What truly brings forth our own suffering?
Some would say we're inherently going to suffer so long as we exist. That as long as we have some form of consciousness, there'll never be a true moment or time when peace and salvation are achieved. This is only because suffering can be found within any and everything, the same can be found for its counterpart however time and conditioning are required to create the proper mindset. Life is suffering.
The illusion of thinking a new life in a new world would be a fresh start is simply fucking bullshit. It's been a constant migraine being within this world with everything I've had to deal with thus far and these recent events are beginning to take the cake on how long I'll be able to last here.
Every time I close my eyes I see that same image.
The sight of that coked-up old dude being ripped apart and exploding from the inside out.
The more I think about it simply makes things much worse than what it was. I keep internalizing hoping it'll make it better but in the long run I just can't bottle that single event in. It's only along with that fact, that each and every person who sees me continues to hold me in contempt for what happened, despite the fact I did it to save that one girl who was being held hostage.
Of course, the girl thanked me but it was only after she screamed from the sheer horror of the scene left behind: Body parts and blood splattered all over the place.
It got cleaned up but every time I turn down that street I can still see it fresh on my mind.
The only thing that bothered me, however, was the people who stared and gave me this look as if I was about to do something to them. Eventually, it was as if I could hear them just like the people in my classroom.
"Look there she is—.."
"Don't look her way or she'll do the same thing to you!—.."
"You know what I heard? She's a spy from another country sent to slowly kill us one by one."
"She's probably just some failed government project..—"
"Are the Hansmen gonna hunt her down? I don't feel safe with her just roaming around."
As far as I could tell, I was public enemy number one. More so than spiderman when J.J. bashed him constantly.
From what I heard at the guild people basically feared me and genuinely became afraid when they saw me walking down the street. No one thought I was up to any good and assumed I only had malice in my mind purely because the Chordatta I used was simply beyond what they've ever imagined.
This mainly being because when Chordatta is used, it typically never causes a reaction on the inside of the body or to the point the human body completely warps beyond proportion. The technique to them was otherworldly but to the other guild members, it was something rather high level that was still unknown to them.
I tried to figure out different ways I could redeem myself despite the fact I did literally nothing wrong, but my reputation which basically was just beginning got ruined frame one.
On top of that, the rumors got to a point where I simply couldn't walk outside without someone trying to start a fight with me. Luckily Claris decided to stay by my side through all of this, she's been increasingly more and more helpful. It mainly started when she was able to extend the amount of time Arisa originally stayed. Typically the tutoring was gonna end around 14-15 days but with the way I was improving Claris wanted me to be able to continue my one-on-one tutoring.
I learned around 50 different techniques to apply during raids, expeditions, adventures, and other things which aren't even combat-related.
And one thing that stuck out was that the techniques and a lot of stuff in this world was Latin.
Not just Chordatta but Magic as well since I was learning that on the side but it was a "for dummies" class.
I didn't know if spells and such being in Latin had a connection to truth or some other force but I also wanted to believe it correlated with my world. Of course, it was kind of confusing but when I finally recognized it, I genuinely became concerned to an extent. Especially when the spells and chordatta worked accordingly to what I said.
Ignoring that though.
Chordatta can operate on "Support", "Movement", "Defense", and "Countermeasure". These are the official terms since countermeasure is basically just attacking but not exactly only because not everything is an attack-based technique. This is only due to the fact each technique can just as easily fall into other categories depending on the situation.
Restitutio ad mentem - typically a spell used to ease the mind of any pain however the actual infliction remains.
Restitutio animae - Spell used to replenish mental or spiritual energy, typically to prolong ones ability to continue moving.
Restitutio corporis - Used to restore and replenish the body to its peak performance. Comes in several tiers of effectiveness and applications:
Tier Unus - Minor Cuts and Scrapes
Tier Duo - Relatively Deep wounds, mends serious bleeding however a full recovery needs to be done on personal time.
Tier Tres - Full restoration of Deep wounds, internal organ damage mended but full restoration needs to be done on personal time.
Tier Quattuor - Nearly full restoration of the entire body, even blood that was lost is regained but limbs that were lost will not return.
Tier Quinque - Lost limbs will return however they will not have the same functionality as before, they are basically useless but you can still feel everything.
