Scared of my own image, scared of my own immaturity
Scared of my own ceiling, scared I'll die of uncertainty
Fear might be the death of me, fear leads to anxiety
Don't know what's inside of me
Temperature is dropping, temperature is dropping
I'm not sure if I can see this ever stopping
Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts, no
You are all that I've got, no
Don't forget about me
Don't forget about me
Even when I doubt you
I'm no good without you, no, no, no, no, no
...............
A few days before, Dina's flat, after Wina's meetup with Johan at Hotel Ragasa…
"What the hell is wrong with you, Win?" Dina asked confusedly as she exhaled the smoke from her cigarette. Well… she's excited and curious at the same time, to be honest.
"I was cursed…"
"I guess…"
Wina rolled her eyes in annoyance and hugged a cushion. Squeezed it tight while her best friend burst out in laughter after hearing her whole story.
"God!! This fucking damn crazy…."
"Didn't I tell you to get a proper job before? A legal one. Don't do this kind of work. Well…okay, the money is good and you were extra careful also. But, looks like you hit the bottom rock now…hahahaha…"
"What would you do now, Win?"
"So, how does it feel to meet your ex-boyfriend, Win?"
"Did you feel the old romance tingle in here….?"
"Or maybe thousands of butterflies inside your tummy, perhaps?"
"Oh my... I feel like I'm being a side character in a fairy tale or romance story..."
"Seems like my dream of being an Korean actress would come true sooner than I expected before..."
Dina teased her while pointing at her chest and grinning widely like an idiot. Enjoying the view of the red shade that slowly blushed on Wina's cheek. And, her questions were answered with a smack of the cushion that hit straight to her face.
"Ouch!"
Wina exhaled deeply. She hates to say this but she also couldn't deny it as well. A week ago, after the meeting, she had to admit that the feeling for him is still there. Waiting in silence until it finally comes back out and fills the empty space in her heart until there's no more room for anyone else.
What's even worse, when Johan took her hands in his grip, her inner goddess was joyfully jumping up and down but the memory of the harsh words that Johan's mother once said to her back then, flashed through her memory and slapped her back to the reality. Re-carve the same wound in her heart. It was still bleeding and the pain was tearing her apart.
"So, what Johan needs from you, Win?" Dina asked her curiously.
"He asked me to be "his fiancée" and accompanied his mother on each chemotherapy session..."
"Omaigottt…. Did you mean that old witch? Exactly the same lady that made you and Johan break up in the first place? Was she also the one who threaten to fire your father before?"
Winona nodded firmly to all of the questions that Dina has spilled over. Of all her friends, only Faradina knows all seasons of her life. Including how she ended up in hundreds of millions of debt because of Mario and how that culprit used her credit cards for his advantage until now, his whereabouts are still unknown. Dina also knew how devastated Wina was after her bad breakup with Johan.
"Are you sure you can do it, Wina?"
"I don't know, Din..." Wina whispered softly. She was drained and way too tired to think about anything else for now.
"Why don't you back off then?"
"Because I need the money, Din. After I finished my contract with Johan, I can pay off all my debts, and I can restart my new life again…"
"I dearly miss my grandparents, Din..."
"Okay. You have my support, girl. Whenever you need me, just say it. I'll be there for you…"
Dina told him and spreading her arms wide and giving Wina a nice, warm bear hug from her. A hug from a true friend.
"Thanks, Dina. It means a lot for me…"
"That's friends what for, girl…"
.....................…..
Johan Alvaro's house, a few days later…
"Mom, I would like to introduce you to her…"
Wina spontaneously held her breath and gasped in surprise when Johan suddenly took her hand when he brought her into the house. The memory of years ago when she was threatened by her ex-boyfriend's mother is vividly clear in her mind.
She remembered that day...
The day when suddenly her cell phone rang and an unknown number appeared on its screen. Without further ado, she answered the phone.
"Hello…?"
.........................
Fourteen years ago…
"Hello…"
"Good afternoon, may I talk with Miss Lidwina Andrea?"
"Yes, this is me…." Wina replied to the speaker hesitantly. The voice sounds awkwardly weird to her.
"I'm sorry, may I know with whom I'm talking right now?"
"My name is Sharren Alvaro. I am the mother of Johan Alvaro. Are you available this afternoon? I need to discuss something important with you…"
Wina took a deep breath. From the tone of her voice, the old lady sounds so arrogant and haughty, Wina could guess what kind of conversation they would have then and what kind of topic the old lady wanted to talk about. Everyone knows who Johan Alvaro is. His parents are billionaires and extremely rich. And, their business empire has networks and branches almost in each sector of this country. From retails, tour and travel, hotels, and properties. Even his own father, Donny Andrea, also works in a company owned by Johan's family.
............…..
In a fine Japanese restaurant….
An old lady in lavish clothes is sitting upright on a pillow. Her face is glamorously beautiful and elegant. Judging from all the accessories and clothes that she is wearing right now, everyone knows that this woman is not a regular woman but from an upper class who doesn't even know the meaning of the word "poor" or "fair". Plus, the presence of two bodyguards dressed in black stood upright on her left and right with a sturdy expression.
Shortly, the door to the room where she was waiting shifted. One of the employees ushered in an attractive, youthful-look teenage girl with her ponytail still wearing her white and gray uniform.
"Good afternoon, Ma'am ..." Wina greeted her politely and forced a wry smile on her face. From her short trip when she was picked up at school and arrived at this place, a bad feeling kept haunting her endlessly. But on other hand, she also could not escape. So, with great compulsion, she unwillingly accepted the invitation. Although she was agitated when she had to face this old lady alone. The atmosphere intensely intimidating for her. She felt like she just entered a lion's den and prepare for the worst that might happen in that room.
What is this?
Why are you so scary, old lady?
After school, she had to meet this old lady who looked like a late vampire. She is like a nightmare in broad daylight…
As soon as she sat on the pillow, without further ado, Mama Sharren spoke up.
"Miss Lidwina Andrea…."
"How are you doing?" She asked her politely but Wina could sense a threatening tone in her voice.
"I'm good. Thank you, Ma'am. May I know why you need to meet me?"
Wina wasn't good at smooth, gently small talks like everyone else. She always being frontal and brutally honest. This old lady is also not exceptional for her.
Mama Sharren inhaled and a wry smile appears on her face.
So, you have a gut, young lady?
I like it…
Things turn out, this conversation will take much shorter than I ever expected before. "So, let's get straight to the point. According to what I heard, it was said that you are currently in a relationship with my son, Johan Alvaro?"
Wina nodded briefly and confirmed her answer. Then, another smile curves on Mama Sharren's face.
"Okay, so how much do you want, Miss?"
"Huh?"
Frowned, Wina asked her back in surprise when she heard the question.
"What do you mean, Ma'am?"
"You seem smart and fully understand what I'm talking about right now, don't you? And, I also believe that you are fully aware that Johan doesn't come from a regular family like yours. He is the sole heir of Alvaro Corp. and you are dating him also…"
"My question is…"
"What was your intention, young lady?"
"Did you deliberately date him because you're after our wealth and you need financial aid?"
"Or, do you have any ulterior motive for being around him?"
"Don't wo…"
BRAKKKK!!!
.............
Gnawing on the bishops, claw our way up their system
Repeating simple phrases, someone holy insisted
I want the markings made on my skin
To mean something to me again
Hope you haven't left without me
Hope you haven't left without me, please
Don't forget about me
Don't forget about me
Even when I doubt you
I'm no good without you, no
(Doubt – Twenty One Pilots)