That night when mom told me about getting married I was numb. I remembered his promises, our 8 year old relationship and those petty but great memories. Almost my eyes were full of tears but I held them back, Maggy was still near the window I could see him from the dinning table and he was desperately smoking. His scent smell and the smoke smell was mixed and I again had a memory of him. I again thought about him. My heart again beat fast. I was almost dying to want that man. I gad thrown his memories in the store room but how could I throw my inner memories out? Again the aroma hot my nose, my thoughts running there and then wild, still I washed my plate and helped mommy wash the remaining dishes. It was one day around Feb in 2003 we both met, in a park nearby. This was before he married that bitch, a witch infact who stole the love of my life. I had rested my head over his shoulder and he calmly touched my hair with his one hand and with his other hand he tightly caught my hand and told me of never leaving me. Then he, left touching my hair and pulled a cigarette packet from his pocket, he left my other hand and removed one from the pack, again put the pack back into his pocket and removed a lighter, he lit the cigar and the smoke rose high up. and it blended with his scent which I loved before and I still seem to love it, ugh but I hate it, fuck I love it. We sat there for a long time the blended aroma was hitting my nose and it was nice, I was smelling it like a drug addict, until he noticed my nose hovering over him and he offered me a cigar, of which I denied. He forced me smoke but I was head strong so I did not. He was done smoking so he disposed of the cigar and used a mint mouth freshner, and walked towards me. He sat next to me, carefully caught my face, my hair was flying with the flow of the air and covering my face, he too a grip of my lips with his and kissed me, everything seemed like it happened yesterday, I was speechless. I was infact crying, my heart tore, the man who was mine yesterday is hers today. 'Maggy!' I murmured and sighed quietly. Mommy was a bit annoyed at me to know that I still possessed fucking feelings for that man. The sane man who ill trearated me. My eyes turned red and tears rolled out. Now the scent and cigarette smell had also become faint. I knew Maggy had gone, but I loved him. My heart beat increased as another memory of him and me came to my mind, see that freaky man had stired up my feelings. I was done, I was tired of fighting only thing that kept me going was mommy and only mommy. My art and my aspiration in my late twenties. I was not feeling good by then. Looked like everything crashed around me. huh! so about the memory, that kept your cars going through my story.
It was around 3 rd of April 2003, we went to the club 69, that was splendid actually, but now it had only been a painful memory to me. I cribbed again, for the worst. They were offering us drinks and fancy snacks, shots and the loud music playing including lustful romance numbers. I kept dancing with him the whole night. He kissed me, and it was passionate it went up to my boobs and everything was so cool. I was getting every bit of it. It was memorizing I was dying again. We did not realise that we were doing it amidst people, but luckily they were in their own world. Anyway if I think back now I think that he only had mare lust for me, and only I loved him, I still do. Later we got tired and sat on a table right at the corner where no body could see us. He again lit a cigar and I had a half a champaign bottle in my hand. I was busy drinking the champaign and he was busy smoking. I looked at him carefully he seemed stressed, but when I asked, he fucking denied as of I never belonged to him. That was the time he broke my heart, because we were not only together to be intimate but we needed to keep an emotional touch, that feeling my feeling. I was comfortable with him but.... um.... uh.... Suddenly he angrily called the waiter and ordered an ash tray to dispose of his filthy cigar. I was advising him not to have those but he was like no! there was nothing to listen as if I didn't mean any shit to him. Later when I frowned. He brought his chair next to mine and leaned closer to me and kissed me again, the smoky flavour entered my mouth. He literally put his hand inside my blouse and started pressing my breast, it was enticing though but I turned cold. He was cold too. He was sexy infact, I liked him, even more, he looked cute,. and the dark black suit was splendid, which coincidentally matched with my blue dress, later he came close to my ear, I could feel his warmth and his breath. I could feel him even now. He told me I looked stunning, and I was on cloud 100, now all that he told me seemed fake, and everything was only lies, I was dead, infact like a dead branch trying to form new leaves. Later we roamed the streets of Goa the whole night. I was drunk but I remembered every detail of him. Later I don't know much but I think in the car we had some amount of intimacy, just before I passed out. He told me he loved me, and would love to make me his wife, and I really thought that he was my life. But now I am dead.
