"I miss the way we used to talk, and I used to see my hubby in you. I miss the time when I found my happiness in you and my happiness depended on you. It is so unfortunate that God never wanted us to be together." ~ Celia
JANUARY 15 2000,
It was a cool, usual morning. I was sitting outside in my gallery and enjoying a cup of cold coffee, wierd right? cold weather and cold coffee. It was more cool that my cold ice - cream would arrive soon. I was eating it with lots of satisfaction and happiness. Mom knew I was happy eating the ice - cream because, I had won the ice - cream as a prize for a village competition. That was the best day of my life. I was happy by my achievement, I forcefully made mom and Denny also have the ice - cream in cold, a mesmerising strawberry flavour. My favourite one. It was like deep happiness, instilled inside me, it is like the best award above all awards I won, till date. It was the best day of my life. That day my dad was really proud over my writing career. Before that he always cursed it and taunted me over my writing he, wanted me to pursue MBBS. but I was undone for it. As it is that was not what I wanted. That was day when my father hugged me after 2 long years. The next day a post man knocked on our door, I opened the door and he gave a letter to me. It was from the writers association, granting ne an opportunity to participate in the state level competition, I ran to my parents and showed them the letter. They were on cloud nine too. I was jumping like a mad woman, oh I mean girl. The event was scheduled on 18th of December, I had the topic in hand too. 'In the nature's arms' was the topic. I was okay with the topic as I loved writing about nature, that day I went out, with Denny to be a bit closer to nature and feel it, just to make my essay realistic. Winning or loosing wasn't my out look but only participating and giving my best was my main aim. The same evening I saw Magson in the woods, I had just gone. We never knew each other much before that, we used to just see each other in the church and done, back home. Magson was staring at me, and I was feeling a very shy back then. Huh! I felt creepy too, but I did not know why I was comfortable with him. Denny was looking at him staring at me and blushing. I fucking glared at him twice but he did not stop staring. I was a bit annoyed, so I decided to change my location. When I got up from where I was sitting, I mean I was sitting on the cool grass. Goa is a place full of forests and natural beauty. Streams, lakes and beautiful beaches. Oh now back to my past, Maggy stopped me, he took my name for the second time. Once when I heard him speaking to his friends about me, and second time now. I glared at him again. He said, 'babe! looking pretty when you glare, beauty queen darling.' Denny laughed and I glared at her too. I walked towards her caught her hand and took her with me. Maggy followed us trying to speak to me, but I ignored. After some time he left following me and I sat by the beautiful river side, instead of preparing the write - up, Denny kept making me think about what happened in the woods. I was blushing too. As I turned, FUCK !! I saw Maggy behind me. He called me pretty again and I was blushing even harder, I could not stop smiling even.
I don't know why but he gave me a strawberry, and I ate it sharing half of it with Denny and him. He was stunned looking at my act. He exclaimed, ' I like you, lady.' I blushed again. I fake angrily told him to go, but he did not go he kept staring at me. I continued my work. He told me that even he recieved the letter, I was stunned as I knew he would be with me, but fortunately he had come first in the list of seniors. He was 4 years older to me, and I knew that he would basically not sit beside me for the competition as per my theory atleast.
18th January 2000,
THE ESSAY DAY :
"The excitement of seeing you made my heart beat even harder, since the day you called my name. It was a mixed feeling of nervousness and happiness of seeing you. Ahhh!!! your deep raspy voice, made my heart crave for you, I love it. This is the voice that got me crazy over you." ~ Celia
It was a cold day, but a cozy one. I stood at the bus stand, waiting for the bus. It was gloomy and I thought that it would rain. It was almost an hour, I was standing on the old bus stand and the grills were almost rusted and breaking. That dog Maggy was on his bike and he looked at me. My heart was beating fast and I felt as though I couldn't stand there anymore. I was breathless, and felt numb. My hands grew cold and I wanted to run away from there. Maggy rode his bike, and stopped near the bus stand. He asked me to come with him but, I denied. That fool did not bother to call me again and he went. The bus arrived just after 5 minutes after Maggy left. I was literally pissed and I screamed .. "fucking ugh.. " I climbed the bus. I was angry at Maggy, I reached the required location. Maggy was blushing near the gate, and staring at me. I was blushing too. The gate was a bit worn out too. The sun shone on Maggy's face and he looked like an angel. Now I was staring at Maggy and he was staring at me. Suddenly my phone alarm rang, and I was distracted my attention moved from Maggy. He asked me to walk with him, I yelled at him with a big 'no', and walked straight towards the flight of stairs leading to my assigned writing table. He still walked behind me. I was nervous, I could hear his foot steps behind me, along with the foot steps of many other competitors. The bell rang and we entered our respective classes.
