The main problem I had then was that I believed Pickering's information. Too much of it made sense. It fitted with the events I knew had happened. I wasn't sure about the motivations but if there is one thing the military teaches you, it is that motivation doesn't matter, outcomes do.
The problem was caused because I believed in the way the Blacks had treated us. They were caring and as considerate as they could be, given the circumstances. That left me in a quandary. It went against a lifetime of teaching.
No matter the Bright One's motivation for attacking the Humans, the outcome was the galactic war. The one that had dragged on for generations. I wondered if there had been opportunities for peace over that time. It was my last attempt to reconcile everything I had known with what I had experienced.
I asked the Base Commander when I next saw her. I wasn't direct. I had to lead up to it.
She looked at me like I was an idiot. "Peace? With a force that wants to exterminate you?" She wasn't impressed with my question.
"Couldn't there be lines or something?" I tried to defend. The galaxy was a large place.
She shook her head. "No. Any peace would be used as a period of build-up, before the war started again."
"That goes against everything the Alliance teaches. They say they are there for the good of all species. To help us all evolve and grow."
The Base Commander looked slightly sympathetic. "That is what the Alliance teaches," she agreed. For an Enemy soldier, she had a good understanding. "But how many species do you think the Bright Ones have allowed to evolve beyond them, or even develop close to their level?"
That was a good question. I had no answer. The Bright Ones only said they had been in space for eons. They never spoke of other species, yet the first one they contacted were the W'ymic, some 1800 or so years ago. Had there been others? I didn't know. But I could see that the W'ymic were not ready to evolve. None of us were.
My silence answered.
"We don't know either," the Base Commander admitted. "We're not sure how long the Bright Ones have been around. We know what they say, we just don't know how true that is. But beyond that, think about what you were taught about the Blacks. Tell me the details."
That was easy. "The Blacks are organics but slaved to machines." I began by rote. "That's why they are so fast and strong. Why they won't surrender, and why they suicide if captured-" I paused. A new realisation struck. The Blacks did suicide if captured, but it wasn't the machines activating the chemical release which dissolved their bodies. It was them.
I was surrounded by women who knew how to read me. The Base Commander nodded. "No way am I being tortured," she said, confirming what her actions would be in the very unlikely event that this planet was retaken with her on it.
I didn't even try to deny her words. I could still hear the screams of the Human I'd helped capture. Lieutenant Lennon. I could no longer think of him abstractly. I don't know what he was saying. I don't know what had happened to him. I'm glad I don't. I can't deny it would have been bad. I had contributed.
I nodded before continuing. "The Blacks want to enslave us all, to ensure the peace of the galaxy, though it's unclear why they appeared in Sol. The Alliance theory is that they reached it at about the same time as the Bright Ones."
"So that war was inevitable," the Base Commander finished. "It's a nice story but it takes many of the Bright Ones actions and projects them upon the Humans."
I motioned that she should continue. It was bold but she accepted it.
"The Bright Ones want to ensure the peace of the galaxy but they are doing it in the same way they accuse the Blacks. They enslave your peoples."
"They are your people as well," I reminded her. She was Dranta.
She shook her head. "No. Not yet they aren't. I would like them to be but they have to be free of the Bright Ones." Then she looked at me sharply. "You might be, one day." Except for the experiment comments of earlier, that was the closest she'd said that there would be a way out of being a prisoner.
I wasn't sure what to say about that. I wasn't yet ready to say that I hoped so but I think she knew it would be soon. There was one thing holding me back. I couldn't get it out of my mind, though I think I knew why, that wasn't enough.
I looked to the ground. The Base Commander seemed content to let me think. The Blacks had chosen well with her for their Experiment. She knew when to poke and prod and demand answers but she also knew when to wait. It was time to wait now. The main problem was, I didn't know how to phrase the question. I didn't know what the question was. I knew what it was about… but I wasn't sure what I wanted, needed to know.
It was just this last point holding me back.
"The Destroyers," I started. That was about as far as I got. I just didn't know what to ask.
The Commander nodded. "I had trouble with them as well," she admitted. I think it was the first personal thing she'd ever allowed me to hear. She took several deep breaths. "They are Bright Ones. Their small physical form is locked into the larger armour you see."
That explained why they were black with that shining centre.
"How? Why?"
"I'm not sure of the how," the Dranta woman admitted. For a moment, the Commander looked soft. It wasn't anything I could take advantage of. I didn't want to. "The Humans have some way of isolating the Bright One's physical form and locking it into the control pod of the Destroyer." She then looked at me squarely. There was nothing soft remaining. "Are you sure you want to know why?" The question was cold.
I knew if I found out why, I'd only have one path to take. One viable path. It was my turn to breathe deeply. I'd already decided. It was just this that was holding me back. I'd delayed long enough.
"Yes." My voice wavered. I knew the Bright One's had caused the war and that would lead to hatred. The Destroyers were beyond hatred. If it was just a matter of killing, I wouldn't have woken up. It had to be something more.
The Base Commander nodded. She was sympathetic. "Yes. I believe you are ready now." I don't know what she was looking for.
"Any captured Bright Ones are given a choice," she began. Her voice was neutral. "They can use psionic abilities for communication only, never forcing another sentient to do their bidding." She looked at me.
