My thoughts are spiraling, while I wait for William, to come for me. I walk around the room and leave behind me a trail of water drops, still dripping from my freshly washed hair. Physically, I finally feel good, after cleaning my sweated body, but mentally…
There's so many things happening right now. I'm confused. I found myself being dragged into some intrigue, I still suffer from trauma and my husband wants me to sleep in one bed with him. I'm scared of that, I'm not ready yet for the intimacy. I know that it's my marital duty, but I can't do that, if my head is still filled with those nightmares.
I hear knocking on my door.
'Come in,' I say, hesitantly. It surely is William, but he sew the seed of doubt in me and now I don't trust anyone in this place.
'Come with me,' William says, peeking from behind the door.
I follow him to the room on the opposite side of the hall. It looks similar to the room I just was in, except it contains a lot of personal things. The bed is huge and I don't need to test it to know that it's surely comfortable. There's a big wardrobe on one side of the room and small, cluttered with books and papers, desk in front of the window. Usually, lords have separate rooms for their offices, so it surprises me.
I look hesitantly on the bed I'm going to sleep in. I'm feeling extremely awkward, I don't know what to do with my hands, so I decide to fold them over my chest. It makes me remember, that I'm wearing only my night gown and bathrobe and it makes it even worse. I am so embarrassed right now.
He looks equally awkward. His cheeks are reddened and he's avoiding my eyes.
'Shall we go to bed?' He asks, with trembling voice.
I only nod in return. I'm shaking, not knowing what awaits me. Are we going to… Consumate our marriage tonight? I suppose it's only natural for us to do that. After all, our marriage isn't even valid until then. I should let that happen, so when he finds out my secret, he won't get annulment of our marriage. But it's still scary to think about that, after what happened to me.
I take the long, deep breath, and take off my bath robe. I basically jump into the bed, embarrassed. I bury myself with blankets, so he won't see my night gown. He follows after me, taking the other side of the bed. Fortunately, it's big enough to sleep comfortably, without unnecessary physical contact.
'So… Good night,' I say, turning my back to him.
'Good night,' he says. He lays as far from me as he can. I'm relieved, that he's obviously not going to make any moves on me tonight.