This Lebaran, Luna went home with her own car. Her sister who lives in the Netherlands can't go home this year, the one who lives in Semarang is planning to go home on the second day of Eid, while the one in Tangerang can only go home this weekend. Yes, they are 3 brothers and 2 sisters in their family.
Fortunately, there was another brother who lived in the same city as her parents, which was enough to calm Luna's heart. Mom is like, her life is just waiting for Eid to arrive. Waiting for all her children and grandchildren to gather.
Early in the morning of the day Luna woke up, went out of the room, and found her mother in the kitchen having finished cooking opor ayam*), one big pan full, the kitchen and room already looking neat.
"The potatoes are fried, just need to be seasoned" she greeted seeing Luna appear in the kitchen doorway. Luna looked at the clock on the wall, Huh! What the hell, bu... it's still 3 o'clock too, she grumbled to herself. Only to herself.
Mom's feelings are very sensitive, so Luna has to be super careful every time she speaks so that her sharp words don't hurt her feelings. Tears could flow down her cheeks as soon as she opened her voice, not wanting to be a disobedient child. In the morning anyway.
Finally, she just pouted helplessly.
Such a beautiful, organized and perfect mother. There is no compromise in terms of preparation. Everything must be organized and well prepared in advance; it is taken seriously, even if only for cooking matters.
While having breakfast, mother was thinking about lunch. At lunch, mom had planned the menu for dinner. If something doesn't go according to plan, she will easily panic and get stressed.
"Please replace the bed linen in the front room, and move clothes and luggage to the back. Guests from Semarang usually stay at least one night; we have to make a good impression." Mom continued as soon as Luna appeared out of the bathroom
Whatttttt????? Good impression?????? Hellooowww???!!!!
Suddenly the words were so painful to the ears. It felt like they were going to explode.
This was the millionth time Luna had heard mom remind her to clean her room for a guest.
Was it so important to make a good impression that I had to be kicked out of my own room and moved somewhere else? Yes, it was only for one night and I didn't mind either. But can't we just be normal? Why is it as if they're kings that we have to go to so much trouble to prepare everything? Why not just be as you are, why not just be yourself? After all, they will also understand that if many families gather like this, the house will become messy. Sleeping in a crowded room, isn't that warm? Luna's mind screamed in annoyance.
Yes, it is. That was just in her heart.
Luna dared not open her voice.
But to neutralize the atmosphere she asked, "What time will they come, bu?"
"I don't know yet, that's why just preparing it so that if they come at any time, the room is already tidy," explained mom.
Unfortunately, Luna wasn't too close to her sister's extended family in Semarang. She could have just called to make sure, but she was too lazy and they usually came in groups, brothers and sisters with their respective families.
For Luna, whether they came or not wasn't that important. But for mom, this once-a-year moment was the most waiting for. She would easily burst into tears if her children didn't come home... as if this was the culmination of her whole life over the past year.
***
On the second day of Lebaran, the third brother, Beni from Tangerang came with his family.
All family members crowded to welcome Beni's family at the terrace, there was his wife carrying the little one behind, and the older siblings followed carrying their respective luggage. They shook hands and hugged, ah, this is the atmosphere that always makes everyone happy during Lebaran homecoming. Then came the voice of Bapak. "Where did you put the car?"
Luna saw the look on Beni's face, and he stared at Luna in silence. Then he put his suitcase in the living room and sat on the floor without answering the question.
Luna gets what Beni feels because that's the sentence Bapak always asks when she has just arrived.
Doesn't Bapak know that we've just traveled all day in traffic jams, doesn't he miss not seeing each other for almost a year so he is bombarded with questions like that? Are there no other questions like... How was the trip ... smoothly ..? or anything other than that question.
There was nothing wrong with that sentence, but that simple sentence felt so tight in the chest because of its long history.
The family's house was in a small alley. The car garage was quite far from the house, so they usually parked the car on the side of the road in front of the alley. Of course, the children had predicted that the car would not block the road, and also made sure that if there was another car passing by, it would not be blocked.
But this situation is what really scares the father, afraid that his son's car will interfere with the road and end up inconveniencing people. They are so concerned about people that they forget that their children have just arrived and are still tired. They are so afraid that their children will trouble people.
Mother and father are the same, they are really concerned about people's impressions. They will do whatever it takes to look good in people's eyes, even though we have to suffer. They scare being judged so that every movement or activity of their kids never escapes their attention and advice.
**
"I've tried, I'm tired of preparing food, but no one eats the whole dish." Mom complained in a trembling voice at lunchtime. I heard when I wasn't fully awake. PLEASE BU, DON'T TRY! WHO ASKED FOR FOOD? IF IBU IS TIRED WHOSE FAULT? WE'RE ADULTS, IF WE'RE HUNGRY, WE'LL SURELY EAT. Ibu is fasting, just fast! No need to be tired of serving us.
I got up and went to the dining table with such aggravation.
Ibu is a disciplined person and she demands all the family member act that way. When things not going according to her wish, without realizing the never-ending complaints becomes her auto-response. And her deep, trembling voice sometimes with tears often poisoning the atmosphere. It is like someone smoking and we all inhale the toxic smoke.
There was no story for the food that was left. Mom would be very sad. It could bring tears to her eyes. In this case, we are the whole family have to be wise to get around it. If you throw away the leftovers wait until mom is no longer there. Or put it in the bottom of the trash can, covered with other garbage. That's why when it's close to mealtime, the kids don't dare to snack outside. Or even if they do, we make sure there is space in their stomachs to eat at home.
After eating, I cleaned up the dirty dishes and took them to the kitchen. "Just leave it there, nduk, no need to wash it, let ibu wash it later..." I felt like dropping the pile of dirty dishes in my hand.
Along with mom's voice, a long iron chain seemed to come out of her mouth, tripping my steps, my hands, my soul, shackling all my movements. I became rigid.
I know everything mom does is good, all for the good of her children. But doesn't she get tired of commenting on everything all the time? Doesn't she trust her children even a little? Every activity never escapes her attention, don't do this, don't do that, don't do this, don't do that, before, during, and after, Mom's voice always accompanies. On land in the sea in the air, my mother is never tired of issuing advice, motivation, and aphorisms.
But can't you shut up? Every time my mom speaks, it feels like the demons in my soul are screaming, CAN'T YOU SHUT UP? I just want you to SHUT UP!!! That's if the good devil is talking. If his brother's devil works, the whole zoo will come out.
But only in my heart. Because I know that even just saying Huh! is a sin.
"Please help ibu exchange new money, at bu Yani. Twenty thousand and ten thousand. Ibu already called bu Yani earlier, you just give it away."
Luna then started the motor, ready to go to carry out the duty.
"Later, if you receive money from bu. Yani, don't count it." instructs Mom again.
Luna stopped. "Why, bu?"
"Just don't count." said mom as she entered the room. Luna could only think, annoyed. Maybe it's rude to count money in front of parents, especially respectable people; the impression is that we don't trust, but Mom's worry makes the annoyance even more piled up.
***
On the 2nd of Eid, Ryan's family from Semarang comes. It turned out that they had arrived yesterday; they were traveling around and staying at the hotel because they didn't want to bother Mom.
Finally, the tidy guest room was empty. No one occupies.
Cold
As cold as Luna's heart was sleeping in the living room, silent but her heart was full of anger.
***
*)Opor ayam is boiled chicken in coconut milk with various spices such as lemongrass, kencur, and so on. In Javanese tradition, Lebaran celebrations are usually enlivened by cooking ketupat (rice cake) served with opor ayam and sambal goreng (hot sauce) potato.