Has it been three years already? I should give credit to myself for holding on this long. I must be really crazy like Nan-do said. Of course, women still excite me, I might have given in once in a while but thinking about her makes me want her more. Those years of longing for one woman that I tried to find the comfort in others, it's not like I am in a relationship but the thought of giving in to my bodily urges sometimes makes me feel unfaithful to her.
I wonder how she's doing. Am I the only one torturing myself with the hope of meeting her again? It's not like I can't see her at all, I have tried many times to go to Copenhagen and meet her, but the thought that she might not want to see me or that I might cause her another trouble got me worried. Although I'm being pressured to settle down, they cannot push me to get married again. I know I'm not getting any younger I will be 35 this year, and if I wanted a chance to have a family, I would probably settle as soon as possible.
Jae-yin, my sister already gave birth to an heir for the family, her eldest has started University already and the youngest is at his last year in high school. It's still different to have an heir that take after the family name, that's what my father's argument is. Of course, they are affected with the publicity from 3 years ago, they knew me and Seo-hyun had been estranged but they were hoping that it won't lead to divorce. Seo-hyun had been a good match for me, at least that's what everyone thinks but when they found out about the real deal, they grew a little wary around her and to Nan-do who is also like a family to them. They thought I was crazy when I agreed to give Seo-hyun on her wedding day. But she was my friend before she became my wife, we were friends.
They keep asking me about that night from the hotel, about that woman, about her. But I cannot divulge any further information, so I just let them have the impression of it being just one of those one-night stand. I don't think they are ready for her. No matter how open-minded my parents are, they are still guided by traditional beliefs, especially when it comes to keeping family legacy.
Three years. I haven't move on, I was probably still hang-up to the idea that I will see her again. I am hoping that fate is at our side. Since, I met her almost 5 years ago up until that night from 3 years ago, I knew fate has been working its magic for us. Or I might just be delusional. My father had been pushing me to marry Nari, it's a good business deal, and she is a good match. She is a cellist at Berlin Music School, and they had been pairing us for 3 years now. She is 10 years younger than me, I never thought of her as a woman, she has always been a sister to me.
I was surprise to receive an invitation to be a part of a thesis committee at SNU this week. For one, because it was Professor Kim, a family acquaintance, as well as her acquaintance is the who called my secretary for a favor on behalf of the Director. Sometimes this type of favors can also benefit the company, giving favors to universities also yield a favor to ask in return especially when scouting potential talents. I was given the copy of the thesis 2 days ago and I have not really read the entirety of it. I have not been in contact with the professor after that event three years ago, so it is also nice to see him after all. It's my first time to be in a thesis committee, I don't plan on making it hard for the person who'll have the defense. I heard there are other members of the committee, so I'll just give the rhetorical arguments to those in the academic field.
I almost declined this invitation but maybe there's a reason why I have gone for it, no matter how busy I was preparing for the project presentation for my meeting in Shanghai this weekend, I have impulsively agreed to do it. This may be the reason why: fate. It is definitely her. Of all the places and time to see her, it is again through Prof Kim. She's as surprise to see me as I am, she still looks as stunning and more confident than before. She is part of the academic people in the committee, I didn't know she really decided to pursue a PhD. Apart from being a writer, how can she manage her time with the stressful degree and a joint PhD at that? It made me realize she have not published any new books since. So, this is what kept her busy for three years.
She seemed perfectly fine in her element. I knew then that she is articulate, I just didn't realize how smart she can be. She knows how to play with words. Didn't she say she dreamt of being a lawyer before? I can't really focus much from then. I'm just trying to hold back myself not to pull her out from there and hug her. It's only now that I'm looking at her, that I realize how much I have really missed her. However, Yeo-jin had been clinging on to me the whole time. Ku Yeo-jin, we have met one time with an event at Namdo and we went out twice. I made it clear that the relationship is a casual one, if it is a relationship at all.
The thought that she will find out about these things make me feel uneasy. Yeah, the media had been covering my dating stories ever since that night, when they found out I was divorced, it was like I was given a magnet to attract all types of women. I'm not proud of it. I might have used it to my benefit at times, but thinking about it now, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Could she know about it? Would she care?
I had a quick meeting with the Director after the deliberation of grade. Yeo-jin and I were given a certificate of appreciation. Of course, she asked me to go out for dinner. What I had with her, I thought is a mutual casual date. I liked that she was as workaholic as I am and that her priority is her career that's why I never really thought much about her feelings. I thought, I drew the line when I told her I'm not looking for a serious relationship. I declined her invitation, like I have declined couple of times when she tried calling my secretary. She is smart and aggressive woman who knows how to get what she wants. She is attractive because she knows how to carry herself well, she can easily fulfill the standard of any other men. But my eyes and heart are set only to one woman.
I met Prof. Kim by the hallway.
"Ara just left; she was looking for you." He stated. Damn. I can't lose this opportunity again. I hurried to the car. I am still lucky to see her waiting for a taxi.
I drive slowly, just taking in the sight of her. Her hair blowing through her face which is half covered with her scarf, she's just standing there, probably waiting, looking at her phone. I can't believe I let myself waste three years to see this sight. That moment, I realize, I will not let her go.