I was skeptical. It showed. I'd never met a Bright One but I didn't think they'd be able to do that.
"Or they can die." Neutrality was lost. She was hard.
I shivered. I've never thought about that. The Bright Ones were immortal. At least, that's what they said. If they existed as psionic energy, that was possible. They said they drew strength from the Alliance. Some had interpreted that to be that the Bright Ones harvested our latent energy. It's not like we were using it. No one was sure. Supposedly, the Bright Ones had explained, but no one understood. We weren't psionic.
I tried a few times before I got my voice together enough to speak. "How?" I didn't need to elaborate.
"They are mostly energy. That energy rejuvenates their physical bodies. As they have assured the Alliance, they are close to immortal. The key is the fact that they are energy. If you can harness that energy, you can syphon it away. If you syphon away enough-" She didn't need to finish.
I understood the physical analogue. If you drain enough blood I will die. All the species in the Alliance will die if that happens. The organic ones anyway.
"When they refuse to listen to reason, the small physical part of them is fitted with a restraining collar, and they are put into what you call a Destroyer." She looked at me. "You've seen them in combat. That's the first stage. They are rather noisy."
I didn't really want to know more. From her tone, I knew the Base Commander was going to tell me.
"After they've gotten used to it, they are pulled back and then harnessed to a variety of other things. They make a great emergency FTL power source."
I shuddered. The amount of energy for that was insane. "And then?" I would get the full explanation.
"And then, when their energy is almost gone, they are asked again if they will live in peace. Not one has said yes yet, so we've been saved from having to decide what to do with them."
Over the time I'd been talking with the Base Commander, I'd become used to her inclusive way of speaking. It was odd. I didn't think her rank could be that high, but she seemed to believe that she would somehow get a say in what would happen. Maybe she was much more highly placed. I doubted that. She couldn't have devoted the time to this Experiment.
For the moment, that was just a confusing matter of the Blacks. I could ignore it against the greater issues. I had ignored it and now I kept ignoring it.
We sat in silence for a few moments. "How are they killed?"
"When they are reduced to their physical form, it is executed. The remains are cremated and then scattered across several systems, just to be sure."
The Blacks didn't take chances. I nodded. The explanation was enough. It didn't fully explain the hatred but it at least explained why. I guessed the Blacks couldn't contain the Bright Ones in the way we were contained. They would have had to do something else. I couldn't blame them for that because I knew that the few prisoners we had would not be treated any better.
Once again there was silence. I took a deep breath. "What happens now?"
The Base Commander looked at me. "That depends on you."
"Me?"
"You. What do you want to happen now?"
What did I want to happen now? I didn't know but I knew I didn't want to remain here forever. I was no longer loyal to the Alliance. But that was me. I was ready to move on. There were others in my barrack, in my faction who were still coming to the same conclusions. They were guided by me but they needed more time. While I had never formally accepted leadership of the faction, I was responsible for them. I owed it to remain until they were ready. Those who already knew the truth could leave, but I had to stay. It was my duty.
And then there was Arbriana's faction. Nothing would move them. I guess the Black Experiment had already accounted for them.
"I remain as I am for now. The others still need guidance that you can't provide."
She nodded at that. I was being bold but she had asked for my thoughts.
"For some, it's already worked. For the rest, it shouldn't take long," I smiled.
"And the others?" She seemed to genuinely want my thoughts.
I considered them before shaking my head. There wasn't anything I could do to help them. "They won't change. They can't change. I don't know why. I thought maybe they had met a Bright One but none of them have that rank, so I think it more likely they have lost someone."
"We have all lost someone." The Commander said. I'd never heard her speak like that. I wondered who she had lost.
"We have. The Experiment was never going to work for them." I wasn't quite meaning it to cheer her up but to remind her of the reality. The Experiment couldn't work for everyone.
"No," she sighed heavily. I realised she must have orders on what to do with them. Maybe not specific orders, but the Blacks had had prisoners for generations. They would have experience. "No, it can't," she repeated before her eyes speared over to me. She waved one hand. A hologram appeared.
I stared. It was a map. The same type of map we saw every week or so when the Commander wanted to make the progress of the War clear. The Blacks were winning. That was what was clear. This map was different.
In space, sheer territory isn't necessarily an indication of power. The quality of the systems under your control is. This map told me differently. The Black territory was larger. I had noted it was beginning to lap up against the core worlds earlier. It still was, but the peripheral areas the Bright Ones had controlled were now gone.
"They are getting desperate."
Of course they were. The Alliance wasn't meant to suffer this type of defeat. It was a distant pain. A remembered pain but I didn't truly feel it. What I felt was worry for those who had been like me. Those who were led by their Leaders and who had never thought of something else, those who didn't realise the alternative was not the terrible darkness we had been promised.
I stared at her. My questions were evident.
"The Commonwealth is concerned," she admitted before her attention turned inward. The holo clicked off.
The silence stretched between us. New concerns churned through me. I am a soldier. I carry out the orders given trusting that that is what is best for my people. I want what is best for my people. I knew we were now at a crossroad.
I knew our leaders would not be able to lead through this. I didn't know how long the Blacks would pause. Their Commonwealth could not hesitate for long.
I rose and left without saying goodbye.
We both had a lot to think about.