Silas fell to his knees breathing loudly. Tears ran down his face as he pictured his firstborn looking at him with resentment and disappointment.
Their first night he couldn't understand how Cillian could think he didn't care for him but what he can't understand now is how he managed to survive those past 19 years alone.
He had no idea what he was doing, he truly didn't. It's part of the problem he's been selfish and only thought about his feelings. Of course, Leia would run away from him and get as far as possible.
When she left instead of cherishing the product of their love he got back at her by hurting him as Cillian said. He had no idea he was doing this until Cillian told him all of this and he thought about his actions.
