Doctor said that I'm bruised and traumatized, but there is no bigger damage to my body. I will heal in no time. If only mind was healed so easily…
I hear my parents arguing with each other outside the room I'm in. I'm wrapping myself in blanket, stand up and walk to the doors with effort. My beaten muscles hurt with every movement. When I open the door, they stop their quarrel and room becomes silent.
"Anastasia, dear, do you need something?" mom asks.
"I can't lay in bed forever," I answered. I sit down on the fancy couch in the middle of the room.
"Well, you're right, but after such a traumatic events, you should be resting a little bit longer." She looks at me worriedly.
"You're mother is right." Father takes her side.
"I am resting. I don't have to be confined to my room to rest. Truthfully I was losing my mind being there alone with my thoughts," I say, and my eyes dwell up with tears. I start crying again, mother comes to comfort me and father mumbles some curses.
"How could this happen under our noses?! This bastard deserved something much worse than death," he says furious. He can't stay in one place, walks around the room in nervous manner.
"He's dead, you can't do anything about it, calm down, Eric," Mother tries to cool his fury down. Although I see it in her face, that she is much likely thinking the same.
"He defiled our daughter, ruined her reputation, and you tell me to calm down?!" father yells, and smashes one of the expensive vases, decorating the room. It breaks down into tiny pieces, scatters all over the floor.
I look shocked at my father's outburst. In my whole life, I never saw him like that. He rarely showed his feelings at all. I know that he loves us, but he's not great at saying or showing that. He's always calm and full of aristocratic dignity.
"H-he didn't defiled me," I mumble through my tears. Both of my parents look at me
"What do you mean?" Father asks.
"H-he didn't… The guards came in before he…" I struggle with my words, but my parents grasp the meaning of what I wanted to say.
"Well, thank God, that there's not going to be any bastards of that scumbag. But people won't believe that nothing happened. Your reputation will be…"
"Ruined." I end his sentence with shaking voice.
"Can we avoid that somehow?" asks mum with hope in her eyes. She looks at my father, as he would resolve all of our problems. He always was the pillar of this family. Always strong, getting us out of trouble.
"I am afraid that nothing can stop the rumors to spread. Even if we keep our mouths shut, servants will talk. And news as that will spread very fast. I would say that it will take shorter than week to reach the capital and all of the nobles will know," he says with resignation.
I see now how devastated he is. My father, viscount Eric Turner, always had control over everything around him, and now his beloved daughter was assaulted in her own bedroom.
I grasp the meaning of his words. Although I am still a virgin, nobody would believe that. Ladies lost their reputations for even being with a man in the room unchaperoned. And I was found with a man on me, without underwear. When the news spread, I will never find a suitable husband, no one would want to marry me.
My sadness shifts into anger. I am tempted to break another vase, but I am still wrapped with blanket and mother holds me. I clench my fists, untangle from mom's embrace and stand up. I'm immediately starting to regret this. My whole body hurts with every movement. But I'm too furious to just sit still.
"It's not fair! It's not my fault that this happened!" I scream through my angry tears. Mother and father come to comfort me, but I shake their hands off me.
"We know honey, we would do anything to protect you from that," says mum with shaking voice. Tears are running from her deep blue eyes. She takes out her handkerchief and wipes her face dry. She hands another one to me. I take it and sit down. Feeling of resignation settles in my body. I feel empty again, robbed from my dignity and future by that scumbag.
"There is only one thing we can do now," says father. I look at him with new hope.
"What?" I ask, when he doesn't continue his sentence immediately. He rubs his neck, feeling uncomfortable.
"Two days ago, a young lord came to me and asked for your hand in marriage," he answers, avoiding my eyes.
"Why didn't you said anything? Who was that?" I wait for explanation.
"We wanted you to marry someone you fell in love, and this man, I don't think you even talked with him before," my mother answers for him. I look at them, astonished.
"But now I think it's not possible anymore. This may be your only chance to get married. Good thing, I didn't reject him on spot and told him, that we'll think about his proposition," says father, sadness buried deep in his eyes.
I nod in agreement. I'd like to scream, at the man that hurt me, at my parents. Lastly at the stupid society, that would reject me because of something, that I didn't chose to happen. But I know that my father is right. There's no other choice. I could only marry that man and hope that I will feel in love with him, or become a spinster. Never have children and family on my own.
"Wh-what is he like?" I stumble.
"Well, he looked like decent young fella. Not bad looking, with good manners," answers my father.
"But he's a little bit out of society, I saw him on a ball only once, not so long ago. I guess he must've noticed you then", mom continues.
"In this case, I think this is to our advantage. If he's out of social life, maybe he won't know about our… Situation. And after you marry, it would be too late for him to change his mind," dad says embarrassed.
"Maybe He won't know," I repeat after father quietly.
I've always dreamt about romantic love story. Some gentleman would ask me to dance, and we would twirl at the crowd, like we were all alone at the dance floor. We would look in our eyes, and slowly fall in love with each other. Or love at first sight, i would look at gentleman and instantly know, that he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe this Is stupid and naive, but now that dream was taken from me. There is nothing romantic in an arranged marriage.
"I shall write to him immediately." Father stormed out of the room, heading to his office.
Mom looks at me with worried eyes.
"Are you really fine with that?" she asks, keeping her eyes on me.
"I don't really have a choice, you know that," I say.
"You know that we wouldn't abandon you. Even as a spinster you would always had a place in our home." She hugs me so tightly, that I grunt from pain she inflicted on my beaten body.
"I know that. But I want a chance at making my own family. Even if we don't love each other, there always could be children, that would fill our hearts. Many ladies live like that," I say. I see that my mother is not happy with what I said.
"It's just… Your father and I love each other so much, and we've always wanted the same for our children." She starts crying again.
"I know mum, I know." I hug her. I wish my brother was here, he would take care of mother and me. He's my best friend, having him around always makes me feel better.
After this I go to bedroom. I lay in bed, thinking worriedly of what is yet to come, until I fall asleep.