What's the Most Serious Risk, if I enter the room?
I stood in front of the extra-large door with a shrunken heart. The door was so big and high that I felt like an ant. My guts constrict…
This is the highlight of the third week of leadership training. Even the day before, the leader was reminded that no one should ever be late. But this morning Bright was cranky, not allowing me to leave. I have to calm her and win her heart before leaving. The hardest thing for a working mom is at times like this when the kids do not want to be compromised.
And it's already an hour late. I know as soon as I enter the room everyone will look at me with hundreds of judgments in their mind, I seem to see that they have horns on their heads. Because of my delay, it's not only me who will be affected, but the entire team in our small group will be punished.
It was easier for me to turn around without going in at all. I will surely save, at least saved from embarrassment. Should I come in? Or not? I hesitated. I'm nervously excited. My overthinking virus is always super active at critical times like this.
I put my ear closer to the door and tried to listen to the voices inside and learn the situation. Silence. It's getting scary. Remembering the experience of a friend who was also late for the event, the Trainer Killer from America threw a wooden chair until the chair broke 2 legs and he got Coach for 1 hour.
Ah, that might be the worst risk.
There's a risk that I might get the same treatment when I get in,
hmmm
but before that happens, I'll put a membership sign or just throw it instead, and be ready to leave the room right then.
To think about the worst risk suddenly my courage emerged.
I knocked on the door. I opened it and walked right in. The Trainer killer from America stopped talking. Then everyone looked at me.
Exactly as I imagined.
I joined them, standing in the front row beside the one I know well by heart, beautiful Jessica.
Without asking, a really scary person, a killer trainer continues his coach. Didn't mention the slightest of my lateness.
Nothing happened. Everything is running smoothly. People's reactions and attitudes were not as terrible as I had imagined. I survived… and won over myself.
***
An email arrived in my inbox. A job opportunity with the exact job description I want. The company provides exchange services for Indonesian American students who are exploring the possibility of opening a branch in Indonesia. USAlliance. My position is Regional Coordinator, my duties include looking for information about universities around where I live, tuition fees, study programs, apartments, hotels, boarding houses, tourist attractions, and other interesting places.
For me, this job is so interesting, especially with the addition of a pretty good salary for Indonesian standards. This company is also professional, and the recruitment process is fast, after submitting the necessary personal documents, security screening, and signing the employee agreement, all of which were done via email, I immediately got the task. The schedule for completing each task was so tight that I didn't have the chance to do any other work.
Even though my office is in America, it seems I have a boss next to me. I am required to be absent via Viber to start the day, as well as in the afternoon after the work is done. We communicated things via Viber and telegram, and Robert, the person in charge gave me an assignment via email.
I go to meetings at universities, hotels, and apartments on a daily basis, to get a price comparison and ask for a good one, the report is sent in XL format at the specified time. Until one day Robert gave me a follow-up task, to find the price of a return flight from Florida to Indonesia for 30 students who were planning to take a Summer Course in Indonesia. I arranged all of their needs while in Indonesia, it was exciting beyond measure. Delightfully because I also own an online Travel business so this will be far easier for me to arrange things.
But
Seems It's too perfect. TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. I still couldn't believe it, was it true or not...? I can't stand the joy, I'm afraid that this is just a trick. Yet, I still manage to perform the task professionally.
I have a friend living in Florida, I may ask for his help when something unexpected happened. Indeed sent him an email to ensure the existence of the remote Company I work for, but maybe because we were all busy, I didn't get a reply or follow it up due to a very tight work schedule makes my time run out to complete those tasks.
I thought the worst case was, even if this were a scam or fraud, I would at most lose energy, time, and a little money, I had anticipated it beforehand
The week before a paycheck, Robert disappeared. My Viber is not being replied to, nor telegram, email moreover. It was the twenty-second day after I had completed the various tasks which were assigned to me. And what I was afraid of, happened. This is worse than I thought. It hit me hard emotionally and mentally. Robert is like my best friend. Every day we chat about everything related to my assignment. He is so educated and professional. It seemed impossible for him to just disappear.
One, or two a week went there is no news. I still expected him to come back. Nevertheless, until this moment he disappeared. Everything is so REAL, however, in reality, it disappeared. I want to report it to the authorities... But what's the harm? Maybe it will be considered insignificant, maybe I'll even be considered as stupid.
Sometimes I win sometimes I learn. I learn that all my fault mostly because of my doubt. I learned when we are obsessed about what might go wrong we actually preparing for the worst-case scenario to happen.
***
My savings are getting lower for expenses such as gasoline, parking, toll, and so on. Huh, just wanna cry. I became a victim of my doubts.
Fortunately, I still receive commissions from Insurance biweekly. Even though I am inactive in doing the business, as long as the existing clients are still active to pay premiums, I will still get the commission until the next three years.
Plus, unexpected fortune. The parent of Bright's friends sends me 'gasoline' money as I often take them a round trip to school together with Bright. They felt bad about themselves as I always refuse their pocket money.
"It is not good to reject fortune," they said.
Now accidentally the pickup service becomes my real business.
Well, that's actually what often happens. With hardship, there is ease. Sometimes I am imprisoned by my mind. Once a decision is made and the outcome is not what I expected, I often think it looks like the world is coming to an end. With a little shift in mind, it turns out that everything is just fine
Birds are still singing
Flowers are still blooming
The wind still blows
The sun is still shining
There is still more to enjoy than to regret
Whatever happens
Life goes on...
***