I've been waiting my whole life for just one, fuck
And all I needed was just one, fuck
How can you say that you don't give a, fuck
I find myself stupefied, coming back again
All I wanted was just one, fuck
One tiny little innocent, fuck
And when I feel like I'm shit out of, Luck
I find my stupefied, coming back again
.........…..
Apart from all billion humans on earth….
Why the universe crossed our path over and over again?
.........
"Ehhhhh???"
Wina was flabbergasted and stupefied while her beautiful eyes widened in disbelief at what she had just heard. On the contrary, Johan is deliberately staring at her earnestly.
"Should I repeat my words, Ms. Lidwina Andrea?"
"I agree..." Johan told her once again and he emphasized the tone of his voice.
"Wait! Wait…."
Wina raised her hand in the air and spontaneously rubbed her head in confusion.
"Johan…" She cleared out her throat.
"We haven't had any deal yet!"
"We haven't even agreed on any terms and conditions that I'm going to tell you. We even haven't set up a price for my role yet and what if I refuse to do this?"
"Then, did you forget that I was the one who left you before?"
John nodded.
"Yes..."
"I'm fully aware of what you have done to me. To us before…"
"But I'm sure that you must have other reasons behind all these…"
"And, I believe in you, Wina ..."
Johan confirmed every word that he had said with his stubbornness. Stay adamant as he always be. He doesn't budge at all. While his eyes remained fixed on the stunning figure sitting across from him.
"You won't do something unnecessary if you don't have a good reason for doing it."
"Considering what had happened between us in the past…"
"I knew you well, Lidwina Andrea. You also knew about my whole family. Even though I didn't know what was going on with you now and we meet in such an unexpected situation. But, there's one thing that I'm sure of, you're still like the same old Wina whom I used to know…"
"So…?"
"Please, Wina…"
"Could you help me this time?
Her eyes flickered while she gulped nervously. Fucking damn!
She felt like she had been stroked with a bolt of misfortunes that day. First, she accidentally met her ex-boyfriend. Secondly, he was asking her to help him out urgently. Thirdly, she even didn't know that after they had been separated for years, the man's gaze still has some effect on her. It was hypnotizing, yet, made her heart pound erratically inside her rib cage. Making her walls slowly crumble while her memory reminisces about the past when the two of them were still together at that time.
Yes, they were a sweetheart couple back then.
.........
Fourteen years ago…
"I'm sorry, Johan.."
"But, we can't continue this..."
"It's over…"
Her voice sounded like thunder in broad daylight. He never expects that the reason why she was asking him out that day, was for breaking up their relationship. His body stiffed after he heard the statement from her mouth. His head feels dizzy all of sudden.
"We are done…"
"It's over…."
The world seems to fade away around him. His legs weakened. And, the noises are disappeared.
It's over….
It's over….
Those words keep repeating inside his mind like a broken record. Is this for real?
"Why?"
A question came out of his mouth with a dazed face. He didn't understand. What kind of mistake he had made that his girl suddenly cut off their relationship all of sudden without saying anything beforehand.
"Because I like someone else, Johan..."
"And, I chose him over you…"
"I'm sorry…."
At that time, the two of them were hanging out in a cafe. It's their favorite. It's located on the highland where the two of them could gaze at the night view of Bandung city that twinkling beneath their feet. The scene was mesmerizing and crisp. The opposite of the gloomy mood that the couple is having right now.
As a teenager at a youthful age and just started their relationship, both of them are still obliged to strict rules by their parents.
Because of it, Johan and Wina decided to visit this place for a while before they go home after school. At that time, the two of them were twelve graders. And, soon, after they finished their final exam this semester, they will be graduated. However, Johan didn't know that Wina would leave him like this.
Why?
Wasn't their relationship always great these times?
"Why have you never talked about this to me before, Wina?"
Wina took a deep breath heavily. There is a tint of sadness in her eyes and face. Her head bowed down. Trying to avoid and dodge Johan who fixed his eyes on her. Trying so hard to swallow her guilt deep inside. Trying so hard to not let any single tear escape from her eyes. Trying so hard to be a terrible liar and pretend to be strong in front of him. She was desperate and under pressure but nothing else she could do. She must do this.
