I walked closer to him and I saw him put the papers back on the table. "I wanted to give you something," I said and realized that he might think of it as a gift or something but it was too late to take it back. I put the envelope in front of him and watched him as he pick it up.
I didn't want to stay in his office for too long. I was planning to just casually give him the envelope and leave but when I got here, I felt like I wanted to see his reaction to the name that I had chosen. "What's this?" he asked me as he open the envelope with the document in it.
He was about to open it when someone suddenly opened the door and I saw a woman dressed in a tight black dress that shows every curve on her body as she walks confidently toward us with her hair flowing on her back. She was holding a black purse and was wearing black stilettos. But what catches my sight the most is her red lipstick that fits perfectly on her plump lips.
She was pretty. Too pretty to be coming here for business or work matters. A few seconds after she came in, Zach's secretary peeked from the door and looked at me immediately.
That was when I realized that I shouldn't let anyone know what I came here for so I clasped my hands together in front of me and stepped away from his table to act like an employee.
I glanced back at the girl and she was already standing in front of his table looking at him. "What are you doing here?" he asked her as he put the paper back into the envelope making me feel disappointed or rather sad.
"I came because I thought you missed me,"
What the girl said just gave me an idea about who she was. A present or a past lover?
I licked my lips as I remain my eyes on the floor. I don't even know how to leave the area right now. I don't know why I was so uncomfortable with just a presence of a single woman standing in front of me.
It didn't take her long to notice me. She flicked her hair back to put it behind her back and looked at me as she switch her purse from her right hand to the left. She gave me a single look and I already knew she wanted me to leave. I licked my lips before talking, "I'll go now, Sir,"
I cannot explain how much I feel humiliated after saying a single word. I felt like I wanted to be eaten by the ground and completely disappear from the scene. It was so humiliating and it made me clench my hands as I start to walk out of his office. But before I could completely leave the office, Zach said something.
"We'll talk later," he said.
He shouldn't have said it that way. I wished he could've just said 'I'll call you here later,' or he should've said it more formally so the lady won't wonder why he'd talk to me later. He said it to me as if I was just a close friend even though I was just an employee in everybody's sight.
I know there's no later but I didn't want to tell him that I am taking a leave for the rest of the day because I was going to move my child's urn into a memorial park. I left the room without saying anything and met his secretary behind the door.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't able to stop her," she suddenly apologized.
"What do you mean?" I asked, "It's fine,"
"No, you were talking and I let her interrupt--"
"No, it's fine," I stopped her because she was starting to speak very fast. "I just gave him something," I said, "And it'd be weird if you'd stop her from entering because the CEO and a normal employee were talking," I added.
I convinced her for a little bit and left that floor. I was holding on to my bag's strap as I wait for the elevator to reach the bottom floor.
I see that there is nothing to be worried about whether I made the right decision or not. this is exactly what I have been wishing him to do. This is why I let him go. Because I didn't want to keep him for myself when he deserves to be free with other girls.
But why am I feeling like this?
I sighed when the door opened and walked out of the elevator with an aching heart for an unidentified reason.
They look good together. he just got himself someone better than me and I want to be happy for him because of that.
Like what I had planned, I went and took my baby's urn from the house and brought it to the memorial. They put a blessing on the spot where I was supposed to put the urn. After that, I put the urn in and put a couple of things inside like flowers, a baby's necklace, her name on a frame, and a mitten.
The necklace was bought a long time ago when I went shopping even after she was gone. I saw that small necklace and bought it just because I was attached to it. I thought I would've bought it for her if she was still alive right now.
And the mitten was mine. It was the mitten I used when I was born and I wanted to put it inside because I didn't want the display to look bland because there wasn't so much to put in there. The silver urn fit perfectly with the peach-colored flowers and decorations inside and when I closed it and get it locked forever, I was satisfied.
I didn't leave even after putting it in. I wanted to stare at it longer because I know I wouldn't be seeing it every day unlike before. I was alone. I had no one beside me because I got separated from my husband but I thought it was okay.
I didn't get to share this feeling with anyone. I didn't get to share this feeling with Zach but I thought it was fine. Since we are running each of our lives differently from now on, I thought it'd be fine.
I was staring at the urn behind the glass when I suddenly heard my phone ring from inside my bag. I pulled it out immediately and looked at the unknown number for a couple of seconds because I had no idea who it would be. I answered the call and said, "Hello?"
"Where are you?"
The voice gave me shivers for an unknown reason.
"Z-zach?" I asked just to make sure that it was him.
"Where are you?" he asked me without paying attention to what I just asked him.
"How did you get my number?" I asked him again.
