May 10, 2003
I was sitting at the table with my parents who began quietly, I for my part was ready to play with my feet under the table; today's meal was a piece of bread and beans that was my daily meal and if we were doing well, and if there was money the meal was accompanied with bread, otherwise alone.
I was so concentrated that I didn't notice that I hit Vicente with the toe of my broken shoe, I was so scared of the move he made, his look, his eyes, all of it made me eat my words, I couldn't breathe, my body started to tremble with just his look.
- ¡! What's wrong with you, can't you see, stupid! - he said in a loud voice with red eyes and a clenched jaw, giving me a hint that he was furious.
I just looked at him, and he kept telling me to be strong, don't cry, don't be intimidated, be strong, over and over again, I felt my body start to tremble, my hands, my legs, I started to feel dizzy, everything in my head was spinning, I couldn't say anything, but I felt dizzy, the words were short in me until he answered, someone wanted me.
-Calm down, Vicente, it's just an accident, it's not like that, my love," Mom said in her sweet voice, making Vicente turn to look at her.
- Yes, sorry, Dad - I mumble, and then look down at my hands.
- Oh stupid! Give me more food Mariana - Vicente threw the plate at my mother who had bruises on her face from the previous drunken arrival, it's not the first time this has happened, it's always the same.
- Vicente, there is no more food - whispers my mother as she takes the plate.
-¡! I don't know how you do it, but give me more food, I'm really hungry! - Vicente grunted, grabbing her by the neck to give her a slap.
I restrict myself to cover my face with my cold hands because of how cold the house is, the windows have been without glass for a month, but as I had told them there is no money to put them, I hear in the distance how my sister Paula begins to cry
- I take my hands off my face and see my mother lying on the floor in a fetus position sobbing and this is repeated every day in this house, Vicente hitting my mother until he gets tired of hitting her and leaving her all beaten up with blood all over her body.
- ¡! GET OUT OF HERE EMMA! - mother screaming
I took her in my arms, she looks so fragile and innocent, she was just a newborn and I am 13 years old, I took her in my lap, I fed her, I bathed her to distract myself and stop listening to the noises that my parents were making, I listened to Vicente telling her a thousand things and only my mother's screams of pain, I knew well that he was not hitting her, they were no longer blows, it was another damage, that damage that makes my mother writhe in pain every time he wants to satisfy himself with her body even though he has already done it with other women, I stayed locked in the room and hugging my sister who was sound asleep, the hours passed and I continued listening to Vicente's words to my mother.
I decided to huddle more in the corner of the bedroom to not hear more, but it was useless, mom's screams were getting louder and louder until I heard a door close, that's when I took courage and left the bedroom to go straight to the other room. My eyes couldn't take it, it was my mother, my best friend, my confidant, my everything, lying on the floor with many blows all over her body, blood everywhere; I ran out with my sister in my arms, when my mother saw us a smile formed on her face and then she got up from the floor and touched my cheek, I didn't realize that I had tears running from them.
-I love them, I ask you a favor Emma? - she stammers, with her voice in a thread, touching my cheek and little Paula's head.
- Tell me mother? -I could barely hear my voice
-Promise me that you will take good care of yourself and your sister, you will not uncover her at any time," she asked, in tears.
-I will protect her with all my strength, mother, I swear," taking my sister so that she would not fall to the floor.
-Daughter, go away from here, go away, in my room there is money, take it and go away from here, I don't want your father to hurt you," she said so fast that she was not thinking clearly about her words.
I stayed static I didn't know what to say she is my mother, I don't want to leave her here dying I don't know what to do it hurts me and I know he will come back and won't waste time in hurting me, but I don't want to leave mom, but I knew that Vicente is capable of anything, he only told her dad when he is present, he never deserved to have the title of father, I didn't know what to do my mother is all I have along with the little one and I don't want to leave her here at his mercy, alone with him.
-No mommy, you are my everything, I won't leave you - I leaned down to cup her cheeks.
-No my love, you have to go, Vicente will be back soon - I can barely hear her voice as she leaves, I know it's time, but I can't, I don't want her to leave me, little by little I see that my mother closes her eyes and her breaths shorten until she tells me.
-Goodbye daughters, I love you, take care of her, take care of yourself and go, be happy, something I can never do for the three of you, Emma - she begged as she closed her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes that I will never see again, that will never tell me "Emma, be strong, you can make it, everything is fine".
I did not realize that my sister had woken up, I looked at her and she had the same eyes as my mother, they were deep blue, I looked at her and made the decision to leave, it hurts me to leave my mother here, but I want to save myself and save little Paula's life.
I took the money that mom told me, a suitcase with clothes for me and my sister, the necessary things for when she gets hungry, but to be honest this will not last two days. I left the house leaving my mother lying on the floor, do not look back I will make a new life without looking at the past and it will only be me and my sister, I went straight to the bus station where everything was huge the only good thing is that I do not get lost I have already been through this a thousand times we have moved many times, but we always come back here.
I took a truck to Boston where I will have my new beginning, it was not something retired, but I like it and it was the only place I could afford if I want to survive a few days; besides I am confident that this place will be a better beginning for both of us, in the truck I sat with a very friendly old lady, in the middle of the way my sister woke up, I fed her; I changed her a couple of times and that's when the friendly old lady asked me.
- Daughter, is that you? - she asked pointing to Paula who was taking her bottle.
-She is my daughter - I don't know why I said it, I didn't know, the word "daughter" just came out of my mouth.
- You're too little to be a mother, what are you doing here? - she exclaimed, looking at me with her eyes so big that they almost popped out of her head.
- My mother passed away and I have no more family- I whisper with my voice in a whisper, it hurts my soul not to have her here by my side comforting me.
- Oh daughter, I'm so sorry! But look, if you need help, this is my number and address - he answered giving me a card with his data.
- But madam, you hardly know me, you don't know anything about me, how do you trust me" I hesitated looking at her with confusion.
- Look honey in life there are good and bad people, you learn to differentiate them with the passing of time and experiences, and you gave me confidence you are very nice I know I can trust you - he boasted taking my cheek with his silky smooth hand.
- Thank you, you are a very kind person-with a wistful smile.
All the rest of the way I was nodding off, I didn't want to sleep as Mrs. Eva was also sleeping and I don't want anything bad to happen to any of the three of us.
I arrived at my destination, a new beginning for me and for little Paula.