I'm sorry to hear that. But what happened to Joana?, I asked curious about the woman. I heard she got married recently with Aman, her best friend since it was arranged last year. That was the moment when mom declined Joana's invitation to meet her and talk with her about their relationship. Joana called and visited here many times but mom wouldn't see her. I think mom thought what's the use, she's an invalid and wouldn't be of any use to her or to anybody, Lillian added sadly. I touched her shoulder and comforted her. No, there's still definitely a way to change her life. I know some doctors that could help her. Maybe that's the miracle she's been waiting for after all these years. There's still hope, as long as you and her believes it. I believe it too, so, let's find a way to make her dream a reality, I explained smiling at Lillian who is now crying with a smile on her face.
We didn't know that Leila was listening to our conversation and is also emotional, teary-eyed about our decision to make her feel better and whole again.
I remember when Leila was just ten, she would love to stay at home and sleep in my room. Those were the days when I thought I knew her, then. But all seems a blur and the girl I thought I knew was really the same girl I learned to appreciate and love more now that we are adults.
Hey Lei! What happened to your dad?, I asked her when we were lying down my bed and fiddling with our feet while munching on gummy bears and sweet & sour patches. I never knew my dad but mom says he was nice but he needed to go away to war or so, Leila added and didn't want to continue talking about her dada anymore. Oh! okay, but why?, I added and Leila brushed the topic and tickled me while a gummy is still inside my mouth and almost choked on it. Sorry! Haha! Catch me if you can!, Leila cried and ran towards the side of my not so huge room. I caught her arm and we both fell on each other. Lei was on top of me and I felt that she was about to kiss me, yet I felt weird about it, so looked for the gummy bear and placed it on her pointed lips. Leila opened her eyes and felt the soft gummy on her mouth and ate gabbled it.
She smiled at me and it was her turn to tickle me. Our eyes met and we saw each other's reflection on them, feeling so light and attracted like magnets that couldn't get away from the situation. We're about to kiss, when my mom called out for dinner. Yup! Bummer or lifesaver? Either way, I think I could feel my heart beat fast while I grasp my chest. Leila stood first clasping her breasts, breathing relentlessly while she looked down on the floor. She couldn't take her eyes off it, so I held her hand and kissed it. Let's go and eat dinner!, I said casually to break the silence between us. Leila agreed and smiled at me like she was relieved that what almost happened between us didn't seem strange or crazy. I felt it's a bit insane but who am I to judge Leila. She is my best and only friend. I can give her anything including my heart if she'd want it.
All my life I have repressed feeling after feeling. I shouldn't feel jealous, angry, hate, proud or even cold
because my parents taught me to be caring, loving, forgiving and but not really open to accept negative emotions when they arise in any event or situation that they would in the future. I liked it when Leila moved closer to me and tried to kiss me. I liked the excitement and thrill of being wanted, desired, loved. We were taught in school and in religion that we must love our enemy and accept all. But when it comes to gays or weird people we must beware, for they could influence us to be like them or be vain, sensual and sexual. Yet, even if Leila didn't come into my life, I would still have felt the urge to touch myself and liked girls even if the elders say that it's wrong or immoral. I have been a good and generous citizen, daughter, friend, cousin, colleague and entrepreneur in this world.
I wonder if they would still accept the real me in spite of being gay or liking girls instead of boys. Ever since I was little girl, I have been taught about the Bible in numerous studies and even joined a community of sisters to enhance my knowledge of the scriptures. I was diligent and served with all of my heart but then they weren't enough to say that I truly love God. Because I remained in love with Leila. Boys kept coming and courting me but I only get infatuated at first and then lost interest in them for my heart only beats for one person only and it was Leila. My heart still beats for Leila until now that I'm already in my forties. Back then, Leila would drag me from one party to another and would want me to kiss a boy every time, for she wanted to try it out with another boy like our classmate or an acquaintance, a random guy that would accept her invitation to kiss her. The guy would always be happy to agree with her and who wouldn't, Leila was and still is the best kisser, lover and friend one could ever wanted for a girlfriend or partner in life.
Sasa! Don't be a chicken, you know that I like him (pointing to someone Lei and I don't really know) and Craig likes you too, so give in. It's just one kiss and that's it, okay?, Lei said and she pulled me by the hand to meet Craig and his friend. Hi!, Sasa!, Craig greeted me shyly. She's all yours!, Lei said and pulled Craig's friend somewhere, I saw them walk up the stairs of the party we barged into, since Lei got a message that there would be a party here, with DJ Cool and other guests that we didn't know who they really were. But what the heck, Lei and I are having the time of our lives. Craig invited me to come with him outside where the swimming pool is. Then, we sat near it, and while I was playing with the pool water, Craig gave me a glass of drink he caught with one of the bar tenders roaming around giving out free drinks from the bar next to the DJ mixing songs from of old and the new. Bands such as Maneskin, The Moonies, Coldplay, Abba, Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, Blue, etc., played all night from the Dj's magic hand spins and mixes.