"I looked for you in your office but they said you weren't there,"
My eyes widened and my heart started beating fast. "You did what?" I asked him. "Did you just look for me in the office yourself without asking me?"
"I said we'll talk later but you left," he said on the other side, "Where are you right now?"
3 hours had passed of course I'd leave. I won't wait for him for 3 hours just to talk. But he didn't know that I left the building.
"I'm.." I stopped myself, "Somewhere," I said. If I tell him where I am right now, will he come?
"Where?" he asked me,
He might but I don't want him to. "Why? do you need something? You can talk to me on the phone,"
I heard him sigh on the other side and that was followed by a sound of a car door closing. I knew he was going to come. But why? What for? I gulped and waited for his reply. I stepped back until I reach a wall and leaned myself on it as I hold the phone to my ear and bite my lips.
"It was beautiful," he said. Finally. "The name,"
My heart felt very warm. It felt like someone just touched my heart and it made me want to hug someone because of the overwhelming feeling. "You think so?" I asked.
I moved my feet on the ground and looked down at it and waited for him to say something. "When did you come up with it?" he asked after a couple of seconds.
"Just last night," I answered.
"Isn't it too late for a name?"
"Yeah," I said. "But I wanted to name her somehow. And I also needed it,"
"For what?' he asked immediately.
"I moved the urn out of the house.--"
"You scattered it?" he asked stopping me from talking.
'No, I put it in a memorial display," I said.
"You're in a memorial right now?"
I didn't expect him to find it out right away by just asking a few questions. He got me. "Y-yeah,"
I wanted to stop him and tell him right away not to come but I was afraid that he wasn't really coming and I might end up sounding like I was assuming something. "I was done a few moments ago, I'm going home now," I added immediately.
"Hmm, I see," he answered sounding a bit disappointed.
"I'll hang up now, goodbye," I said. He passed a little. A part of me wanted to think that he wanted to say something but stopped himself midway.
"Alright," he said, "Goodbye,"
I was the one who ended the call. I put my hands back down and looked at the name written on the frame beside the urn from behind the glass. "Everleigh," I read it. "I know it was beautiful,"
The next day was a Sunday. I didn't have work so I stayed at home again and painted to post on my youtube channel and also to sell my works. I revived comments saying I should do tutorial videos and stuff. I was planning to try it next weekend.
While I was putting varnish on one of the finished paintings, I called the orphanage. "Hey, did you receive the money I sent?" I asked Lila while brushing varnish on the painted canvas.
I painted a baby this time. I wanted to keep it but it was too big to put in my room. It was a painting of a baby playing in the clouds. With this much, I know the buyers and everyone who was going to see this painting would know what the story behind it was.
"Yeah, it was a lot, I managed to buy clothes for the kids," she said happily, it made me smile wide. "Thank you so much, Xhyrah,"
"No, it's fine, I promised that to you," I said.
We talked about the orphanage, the kids, especially Liam. Lila showed Liam to me and after not being able to see him for a month, I saw how much he had grown.
He was smiling when my face was displayed on the screen and it made my heart feel very warm.
This is why I want to raise funds for the orphanage. I didn't want the kid's life put to waste. I don't want them to suffer because they were just very precious to me.
When I stopped the call between me and Lila, someone called again. I was washing my hands in the bathroom when my phone rang and when I looked at the screen, I saw Lydia's name calling me.
"H-hey," I greeted her.
"Mr. Alfonso was looking for you yesterday,"
I gulped. I didn't expect her to say it right away.
"A-ahhh," I said as if I didn't know. "He asked me for something and then uh--" damn. "I forgot to report it back to him so he was looking for me,"
"Girl you're so lucky!!"
I didn't expect her to buy that.
"Ahh, oh yeah?" I said awkwardly after lying to her. I feel bad but I've got no choice. I can't just tell her something. Because I don't want to and I can't just reveal it to anyone without asking Zach about it. He might not like it when someone knows about us.
I went back to lying on the bed after that call with Lydia. We talked about what happened in the office when I left earlier and after that, her boyfriend called her to eat and she had to hang up.
I remembered that conversation I had with Zach yesterday. It felt like how people normally talk to each other regarding things like that. Things like losing a baby and talking about it even after separation. I liked how we managed to talk to each other about Everleigh like that. Because it almost felt like normal. It wasn't awkward. Whenever I imagine myself talking to him about the lost baby, I imagine myself being awkward.
I imagine us trying to avoid the topic.
I imagine us being silent about it,
What happened yesterday was nothing that I had expected.
I guess I am slowly getting used to us interacting normally after what had happened.