Tier Sex - You're fully healed to the point you can be near death and healed as if nothing happened.
Tier Septem - Borderline resurrection.
Tier Octo - Can basically bring someone back from the dead depending on how far gone they are, typically 45 minutes to an hour.
Tiers beyond this are completely foreign and generally beyond a person realm of comprehension.
There's different tiers to a lot of different Chordatta techniques, even the restoration techniques can be applied where it's passively activated but that's something only Hansmen level adventurers have been able to achieve as it's something that requires understanding, skill and talent. It generally follows a similar basis all around in Chordatta, but for the most part, depending on how you apply each technique a great number of opportunities can be open to you.
But it really lies on how hard you train.
and talent.
Because I took time and actually put some effort in, I learned up to Quattuor on support, and I've developed a couple movement techniques, several for defense, and a couple of attack-based techniques including the one used to basically mutilate that one guy.
We're gonna put that one under the wraps for now.
Only because I've tried my hardest to get people to change the way they see me but inevitably I'm called the "Mad warlock from bayard". Because of that sole rumor that got spread, people have begun to completely avoid me collectively. Nothing was making sense, it was almost as if someone intentionally made rumors around me just to make my life here hell. That was unlikely purely because I knew no one here personally nor did anyone actually take the time out to hate me. Or did I just piss someone off and I forgot?
Even still I was really just reaching my limit.
I tried to just go about my day like anyone else, acting as if nothing happened, not taking any of the same precautions as before. But because dumb people can't let shit go, I'd simply begun to hit my breaking point.
"You see that girl over there—.. Make sure you don't make eye contact with her or devils will possess you and rip your body from the inside out." Whispered by some dude on the street.
"I already know, I was there when the incident happened..— I heard from a friend of mine she's just a spy from bayard, we're planning to drive her out of Yventia by force."
"Is that really a good idea? If she can just look at you and make you explode then who knows what else she might be capable of?..—"
"You assholes know I can hear you right?.." Puffed up by me
I didn't make eye contact with them, I simply continued to look down the road while standing in the same place. It made no sense for me to continue walking and ignoring all of their shit.
"Y-you're the mad witch from bayard.. You need to get out of our country you damn ingrate. We'll get the Hansmen to come after you." snapped the old shopkeeper
"Yeah! you don't belong here." uttered by the random guy next to him.
"We were all fine before you came here from your tyrant country of wicked people.. No one here in Yventia or even the Astaren province had a single problem before you. B-but, you're probably just here to make our lives a living hell. Causing distress, making everyone worried, you're just a nuisa—" The old shopkeeper was immediately cut off by me
In a single instant for them, I appeared before the shopkeeper and the random guy. Using a movement technique I learned for Chordatta: Minui Spatium. The technique allows me to lessen the traveled distance or space between me and the target. Consequentially lessening the space from Point A to Point B, of course, this is a supplementary technique that also has tiers to how effectively it can be used and its applications. But, I was simply too pissed to think about how I'd use it only that I wanted to get in the face of the dudes who were shit-talking me.
I couldn't, no.. there was absolutely no way I'd take this without shoving my fist through their teeth and out their ass.
"Hey Jackass, tell em' what you just said one more time. Right in my fucking face." I uttered this in front of both of them while grabbing the collar of the old shopkeeper.
I had a furious look in my eyes as there was little keeping me from swinging on him.
"You're a fucking whore like your mothe—"
WHAM!
Immediately he was punched right through his own shop, a giant hole was seen on the inside of it where at the end of it he was there with a bloody broken nose covered in debris.
"You bitch..—" snapped aback by the dude who was next to the shopkeeper earlier.
It was only half a second later that he'd find himself in the air twirling around with some of his clothes flailing off violently as a result of it.
I kicked him into the air while applying the same propulsion technique I learned on day one to my body to ultimately increase the amount of force generated by my attacks.
The only drawback was that it was proportionate to what I trained for and doesn't exceed a certain amount usage-wise.
"Next time I hear someone or even feel like someone is talking about me while we're within range of my eyesight. I'll do a whole lot worse than what I just did to those two fucking neanderthals." Hauntingly exclaimed me as I stared down each and every person down the street or even nearby.
