He used his powers as my heir to remove everyone from the room and had his evil ways with his sister. Her servants told me of the suffering she had to endure because he never once thought that she was a virgin. His evil overcame him and he took her in the most abominable way of which put my evil ways to shame. He brought shame to this family with his deed because he threw her out. The sight of her disgusted him, thereafter.
Tamar became the rejected and discarded having to have the incestuous relationship with her brother who did not want her thereafter. Tamar pulled her garment from her body and it became evident to even those in contact with her that she was no longer a virgin. She became the laughing stock of my home and had to be removed to her brother's house.
Absalom came to me pleading on behalf of his sister, I had then to intervened as father and King. In fact I have done nothing but felt the pain of my daughter. I became numb looking at the mirror image of myself of what I did to Bathsheba. The act might not have been so vile but nevertheless it was the same act because I had authority and so did he.
Lust I tell you is my down fall and now it is a family sin that will continue in my generation. I prayed to my God and even pleaded that this 'yolk of sin be broken'.
Who am I to do anything when this is my lot for what I have done.
I the victor of all wars and the capturer of cities cannot even contain and control my own family. I have failed as a man but as a father is the worst. My guilt in not being able to control my household like I do wars was and so evident to all my children.
So it silenced me at the wrong time when my children needed a strong hand of a father. It is indeed what my wife told me I am a weakling.
'One thing have I decided of the Lord that I may dwell in him all the days of my life' This is at least my comfort now my dear loyal servant".
I looked at the king and my heart has no loyalty towards him. I fear just like his son Absalom I should just end his life here and now. I wish I could do it but will hear him out he is in any case breathing his last breath.
"My home was in disorder my wives are starting to question my ability as a man and even my concubines looked at me through eyes of pity. This all because of my only thorn in my flesh, my sons.
Eventually Absalom got over his feelings and my home became peaceful again. Tamar could not look at me nor I her and eventually she shut herself away completely it worked out just fine because I cannot be reminded of my iniquity all the time. I was forgiven and know my Lord do not hold any of my past sins against me.
I often wonder how this God could allow him to sin and then also let him be the one who will bring his people back to God. This Ark that he was going to build a temple for it has the tablets of God's servant Moses the great writer who has the commandments on it. Stating thou shalt not want and kill. Look at this great king the chosen one but yet the greatest sinner in my eyes.
How can he bring me towards this God whom I pray daily to help me with my troubled mind but He never listens to me, am I not worthy enough? I guess not… I am still around being the loyal servant to my King.
"Aaronas I am rambling on like the old man, that I am but can only ask you to listen at least someone will know that I am not that weak King of the echo's I hear coming through the walls".
I nodded my consent for him to go on.
"If memories serve me right this lust started when I had to fight the giant. The gifts that was promised for the person who would slay Goliath was one of his daughters as wife. For a young man that was not really a bad offering…"
It is as though I can see the youthfulness in his eyes and I knew this man cannot help his ways even if he tried. Surely there is still punishment for that, I wondered?
"No one will ever understand how lonely it is to fight wars and the responsibility of failure and when you eventually fail it is not hidden like a normal person like yourself. Everyone knows and judged. That my young servant is my lot of which I am accounted for but what hurts more was when my children are affected. Yes I can see the disagreement in your eyes it tells me by their own deeds they are hurt. I will have to disagree, it was indeed by my very own folly.
Young man he said, "I am tired please remove yourself and call my wife Abigail.
Like the very obedient servant I am, called Abigail. She looked at me always with a question as though she wants to ask me something but I never give her the opportunity or satisfaction to ever ask me anything personal. I guess that is what I do perceive.
Normally when she wants to ask anything of her husband she will just do so. I walked in with her to see if everything is needed further in order to make a quick departure because the love I see here from her really makes me sick to the degree that I feel very weak and dizzy. I was told to make my return again before sunset. I left for the quiet of my own place. It is centrally located and very convenient to be called upon by the king whenever he needs me.
I Aaronas chosen by the king to write down his thoughts so that people knew his heart. As a young man I lived for these moments. Some is very emotional and others I try to not analyse. If my king only knew what lives in my heart. I might be a mere servant but I will revenge what mine went through.