Finally the next morning arrived, it was very gloomy and it rained heavily since 12:00am. I still had the phone in my hands. That nokia phone whose charge would'nt die out so easily and it would not break easily. There was no current and I had to sleep in dark but the coolness of the rain and smell of the mud made me sleep. I was happy I woke up refreshed. It was 6:00 am and my incomplete draft was lying on my laptop screen with my laptop open. It's charge had almost drained and my draft got deleted, all my work was in vain. I was like Ugh! what a luck! I had. Meanwhile mommy told me to get ready as the boy and his family would come to my place, again I was scared, scared to love someone, scared to be cheated for another... Tears rolled and I again died. I forcefully got ready to bring a smile on her face as it was her who could not see me sad and cribbing about Magson. She thought that if I tried I would get away from him. I loved Maggy, she told me to look pretty, and I looked as she said, but I was numb and my eyes were teary red. I tried to hide all my emotions in my heart, but it all poked like thorns, daggers, swords, and knives. They arrived and entered the house I could see them through the window, I too went out and greeted them, it was a family of 4 people, He looked stunning and young, but he seemed cold, he seemed reserved, and betrayed brutally like me. We both seemed forceful and our eyes and expressions told it all. Everything was open to me as well as him. We were blank. Even though I was broke I was kind, but that didn't seem same with him he looked arrogant, and damn done up with life. When I served them juice, I saw dark and dangerous bruises on his hand, they seemed suicidal and my heart sank for a moment. He did not need a marriage so fast, he just needed a friend who he could open himself to, he needed consistency, he needed that emotional touch, he did not need a wife yet, he needed a woman who could heal him. A woman who could give him what he had lost, what someone else had stolen long back, his peace of mind. They asked me if we wanted to interact, but before I could say anything he blindly replied, 'I'll marry her,' and it was awkward indeed. I did not want any sort of shit like that. I was cold and I couldn't stop myself and I began weeping loudly, I looked like a widowed woman who cried for her long lost hubby. Actually I was one, that alive zombie, left me for a bloody bitch. Till then he seemed cold, he hadn't even looked at me once but my crying caught his attention and I was very happy at it. He coldly said, 'pretty girls don't look good crying, now stop acting dramatic, and let's go out and talk whatever you want to. Happy?' The tears instantly stopped and I happily went out with him, I could see our parents speak something serious. Still I don't know why I hugged him, and cried even more again, I thought he would get pissed off with me but he seemed calm. He in turn hugged me tighter and asked me, 'yo dear which lady stole your lad? oh sorry your man?'
I only replied, 'that bitch.' and wailed again. He wiped my tears and told me again in a stern voice, 'dont e dramatic, don't fucking cry you are a big woman in your late 20's I suppose then why do you cry. Why are you so similar to mom?'
I was puzzled, and I looked at him full of doubt. I only said two words, 'dont leave,' and he got me and my crap. He said, 'never,' and my brain again drifted to the false promises that man made, and I was a bit sad. Then our parents called us in, again I got the nostalgic smell, blended with the smell of beer, fuck he was drunk, for all good he was drunk. Anyway I did not seem to be bothered but that hurt me, means I was bothered. I died, and he was standing near my house gate, I looked at him in envy, the man I met today, made me again feel a click and that nostalgic smell standing at my gate too. I was confused, and bad my nose was red after crying and Harry made fun of it we both laughed, and he asked me for a coffee date. I really did not know what made me agree to him and I decided to go. He scheduled it the very next day and I was okay with it. We had a good time together and they went, I don't know why I again felt empty. Almost after 2 hours I visited my phone, to my surprise I saw Denny's 100 missed calls oh sorry 13. I tried calling her back but she did not answer. Denny is my childhood friend and she is a pretty girl 4 years younger to me. We both had the same ideologies and spoke alot about love and romance, we bought novels and shared them among us, we drove together for movies and had fun. She was jolly girl and I loved being with her, but a few days ago she seemed sad, I asked but she denied. Later I too got busy in my work and I had to rush to receive my boss' call. When I finished the call she had vanished somewhere. As I was thinking about Denny mommy called me, and I went near her. I smiled, at her and there she was blabbering her