The couple held on and try to make it work. Though he tried to blame her for just about everything , she took it as long as she could. Many may think they'd still be in their honeymoon phase, still having fun and loving each other, but for that that phase past the moment he left. It was tragic. But little miss Sarah grew aggressive. She started to grow dark with pain. This was all too much on her heart and mental health. No matter how she asked him to do better it only got worse. It got to a point where she was hardly sexually aroused anymore. She was draining slowly.
Nathaniel would provide whatever she needed, just not what she asked for. All she wanted was for him to just stop, think, realize what he had and treated her according. But at that he kept failing. He never seemed to understand, the thousands of times Sarah would express how all he was doing was affecting her. How she could hardly eat, sleep, because of stress. Sarah had a history of suffering from depression , the woman she today is not weak, she's just in love and trying not to fall back into where she one fought to come out of. Though soon she was right back there.
"You are draining me, all this verbal abuse, the mental drainage the emotional Rollercoaster, is driving me crazy." she expressed.
"What abuse are you talking about?" he asked
Blinded to the facts at hand.
"Your constant accusations, pointless arguments, our daily fights, you pushing me to curse at you, your on going nonsense, its all abuse. Abuse is not just physical, you don't have to hit me to abuse me." she explained.
"I am not doing anything. " he replied.
He never saw what he was doing to her, not once, if he thinks it, thats what it is, that's what he's going to say, and trust me , He thought alot of lies and he did believe everyone of them. As someone once told her, 'LOVE WILL MAKE PEOPLE DO CRAZY THINGS.' The money wasn't worth the pain she felt, she forgot the last time she smiled, genuinely. She soon forgot what happiness is suppose to feel like. She lay in bed at nights, she cried, she prayed. The best thing from this all is that she got closer to God. She became so tired she turned completely to God to find peace. To find everything she was lacking. She never gave up hope, never lost faith. Even when nothing was happening, she kept praying. She's a strong girl. Young, with no college education but she was beautiful and intelligent.
Fighting was apart of her, if she wanted something, she'd fight for it. Though Nathaniel was lucky to have met her at this point in her life, when she decided to give chances for growth. Couple years ago, he'd have to pack up his feelings and left by now. This new her was different, maybe too different, because she was giving a little bit too much chances if u asked me.
"When I come back I will show you how much I love you and cherish you." he said.
"Make me happy while you're not here also." she replied.
it got to a point where he would tell her , 'THERE'S NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT HER, SHES JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER FEMALE HE KNEW, SHE'S A LIAR AND A CHEATER.' At this point, things really started to pierce her deeply. She really started to lose it by now. She started to match his energy, if he Got disrespectful, so would she. Though two wrong dont make a right, it feels right in the moment. Who to think the first man she loved, after a year of leaving a toxic relationship would make her feel so empty, broken and alone.
"Should I stay or leave?"
These were questions she asked herself everyday. She could not come to a conclusion. She keeps pondering, weighing her odds. She could get anyone she wants, but she sits here and waited for him to change, for him to recognize what a prize he had. He never did, for months, he couldn't see her for who she was, her true form. He was too caught up in his own brokenness, nothing makes sense to him. All he saw was Negativity. All she wanted was positive energy. She loved her self, wasn't always but she learned to, and now she even questioned herself as to if she really love herself, if she really valued herself, if she even respected herself. 'Cause clearly he wasn't behaving as if he did. Her drinking got bad, it was how she coped, it was how she could pretend she was okay. When everything seems cloudy, her smile would be the sunshine, that shines through it all. She aspired alot from life, alot she may not share. But his actions and words towards her was a little downing. They took a toll on her. She was vulnerable. She was fragile.
In all that was happening, she felt like his sex object, that he sends money and disrespect. The sarcasm, the insults grew more and more. It was like a fun game to him. Sarah was now in a place where she finally realized he would never change and was done waiting , maybe it was time to be alone and focus on her and her business. 'WHAT AM I IF I GAIN THE WORLD AND LOSE MY SOUL.' She had alot of her self made quotes that she often used, post and share with others. Just so those in her position can have a way to comfort themselves also. She always wants to shine light in others lives, even if that is the last thing she did. Years of failed friendships, relationships, come ups, never changed her heart and mind. She still held on to needed to be different, whats the point being like everyone else. Pointless. Be unique. Not everyone will believe in you, but as long as you believe in you, you'll be just fine.