Big hall and many tables, competitors of the same age, and a bit of nervousness. Still everything went on smoothly, and at the end I submitted my essay. It was great to be a part of it. While going back it was quite sunny, and I was sweating, Maggy saw me standing and invited to come with him. I decided to go with him, because it was hot, but I was scared. I sat on his bike and we went, together. He asked me if I was nervous, and my eyes widened. He looked at my expression from the bike mirror and, laughed. I scolded him to concentrate on driving. He also told me that I looked cute when I yelled. I was about to yell again but I stopped myself. He was like smile looks great and shitty absurd comments till he dropped me home. I was like, 'thanks, but fuck you.' He said, 'all yours dear,' And I was blushing it by then, I had turned red, and purple... oh! sorry purple was not the color, I could see my face in his bike mirror. He could see it too. Intense heat moved through my body and I fucking liked it. I was sitting close to him and our bodies were closer and he came even more closer. I was shy, he said that he could feel my body heat. and I smiled, he knew I was shy. I knew that too. Finally I reached home. I told him to leave me a bit away as that time mom didn't know about us and she would be angry to know I am with Maggy... As she was against love marriage that time, I would be screwed. He stopped the bike where I told him, I got down from the bike, and looked at Maggy... He turned horny, I could fucking see his erected penis. My eyes widened, as he pulled me closer towards him... The heat my body radiated had increased even more and I couldn't move anymore, I was numb too. I asked myself wheather I was in a hot desert or was I baking in the oven??? He pulled me closer and kissed me on my lips. As it was my first time I wanted to resist it but I couldn't... I also gave in to it and continued kissing him with all glory. We kissed for 5 minutes, he stopped it before I went breathless or fainted in his arms... He loved me or lusted me?? that was the question... I ran towards my house not knowing that, his golden parker pen which was into his pocket, got pinned to my blouse. I reached near my house gate and saw mom standing and waiting for me near the door. I was happy to see her, as if I did not see her for ages, but soon, guilt seized my heart, and I froze. Until mom called out to me and, I ran towards her.
She scanned me from top to down and noticed the pen, pinned to my blouse, She said, 'Liz this pen looks familiar, but leave that you know right? you are a girl you cannot hang the pen to your blouse like dad. Remove it immediately!!!' I quickly removed it and diverted her attention towards how my day went. While narrating my day to mom we entered the house. I was still blabbering while mom went inside the kitchen to prepare some tea and dad knocked the door, after working in the garden. He saw Maggy's pen in my hand and asked me, 'Lizzy dear is it Magson's pen??' and I was shocked!!! on what I would say to him, my eyes widened, and I had mom listening over to dad and me from the kitchen.
We drank tea and had biscuits together. After tea time I went to my room. It was great, and after having bath I was lying on my bed, I couldn't stop thinking about my Maggy. Filthy fucker!!! and I kept staring at his pen too which was lying on my dressing table beside my bed. I could only see his pen there, and nothing else. I remembered our kiss, our tongues swaying up and down in each other's mouths... The thought of it made me blush, all the more it made me mad and crazy over that sexy man... The handsome man, the first guy I was really falling for, and the first guy I really liked. The man I really wanted and the man I would long for.