It didn't even take a few seconds for someone to try and hit me from behind using some sort of pole or stick. It was a sly and sneaking move if I do say so myself. In that situation alone I wouldn't have been able to do anything except getting knocked the fuck out, but something happened once again where my vision changed.
I'd see lines corresponding with each other showing me the direction of the world or the strange vectors by which everything was governed along by.
Even things that haven't happened yet were becoming apparent to me as my body was the only thing currently not fully bound by these events like everything else. I clearly diverged from the path everyone else was following.
I'd move to the side and propel my fist upwards once more while taking on those vectors using Chordatta since I had a visual hold of them.
My punch now was exponentially more powerful as the person who was attempting to hit me simply landed into the line of action that my fist was on. Their entire body was shot upwards at an explosively fast rate, and the weapon they were using burst into pieces violently and cartoonishly.
However, from the corner of my eye, something strange appeared that even I couldn't have reacted to in time despite my awareness of what was about to happen next. It simply moved faster than I could react.
Someone flashily appeared wearing white with gold embroidered around their outfit. Black defines certain parts of it, along with a one-sided shoulder cape draped over them. The cape itself had a strange insignia on the back of it while the person had blonde hair closely resembling gold. Their face was one where you wouldn't believe they were capable of anything malicious. On their right cheek though was a star.
It was simply an awe-inspiring sight except for the fact they karate kicked me to the ground right before holding my arms behind my back and planting my face into the ground in a single instant.
I couldn't resist or perceive what just happened or how they did it as fast as they did.
"I should perforate that pretty little face for causing so much mayhem my little miss spy, we Hansmen can no longer sit by idly if you're simply going to give us a reason to domesticate you. Of course, we know you're not just a Bayard spy but if you're gonna go this far to make us think you're a terrorist to the state or even a criminal, we'll have no choice but to eliminate trash like you on sight. Frame one, without any hesitation." Calmly exclaimed the blonde-haired boy who seemed to be around my age but probably older.
He exuded this strange presence that was unlike any of the actual high-ranking adventurers I've seen thus far. His entire body and soul had this strange prominence to where it just told me little to no openings would ever be found if I tried to fight him.
All I could do was watch in awe before he kicked me across my face ultimately knocking me out
"Worry not everyone, the Hansmen will promptly deal with this piece of inhuman garbage who dares to lay a single hand on you all, someone who even thinks of stepping foot into this glorious land." Proudly announced by the blonde young man.
"Thank you Selene, if she kept going who knows how much damage she would've caused to all of us..—" muttered some random bystander trying to get near the golden Hansmen.
"Hhhuuuh??..— who permitted trash like you to even plunge into my field of vision. I'll give you 3 seconds to leave my eyesight or you'll end up in the same situation as her." Immediately his tone of voice changed, his facial expression remained to be calm and collected but his irritation was clear to the eye. His eyes only saw garbage and felt disgusted from being in that area, he clearly thought of everyone there as lower than himself.
if you looked closely, he didn't look a single person in the eye and simply stared into space as he didn't even register the people by him as human beings.
"My apologies!—.." Almost immediately did the bystander move out of the way and leave the presence of the golden Hansmen.
"Hmph—.. Shit spewing trash like you all are lucky to have the Hansmen. It's a shame since you're the reason we're in a three way deadlock with Wizard's country and Lydias. I'll be taking my leave from here..—" He vanished just as quickly as he arrived heading back to the Hansmen central location which wasn't publically disclosed to anyone, even important government officials.
It didn't take long for him to arrive as I woke up abruptly by being drenched in water. I struggled to open my eyes as a piercing pain could've been felt on the side of my face, back of my head, and near my ribs. I looked around as I was surrounded by several people dawning the same one sided cape as the golden Hansmen I came across earlier. I could only infer at that point I was being interrogated or possibly examined by the entire Hansmen Legion.
I counted up to 32 Hansmen present, one however was sitting in a chair slightly elevated from where we were at the time. Accompanying some of the Hansmen would've been junior versions of them probably being groomed to succeed them or become independent Hansmen themselves.
