Like a nightmare, it's terrible. It was like fighting against an invisible force. The harder I work and try, the results are inversely proportional.
On the other hand, Bintang, who is relaxed and looks like doing nothing, just playing games, never thinks about anything, and never thinks about his children, wife, housework, and all kinds of household expenses. His financial condition is tremendously improved.
Many projects suddenly come without difficulty. Maybe if dedicated to family, I wouldn't have to worry. Unfortunately, Bintang only enjoys himself. Have fun himself. Never mind the family, more often gather with friends.
One day as I was so optimistic about closing my insurance project, it suddenly canceled. And on the same day, Bintang got a particular order. It felt like I was planting rice, then Bintang was harvesting it. Terribly unfair.
It would be very easy if Bintang were willing to cooperate. But what happens at every opportunity, Bintang always tries to get out of family ties.
If the household is over, It's even lighter.
The presence of Bintang makes life difficult. It looks like you have a husband, but you haven't, I'm not a widower either. People won't believe from any angle that I'm in trouble. And it seems that Bintang enjoys seeing me down and helpless.
There are never easy words when dealing with money. The most draining energy is talking about money. I'd better find a way out myself.
But that's not really what bothered me. It was when Bright, the only our dear baby girl, called me.
"Mom... hurry! There's someone at home looking for dad, waiting on the terrace. There are five people, maa" I'm worried for Bright's safety because debt collectors often come to the house.
***
I finally learned to be calm from Bintang. When Bintang was peaceful and never guilty of irresponsible behavior, I calmly took my rights. The wife's instinct to survive.
I immediately took the money from Bintang's pocket without saying much. Ask permission to be a long story.
But strangely, Bintang seems doesn't know what his wife is doing. I amaze! When there was one million in Bintang's pocket, I took half of it, and Bintang didn't notice. Once I found an envelope containing 5 million in cash; I took 2 million; Bintang didn't even ask. As for ten thousand, twenty, fifty, or one hundred thousand, perhaps Bintang never counted.
Sometimes I regret taking a small amount because taking a lot is okay. Bintang will be silent. But usually, I take just enough. Enough to pay monthly fees, school, electricity, water, internet, BPJS, and others. Otherwise, the bills accumulate and are only paid when all services are stopped.
Tiring. But that's the reality.
I was surprised. Whether Bintang really doesn't know. Or pretend not to know. Or is it deliberately baiting me? To test my honesty, but for what?
This is something new. I've never had this happen before. If I knew from the beginning, I don't have to ask to fight, be noisy, ashamed of neighbors, just take it, Done. Why only now?
Or maybe it's illegal money. Illegal money when obtain by the crime, so the results are legal. Hush! I amused myself.
But didn't God also say good women are good for good men? And vice versa. What for the evil man? Maybe I should be an evil woman first to equalize the frequency to balance and be good, I thought, starting to get crazy.
Ah, deep down, something is disturbed. My integrity. Integrity before God.
AND
I stopped picking money from husband's wallet without permission, not because of the ustad's advice or fear of sin.
I just stopped stealing when one day, when I suddenly entered the bedroom, I caught someone opening my wallet.
Bright!!!
***