion towards that old man washed over me. I felt warm but that warmth only further along turned into sheer rage.
Not only did my views not change, but it was further proven to be right. Of course, I was comfortable with lending help but now I simply was disgusted with the thought, how could I have just given him directions, and money to further improve his life and situation? Only for him to repeatedly stab me in the back, and then push me onto the road where a car was about to speed past.
"Damn it..— Of course, this is how I'm about to die."
As if everything stopped in time, I heard a voice speaking out to me. It was my voice, but the tone and dialect were slightly different from my own.
"Why try so hard to fit within the confines created by an indifferent god, why try to work within walls constructed by them when failure is bound to happen no matter how well you do in previous events? Think outside the box."
commented by myself. I can only assume it was myself but then again who knows truly.
"Complacency within a crowd of individuals who already consider you to be successful is considered to be ignorant and selfish. Dissatisfaction despite everything accomplished is merely the hunger for more, or simply a different outcome than the one given. Fret not, instead strive for what truly feeds your desires. "
"And finally..—"
"...As time goes on Thine will simply continue to separate my being from everyone and everything other than me, myself, and I. For I will be true to myself, in manners and ways that may confuse or disorient others. But so long as my truth remains, I am —--.. everlasting."
The name spoken wasn't my own but oddly enough it sounded familiar as if I've heard it every day of my life.
I wonder where I'm going to end up after this odd omen.
It was only after that thought crossed my mind and that dialogue ended would my body had been brutally crushed under the speeding car, my head completely bashed in along with every other part of my body. To the point, it was nearly unrecognizable. Only adding injury to insult a second car followed where my torn remains were flung onto the wall of a nearby building, and crushed by the cargo of the car that initially ran it over as the impact caused whatever it was holding to fly off.
Everything had turned to black, and finally, this agonizing acid trip called life was over.
...—
"Nope!.. this is not the end y'know, people always say after you die it's just black, but we're only making it that way so we can decide what your next direction will be. Your course along the infinite parallels doesn't simply end once you die as death isn't the end!"
A strange voice had been heard, it was too early for me to be hearing voices. They're probably just some dude looking at my mutilated corpse thinking I'm still conscious or something.
By that logic maybe I'm still alive but too mangled to feel or perceive anything.
I'd try to see what was happening but all that could be seen as a white humanoid figure over a pitch-black background but it was then I'd see the pitch-black background slowly spiral into a cosmos. Stars and galaxies were all over the place but from what I could see. Each of the white specks and bright lights expanded more and more, life was created on the spot before my very eyes. I could see and feel life permeating throughout the universe as this white figure got closer to me.
"Such a dejected spirit, you've lived a truly just okay life, one that was genuinely on the verge of taking a rather decent turn had that unfortunate event didn't occur but OH WELL!"
This guy was getting on my nerves, as soon as I die I've got to deal with this prick.
"Not the nicest thing to say but because of that, I'll spare you my long explanation for now and leave you with a parting gift before your new and improved life starts..—"
exclaimed the white figure.
"You'll be granted two abilities as a gift from me, an admirer from afar. I say from afar as my being is so infinitely transcendent that you'd never be able to perceive my real form, and even if you got close to doing so, you'd be driven mad and die upon comprehension from the sheer wellspring of knowledge exuded from my being!"
Damn, well that's a good thing to know I guess, of course sarcastically but it's nice to know I won't just be sent to a fiery pit of brimstone or boring eternal heaven where there's no wifi.
"Man, you're a terrible one, anywho. Your first ability will be the manifestation of your ideals, essentially whatever makes you. Of course, because of this, you could have the potential to completely surpass me or bring about your downfall. Your second ability will be the innate talent to have an ability to fit into the new world you enter, these two stay within your being, and not even I or anyone else within or outside of creation shall be able to take that away from you."
My very own ability? like powers? Am I going to some wacky hero-shounen trope world where nothing logically makes sense or? cause this whole situation is genuinely out of hand. Mainly being that the person in front of me is just a white silhouette and I can't feel any of my limbs.
"You're freaking out an awful lot but that's to be expected for someone who died so brutally. And because of that, I'll let you in on something for your second ability. You'll be naturally gifted, a genuine singularity in that world blessed with talent and aptitude. Along with that, you receive a special ability/skill that accompanies the fact you're a prodigy. And call these parting gifts and your new life, a 'grace' from someone with high expectations."
A grace, like a blessing from god? And I hope this is going to be a new start for me or just another acid trip where I'm constantly under stress. I truthfully just wish to live my life to the fullest. To do great things and eventually get acknowledged for it.
"A new start? kinda, since you'll retain your memories. It's just that you'll always have a hard time trying to remember how you were killed. that's staying blocked along with some other emotions for good measure. Anyway, good luck to you Sumire—.."
After the god or deity had ended his or their sentence I was a bit shocked but not entirely since my name was called, a name I don't really wanna recall back to but then again I don't know if I really wanna go through the effort of finding a new one. But even still, who knows, because the fact everything just immediately turned pitch black and I still can't feel anything, I was concerned I just got sent to hell.
But finally, enveloping me was a bright light. Soon feeling returned to my body and not the agonizing pain I passed wi— wait.. I don't even remember how painful that was anymore. I actually—.. barely remembered how I died now that I think about it.
I'd finally appear fully, everything was within view and it was no longer just darkness and some silhouette.
Finally, I'd find myself standing in the middle of an open road, but it wasn't exactly your normal medieval road but one you'd see out of a world orienting around swords and magic. Filled with diversity and bustling life. I was in awe, to be honest, nothing could excite me more than the setting of the same story I was writing. It was similar but not the same since the technology was a bit more advanced in the novel.
I'm finally going to take the chance to redeem myself, to give it my all as this was my opportunity not to be a complete recluse but one who'll show the world that my resolve is absolute. I'll be different, unique from everyone else.. screw being a go-lucky hero only caring about getting their hands on tits but I'll diverge from everyone. If it means having a second chance to make things right then I'm gonna do just that.
"I'll make my mark starting right here, and right now."