I didn't know what to say. I felt very awful and started doubting everything that Zach has shown me so far.
The ring, the kisses, the care and comfort that I had felt whenever he hugs me. What was it if he was forced to marry me? I thought about it at first. I have wondered why he married me when we can literally just co-parent. So this is the reason why.
My Dad was the reason why Zach married me. Zach never really intended to marry me that night, he was forced. He was told that he is never going to see his baby if he doesn't marry me.
What was everything about? Why did he keep those things from me? Why didn't he tell me he was blackmailed? He should've told me at first because I was already planning on staying with him forever!
I breathe heavily as I leave Katie at the back of the house and marched up to my room. I saw him on my bed when I opened the door and I was hurt seeing his face.
He shouldn't have done everything to me. He shouldn't have gotten my hopes up when he never really wanted it in the first place. He was so kind and caring to me from the very first place and it raised my hope sup that we can live life together. He was the one who came up to my room and made me rethink my decisions and that is why I ended up marrying him.
But it turned out that he never really wanted it. He was forced to have me as his wife and was forced to be nice to me because if he didn't, he's never going to see his baby.
I was furious but I tried so hard to hide it from her and forced myself to act as normal as possible. I know I told myself that if the secret turns out to be a problem, I am going to talk to him and we'll fix it.
But why can't I ask him about it right now?
"Hey," he called me. His voice and the way he calls me every time gave shivers down my spine. Ali is not in my room anymore and I haven't seen him again. Zach is on the bed and he didn't look like he just finished having an argument with someone. He likes pretending that nothing is happening and he does it so well that if I didn't hear them earlier, I wouldn't think he argued with my brother.
"Are you going home now?' I asked him.
"Whenever you want to--"
"I'd stay here for the night," I cut him off and he immediately turned his gaze on me.
"Then,--"
"You can go home alone tonight, I'll ask the drivers to drive me tomorrow," I cut him off again. I didn't dare to look at his reaction. It was rude but I want him away from me tonight. I walked into the bathroom without looking back and thank God he didn't say anything.
I need more time to think about it. he might think that I am suddenly acting weird. It's because the truth was said to me all of a sudden. If he didn't keep this to me from the start, I could've done something to stop my father and assure him that he was going to see his Baby anytime he wants without having to waste his time and effort acting like my husband.
I felt bad. I felt awful. I felt like a burden that he has to put on his shoulder just to see his baby. He had to take care of me and I wonder what he feels whenever I feel down and he thinks he has to come to me and soothe me up.
I stayed in the bathroom for almost an hour and came out thinking he had already left but it turned out that he was waiting for me on the bed. He seemed like he didn't move at all. By the look in his eyes, I can already say that he knows that I am not okay.
"Aren't you leaving yet?' I asked him when I came out of the bathroom.
"Are you okay?" he asked me.
No.
"Of course, why wouldn't I be okay?' I asked him. I didn't force myself to give him an emotion to make him believe that I'm okay. I wanted him to feel that I need space right now and I want him to leave.
And thankfully, it seems like he did. He grabbed his phone from my bed and stood up. He went to me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. It made me shiver again. I don't what to think about it because it was really weird feeling those kisses that I once thought were real in a different way now.
"I'll be going, let's talk on the phone," he said. I didn't look put to him but I nodded. With that, he left the room. I went closer to the window to see if he was really leaving and when I saw his car drive out of our property, I locked the door of my bedroom and there myself on the bed.
Now I feel like crying.
I don't know what to do. I can't possibly look at him the same way before now that I have found out about the blackmailing that happened.
I imagined him thinking of me as a burden while he try to fit me into his life.
He didn't need to marry me. He was forced to. Thinking about it hurts so much because most of me has already decided to stay with him even though our reason to be together is now gone.
Now that I remembered my baby, I suddenly feel like I want to visit her urn.
I cried hopelessly in my room.
I feel awful. I am very disappointed with myself and I feel furious with Zach.
He should've told me so I didn't assume that it was okay. He was the one who entered my room that night and asked me to change my decision. And now that I did, and thought that my decision was right, he turned out to be blackmailed by my own father.
Father is no longer here and if he was alive, I would be furious with him too. I know the main reason why he did it and the thought of him using my baby to meddle with Zach's decision is making me furious. And Zach who knew all about it didn't tell me. If he had told me, we could be living in different houses today living like how we do before.
