I turn and look around the room and she follows my eyes searching for whoever I was looking for, come here dear she says
I stand and walk slowly to her as she holds me in her embrace, don't listen to your uncle your mother was a good woman as ND what Elaine had done is on her, but you have to be strong, Tom is a good man and you will be able to build a good family with him.
He has a lot horses and slaves and land too and his business is growing, you are in luck dear he wants you.
She says and holds me close to her chest, you are lucky. I just hold her and sob uncontrollably, I still want to run away, I still want to go far, from everyone to a place no one can find me not even kal.
I feel someone wrap hands around the both of us and as I turn my head a bit I see her, Annabelle joining the embrace.
The next day Tom comes by the house, he comes with gifts, Tom is handsome, his tall and has dark hair, well dressed amd smells like lilies.
Tom has a warm smile and hid eyes are charming, I don't want to talk to toom but I can't help it, Tom is a gentleman too and I feel at ease with Tom, he leaves after introducing himself to the family promising to come for dinner some other time.
I and the girls stand outside in the pouch and watch Tom leave.
My heart is at ease, Tom is a good escape from my heart from the glpain and from everything, rose keeps yapping about him even at dinner, every one is happy for the first time in a while except me, I wish they were happy about kal this way, I wish kal could walk in and they would give him a chair and listen to him like this too.
I sit there and eat, I eat until I am full and then excuse myself, I want to talk to kal, but he did not come today, I wait up but he doesn't show, I wonder what had happened to him.
I wait up for a week but he doesn't show, I hear my father has married Elaine off to someone in the far north who had come to our county on business and he had taken interest in her.
I entertain Tom each time he comes around but I miss kal, I yearn for those nights I would lay on his chest and fall asleep, I miss his jokes, his voice that vibrates within my body, I miss him hard like I have never missed anyone before.
We go on rides with Tom and even while I am far my eyes search for him, I search for him in Tom, I search for him everywhere and all I want is to be in his arms.
Then Tom asks, I would ask too if I were him, why would he not ask, "I hear you were in love with someone from before, are you still in love with him?
I grow silent for a while and tom says he is sorry, but still I could see it in his eyes before he moves them away, beneath the smile these questions were burning into him and he needs to know, I don't know what to tell him so I sit quietly, if he calls if the wedding, my uncle would not be able to keep me here he would send me back home and I don't know what my father would do.
If you don't love me, we should not get married he said breaking the silence, I don't want tyou to be unhappy".
I am happy Tom I said,.
No you are not happy, you don't look happy, I see the girls who throw themselves at me, I know how happy they are to be with me, I can see it on thier face but not yours, it seems I would not be enough for you like that slave!
These words feel bitter, these words aren't lies but what do I tell him, I can feel his heart break and it has been a process since the day he came to the house.
"I wish I had met you earlier before he did" Tom stated looking out the window of the carriage, I could feel his pain well up and undress him before me, in that moment I knew he was in love with me.
There is no other way, there should be another way for I and Tom but there is none only marriage, one in which he will resent me for not loving him enough, one in which I would only see Kal and he would see me and no one would see him.
Tom take me home, take me home I said, as tears rolled down my cheeks.
The rest of the ride was quiet until we arrived at uncle jonah's.
Tom turned to look at me, and I moved closer to him landing a kiss on his lips,he grabbed mine and we kissed for a while, I could hear him heave like a weight left his soul, and then I turned and ran straight to my room, my cousins all asked what was wrong but before they each finished I was upstairs unlooking my room door.
I pull open and there he is, sitting there palms supporting his chin, his oval eues as sleepy as always, a faint smile on his face and as I look the door behind me he stands up.
I walk past him still angry he tad not come see me all these days, it did hurt that he slept with my sister but this distance hurt me more.
I blurt out with hurt in my voice what do you want?
He stands there quiet for a while before he answers, "I want you, I love you.
With this words my heart melt, like ice on fire and flow as tears down my cheeks.
No you don't Kal.