"Well, well, well look who deci—" Some random Hansmen with a red based outfit and a lot of muscle was trying to speak up and talk to me before immediately being cut off and overstepped by a slightly shorter more voluptuous Hansmen in a maid outfit. She dawned a lavender-colored maid outfit right from all the dating sims I used to play in my free time. On her shoulder however, would've been a one-sided cape which seemed to be the uniform attachment that helped you identify who was who as a hansmen. While her hair remained long and silky, she had this cold and indignant look on her telling me she was the type to hate my guts and then slowly warm up to me after we talk some more and share a heartwarming moment before the setting sun.
"What business do you have in the Astaren Province, depending on your answer which we will take full account of collectively will ultimately decide whether we castrate you, take complete control of you, kick you out or something along a different latter of options." exclaimed the short busty one.
"What?..—" exasperated by me, simply confused at the whole thing going on. I tried to take in all these different pieces of information only to be bombarded with this random statement from a girl who seemed to be only in her early twenties.
Unfortunately, I'd get hit across the face with what felt like a truck speeding down the fucking highway, there was no true way to describe the insurmountable pain I felt. I fell to the floor as a result but it took everything I had to not completely breakdown and cry, to wallow in my own fluids as my head shook a bit from the sheer impact. Everything would become a daze as nothing made sense anymore. My sanity was slowly fading.
I vomited a bit in my mouth but then it streamed outwards inevitably.
"GAH..!—" I physically couldn't get my thoughts straight to put forth any real comprehensible words, it was just incoherent sounds and noises made in the attempt to get my balance again.
"Disgusting, how dare you call yourself an adventurer, much less a singularity if you're wallowing so pitifully from just a small tap from me." Announced by the maid who was interrogating me, playing good cop, bad cop with herself. Except, it was only bad cop.
The other Hansmen simply laughed and giggled.
She gave me a nasty glare that only saw me as someone beneath her, this was the same glare that almost all the Hansmen gave simultaneously. Despite this, she still seemed rather pretty or that was just my mind still trying to get over the fact it was rattling in my skull.
It didn't take long for them to start taking turns kicking me across the face, two of them sucker punched me in the gut at the same time.
This one Hansmen with a really eccentric look on her face came up to me, she had green hair and a really bdsm-ish outfit. She stretched a bit before bitch slapping me several times across the face and doing a random pimp comment. Everyone just laughed.
"WHERE!" SLAP. "IS" SLAP. "MY" SLAP. "MOTHERFUCKING." SLAP SLAP. "MONEY!..—"
Each individual blow was so much more painful than the last, eventually, I'd have been hit enough to where I'd lose the ability to cough up anything other than blood. It continued for a solid uninterrupted 40 minutes of them taking turns.
Eventually, I'd get my face shoved to the floor into the pool of my own fluids by someone who seemed to be the leader of the Hansmen, they all backed away at his very presence.
They called him the 'Grand Courtier Uriel' He was covered in white while his hair was pitch black. His eyes seemed almost lifeless as he didn't give me the same glare as the others but simply looked through me as if nothing was there, this was somehow more painful than any of the blows I'd taken in the past 40 minutes.
Instead of the usual onesided cape, his came full circle but it was considerably shorter than everyone else, It ended just before his elbows. He'd slowly bring me closer to his face by grabbing my cheeks forcefully.
He'd inhale slowly.
"In this kingdom, we bring order with just our very mention. We are free to do whatever we wish as we've attained power many will never even be able to comprehend until the very end or even after their lives are over. We've attained truths unlike the ones gained through magecraft and the grand root. You specifically, are upsetting the order with each breath you make, you're a mistake and your birth was clearly not precedented. Personally, I hate you. I wish you would just crawl and die right here and now. But, to keep order within Astaren, we must make an example out of you. Simply because singularity or not, we are the supreme power here. You are not special, even if you are we simply are just better than you."
Each and every word he uttered pierced through my brain several times over. I didn't have the strength to even reply.
"hghhh..—" slowly gurgled by me as I was trying to at least find some sort of strength to reply or say anything but everything thing I tried to do was just painful, I wanted to die right then and there but I hadn't even accomplished anything, how was did I even end up here in the first place. What did I do to get to this point, did I actually deserve this?
"Go to hell—.." I was able to manage that at the very least before going unconscious.
I got my point across for what it was worth.
I woke up again aching all over the place, but I wasn't laying down, but tied to some sort of pole. My clothes were torn and a lot of my body was exposed indiscriminately, I was being shown off in the center of the town on a cross tied up and beaten. It was only at the base of the cross a sign was posted.
