I knew that you weren't someone who can stay by my side when I'm lonely or sad... -- Anata Wo Suki Ni Natte (Falling For You), Fujita Maiko
xxxxxx
[Rinako]
I could only take a deep breath as soon as I finally reach the rooftop. That was the place where my feet brought me after leaving the classroom just for me to avoid Mayu and Seiho's teasings to me.
But heck! Why couldn't I even stop my heart from beating this fast? There was no reason for me to feel this. Even so, saying those words wasn't enough.
I didn't go to my usual sanctuary because it was a little far from the CEA building. But going to the rooftop was okay, too. It was also one of the places I would go to whenever I felt confused about the things I saw or felt. And at that moment, there was only one thing that made me truly confused.
Did I see it right a while back? Setsuji was looking at me? But why? I was sure of it. He wasn't just giving me a simple look. Setsuji was looking at me intently at that time.
One that I would call was something more intense than ever. It was different from the stares I would usually see at him each time our paths would cross.
And the biggest question, why was I so affected because of that? I couldn't even stop my heart from beating too fast. Geez! Why was it like this? Until this moment, whenever I remember Setsuji Jerk's intent stare at me, I couldn't do anything to calm my erratically beating heart.
This was too much! My chest hurt because of this.
"Rinako?"
I stiffened when I heard that. I didn't hear it wrong, did I?
"Can we talk?"
Even though I suddenly felt nervous for some reason, I turned to the source of that voice. I didn't know if I should be surprised or irritated or even get angry when I finally saw the person standing just a few steps away from where I was standing.
"Yushiro..." But it seemed that I couldn't feel any anger because of this other jerk at the moment.
He looked so sad... Regretful...
"Can I at least... talk to you? Even if it's just for a short while. It's really important. Please... before I lose the courage to do this once more."
I couldn't help frowning at his words, though. What does he mean by that?
xxxxxx
I really couldn't believe how time passed by so fast. And judging by the cold weather -- colder than usual since winter was approaching, I could feel that Christmas was coming.
If it was just like before wherein I didn't have any Christmas wishes, this year was different. That was because of my list of Christmas wishes that seemed to have been piled up starting from the time I never really gave much of a thought about those kinds of things.
First, I wanted to see my half-brother again. I hoped that my brother would soon realize that I missed him. This was crazy. For some reason, I couldn't help feeling bad about this.
Second, I wished everything about me and Yushiro would be resolved soon. After all, I agreed to talk to him that day right after my last class. He did nicely ask me, even though I was still confused as to why Yushiro was that sad the last time we talked.
Third, I hoped I'd be able to find answers to all questions bothering me about that Setsuji Jerk. Every day, he was acting weird -- at least in my opinion. It seemed like... his image of being a flirt turned worse. I would surely be surprised if ever I found out that he was still a virgin despite his image.
But then...
Why should I care about that guy in the first place?
That question never left my mind until in the afternoon. It was a surprise that I still managed to concentrate on my class even though, to tell the truth, my mind was in pieces at the moment.
Seriously, I could've shouted to the world that "This is torture!". But I wasn't that insane to do it. I was still in my right mind somehow.
I hurriedly gathered all my things placed on the table and put them all back in my backpack. I needed to hurry since this was the day that Yushiro and I agreed to talk and I didn't want to be late.
Aside from that, I didn't want anyone to know that we would talk. That I agreed to what Yushiro wanted about us talking things through just to clarify everything that had happened in the past. It would only make things even more complicated if someone found out about it.
Once I had my things all set, I immediately placed my bag on my shoulder and left that area. But then along the way, even though I wanted to avoid it so that no one would try distracting me, he was there and grabbed my hand without a word just to stop me.
"What's wrong with you? Let me go!" I did my best to pull my hand from his tight hold with as much force as I could muster just for me to get away from this guy. But I wasn't sure why it felt as if Setsuji's hold on me was as hard as steel. "What's your problem?"
"You! You are my problem!"
What? Hah! And he used me as a reason? This guy was seriously the one who I should consider as someone crazy between us.
"You know, if you don't have anything sensible to tell me, then let me go. I'd end up punching you if I won't be able to restrain myself," I said as a threat with gritted teeth to this jerk. Seriously, what was the matter with this guy for him to act like this towards me?
I tried to pull my hand from his grip once again but to no avail. Damn it! Why was it that this guy was this persistent--not to mention really strong--today?
"What kind of craziness were you thinking and you agreed to talk with that Nakagome guy, huh?"
How did he...?
"You made it a habit for you to interfere with my life, do you? That's not even your concern, to begin with. What I decide for myself is none of your business. The truce has ended so there wasn't any more reason for you to meddle with my decisions and anything that I do."
"You think I'm doing this just because of the truce? That I only decided to have at least some care in your life was because of that damn truce? Did you think of me as a shallow person, Rinako?"
This was seriously confusing. Why was Setsuji doing this?
"Will you stop referring to me by my first name all of a sudden? We're not even that close."
"I won't!" Setsuji blurted which surprised me.
He was facing me with those hard stares. What the hell was going on? Why was it that he looked... angry?
"And why not? You started referring to me by my surname. Now that the truce is over, I don't think you have any more reason for you to call me in any other name aside from that."
"I don't care if that hell of a truce ended or not. No one can stop me from calling you by that name. I'm the one who decided to call you like that ever since we started the truce. I don't give a damn care what you or the other people would think, but calling you by that name will give me the feeling that you're mine. So don't you dare stop me!"
I wasn't sure anymore as to what happened to me after hearing all that. Surprise wasn't even enough to describe how I felt because of that. My mind kept on shouting "was that for real?" as my mind kept on repeating the words that Setsuji said.
It did sound possessive. And to be honest, that was the first time I saw that side of him.
But that couldn't be. It shouldn't be enough for me. With all the will and strength I had, I tried to free myself from his steel-tight grip once again.
Painstakingly, I succeeded.
"You have the guts to say that to me. Anyway, what should I expect? No one could even stop you and you never let them, as well. That's why you're like that. You can't even stop yourself from hurting other girls' feelings. I think that's why... no one dared to stop you. Only because you never let them. You were the one who surrounded yourself with a barrier. It only made you decide not to give a damn care about the people you keep on hurting. But that doesn't give you any right to meddle with my business. The truce had ended for both of us. So it's up to you how you will return everything to the way it was before. I'm doing my part of the bargain. It's time for you to do yours."
After that, I left that place. I left Setsuji because I had to.
My goodness! Perhaps I said too much. I didn't even try to stop myself from doing so. Now I would be doomed!