Staring into his onyx eyes she saw nothing.
Black waves cascading upon black waves a shiver ran up her spine at the cold hard truth staring back at her – he no longer loved her.
It was strange how much things can change between two people. From the start of the union; warmth used to emanate throughout her body from the tips of her curly black ink hair right down to her toes from every touch and kiss he laid upon her skin. And yet without her wanting it to, the change entered their home quietly in the shadows of the night to whisper into his ear to take the heart she had placed in his hands and squash it.
In as much as Raquel could sit there and claim she failed to understand how the indifference from him started – that's a lie. She knew the exact moment they came out of the doctor's office that he had changed but she had tried to reject such a notion. It was unfortunate no amount of effort on her end to lick his wounds over the fact she was unable to do what every woman was designed to do would work but it destroyed her knowing that Terry wasn't willing to try. The space in their bed which he used to occupy grew cold to the touch whilst his words grew acidic to the point she would flinch in pain at every word he threw her way.
Feeling a tap on her shoulder her jewel shaped, whiskey coloured eyes landed on her confidant Monique who held up a fountain pen wearing a smile of encouragement. Taking a deep breath at the moment that had come she flexed her hand to control the way it had begun to tremble.
Gripping it tightly in her hand her gaze shifted down towards the papers lying on the oak wood table that kept both spouses on either side of it as they signed away the four years they spent together. And for a moment as she stared at the dotted line awaiting her signature she couldn't bring herself to do it. All the years they had spent intoxicated off the sweet juices of love were all memories that she struggled to forget. "I never meant for things to turn out this way, you know?" a voice covered in a monotonous tone spoke, it was once a voice that triggered her heart to do summersaults in her chest but just the mere sound of it made her nearly gag in disgust. Clenching her jaw tightly gritting her teeth she looked up to find him wearing a blank look watching her profile as if in search of a weakness and suddenly all the rage gathered within her slender frame to bark out, "Her baby bump tells me otherwise so save your bullshit for someone who cares!"
He leaned back in his seat at the remark whilst his lawyer gathered the papers and convinced she had shut him up she returned her attention to the task at hand and signed away her old name to embrace her maiden name once more. On their wedding day when they vowed to be loyal, to love and cherish one another in front of friends and family she never thought she'd find herself in the percentage of people divorced. She had been of the belief that they'd somehow make it, that she would have a long marriage like her parents but alas life refused to bestow upon her the ability to bring a life into this world.
It had been a harsh slap in the face when she was told the chances of conception were low, but she had held hope inside her that they could try other alternatives or methods to have a baby. However, she was unfortunate to have a partner that was not only unwilling to try but who saw no issue in committing adultery that led to the creation of a child with her cousin, Kate. Raquel would never be able to wipe the image out of her mind of seeing them together in that hotel.
She had been suspicious of the late calls he took whispering lowly into the device and the excessive excuses that he had to work late. Her mother, Ophelia had always told her that the best weapon gifted to every woman was her intuition and that regardless of the denial they often experience, it was always best to listen to it. And Raquel wasted no time in listening to the alarm bells at the scent of perfume that rolled off his body taunting her. It had hurt when she caught them; it hurt even more that it had been her own blood to betray her and give the final blow to an already crumbling marriage.
Standing up no longer able to bear being in the room she marched towards the door stopping short when the person she had mentally buried six feet under spoke up once more, "I know it's only appropriate to say I'm sorry for hurting you. But I've already lied to you enough so all I will say is… I'm sorry I got caught, Rocky." Just those words alone solidified the very fact that the man she once loved probably never existed whilst bearing the sting of hearing a name she once loved.
Blinking rapidly to fight the tears gathering rapidly in her eyes she kept her head held high, the last thing she wanted was for him to see her broken and soon she found herself collapsing in Monique's office onto the couch feeling exhausted. Her body felt sluggish from the lack of sleep and as the tears grew impatient to remain tamed they moved down her cheeks to stand as clear evidence of a broken woman. "The nerve of that piece of shit!" was spat out by Monique as she marched into the room, shutting the door her eyes widened at the sight of her friend in such a state. The rant on the tip of her tongue grew mute as concern washed over her at seeing Raquel wounded and without wasting another second she occupied the seat next to her wrapping her arms around her frame to console her.
""I'm so sor –"
"DON'T!" she stressed wiping at her cheeks vigorously with the sleeve of her blouse, "I'm sick and tired of hearing that from everyone, so just…" she paused closing her eyes tightly, face contorting to withstand the need to break out into another sob, "just don't, okay? I don't need any more pity," she continued in a much softer tone pushing Monique's hands away. Raquel didn't mean to seem ungrateful for the care her friend wanted to show, she was just tired of having everyone around her treat her like a porcelain doll walking on eggshells in the things they said to her. "Just say anything else… please," she whined looking up at Monique to see her biting her lower lip. She could tell the other woman wanted to console her; they had been friends ever since they were children and had a bond akin to that of sisters such that Raquel knew her almost as good as she knew herself.
"What do you want me to say?" Monique muttered willing to say anything that could appease her. Contemplating the question for a second or so wiping the little moisture around her eyes left she said, "Calling him a piece of shit was a good start," she smiled gently and Monique snickered at hearing her friend curse. However, she quickly sobered up growing more serious at the thought that had been gnawing at her for some time, "I know that you don't want me to apologize but I really am sorry. I was the one who introduced you to hi –"
"But you introduced us with the intention for us to be friends… I was the one who made the choice to take it to the next level so you couldn't have known that he would do that, seriously Moni," she paused nudging her shoulder gently, "it's not your fault," Raquel assured going further to grab her hand to give it a gentle squeeze. Though she didn't want to admit it out loud she secretly blamed herself for being unable to give him what he wanted, and in a way she felt her worth deplete at the way she had been tossed to the side so easily after everything they had gone through.
Kate had been one of the people she had felt comfortable around; though they weren't as close as she and Monique were, Raquel had once felt she could always turn to her for advice. As they settled into the silence in the office, she couldn't help but reflect upon the time Kate had warned her about the dangers of marriage like so many others had.
And she couldn't help frowning at having turned a deaf ear to her warnings because as much as she hated to admit it… that bitch had been right.