nonsense, asking me again about today's meet and I flustered but ahe noticed the lines of sadness on my face and asked me why I was sad. I told her about Denny. Mommy assured me that she was busy and I freshened up and went to sleep. Later that night it was raining heavily again, it looks so stormy, but I liked it it was cold. Again the smell of the mud reminded me of him, each thing of my life was associated with his memories. The goan laterite soil was turning lighter brown with the wetness. The night we had bath in rain even though it was stormy, it was thundering, huh! the was I enjoyed my early 20's with him. The way I was lit and the way I shone, now I did not feel the same I was gloomy, I was maaf at me for loving him. The toads and small frogs came on the street that day due to the rain and we were sitting on the park bench by now. I was happy back then, I wanted to change alot in those days, sometimes I felt like going back to the past and advising my younger self not to love him. Sometimes I hate the day we met, I never ever liked what happened to me. I still felt for him, and he was mine, but now he was with that bitch. Today my online secret work shift was from 2am to 4 am. Just 2 hours, I took up the night shift because of my coffee schedule with Harry, and I desperately wanted to see Denny, she was off mood these days and I felt it. I knew I had less time to sleep and I literally had no time to enjoy a movie either, my movie time was gone, but the fact that I would make someone happy lit my night.
I sat to finish up my unfinished article and finally I completed it. I was happy with my script, I just slept for two hours and woke again at 7 am. That same morning someone was desperately knocking my house door I thought it was Denny and quickly ran to open the door but later I found out that it was Maggy's mom. I greeted her well and invited her inside, she came in and sat on the couch, and I made myself comfortable on a chair. Mommy had gone out to Denny's place to meet her mom for some reason, she did not tell me. Aunt Elsa's eyes were red, and she seemed to be distressed and worn out. I asked her the matter, she did not reply, but instead caught my hand tightly, and began sobbing uncontrollably. I knew again that bitch had done something but I was quiet, anyways those were their matters, but I liked aunt Elsa and I could not see her hurt. I left her hand quickly went to the kitchen and got some water, I gave it to her she refused at first but I forcefully made her drink. She looked at me awe, she apologised on behalf of Maggy but I was hard and cold so I just shook my head. I knew that shitty woman was cruel that bitch, Edna. I did not speak a word, and then she asked me about mommy, I told her mommy had gone to a friends place, it had been almost an hour since then and I was puzzled, why mommy had'nt still come back. She clearly wanted to speak to mommy, so I decided to call her over the phone. Maggy's mom was tired of waiting so she went back, my friend Cheryl cane along by then and we went to the park. The park was empty and we used the swing there and acted like kids, after a long time I was out of my house, because of the scandal, during previous months. The best fact was now I had very very little friends but the best ones, and true ones, all my fake friends had vanished. Cheryl is an artist, sometimes I used to take my book cover designs from her, she was precious and I couldn't afford to loose her, she was my Cheryl. A real part of my life.
We enjoyed the soothing air in the park and later drank watermelon juice from the nearby hotel. We literally spoke alot about the past and laughed. It was very refreshing under the blue sky. We enjoyed alot. She told me that she saw me smile after ages. I too heard my smile after ages. I was memorized. I was getting healed. I was happy, I was happy again. Literally really happy after a long time. We enjoyed like before, we played like before and everything was different only one difference was missing the funny talk about Maggy. huh!~ I sighed again this time not because of me, this time thinking of her because her case was more than mine, je seduced another girl in front of her. She almost fainted there itself, and I had to catch her. Her breakup happened just two months before I suddenly got my heart attack. I rightly remember on 27th of January I got his wedding card, and I was devastated. I did not know what to do, I went cold, I was numb. I was scared I was dead, I knew nothing, first I thought it was a dream. Infact I thought it was a dream. I cried clutching the card in my hand, and I was sitting on the floor with it, mommy, too was happy for him but secretly I wasn't, I was scared, I was hurt, I still checked the name written with his on the card it was Edna instead of Celia. Meanwhile tears rolled my eyes thinking of the past memories, and mommy entered the house and gave a dreadfully scary news about Denny.