"Think wisely, no matter who you are, what you think you might be capable of, or even what people tell you. The Hansmen are watching, and order will be addressed indiscriminately.
P.S.
throw tomatoes at her, she probably farted in your house."
that last part was unnecessary as it seemed some regulars came outside and began chucking rotten fruit and tomatoes at me. This was beyond humiliating, there's quite literally nothing I wouldn't do to get back at the Hansmen but at the moment I was clearly too weak despite the fact I thought I acquired strength.
I trained hard, I learned things about this world, and even still it wasn't enough. It didn't help I couldn't use my powers that one god dude gave me at will, I couldn't escape, heal or anything.
It continued until late at night, drunks, couples and even parents would chuck fruit at me until they got tired.
It was right when everyone left did the grand courtier untie me and let me loose. My body still ached so I couldn't sucker punch him, all I could do was wallow there to collect my thoughts on what I wanted to accomplish now that I was free.
I could surely exact my revenge and train to level the whole town, but who knows what the Hansmen was capable of at this point if each and every one of them equally were able to overpower me with genuine to relative ease? I overall didn't rank very far but I could at least say the very minimum for a hansmen is rank SS.
me? I'm B, so I've got like 4-5 ranks left until I'm at their level more or less.
"I'm sure you hate me, you probably loathe the Hansmen, this city, and probably the entire province if I'm correct? Irrelevant as your opinion simply holds no standing to mine, but for this one time, I'll ask you this. Do you wish to become strong? and not just some measly A-rank adventurer who retires after peaking in a monster/dragon-slaying quest at the ripe age of 30 due to earnings. I'm sure you probably want to get back at Selene but at the level you are now, that will simply never happen as you can't take him out, he is simply too skilled, too talented, and too powerful for you. You Sumire, are inexperienced, with a lot of potential. He is different from you, he is not you. You are you, but he.. he is him. Arguably one of the strongest Hansmen in the history of the legion. Now, I offer you training to become levels above what you are now but with that, you are my pet, you must remain tame at all times only reacting when I request it. Do you accept the offer my diamond in the rough." Degradingly announced by Uriel, he really only saw me as something much less than himself. He had every right to do so after giving it some thought.
Who was I compared to him? But, because of this, I planned on taking him up on his offer only so I could kill him one thousand times over along with all the other Hansmen.
"Fine, just get me out of here..—" Uttered by myself as I really couldn't give any rebuttal to his offer, it was a matter of my own pride and desire to get stronger. What was the worth of oneself when you've been brought to your lowest point repeatedly over and over again? I was truly just trash drifting along the world hoping to be picked up.
"Good to hear, but know that you'll be a government dog so long as you're serving under me. And with this, you'll become a Hansmen/Hansmen in training. I have someone who'll be teaching you everything there is to know about magic, the theory of it. While I'll cover everything Chordatta-wise, techniques, sacred arts and etc. You'll be provided your own quarters and access to training facilities in order to get the maximum out of you. with that, cheers to our new relationship my pitiful pet." shallowly spoken from Uriel who thought nothing of the occasion in reality.
If anything, this was just a move to increase military power since very few people actually show enough promise to become a part of the Hansmen, let alone join it of their own free will.
He'd grab me by the waist before we instantly appear at some other distinct location. It took me a minute to adjust before I realized it was some decently sized bedroom, I was dropped on the floor almost immediately though.
"You should rest up, we've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow." drudged Uriel right before he walked out of the bedroom we randomly appeared in. If I had to guess it was supposed to be my quarters, I generally didn't expect us to just randomly appear but either way.
I need a shower.
After scrounging around and finding a bathroom with a proper tub and running hot water I soaked, I sat, cried, and then left. Once that was done I went to bed in order to prepare myself for the day ahead of me but the moment I hit the sheets and closed my eyes, I could feel the morning light dawning over me.
what the fuck.
It wasn't that I stayed up too late, but apparently, the moment I closed my eyes I passed out so hard I ended up skipping the loading screen. Either way, the moment I could feel the warmth of the sun's rays Uriel was standing over me menacingly already dressed in all white gym clothes.
