"Do you know what excites me about the future? It is the thought of uncertainty, the possibility that anything can happen, and the delusion of hope that everything you wish will come true."
Business class is a nice touch to it; a metaphorical state as if being back to business. As I was looking outside, where if not for the flexi-glass window; I thought to myself, I might as well dance with the clouds. What a poetic scene to start anew: flying away. It's not painful, it's just complicated. I guess that's how it is when you decide to choose yourself. Although you're free, the feeling of being alone after years of being someone else's half is just bizarre. If only I've been the only one affected, it would have been simple. However, when someone innocent and helpless is added to the picture, that's when it gets complicated. I let out a deep sigh while contemplating on the events that happened for the last year and a half leading to this moment of emancipation. My divorce has been finalized, custody had been decided; I can say I am single again; Divorcee, single mother; someone who might become an outcast from the conventions of a perfect society. I should be happy, but deep inside, I'm scared of the uncertainty, I'm not entirely certain how to move on. I let out another deep sigh.
"You must have been drowning down there…" there was someone on the other side of the seat, I assume.
"Just a long day and the thought of a 15-hour flight." I let out an answer to be polite. I can hear a hint of Asian accent with his English. I can't see him, he's on the other side of the seat. I'm not in the mood for conversation, so I was hoping he won't approach me. But he has another plan, he peaked forward through the partition of our seat and I caught his smile. I have never been annoyed with a smile before, but this person's smile makes me think that he's too full of himself. It felt uncomfortable looking at him invading my little space of privacy. It probably because I'm in a gloomy mood.
"Seoul?" he asked, still smiling. I'm thinking, it's going to be a long flight.
"Huh?" I wanted to make him feel, I'm not interested.
"You're going to Seoul?" he made himself clear.
Just then, the stewardess asked for refreshments. I ordered a glass of red wine. It's going to be a long flight, I muttered.
"Make that two glasses miss", he said.
He's persistent. He wanted a conversation. I usually like conversations with strangers, but I'm way too exhausted and mentally occupied to even form words let alone, articulate a statement and I can't even think of any way to dismiss him.
"I'm sorry but I can't be a good in-flight conversation buddy right now…" before I can even finish, he interrupted again.
"Am I irritating you?"
Yeah, I said to myself. He's still smiling though. And now, I notice how attractive he is, in any given day, I would have swoon over him. He has this perfect white set of teeth, a little dimple on his cheeks, and you can obviously conclude from his eyes that he is of Asian descent. He looks like someone from those Korean drama actors I used to watch. He might be a celebrity, who knows. It's not that it matters though.
"Did I catch your attention now?"
Oooppps. I didn't realize I am staring at him, studying every part of his face. Should I just humor myself and ease my way through this conversation?
"I'm sorry. I guess I'm somewhere else. Yes, I'm on my way to Seoul."
"First time?"
"First time to actually be there, not just to lay over."
"Business or pleasure?"
"Huh?"
"The purpose of your visit."
"I didn't realize that the immigration office is on the business class of the plane already…" I let out a joke with a sarcasm just for him to take a hint. He laughed, I chuckled.
"Look, Mr.…."
"Nam Jae-woo..."
"Mr. Nam Jae-woo, I get it you are such a friendly person. You probably wanted to have someone to chat with, I'm usually chatty, but I would really want a little peace and quiet right now. Thanks for the momentary conversation." I'm about to totally dismiss him but he's quite persistent.
"Raincheck?" he insisted.
"For what?"
"For the chat. I'll be in Seoul, and if you're ready for a chat, and you're still in Seoul, I'll take a raincheck?" He left his business card and voluntarily turn away. I didn't agree to it, but I just took his card just to stop him from talking.