Kayla wasn't sure that he had heard her comment. He was just silent. It wasn't like she screamed it or anything. He was holding her to him. His body still deep in hers and she could feel the rise and fall of his chest. She hoped that her comment hadn't really been notice in the heat of the moment. Kayla didn't think him a person that dealt well with such things well.
Plus she knew that she really meant that. It wasn't about having sex and she did feel a bit stupid. She hadn't wanted to say it out loud. Kayla felt so foolish, her damn heart betrayed her. How easy it would be to hurt her so badly with a few simple words? After all he'd told her that he didn't feel like normal people.
He moved up as she lay back. Savon had a hand on either side of her bracing himself there. His gaze wasn't as bright now. He frowned slightly like he was thinking for a moment.
"Wh...why would you say that?" He asked quickly. Oh she suddenly felt very very stupid. Felt heat in her cheeks and looked away from him. She wasn't fucking two, but she sure felt like some novice child.
"It just came out." She cleared her throat for a moment. "Are you angry?" She asked suddenly looking back at him. Savon didn't know what to say for a moment. Angry, why would he be angry? More like confused. The moment that she said it, he felt the truth of the statement. The heat in her face wasn't just from what they had been doing.
"No. More confused." She wasn't really meeting his gaze. He felt an odd feeling in his stomach. He'd never had those words said to him before. He didn't know how to react. Especially if she really meant them. The acolyte was completely silent at the moment. Felt like it died it was so silent. It didn't want to touch this topic. It was actually scared of it.
"Confused?" Kayla asked looking at him, and she looked a bit angry or hurt. Perhaps both it was hard to tell. She moved slightly wanting a bit of space. Surprisingly he let her have it and she didn't know if that was a good sign.
"What's confusing?" Kayla said in a shaky tone.
"I just..." He was silent and then in a serious and dark tone continued. "Did you mean what you said?" She was next to him but then scooted toward the edge of the bed. God way to make things awkward.
"Maybe." Kayla answered and he took hold of her arm to stop her from getting up.
"I want a straight answer this time. Not an evasive one." Savon demanded She had a kind of stubborn look to her.
"Kayla, please." He said figuring that was the best way to get what he wanted. More than shouting or something. This was a delicate situation to their emotions and hearts. Both very aware of it not really knowing what was in the other's mind.
"Yes okay? Yes." She jerked her arm away from him. Kayla pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. She felt like running out of the room like some child. This was deep for her, and she was worried it wasn't for him.
"I didn't mean to say that it just slipped out. I know you're not exactly the kind of person that deals well with emotions. Just forget I said it. It was an accident." Kayal really would have left the room if he'd let her.
Like that was going to be an easy thing to forget. Hearing her words a part of Savon was deeply satisfied and he knew that he felt the same. Though it was far harder for him to admit it. However she had put herself on the line first by saying that. That he might not reciprocate it. Savon knew he needed to make a decision here, man up in a sense or this might damage something between them depending on how he handled it. He knew that much.
Kayla moved to get up and he stopped her pulling her back to him. She didn't fight him. She didn't look at him either. He thought that it looked like tears might be in her eyes.
'Oh shit, please don't let her start crying.' He said to himself. Savon really wouldn't know what to do then. He didn't want to make things worse or have her think the wrong thing. He knew he'd be awkward as fuck trying to console someone or apologize. That made his acolyte cringe severely.
'Why is she upset? Can it be taken care of, easy enough to destroy it?' It was eager for that. Something I knew how to do.
'We are the problem I think.' He thought and that part shut down again but was listening.
"I've never had that said to me before." He admitted slowly, carefully. He'd pulled her so that her back was to his front. She kept doing and saying things to him that he'd never had done before. He just didn't know how to deal with it. How did normal people respond to the statement? He couldn't recall.
"Never?" She asked turning to look at him.
"No. I'm not a lovable person." He said with a slight smile. She just stared at him for a moment.
"That is stupid, clearly there is one person that does." She commented looking away from him and into the room. Kayla just wanted to crawl away and pretend that this didn't happen. She didn't share her feelings lightly. With him it was so much more. It was worse, because she was afraid he wouldn't love her, and that hurt. What if he didn't want to?
"Why do you want to run away from me then?" He more demanded.
"Because I feel like an idiot." She spat out. She tried to move again but he held onto her a bit tighter this time. He was quiet not asking her anything or speaking, just held her to him. The side of his face was against her hair and he moved it slightly. She felt the brush of his lips against her ear. He was trying to sort things out in his own mind. Savon felt this really twisted nervous sensation start. Something he'd not felt before ever.
Savon made a choice though in his head. It felt like someone was trying to pull part of his throat out as he chose his next words to her. He knew it was extremely important. Kind of felt like razor blades were sliding up it.
This was honestly the worst, most difficult thing to say in his opinion. It felt like fear. He didn't like the sensation, but if she could be brave enough, he could damn well meet her half way. Especially if he wanted to really do this with her. If he wanted to keep Kayla by his side, he knew.
Savon let out a slow breath and spoke so very quietly that she almost missed him speaking. It was more like a breath behind her ear as he spoke.
"I... love you." She froze where she was at the words. She never in a million years would have thought him capable of uttering those words even if they were false. It kind of sounded like he'd stop breathing for a second. Her heart felt like it stopped beating. He just held onto her for a second, face turned into her hair.
"I don't feel things easily. When I do they are intense." He spoke in a bit louder tone but still quiet. Kayla didn't respond yet, just let him get out what he needed too.
"Its hard to handle them. Its why I don't want you doing the things we do anymore. I've never worried before. For you, I will." What did it matter, the weeks or months he'd known her, or would know her. He felt what he did. He might as well face it now. That way it couldn't slap him in the face later. Kayla's heart was beating very fast. His grip loosened on her and he sighed.
"I'm tired. I haven't slept in four days." Savon said suddenly. He was the one retreating this time. Kayla turned at the sudden change in topic. She looked at him and his gaze wasn't as sure as it normally was. He wasn't lying with what he said. She felt her stomach flip. This was unfamiliar ground here, for both of them.
"Stay here with me for a bit?" Savon asked carefully. She gave a nod. He moved to lay back and she followed him. He pulled her against him and closed his eyes. There were so many things going through him and he didn't know how to handle it. He did feel like destroying something. His other half was secretly praying he would let it. It did not like the fact they had just created a massive weakness to exploit. However he didn't regret it either, just need to learn how to live with it.