I have done this before but I felt bad that Bathesaba was involved because committing adultery seemed new to her. I needed to see her again because she satisfied my need of control and pleasure. The realisation set in what we are doing must be so wrong and both of our lives are in danger. I wanted her with every cell of my being. The only thing she belonged to one of my soldiers and I hated that fact. She belonged to me here on end and will summon her whenever I have the need. Bathesaba left me only to return and said that she was with child.
With all of my blind passion it will surely make me a fool as my wife so rightfully said. This in front of the people, as well as my men knowing, that both of us are destined to die who broke the law of adultery. How can I do it a respectful king dying because of my passion?
Even though I hated for Bathesaba to go back to her husband we arrange that she sleeps with him so that we can hide my sin. Yes I really meant my sin but felt for this beautiful woman too because it became our sin.
This fool, her husband just did not want to go home so our plan did not work. He left to go and fight in battle and I summoned my men to put him in front of the battle field and retreat because I wanted his wife not just to possess her body but want her love and soul too. Little did I know how it affected Bathesaba.
She mourned her husband and this angered me because I could see how deeply she still loved him.
"Was I just there to satisfy her loneliness because thinking back she gave herself to me without a fight? It was never out of obedience or was it Aaronas"?
"I would not know master, I was certainly not there", I said sarcastically.
My king looked at me with that same look he gave me when I just do not want to agree or take sides. The look of mistrust and suspicion or sometimes I don't understanding. That really gets to me. I hated that look. He continued…
"She found out my deceit but still came to me because of our predicament. I took her for my wife and so hide our deception to all even my God. Only to find out that our son will not live for long because of his illness. This woke me, in truth I have not just sinned before my people and now wife but above all I have sinned against the laws of my God.
I fasted and asked for forgiveness and that the Lord may not keep my iniquities against me but forgive me in sparing my son. This sin was just too big and my son died and I stopped the fasting to the displeasure of my people not understanding that continual fasting will not bring back my son.
Through this experience both Bathesaba and I have suffered because of our sin and the only solace I could give is to stand by her during this time of mourning. As man and wife this sorrow we shared, made her heart turned towards me and it gladdens me beyond measure.
I found favour before my God again even though I am not deserving of his grace. God bless us with another child Solomon who turned out to be the anointed king according to His will. What really got me through all this was what Prophet Nathan predicted which in itself came true.
You know Aaronas, woman is every man's down fall. I did everything for my people and the one time I selfishly did something for me, my children are paying the ultimate price. With my decision as a king I let women down with my silence, my guilt and my wickedness but above all silenced them with my authority.
Nathan asked what I would have done in the situation where a rich man took the last of what the poor man owned and I said the rich man should die. Falling into my very own trap of wisdom regards to punishment for the unjust. I should have died but the all merciful God again shined his loving kindness upon me. However my sins were not just mine it covered my generation too.
Look how I was trapped by my very own son, he used me to get to my very pride and joy, my daughter. Do you know that Tamar would have made the Lords people here on earth so much stronger but even that was spoiled through my ignorance and evil ways. Can you believe it my own son asked me to bring my daughter to him, knowing that I would just about do everything for my children?
My dear servant I was there for my people and above all my God but as a father I never acquired that wisdom. I was forever chased to watch the sheep and could never learn like my own brothers who learnt the ways of a man from our own father, anyway that loss I will always feel even now.
I as this weakling of a king brought my daughter on a platter for his callous wicked action which he bestowed upon this house and the family. Just like I have done to Solomon's mother so my sins was to continue.