Walking inside my condo, the one I left three years before which was still intact with everything in place, no dust or dirty dishes as I remembered it to be thanks to rented maids.
That's not how I usually am, I swear. Though I surely ain't those clean freaks like my twin but, I appreciate staying in a healthy environment.
The last time I was in there I was in a hurry to reach the church where Antonia got married in which was just a block away from where I stayed. One could even see the cross on top of its building through my bedroom window.
My condo was what you may call homey and it's somewhere that got everything I need in my life except for Antonia... and Damon apparently.
What was once my heaven on earth became so empty just like the hole in my heart. I knew for fact why I was feeling like shit on my first alone day but, I couldn't afford to spoil my heart like I used to. It needs to live with itself for sometime.
I needed to depend on myself first, heal myself, love myself, live with myself so that I'd know for sure if I'm obsessed with Damon because of him being everything I wished my imaginary boyfriend to be or it's true feelings.
I didn't want to dwell on anything more so, I took my tired body to prepare for my scented bath. I needed some relaxing lavender and hot water to dip my body in.
And that's what I did for the whole two hours without hesitation. Walking out of the bathroom all naked, it felt good to feel the breeze on my sensitive skin, It felt like freedom.
I went to my walk-in closet to look for some wool stockings and a large sweatshirt before I put them on my bed and started to play some music while I applied some body lotions on my body. I loved the smell of lemon and how I feel refreshed after applying it on my body. The best for me.
Putting on the outfit, I walked out of my bedroom to hunt for some late night snacks before throwing myself before the big TV searching for some great sappy movies or series about love and all. I was still a hopeless romantic.
But, with every smooth sailing there had to be some storm along the way. Damon had to call just when I got myself in the mood of my selfmade paradise.
"Do you wish to see the next sun?" I yelled after accepting the call. I was so fucking annoyed and he got the audacity to laugh.
"Looks like I'm your personal comedian, huh?" I asked him sarcastically before he doubled over in laughter.
"I'm hunging up" I stated before I paused waiting for his laughter to subside.
"No! please don't... I've already stopped laughing!" I heard him say while stifling his laughter before he stopped that all together.
"Great, now tell me your reason for calling me. I'm kind of in a middle of something much more important than a country's wellbeing" I said seriously before crunching on my snacks earnestly.
I loved acting spoiled to Damon. He gave me what you might call it, assurance to be whatever and he would pamper me never the less.
"And what is that, love?" He probed gently yet amused before I heard some rustles on his end.
"I'm watching this heart wrenching love story on my sitting room, It even made me finish my box of tissues!" I complained and he chuckled before sighing.
"I don't think the doctor said anything about wave exposure to be good for your eyes" Damon said sarcastically.
"I saw you naked and they are still functioning" I retorted self-righteously and he chuckled.
"You were going to sleep?" I asked after some comfortable silence between us.
"As a matter of fact, yes. I'm kind of used to sleep during this time" He replied rather distractedly.
"Talk about time management" I teased and I felt him smile on the other end.
"Are you being sarcastic right now?" He teased back with a smile.
"You can't even tell so, what's up?" I asked because we may not have been together for the longest time but, I knew something was wrong with him.
"I miss you, love" He said sincerely and my world shook. I missed him too.
"You have to miss me! I'm kind of a rare gem, you know?" I bluffed seriously even though I felt all fuzzy inside to the extent I neglected my snacks and paused my movie, laying down with my feet in air.
"Yes, love. That you are" He supported, indulging me as always.
"You're not okay" I stated softly after sometime.
"I am now, listening to you love. I was afraid that you wouldn't pick up my call" He said in his most deep voice making my hairs stand.
"And why did I give you my digits if I didn't want you calling?" I asked sweetly.
"Have you met yourself?" Scoffed Damon and I couldn't refute him. I always go with my moods.
"Valid point" I said in assurance.
"And..." He trailed off giving me the curiosity of a hyena.
"What?" I pushed him to tell me.
"Can I come see you tomorrow?" Damon said the word in a whisper. I could tell that he was afraid of my answer.
"Are you kidding me?"
"Please hear me out, love...!"
"Enlighten me then"
"I really can't stand a minute without you, love"
"That's your explanation?"
"The summary of it"
"I don't want to be kept inside, Damon..."
"I..."
"Hush. Let me speak, Damon!" I silenced him with my raised voice. There's really some superpowers talking through the phone. No physical contact is really healthy on my part because I got to speak my mind freely that way.
"I'm listening, love" I heard his restrained deep voice through my ears.
"Your kind of love is nothing more of a prison. Right now, you wish for us to be together every chance you get, the next thing I know is that you don't want me to do my own things outside you and me and then, I'll be there living the rest of my miserable life obsessed with you in my golden cage! And I don't want that!" I explained the way I believed and perceived it according to my experience with Trevor.
"That's really not fair, love" Damon said calmly but, one could detect the hurt underneath that 'I really don't care' exterior.
"What's not fair? that's only my perception" I justified myself with a shrug.
"I'm not him, love. Whatever you see that's alike in us, he's not me!" I heard Damon whisper yelling, he was angry. I could feel it through the tremors of his voice, the sharp rise and fall of his breathing, and the coldness of his tone.
"Okay, I believe you but, I sure as hell don't need you on my doorstep this time tomorrow"
"Is that really what you want?" Asked Damon, seriously yet with genuine concern.
"I don't know what I want" I replied truthfully.
"Then please, let me come to you. I promise to give you the freedom you need, I just want to be there with you" Cajoled Damon, making me weak to my knees.
"I want to be alone" I argued weakly.
"First flight in, that's me landing. Sleep tight, beautiful"
"Sweet dreams Damon" I replied automatically before I could think.
I was frozen once again. Indecisive per usual. Don't get me wrong, I was really happy to know that he was coming and I won't be alone anymore. I was full of anticipations due to his arrival there mean while, I was dreading the fact that we'd get to see each other all day, everyday.
And that's really not romance for me. That's plain as a day, imprisonment. But, I could be wrong.
All one way to find out. Experience that shit all over again.