He wouldn't have to waste efforts on taking acre with me, spending money for me, and making me live in his house and sleep with him on the bed. He wouldn't get to be taken advantage of by my parents.
If he did tell me, I wonder how much the events would change. Would I still lose the baby? Would we be as close as today? Would we be better parents? Would we find co-parenting fine for both of us and the baby?
But I remember him mentioning that he didn't want the child to not have a mother at home. He didn't want the baby to have separate parents. Were they all lies too? Because if they were, I would be really mad at him too.
I was mad about Zach but there's something deep down in me that wishes that everything weren't all lies. That the way Zach treats me really does come from the heart. Because I liked it and I don't want to accept the truth if the truth is that they were all actions he made because he had no choice.
I cried. most of the day. I heard knocks on my door but I didn't answer all of them. Zach must have told them that I was still in here. It's nighttime already and they might be wondering how I was doing because I've been inside my room for quite too long.
I feel very drained. I feel gloomy and didn't want to go out but they'd be wondering if something was up if I continued holing myself into my room. I fixed myself by taking a long bath. While I was taking a bath, I heard them calling me for dinner.
I changed clothes real quick and went downstairs. The dining table was dead silent. It was just me and Ali and the maids who were waiting for us to finish in the kitchen.
"Why didn't you come home?' he asked me when he saw me walking towards the huge dining table.
"I'm home," I said with bitterness in my tone.
"Did you fight?" he asked. His tone is giving me the hint that he's going to get mad if I say 'yes'.
"No, not at all, I just want to stay longer, got a problem with that?" I asked forcing a bright tone out of my throat.
He went silent about me and my husband and continued talking to me about other things like work and random things. throughout the dinner, he avoided mentioning Mom, Dad, and my baby. Whenever the topic gets closer to them, I notice him changing the topic right away.
"Are you sure you didn't fight?" he asked me before I could finish walking up the stairs. I stopped and looked back at him.
"I already told you, stop asking, it's annoying," I said and marched back into my room.
I sighed after closing the door and threw myself on the bed again. I am ready to overthink things until morning this time. A thought came into my mind and it horrified me.
Now that the baby is gone and he was just forced to marry me because of the baby, isn't it time to file a divorce and separate ways with me?
But he didn't do it. He didn't tell me anything about divorce yet and I wonder when he'll be doing it.
What happens if we get divorced? he'd be free from the burden of taking care of me.
I'd be free from the burden of facing him every day knowing what my parents were doing to him.
We'd live a normal life and we'd keep things in the past and move on. When that happens, will he be happier?
If he does, I wouldn't hesitate to do it. He didn't want to be with me in the first place anyway.
The thought gave me a sensation in my chest. And it hurt.
Should I just set him free? because I could if he wants to. I can take my words back and decided not to stay with him anymore. If that's what'll make him happy.
The argument between Zacha and Ali earlier reminded me of his silence when he was asked why he won't just let me go. I felt very hurt that time that I didn't even finish listening to their conversation because I was too afraid to listen to what he had to say. I am afraid that he'd say something that would hurt me more or continue his silence making me think that he can't say anything because there wasn't really a reason to stay with me anymore.
Suddenly, I heard my phone ring from somewhere. I wiped my tears as I look for it all over the bed and when I found it, I saw Zach's name on the screen. And it was facetime so I wiped all my tears away and answered the call.
"Hey," he called me from the other side. His phone is on a table. And I can already see the difference in the walls in the room. he's not home.
"Where are you?" I asked him trying to make my voice sound like I wasn't crying. I pretended to move and put the blanket on my face so he couldn't see me clearly. he took the phone and appeared on the screen half-naked.
"My parent's house," he answered.
"Why didn't you come home?"
"I can't sleep in that room without you,"
I felt like something just caressed my heart and I hated myself for the feeling that way. My cheeks heated up. I didn't want that to happen but I couldn't stop it. What's so nice about it anyway? They were all lies after all.
"Let's come home together tomorrow," he said but I didn't answer. I went silent for a moment. I stared at the ceiling as I try to think about asking him the question or not.
I looked back to the screen and he was already doing something, he was checking a box filled with old toys that must be his. "Zach?" I called his attention.
It'd be perfect to chance to ask him the question while we aren't together and are talking on the phone. "Yes," he answered but didn't look at the screen.
"Now that the baby is gone," I said and paused. I saw how his head moved immediately and he looked at the screen and put down the box. "Do you think there is still a reason for us to stay together?"