As I was deep into Maggy's thoughts, I heard a loud cry. Fuck! it was Mommy, sitting on the floor and crying and dad comforting her. She was crying for Josline, again. Actually Josline was oh! I mean is my sister, who ran away from the house on April 6 1999. It was a very big issue, and our house was on mental fire, she chartered my parents and me leaving our house absolutely desolate. The room which we both shared, our thoughts, the fights we both had and our warm hugs, were only living fresh in my memory, I missed her badly, and still miss her, I wish to see her again, 12 years have passed and I did not see her still. So back to my past... I could hear her in my room, I could feel her and I could see is talk. Mom wailed loudly in her memory and I wailed silently, in the dark with my half face burried on the surface of the pillow. She had told me that she was running for her love, and I knew who he was, he was my dad's office clerk Robin. My parents never wanted her with Robin and I too told her that he wasn't a good man. She only had left one hint for me, and gone and that was her personal diary, which I had not opened or gold mommy about as I was angry at Josline.... The diary was in my locker and I still did not open it. I wish to but I wont. Oh!! back to my past... I wish to hug her again though... Suddenly my moms phone rang which was on my bed, it was an unknown number... I picked the call, I heard a raspy but an enticing voice from the other side of the phone. I knew he was Maggy, my heart beat rate increased, and I don't know why but for sure I was feeling very guilty for kissing him. It was because, I compared myself to Jossy. I didn't know why but I couldn't help it. I suddenly felt bad for mommy and dad. I didn't know anything, I was quiet, I was bitter. I didn't want to reply to that enticing voice but I could not resist... replying to him, I spoke to Maggy. Nearly one hour passed, and we stopped chatting. I told him about the pen and we hung up the call, and went to bed. Even before sleep I couldn't stop thinking about him. He made me mad and I was... insane over him. One month later our writing results were out and I was 3rd.... in junior catagory, and Maggy was 2nd in senior catagory... I got a letter from the writing agency so that I could attend the prize distribution ceremony. It was going to be held on 20th of February. It was the day I was eager for... I was excited and on the 19th of Feb after the mass, my heroic Maggy offered to take me along with him. Leaving both our moms talking we went a bit away and began planning our trick of meeting up, and going together. He said, 'this time no pen pinning, gorgeous ... I'll pin you to my ummm... myyy...' My eyes widened, and I blushed I wanted him to speak softly, what if my mom heard?? so I kept my hand on his mouth to stop him but that man licked my hand and I was like, 'yeeew'... Ohh... he removed his lighter from his pocket and realised that aunty was der. I knew that he wanted to smoke and I too wouldn't let him do that shit. He kept the lighter back. This man atleast gets scared of someone... agreed right? He wanted me but I was scared... mom was just a few miles away, and aunty too, but they were happily talking... to each other. Maggy was staring at me and I was crazily shy... I was blushing hard now. They finished talking and we headed back home. I remembered talking to Maggy, that was like the first dose of an addictive drug to me... I felt glorified, happy something new touched me... I no more felt guilty falling for this man. I wanted him infact... His one week of magic worked on me like no other man's magic worked.... I was happy some, thinking everything would go as we spoke... as we planned and as exciting as he held my hand and told me... I never it would end... and that ending made me cry... I was sad and I cribbed... again... a pain ran and was still buried deep inside my heart and I felt low again... I wanted Harry now. Suddenly I heard Maggy's voice. He was fucking downstairs I feel, and mom told him to go back as I didn't want to see him anymore and mom knew it. He left, when mom told him to leave, but he entered through my room window, and claimed that he loved me, he was drunk. Oh !!! sorry back to the total past... which gave me nightmares... and some free agony...
6 years ago...
I was on the peak and everything was blooming, around me, even the fungi, I mean the mushrooms that grew around my house, small friendly worms wriggling next to the hinge of the house gate, little toads and huge frogs croaking, every thing what I thought was ugly seemed to look even more beautiful, with Maggy in my heart... Now everywhere I went I could see Maggy, he had conquered my mind totally, and I was insane, I was deeply in love with him. He had magic a terrible, a tough, an addictive magic on me. I only dreamt of that guy and I loved him... and only him... Before this day I was never in a relationship except one before Maggy. I though I was ugly, basically and I was bullied too...
Now let me take you to the years before I met Maggy. may be two years back... The ferocious time I was bullied. The time I was alone, I cried, I was dead internally, there was a time where I had reached a verge of taking pills, poisonous pills, like Denny had taken. Camilo, teased me, Sherin the most beautiful girl of our class whom every guy wanted, to be with the real diva... ughhhh they were fucking blind, also bullied me. She was awful inside, she was heartless, the lady who had relations with almost more than 15 guys at the same time... and she broke their hearts at different times... She also aborted a few of her babies, when she got pregnant and a devastating blame had fallen upon me about her death....
Why did Sherin die? What was Celia's mistake? and why was she blamed? Was it really Celia's mistake?