'What does God want to tell me, what lessons should I take from this incident? I know this is God's message for me, I know there is a pearl called wisdom behind all this. I must seek it; God has granted me the brain to think about it.'
However, until the Takbir echoed, Luna had not found the answer, until the halal bi-halal* gathering was over.
***
Luna remembers precisely where she put the money.
A bundle of twenty thousand new rupiahs. A bundle of new ten thousand. A pack of new five thousand. The new fifty thousand were all stashed under the clothes on the top shelf of the wardrobe. The money has been prepared long enough to be shared with nephews, relatives, and neighbors in need when return home town.
It has become a tradition every Eid when mudik*) to share angpow,* it's nice to see the cheerful face receiving angpow even though the amount is not much.
But at the last moment, God made her FORGET! She left the money behind, not carried away.
Luna only realized this when she was more than halfway out of Jakarta. It took about 7 hours by land transportation to get to her hometown in Central. The car entered the gas station at around 3 am. As usual, during the fasting month leading up to Eid, many middle-aged mothers earn a living earning fortune from mudik people.
An old lady selling rice cakes and fried foods approached the window of her car, "Neeng...*)" she greeted.
Luna grab her bag to find cash money, groping its content, unloading the bag but she couldn't find it, long enough Grandma waited finally she could only say, "Sorry Nek...*)"
Huh, what an uncomfortable situation.
And mudik that time down in the mouth regrets so much negligence she lost the opportunity to share with people in need; meanwhile, this opportunity was only allowed once a year.
Then came, one by one, the stifling events. Right after Eid prayers, a donation time. Unlike in the city, the donation boxes made of wood or biscuit tins circulate in front of the prayer rows, in the village the method is far more simple, a woman bowing around uses the mukena*) she wears it to collect donations.
Passing in front of Luna, she once again looked for the hope that money was tucked away in her bag. The woman stood in front of her waiting for her to find money, but in the end, Luna had to accept that she didn't have any money. Then she said, "Sorry..."
And the woman shifted her body to the congregation next to her without looking back at all.
**
Luna was inspired by her mother's habit. But what's really amazing about her mother is that, not only on Lebaran holidays she always shares, but every time she goes home, school holidays, or any other special events, she always gives angpow to her children and grandchildren. From ancient times, when Luna was a child, until now, when she has already had a child. Nothing has changed.
New money neatly put into envelopes handwritten with the names of her grandchildren and children's names in neat italicized Latin letters. Mom always took the time to write the envelope with her hands carefully,
Dearest Ananda....
For my dear granddaughter...
For Luna, not to mention handwriting; it's lucky if there is an envelope, and now she forgets all.
***
Luna looked at the moon and stars in the sky; a thousand stars scattered in the sky. Echo Takbir Ied in the air. Luna looked at the moon and stars with a mind full of questions, what did I do wrong, God? I just want to give, but why is it so hard? I don't want to ask, I just want to give.
Guilty feelings haunt her.
After the Isha prayer, Luna grabs the Qur'an.
The holy book accidentally fell and the page opened to a chapter. Luna took it; suddenly, her eyes fell on a verse. A sentence she read like a rebuke that hit the deepest recesses of her heart.
She forgets! Always feels that money is her money, paychecks, and THR*) which are entirely the result of her sweat, whereas money is not merely only the result of her efforts.
She forgets!
She can get it all because God allows. It was because of God's permission that she was able to get them.
'Or who can provide you with sustenance if He withholds His sustenance?'
...
QS. AL Mulk / The Kingdom
Verse 21.
***
*)Halal bi-halal: gathering to ask for forgiveness on the Lebaran holiday
*)Mudik is Homecoming, the activity of migrants/migrant workers to return to their hometown. Homecoming in Indonesia is identical to the annual tradition that occurs before major religious holidays, for example, Eid al-Fitr, Christmas & New Year, Eid al-Adha, and National Holidays.
*)Angpao, envelopes, giving money in envelopes during Lebaran is a tradition that has been passed down from generation to generation
*Neng, a call to daughters (whose parents deserve respect).
*)Mukena is a prayer outfit for Muslim women typical of Indonesia.
*)Nek,nenek; Grand ma, Older woman
*)THR, stand of Tunjangan Hari Raya or Holiday allowance, is non-wage income employers must pay to workers or their families before religious holidays.