"Let us get to work maggot, we've got some gains to make." jokingly said by him but it wasn't appreciated since the crust in my eyes was hindering everything. I haven't even had my damn coffee yet. I miss my computer.
It was only shortly after I had barely gotten out of bed, got ready, and got forced onto the field where I was put face to face with the same maid who interrogated me before.
"Mary, the maiden of depression and despair. Some call her mary of the double Ds for other reasons though...—" Uriel chuckled a bit at that comment but got gut punched as a result of it.
She was definitely of the double D's, She had long dark hair with a bit of it spread across her face. She dawned a bow near her collar and your generic maid cap but it was a bit bigger than usual. Her overall outfit was your usual maid outfit but her breast basically protruded out of the outfit as you could see them in full HD high definition. The silk from the outfit perfectly defined each supple curve of her body and breast. Just being near them had me drooling, I had to contain myself or I'd be in for another beating by this deviant. Damn, that's 3 Ds..—
"Thanks for having me today..—" I uttered before being gut punched either way.
"Whatever. Just show me what you can do." Mary tilted her head with a shade of boredom in her eyes, she crossed her arms as if she had something better to do.
"Erm..—"
"Is there a problem?" she asked.
"Well, I haven't really eaten anything yet.."
"That seems like a you problem..—"
"but I—"
"do you want me to punch you again? start doing something or else."
I started doing the griddy. she punched me. Sadface
After getting punched I started showing off my few Chordatta techniques only to get a little bit of head shaking from disappointment.
"How disappointing, Uriel, I think you've got the wrong person. Did we just assault some random girl?"
"No no that can't be..—"
They went back and forth before mary actually went to talk to me.
"Use the same technique that made that one dude explode."
"Hm?.. oh, that one— it's kinda hard to use you see.."
"I don't think you get it, that wasn't a question, or a request. It was an order." demanded by mary who obviously was getting tired of my pitiful theatrics.
The only problem was that my vision had to do the black and white thing before I could use it. I've been trying to replicate that feeling for a while now but nothing has happened since selene abducted me. For a specialized ability given by god, it surely doesn't work the way I want it to.
"I'll get right to it."
I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate. Of course, nothing happened but I looked desperately for that same displacement I got the first few times it happened. Everything seemed to become separate and layered, a point where I could carefully decide and circumvent the path I want. It was as if I saw everything, nothing, and what I wanted to see all at once.
Had to keep in mind that my power was called the divergent, so I've always got to keep a different approach in mind.
thinking outside the box essentially..—
Internalizing that, my eyes didn't exactly do the same thing but it was surely similar. I opened them and what Mary and Uriel would've noticed was that my pupils turned white.
I was seeing it all. Every specific and non-specific event that was occurring, I could literally see the rays of light bouncing around lighting up the area around us. how various molecules were interacting in the air and how in a distant reality some dude was spanking it to loli porn. I looked up, and below me to see deities, organisms, and existences that they clearly weren't aware of. Dimensions far beyond my own reach. Everything was infinitely expanding and collapsing on itself.
Natural lines, tides, events, strings that governed reality, fate, and the paradoxes that come with it. Everything was visible, it just remained far from tangible. I saw Truth, and it saw me. I don't wanna talk about what I saw. creepy asf bro.
These eyes were seeing things beyond what most gods are probably capable of seeing, I don't know what I'm seeing. It's so convoluted and confusing I simply can't describe it. My head was filling with so much information all at once I had to take a breather and tone down what I was perceiving somehow.
I tried to at least dull my vision or to focus it on a specific point to where I wouldn't get a fucking headache from looking in a single direction cause I saw a conference between higher dimensional organisms. I could now see my next course of action, rather, every possible course of action I could make infinitely occur right before me. I ignored all of them and did literally the one thing they didn't do.
I pointed my hand towards the ground and performed the technique I used on the coked up old guy but slightly differently to tag along with the brand new ocular prowess I've come to unlock. This alone, ultimately caused the ground to collapse in and out on itself becoming a blackhole essentially. Except for one thing, everything that got sucked in was spewed out tenfold almost magically. And the matter that had been spewed out wasn't the same as what got sucked in. It was disfigured and without distinction, there was almost no way to tell what was what.
It was through moments like these onward that I wondered truly how far I could go.