I tried to talk to Arbriana in private, such privacy as there was. That meant a few hurried words at odd intervals. We weren't in the same barrack, so it was difficult. In the end, I just sat with her at a meal. She glared. Those who had set themselves up as her so called guards glared at me. I ignored it.
"It's been awhile," I started. She looked at me, doing that thing the W'ymic do with their eyes that makes you feel like scum. I wasn't a new recruit though. I had seen the front lines. And Major Iael did it better. I briefly wondered what had become of her.
"What do you want?" Arbriana hissed. She knew I'd been trying to speak to her for the last few days. She didn't appreciate it. I was a traitor. I played Drantanara with the Black Commander. The rest of her table glared.
"You need to be more careful," I replied conversationally. I had no doubt that the Blacks had noticed, but I was not looking for a fight. Just talk. Besides, we were all in the same boat. Arbriana seemed to forget that sometimes.
"So you say, but I'm still here." She was arrogant but she had a point. I had been saying much the same thing for some time.
"So are they," I imitated her tone. She was annoyed. She did the eye thing again. "I've seen that done by your betters," I sighed. Not the most diplomatic thing to say, I'll admit, but Arbriana should know better by now. I wasn't one of the recruits. I wasn't even one of the staff. I was one of the few with actual experience. That's why, despite the accusations that I was a traitor, I was still in charge of my faction.
"And what are they going to do?" The flash of annoyance at my baiting was covered by amusement.
The barracks already knew about the kinetic threat. I think it's because they were recruits they didn't take it more seriously. They didn't know what the Blacks were capable of, and most had deliberately forgotten the Destroyer. Actually, they didn't know what it was. If I hadn't known, I'd have done my best to forget it as well. It was time for another tack with Arbriana.
"Isn't it interesting, that no matter what you do, the worst that happens to you is solitary confinement?" I drawled.
The W'ymic understood the threat immediately. It took her companions a few moments to make the connections. "You dare?"
"I'm just observing." I didn't expect that simple line to throw her so badly. It told me she'd noticed the trend. She just didn't know what it meant. No. I'm willing to bet Arbriana did know, just was too arrogant to do anything about it. Or didn't know what to do. That could be closer to the truth.
I wondered if I should try to put some more thoughts into her follower's heads.
"I wouldn't observe too much," she spat back finally. "You might get hurt."
I nodded. That crack made my decision easier. It wouldn't do any harm, and I probably wouldn't get another chance, if the determined glare Arbriana was giving me was any indication. "Have you ever thought of the future?" I asked.
She lowered her head. The W'ymic did it when they were thinking.
What I was going to say next would be the worst. It would make me sound like I was a sympathiser but there was no other way of saying it. Not to her. "The war has been going on for generations. We weren't the first ones captured. We won't be the last." I paused for a few moments, letting that sink in.
"What do you think happened to the first generation captured?" I asked. "Or the second, or the third?" Each of the Alliance species aged differently but it had still been generations. "There's never been a prisoner exchange." There couldn't be. There were no Black prisoners. "So what happens to them?"
Arbriana glared. She knew what I was saying. I knew what I was saying. I was practically telling her we should surrender. I didn't quite mean that, but I did want her to think. What were we going to do as we grew older? Could Arbriana really sustain her hatred for that long?
I think she could. I think she'd lost someone. I wasn't sure about the others. Over time, the barracks had formed into factions. Those factions did their best not to interfere with each other. Yet, reality was beginning to rear its head. We had been here for a year and a half. How much longer would we remain? Was this routine to be all we ever knew?
"Think about the future," I said by way of parting.
Arbriana glared. "You think, traitor!" She hissed.
I waved jauntily at that. We were in sight of the Blacks. She wouldn't try anything. I wondered if she would think? I knew at least a few of her faction would.
Her faction was quiet for a few weeks. She only went to solitary once, and no one was executed. Arbriana seemed to be speaking to a Gryna woman often. At least I think it was a woman. Male and female Gryna look alike, though I'm told there are differences with the patterns on their hoods. I could never tell. I learned Arbriana was grooming the Gryna to take her place.
That was interesting. She had taken some lessons from my talk but not the ones I'd meant. I learned the Gryna's name eventually. She was female, and called Ulissa. She wouldn't talk to me. I simply shook my head at Arbriana, telling her what she already knew. It was dangerous to fracture more.
All the factions were quiet for those few weeks. There was no such thing as a private conversation. My faction had heard my statements. So had the others. I could explain to some but not to others.
I could tell there were those close to breaking. They were the recruits. They hadn't been honed by combat yet. Being a prisoner was different. They saw the Blacks through the lense of that experience. They didn't see the Blacks through blood, like I did.
The Blacks were being nice. The certainty of being slaved to a machine was fading. Not for me. I could still hear the screams of my fellows, those I'd known on the line. I could see Tiro being hit and flying away. I could hear Wibowo's laboured breathing, and hear Fannar urging me to go on. I couldn't forget.
I could still hear the Bright One's scream from that Destroyer. The Blacks were not this nice.
The Commander didn't invite me to play Drantanara, either. I didn't think anything of it. Well, I did, but I didn't know what she was trying to tell me this time. There'd always been reasons before. I was surprised then when mid-way through the work day I was summoned. That had never happened before. Drantanara was always played in the evening, after the meal, so as not to interfere with our work.
