I stare at the city sky that was just grey.
I listen to Niya's playlist that she made for me on my birthday. Those were some really good songs.
Both my bestfriends were so different from each other yet so close to my heart. If I had the capacity to love someone then it'd be them.
I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder. So much for wanting to be left alone.
"Hey." I say unwillingly.
Niya nods. She's not much of a speaker as you have noticed.
"Spill it." She says not even looking at me.
I sigh. She was a witch. Not literally of course.
"I don't know..." I start. "I'm not sure what I'm doing. But my gut says this is right."
"Then do it." Niya says. She made it sound simple.
"I am." I tell her. "I never thought I'd get married. But I'm the first among us to do so."
"It's not a bad thing actually." She says. She was about to spill some wise words. "You get a family. You wanted one remember?"
"That was before I lost faith in love." I say.
"You don't keep faith on love. You keep faith on the person you love." She says looking at the sky. Did she see the same grey as me?
"I told him I'm never going to love him." I confess. "It'd be just a marriage."
I turn my head sideway to see her smirking. I narrow my eyes. This meant mischief.
She turns to face me. She cups my cheeks as she gives me a big smile. "I hope you find love one day. It's my prayer so you can't stop me."
"No thanks."
"You're welcome." She winks.
"I'm not telling mom." I say.
"Good choice. Let's wait a few years." She says like it was that simple.
Mom was all I had. And I was keeping her in the dark. I just wanted to be someone before I let something distract me. But the sound of being married to someone who wouldn't expect anything from me was too tempting. I was sure I'd find no one like this. And Mr. Oberoi was a fine man.
"You should talk to Mira." She reminds me.
She was going to be handful to handle.
"I know." I say.
We walk down. Mira was in our shared bedroom. She looked like she was hella mad. Niya left us alone.
"Hey." I say.
Niya didn't look at me. "Hi." There was no affection in it. Just plain hi.
"Are you mad?" I ask.
She clicks her tongue. That meant she wasn't mad. She was hurt.
"Listen Mira." I say softly. "I know you feel like it is a bad decision but trust me on this one. Please stay by my side."
"It's your life anyway." She shrugs. "I have no say in it."
"You do." I correct her. "You are allowed to have an opinion. But I'll be the one to decide. And I've decided to get married. And I really hope you can be by my side as my family."
That did the work. Calling her family always touched her.
She rolled her eyes but there was a small smile on her face.
"Fine." She says. "But don't make me regret it. And I'm going to talk to him first. I can't change your mind but I can look for you."
I pat her shoulder and kiss her cheek. None of us were huggers. But Mira and I had this bond where we kissed each other's cheeks that was a substitute for hugging.
"Thank you. Trust me on this one, bestie." I say.
She nods. It must be hard but she was doing well.
I was going to hurt a lot of people. I didn't even know my husband to be. But I was brave enough to marry him after a proposal.
That night I stay awake as I think about the one person who was going to be a big part of my life from now on. A very big part.
I felt butterflies of anxiety.
I close my eyes and try to get some sleep. I stare at Mira beside me. Her brows creased and mouth open, she slept like she was judging someone. Probably my fiancee.
I could imagine her picking a fight with him over nothing. Mr.Oberoi was a reasonable man. He was all intimidating and strict. I was worried about his son-
"Shit." I say. Thank god everyone was asleep.
I didn't think this through.
If I married Mr.Oberoi then I'd have to become a mom to his child. I had no idea how to become one. I doubted Mr.Oberoi would want me to be the type of mom my mother was. Even thinking about it was weird. Mom.
I suddenly have this vision of us three sitting under tree having a picnic. But I doubt we'd be laughing aloud. Both me and my husband were quiet people. I can't believe myself. I am already addressing him as my husband.
My mind was swirling with unwanted thoughts.
I wanted to jump off a tall building so the thoughts would stop.
I try to get some sleep. I count numbers the opposite way, count sheeps and try breathing. I don't know which of them worked because I eventually fell asleep.