-Merlin-
5 years ago
I was still asleep and it was still pretty dark around 6 in the morning when I heard a knock on my door at my apartment. I deliberately ignored it at first, well I thought who'd come by to my place so early in the morning, Natasha had a spare key so she'd simply come in anytime she felt like. I got up when it got louder and there were more violent bangs and rushed to the door. I opened it and there stood Natasha Goodwin, my best friend and crush... She was smiling widely I could guess there was good news; I mean she'd even forgotten her keys to my apartment.
"Hey Merlin, can I come in?" She asked gleaming with joy.
"Sure, of course come on in, you look unusually happy, it's almost 6 in the morning and you're already at my place"
She preferred not to respond to that but rather took me inside to my own bedroom. I jumped back into bed and she followed after taking her shoes off. She left a black t shirt and tight jeans on, well really tight jeans. She sighed loudly and turned her face to me, still having that beautiful smile wider than I'd ever seen it before. "tell me, I'm more curious now." I demanded.
"I will, soon enough... Well I've always wanted to say something else to you. I'm afraid if I keep delaying this, by the time I realise it, I might be too late and I might regret it for the rest of my life."
"What is it?" I asked, quite reluctantly, I thought it was part of the good news, maybe the long term part of it since it was apparently something she'd wanted to say for a long time...
"I love... you, Merlin" She gradually turned serious faced, breathed and then continued. "I love you, it was weird for me to tell you from the beginning since I ... I thought we were only good friends and me being black we'd be treated worse than we already were at school..." I didn't let her finish since she said all I couldn't say myself. I kissed her as she was talking and in no time at all, we were caught up in the moment, I never saw this coming but I wanted it, I wanted it so bad I couldn't ignore it so I had to embrace it.
"I love you too, Natasha, I always have—I can't believe it took this long to finally come out" Her smile grew wider and she kissed me back, little did I know that it was my last time having her on my bed, like... forever. She took off her black t-shirt and oh it was printed "American vibes" I hadn't noticed it at first but still, when I did it meant nothing since ...well, the moment I'd longed for with Natasha was finally coming by... I thought the rest of our lives together was just beginning until the time we were both naked and panting on the bed with Natasha wrapped in my arms.
Well if you're wondering what happened with the really tight jeans, oh we took care of it.
"so what was it that you wanted to tell me?" I said, she hesitated and turned around to face the opposite side from me, suddenly the good news was hard to bring out yet it had gotten her to my doorstep and bed before sunrise.
"Well okay, I uhm.. I'm going to the United States, tomorrow." She stuttered. She was looking away and I was holding her by the waist but I couldn't move my hand off her despite the shock. I heard her, I really did, I just wanted to know why, well I was happy for her considering that it was part of her dreams to be in a place where she'd feel like she truly belonged, but still I wanted to know why exactly and if she'd come back soon.
"What!"
"I am..."
"I heard you Natasha, this was too sudden but, just tell me more."
"well, life here doesn't deserve us Merlin, the people aren't so good, and me being me, I can't even blend in... I wanna go where I'm recognized, where no one can say any kind of shit about me." Well..., I had wanted to be happy for her but it all seemed weird now, it wasn't for a varsity degree at Massachusetts or for work in Southern California as we'd discuss at times, it was to be with someone who valued her, people who understood her, people who weren't me maybe.
"But Natasha, you don't have to do that, look, we can stay together... fuck what people say, let them talk, stay with me Natasha." I said, finding her face for a direct gaze.
"Merlin... I...
"Please Natasha, you know I can't live without you, we've just—don't leave me alone". I cried, I wondered what the odds of convincing here were, as someone who had been that close to me more than I was to myself, I thought she'd eventually give in and stay for my sake, so that we could take what we'd started forward.
"I will return for you Merlin, even I can't live without you but it's important that I go, I have to go." I was quite and pretty much speechless; I tried looking up to the ceiling to at least hold the tears by the eyelids, she noticed and started wiping them as they fell.
"You promise you'll come back." I asked.
"Yes, I'll find a job and I promise, before the end of the year, I will come for you." She gave me a little bit of hope with that. The following day I even took her to the airport, asked if she was sure, and it looked like she was very sure, there was no turning back, but I'd wait for her anyway.