"I'm sorry, Johan…"
"But this is my decision..."
John snorted harshly and turned his face away. He's utterly annoyed and hurt. So, fucking damn hurt.
"Okay…"
He stood up. Pain and anger were visible on his face. The face of someone who has been betrayed because of an unfair and one-sided decision.
"Lidwina Andrea…"
"I think you are different from the other girls. Turns out I was wrong…"
"I wished that our story would be different…."
"I wished that our love would remain strong until there is a day I will come to your parents and ask for their blessing…"
He sighed heavily as if he would throw everything in a single breath.
"If that's your decision…"
"What can I say?"
"This is a goodbye and please wish my regards to your parents..."
Wina was utterly quiet and speechless when Johan turned away and finally left her alone. The cold night wind rustled and caressed her face gently. At that moment, she can't stand it anymore. Her tears burst out. One by one, her tears fell apart, and soon, a stream of river flew on her cheeks. She sobbed and wailed loudly. Venting out all of her feelings and emotional pain gush out without holding back.
Damn! Shit!
He was the one who broke the relationship but why did her heart feel so painful like it was being squeezed by an invisible hand? Her chest felt tight with the guilt and regret that eating her inside out. Oh my God….does it how heartbroken feel?
People say high school time is the most beautiful and colorful phase in our life. Yes, they're right. They weren't wrong. It was when she acknowledged the love and fell for someone.
John Alvaro.
A young man who unknowingly has managed to captivate her heart. Until then, when the two of them finally can hold their hands together and stand side by side as a couple. But, now, the grip of her beloved hand that always can ease and soothe her, she must let it go.
For a specific reason….
Slowly, with shaking hands, she took out her cell phone and called someone.
"I've done what you told me to do, Auntie. Now, please keep your words…"
.........…
On the other line, a triumphant smile appeared on a woman who looks stunningly beautiful in her late age.
"Okay…."
"I stick to our deal, sweetheart…"
"I will not fire your father…"
Immediately, they both hung up the phone at the same time. Later on, Mama Sharren heard approaching footsteps entering the house. Her face beamed up with joy when she saw his son's arrival. He looked haggard and troubled. Pretending, Mama Sharren stretched her arms wide open and hugged her beloved son tightly in her embrace. Oh, dear lord, how she loves him so much…
"Have you eaten yet?"
"Mama has prepared your favorite dish for your dinner this evening…"
.............
Present time, at night, in her flat…
Wina was massaging her forehead with a disheveled look after she meets with Johan. As one of her prospective clients, Johan is pleasant and quite flexible with her terms so the two of them can manage an agreement shortly. The image of his ex-boyfriend that she had painstakingly forgotten and deeply buried, begins to emerge wildly.
All the past stories of their sweet memories kept ringing in her mind. This is also the prior reason why she chose and decide to be single until this day. Because he overshadowed her all the time!
The image of Johan is still strongly etched in her heart and mind. An unforgettable memory of her first love. And, she couldn't be moving on until now.
This is not good at all!!
Wina cursed inwardly. Is she just being naive? Or stupid?
By the way, what she should do now? Why on earth, do I have to meet him again today?
Being indecisive, Wina called one of her best friends.
Faradina Hussein.
...........
Dina's flat…
Dina had just finished taking a shower and she was wringing her damp hair with a towel when her cell phone suddenly rang. After he saw the caller's name on the screen, lazily, she picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Dina, are you busy right now?"
"No. Why?"
"Will you be going somewhere, perhaps?"
"No. Why?"
"Is there someone with you? In your flat?"
"No. Why?"
"Girl, you sound so fucking weird. What the hell is wrong with you?" Dina chuckled lightly as she sat on the sofa.
"I'm alone. I'm not going anywhere. I'm in my flat. Are you happy now?"
Dina can hear the relief from the other line. A frown formed on her forehead.
"Wina, are you okay?"
"I'm going to your place, Dina…"
"Umm.. when is it?"
"NOW!!"
............…..
See but I don't get it
Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit
Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it
I get stupefied
It's all the same you see
Live with it but I don't get it
Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit
Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it
I get stupefied
(Stupefied – Disturbed)