After the wedding ceremony, we head to the banquet hall for the wedding reception, with the guests following us. My mother was the one who insisted to throw one. I'd rather just eat a dinner with my closest family, but mother said, that it would be better if we had some witnesses of this union. I was too tired then to argue with her, so I agreed on this. Besides, I knew that she was right.
I walk besides my husband, who also isn't pleased with big wedding and reception. Viscount William Whedon looks like he's going to enter the dragon's den. He's as pale, as the sheet of paper. He looks stiff, like every muscle in his body is tense and he's constantly on guard. Like something would jump out on him from behind the corner, in any second.
"You don't like parties, my lord?" I ask. His dark eyes are finally leaving the floor and he looks at me.
"How did you know, my lady?" He asks confused. I notice that he's embarrassed. His cheeks are blushed and he combs his hairs with his fingers, making them look even more messy. I smile, thinking about how adorable it is.
"Well, I figured that you were almost never seen on any social events and now you just look very… uncomfortable. " I find the right word to finish the sentence.
"My lady, you're very observant," he says with gentle smile on his lips. I blush a little, not knowing how to take the compliment.
There is a silence between us, until we arrive to the banquet hall. Not an awkward one, it seems just like we both drifted away with our thoughts. I am just so exhausted, I would fall asleep on the spot, if only I had a chance. Sadly, it will take some time before I could rest. And even then, the nightmares will come.
I shiver at the thought of that.
"Are you cold, my lady?" William asks, noticing me shaking.
"N-no, I'm okay," I answer quickly. He doesn't pull the topic.
We arrive at our table, set near to the entrance of the banquet hall. I stand in front of it. William takes his place besides me and looks at the crowd, entering the hall. As far as I can see, he gets even more anxious. We greet all of our guests, who approach us one by one.
"Thank you for coming, lady Danford, I hope that you'll have great time," I repeat similar formula over and over again to everyone, with smile glued to my face. My husband only nods as a greeting. I see him getting more and more drained of energy with each guest approaching us.
Finally, everyone is seated and we also head to our table. William pulls back the chair for me gallantly, and takes a place on my right side.
I eat dinner mechanically. I'm sure that our cooks did great job, but I'm too tired to register the taste. William ends his portion in half the time I end mine. It seems that he enjoyed it.
My parents come to our table.
"It's time for your first dance. The musicians will start playing in few minutes," my mother says excited.
I've completely forgotten about that aspect of weddings. It is a custom for newly wedded to dance their first dance, before other guests join. I sigh, thinking I should enjoy my first dance, and instead, I dream of this party to end.
"Is it really necessary? My wife seems very tired, maybe we could skip this and leave the party early?" Says my husband with hope in his voice. William seems even more unhappy and stressed with this, than I am.
"Well, I guess that you could leave early, but not until the first dance, it is a custom" my father answers. William sighs resigned.
"Then let's have this behind us. My lady." He stands up and gives me his hand. I notice it's shaking. I take it with grace and we head to the dance floor.
Musicians start playing a slow waltz and we start dancing. I see now why William was so nervous about this. It's definitely not the man I was dreaming of dancing with. He's so clumsy. He moves completely out of the rhythm. I've never seen a highly born gentleman dance as badly as him. He constantly steps on my beautiful gown and feet. I look at his face and see that he's blushing embarrassed.
Despite the loud music, I hear the crowd laughing and gossiping. And then I hear one particular conversation. It's clearer for me, than everything in this room.
"She must have been very desperate to marry such a pathetic man, as him" says some lady in the crowd.
"She was caught with another man, who else would marry her?" Asks another.
I'm starting breathing heavily. I hear nothing but gossip spreading through the crowd. I feel dizzy and dazed. Tears are dwellings up in my eyes. I'm trying my hardest not to cry. The music ends. There's no applause, as I've sometimes seen on other weddings. Only deafening gossip, filling all of the banquet hall.
I feel powerless against the crowd's words. I am feeling like that night again. I can't do anything to stop it, I'm immobilized and useless. Too weak to even scream. They're evading my privacy, saying things that I would never want to relive. To hear from someone else's mouth, what had happened to me. And not even the whole truth.
I swallow the gulp in my throat, take the deep breath and pull my husband by his hand.
"Let's go" I say, trying to stay composed.
He only nods, not leaving his eyes from the floor. Then, someone grabs me by my second arm.
"Sister, are you okay?" Asks my brother. I shake my head. My vision is blurred by the tears.
"Just take us out of here" I ask Andrew.
He nods. He squeezes my hand and leads us to the exit.
I pull William behind me, not letting him go. I feel sorry for him too. It also must've been hard for him. Gossip was mostly about him, although it got worse because of me. I wonder if he'd heard what people was saying about me. I hope that he didn't. I don't want him to think about me that way. I don't want anyone to think about me that way. But it's done, the milk has spilled. I am at the outskirts of the society sooner, than I expected.