Yes, I do
Then why did you leave me with my self, I did not leave you, I am here with you,i just could not help that I hurt you that bad you know.
We could leave now, let's go down north, I am going to change my name, I look up at him and I could see the excitement on his face and all I can think about is all I would lose, my family, my life and then I think of Tom.
You don't want to leave anymore? Tom asks me
I want to but not with you anymore!
Martha are you okay? I hear Annabelle ask from behind the door.
I am fine I say with my voice cracking.
Did Tom hurt you?
What did he do, tell me?
I could hear cheerful Annabelle start to get angry now, I reply her fast he did nothing wrong, just let me be Anna, go away!
The whole place grow silent for a while before I look at Kal and ask wim to leave but he stands there and watch me like it would be the last time he would see me.
Do you love Tom? he asks me.
I turn and as our eyes meet I say to him "yes".
And we are getting married, I am marrying Tom I tell Kal.
There is a faint smile on his face, I could see the hurt now and all I was trying to do did not make any sense anymore, I did not want to see him hurt again.
"Leave me" I say.
And as I stand supporting my head with my hand and the other supporting my waist aa I pace the room, my heart is racing, my head is getting suddenly too hurt to tggink of anything and all my heart does is just bleed away into tears that I cannot hold down.
The silence in the room is now too much for us two, I raise my head to look at his eyes, maybe if he could see mine he would want to soothe me, it is all I want, it is all I need now.
But he is gone, he has vanished like always, I ook around the room but he is nowhere to be found, he had already vanished before I could raise my head.
I lay on my bed and wet it with my tears, I did not go to dinner and the next day Tom had come and knock on my door before breakfast but I did not open the door until lunch.
Everyone had been wondering what is happening to me as I slowly retreated into a cocoon and Tom came always with gifts and each time, I kept it on one side in my room.
Uncle Jonah had Tom and my dad agree to bring up the marriage closer than they had earlier intended.
It had been now moved to the Sunday of this week, and the whole household of uncle Jonah had become too busy, aunty Cynthia now always in my room planning for the wedding with a few of her friends.
I would just sit there and nod my head to each and every suggestion.
And as the day got closer, my heart sunk deeper into an ocean one which lived within me, one which no one could save me from.
A third night to my wedding I saw a letter on my dresser which read
"dear love,
I have already prepared everything for us y o be together in the north, if you are ready, I will pick you up tomorrow night and we will leave,
I love you Martha".
I turn and look at the ladies seated in the room and wonder how they did not see him Com in and drop the letter.
They where chatyi g and describing how they would enjoy the wedding, who they would invite and who they would not allow attend it.
It would be hard to leave this room with this women in it, it was as though they were not just here to talk about this but to also gaurd me, I could see Mrs langman her eyes following me everywhere I turned and Beatrice too the spinster who owns her own estate.
Why can't I just be like ge and live freely, she could have anyone she wanted but yet she remained alone.
The rest were just acting like they were not watching.
I stay there and watch them now, Iif I have to leave I will have to watch these ladies very well and understand how they think that would make it easy for my escape.
I was thinking of all I would need for the journey, where would we live and the more I thought about it now I wanted to speak to Kal about it, I wish I had let us talk about it when he had the chance.
Martha!
Martha!!
I reel back into reality and look at the direction of the call, it's Mrs langman, "when Iare you going to the church to see pastor Paul with Tom, you will both have to go together so he would know you two consent to the union".
I nod my head in affirmation.
Tomorrow will be a nice day to do that dear my aunty Cynthia says with a smile.
I will inform your uncle about it, you don't have to worry about anything, just think of how happy you and Tom will be.
The thought of that saddens me, I don't think of Tom that way, he doesn't make me happy, he is just a nice man.
I think of it, I think of the wedding day when I am gone, when I am in a new land where I would be with Kal free and before an alter, where he would get a decent job and we would have babies and my mood brighten up.
And I make up my mind, I think of the bright side of it all amd my heart feels peace.
Martha!
I turn and it's Annabelle at the door, she was as sad as I was, she stands there until I walk up to her, she asks in a whisper, do you really want to get married?
"No, I said in a whisper too.