The guard fetched me personally. Three quadruped Blacks were with him. They expected trouble. I made motions to those with me to do nothing. I hadn't done anything. I wasn't going to be punished.
On the walk to the Commander's office, I wondered where that thought had come from. Then I realised what it meant. I was being affected by the Black's actions. I was equating them with justice. They would only act if I disobeyed. They didn't need that justification. I tried to remember that.
There was someone else in the Commander's office when I entered. I hadn't expected that. There had never been anyone else. I noticed their presence first. Then I noticed other details. Their back was to me and they weren't in the universal black armour that marked the Enemy. I looked to the Commander. She knew what I was asking.
She surprised me by rising and coming around her desk. The other being didn't move. I couldn't tell what species they were from the back. The chair covered the details I needed. The Commander came up to me. She looked smug. She always knew she held the upper hand. It was more obvious now.
"Enjoy your talk," she said and then left me shocked when she walked out.
She'd left me with the other one. The one without armour. I didn't know what to do.
"You asked about me." The other one spoke. Their head turned. I stared. I knew that profile. It was Human.
"Pickering?" I whispered the name. I couldn't believe it.
She heaved a deep breath, and turned more. It was Pickering. She looked different. Older perhaps, but then we were all older. She looked tired. It was her, though. I knew that.
"You asked about me?" she repeated.
"I did," I admitted. It had been many months ago. Longer than a year. I felt guilty for not pursuing my question but when I heard she was going to Sol I didn't know how to process that. "Did you see Earth?" I asked. It was stupid.
Tears formed in her eyes. "I did." Her voice wavered. I wasn't sure if it was happy or sad.
"Why did you ask about me?" She demanded when I said nothing.
I raised one hand to rub at my forehead. I could still remember the gun there. "You are my friend." I made sure to use the present tense. I might not have seen her for more than a year. I still wanted it to be true.
"I was your trainer," she countered.
"You are my friend," I repeated.
Pickering sighed. "You aren't mine," she said as she turned. The tears were gone. Her eyes were hard. "Now I look at you and see the lies I was forced to believe." She was passionate. I could feel her hatred. I didn't understand. I noticed she didn't have a collar on. I assumed the suppressor was now internal. The Commander hadn't seemed concerned about Pickering's microbes.
"What? Why?" Not my most eloquent but it did the trick.
She glared. "The Commander said you'd be like this. Sit down," Pickering ordered. The tone was reminiscent of the one she used when telling us to run 10 laps. It told me that I was going to run those 10 laps, or I wouldn't like the consequences.
I sat.
She moved so that she was facing me. Pickering never lost the glare. She took several deep breaths. I could see her chest shaking from the force. "I should know that it's not your fault that you did not know. I know that on an intellectual level. I don't care though. You are the focus for my anger."
Okay, that told me nothing.
"Your Alliance is based on a lie."
That wasn't anything I expected to hear from her. I expected it from the Commander. She was a Black after all. Pickering wasn't.
"Your Bright Ones are an abomination."
I shook my head. What the Blacks did to the Bright Ones was the abomination.
"Are you going to listen, or are you going to disbelieve?" She asked. She'd seen my reaction.
I had to think. Pickering seemed sure. She had obviously gone to the Black side. She had their information now. Maybe she could explain so that it would make sense. "I will listen."
She glared some more but eventually nodded.
Pickering raised one hand to her neck. There was no collar there. "The Bright Ones uplifted the Alliance species," she said. I nodded. That was basic history. The Alliance was formed by the Bright Ones. "Did any of you ever ask why?"
She waited for me to answer. I waited for me to answer. I'd never considered that. The Alliance was the Alliance. And the Bright Ones were the Bright Ones. It had been that way for years, for generations before the war. What was there to question?
"Something easier then," Pickering continued when it became obvious I couldn't reply. "What is a Bright One?"
That one I knew. Every Alliance child knew. "The Bright Ones are the first species of the Alliance," I said the line almost by rote.
"No. *What* are they?" Pickering repeated.
I went with the more adult explanation. "They are a psychic species that most of the Alliance species perceive as light. They have ascended to a higher plane of existence, but some remain in our galaxy to help us reach the same level of enlightenment."
Pickering nodded at my explanation. She had been raised in the Alliance and would have learnt it as well at the appropriate age. I didn't know what that was for a Human. "They are a psychic species, that most of the Alliance species perceive as light," she repeated that bit. "They have not ascended to a higher plane of existence. They do not wish to see us reach enlightenment. They use us to further their cause."
That sounded like a Black explanation. I wasn't surprised. I knew Pickering had gone to their side. What surprised me was the vehemence in her voice. I decided to humour her. "Their cause?" The only cause the Bright Ones had was ending the war. The entire Alliance shared that cause. In a weird way, the Blacks shared it as well. Of course, they wanted a different outcome, but they did want the war to end.
"Their cause," Pickering nodded. I think she was thankful I hadn't challenged her. "To ensure that no species can ever challenge them."
That didn't make any sense. My expression must have said as much.
Pickering took another deep breath. "Where are the elder species of the galaxy? Where are those who got to space by themselves?"
"The Bright Ones uplifted us."
"That's not what I asked."
It wasn't but I didn't know how to answer her question. I'd never thought about it. The Bright One's uplifted us all. I didn't like what Pickering was implying. I took the aggressive option. "So why don't you tell me?"
She looked at me. I felt the world shift.
"I will."
I was not going to like this.